How I Knew It Was Time To See A Therapist
For decades, mental health, depression, and therapist have been words that are equivalent to cuss words among the black community.
Once 'depression' exits someone's lips, you'll hear two things, "Pray about it" and "Don't let the devil in your mind." Over the years, that word has transitioned into something powerful. Men and women are making it known that one's mental health is a priority. Celebrities and TV personalities are using their mental pain as a call-to-action. The veil is finally being lifted and thrown in the trash. Being vulnerable has somewhat become a requirement when communicating.
2016 was the worst year of my life, mentally and physically.
Giphy
At the time, my doctor diagnosed me with moderate depression, and it was wreaking havoc on my body. I would spend an hour in the bathroom stall at my job, crying every day before my shift. I was lost, sad, frustrated, and weak mentally and spiritually. I have already gone through two therapists that I only visited 2-3 times. I must say that I hated it. I didn't feel like a white person would understand my pain as a black woman, so I gave up on seeking help in that way. I relied on my prescriptions to do what they intended to do, which was to shut off my emotions, so I thought.
For three months, my mom would mention that I should see a therapist. I would get slightly annoyed because, at the time, I felt like I didn't need one. In October 2018, I decided to take a leap of faith and decided to see a therapist for the third time. Days before my first therapy session, I frequently asked the question, "Why do I need to see a therapist?"
Here are four signs that it may be time to see a therapist.
You don't feel like yourself.
We all have days where we feel a little "off", which could contribute to stress, not getting enough rest, and not eating the right foods. Imagine feeling "off" for four months straight and not knowing why you feel this way. Every day I felt like I was in a battle with myself and my thoughts. I still had to have the energy to get up, get dressed, and head into work, but it felt like one long Monday. As someone whose Google calendar reflects the schedule of a CEO, I prided myself on not forgetting and planning everything. However, during that time, I would forget important dates, names, my birthday, and why I went to the kitchen.
It felt like I was drifting through life. I lived every day in a subconscious state of mind.
What alerted me the most was I would drop things––not in a clumsy way, but I could be standing in pure silence, and I would drop whatever I had in my hands. I had a habit of dropping coffee mugs. When I saw my favorite coffee mug shattered in a million pieces on the floor, I knew that something had to change. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize who you are, it is a sign that you may need to speak with someone.
Nothing you've done seems to have helped.
You've gone to the doctor, took the required medication, talked to family and friends, or slept it off, and you still don't feel any relief. You've done everything in your power to feel better, and nothing seems to work. My biggest flaw was compartmentalizing my problems and suppressing my feelings so deep that I became numb. I knew I had to see a therapist when I could no longer ignore the hurt and the pain that I felt about myself and those around me. The harder I would try to forget, the louder and faster my problems revealed themselves.
You feel like no one understands you.
No matter how many times you've explained your issues, you feel that people on the receiving end aren't understanding your issues or that people are giving lackluster advice on what to do. I consider myself a good communicator. I take my time and express my words in a way, so I don't repeat myself. But back then, I felt like I was met with deaf ears or blank faces as if I were speaking a foreign language. Those were the moments I found the most frustrating.
I felt myself isolating myself even more. If my own family couldn't understand my pain, I didn't think a therapist would. Before I decided to go to therapy, I spent three months in isolation and no longer explaining my problems to people. That's when I knew I needed to seek help.
You are having a difficult time processing the loss of a friend or a loved one.
The year was 2012, and I was in school with approximately two months left before I graduated. Three days before my birthday, I experienced the loss of my uncle. That was one of the most challenging times in my life. After the funeral, I had to go to class the next day, and I couldn't function. My mind shut down, and I was going through the motions. I didn't remember the exams I took, what grades I got on them, or any new material. After two weeks, I wanted to quit school. I was no longer interested in my passion. Although I didn't go to a therapist at that time, I was encouraged to stay in school in my uncle's memory.
When experiencing any loss, it feels like you lost a part of yourself. What I've learned since then is that there isn't a right or wrong way to mourn. We all process loss differently than the next. There also isn't a timeline on when you'll get better. If it comes to a point where you can't function and slip into some depression, then it's suggested that you see a therapist.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Giphy.
- Issa Rae Weighs In On Prioritizing Therapy - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Therapy For Black Girls: Beginner's Guide To Therapy - xoNecole ... ›
- Nazanin Mandi & Miguel Say Therapy And A One-Year Break Saved ... ›
- What No One Tells You To Expect After Seeking Therapy - xoNecole ... ›
- What To Do Before Your First Therapy Session - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- What To Know If You're A Black Woman Seeking Therapy ... ›
- Signs You Were Raised By Narcisstic Parents - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- What To Do When You Don't Know How To Chill Out - xoNecole ... ›
- When Is The Right Time To See A Therapist? Experts Weigh In On ... ›
- Should I See A Therapist? 7 Signs You Should Make An ... ›
- 5 Signs It's Time to Seek Therapy | Psychology Today ›
- This Is When to See a Therapist About Your Anxiety | SELF ›
- 8 Signs You Should See A Therapist | HuffPost Life ›
- How to Know When It's Time to See a Therapist – The Chill Times ›
- 5 Sure Signs It's Time to See a Therapist ›
- Why Should I Go to Therapy? 8 Signs It's Time to See a Therapist ›
- 10 Sure Signs You Need To See A Therapist (And How To Find The ... ›
Writer, Empath, Listener, Self Improver, and a motivational speaker to her homegirls Teisha LeShea currently resides in California who loves to add fifteen million items to her Amazon cart. She is passionate about wellness, spiritual improvement, leveling up, and setting up twice a month therapy appointments. She writes with you in mind. Her listicle and personal stories will inspire you to dig deep within yourself to be a better you. You can follow her on Instagram @teisha.leshea and & @tl_teisha.leshea
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
'You Did That': Quinta Brunson, Niecy Nash, And Ayo Edebiri Win Emmy Awards
The 75th Emmy Awards occurred last night at the Peacock Theater at L.A. Live and was hosted by Anthony Anderson. All the stars, from Issa Rae to Taraji P. Henson, flocked to the illustrious ceremony and enjoyed a night of laughs and riveting moments that took place. One moment that lit up social media was the Martin reunion.
The beloved '90s show, headed by Martin Lawrence, became a staple in many households and can be considered one of the best sitcoms in history. Tisha Campbell, Tichina Arnold, and Carl Anthony Payne II joined Martin onstage of a replica of the Martin set and poked fun at the Emmys and never being nominated. They even had a photo of Thomas Mikal Ford, who played Tommy, on the coffee table. Thomas passed away in 2016 from a ruptured aneurysm in his abdomen.
But that was just one of the memorable bits that happened. Some of our favorite Black actresses won big last night and gave us all the feels.
Quinta Brunson
Big congratulations to Quinta Brunson after she became the first Black woman since 1981 to win the award for Best Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. The Abbott Elementary creator and actress was very emotional while accepting her award and admitted she hadn't prepared a speech. "Thank you so much. I love making Abbott Elementary so much, and I'm so happy to be able to live my dream and act out comedy," she said.
Niecy Nash-Betts
Niecy Nash-Betts gave a powerful acceptance speech after winning the award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie. The actress played Glenda Cleveland in Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story. "You know who I wanna thank, I wanna thank me, for believing in me and doing what they said I could not do, and I want to say to myself in front of all you beautiful. 'Go on, girl, with yo bad self. You did that,"' she cheered.
Finally, I accept this award on behalf of every Black and brown woman who has gone unheard yet over-policed like Glenda Cleveland, like Sandra Bland, like Breonna Taylor. As an artist, my job is to speak true to power, and baby I'mma do it til the day I die."
Ayo Edebiri
Coming off the heels of winning a Golden Globe for her role in The Bear, Ayo Edebiri can now add an Emmy to her collection. The actress won in the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series category and thanked her parents. "This is a show about found family and real family, and my parents are here tonight," she said. "I'm making them sit kind of far away from me because I'm a bad kid. But I love you so much. Thank you so much for loving me and letting me feel beautiful and Black and proud of all of that. I just love you so much."
Last but not least,The Daily Show with Trevor Noah won for Outstanding Variety Talk Series, and RuPaul's Drag Race won for Outstanding Reality Competition Program.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images