7 Signs You've Got A Healthy Marriage (3 Signs You Don't)
Oh, it's a controversial concept, I already know. But personally, I think a lot of people worship at the god of happiness. What I mean by that is, so many people end commitments, quit projects, abandon promises, all because they aren't "happy" anymore. But what life is teaching me is it's far more beneficial to focus on making sure that I'm involved with people, places, things and ideas that are healthy for me than focusing on making me happy. For one thing, happiness is an emotion, people are flawed and this world isn't perfect. This means that there are definitely going to be times when I am unhappy; it doesn't matter how great someone or something is, that is a given. Secondly, I agree with a lot of what a Harvard psychologist once said about people's preoccupation with happiness. He said that, "People who are obsessed with being happy tend to wind up less happy than everyone else." A part of the reason is because experiencing other emotions isn't bad or wrong. It's simply a compass to help us to address certain things, assess certain things and, where needed, change certain things.
This is (a part of the reason) why I'm also far more concerned about whether or not a marriage is healthy over whether two people are always happy. Healthy, by definition, means sound, vigorous and prosperous; especially mentally. Life happens. Some of it is going to make us feel quite unhappy. But what makes a husband and wife exceptional is when, even during the tough times, what they care about most, is how healthy they are as individuals and how healthy their bond is as a marital union. Here are seven signs of what a healthy marriage looks like—and three signs of what the opposite of healthy in a marriage lives like.
Signs Of What A Healthy Marriage Looks Like
1. You’re True Teammates and Partners
One of the best compliments that I've ever received came from a married male friend of mine. He said, "Shellie, something that is going to make you a dope wife is you love to see men win." Indeed, I do. Personally, I find it to be quite the compliment that God told Adam in the Garden of Eden that He would make a helper for him (Genesis 2:18-25); that He knew a man would need the kind of assistance and support that only a feminine being could provide. When I think of the kind of teammates and partnership that only comes out of a marital union, that's what immediately comes to mind—a husband and a wife who are passionate (and consistent) about wanting to see their spouse win. Win personally. Win professionally. Win when it comes to their health, their finances, their goals, their spirituality—across the board.
In order for this kind of "winning" to transpire, there are a few foundational truths that must exist. A husband and wife need to complement each other. A husband and wife need to respect each other. A husband and wife also need to accept that, although they are a unit, they are also individuals; they exist, not to be carbon copies of one another but to balance each other out. They need to be at peace with having similar visions in some areas and different ambitions in others. In a healthy marriage, spouses get that they don't have to always want the same things out of life, but they are there to help their partner get to where they want to be. A team has similar overall goals. Partners share in order to accomplish a particular endeavor. People who are thriving in their marriage know that if no one else is on their team, if no one else is a steadfast partner, their spouse is. Always.
2. You’re Both Proactive About Spending Quality Together
All of my clients know that one of my absolute favorite relationship-related words is "proactive". A big part of that is because a lot of my past relationships consisted of men who were reactive. You know the kind—not really being intentional about what they could do to make me feel special and appreciated. Also, not staying on top of what they could (and should) do in order to make the relationship run smoothly. Those are examples of what it means to be proactive. Instead, they would wait until I would bring up a need for the billionth time. Or worse, they would go the extra mile after they had dropped the ball over and over again. People who rock like that? They tend to be reactive. And yes, a lot of couples find themselves in dire straits because, far too often, one or both individuals suck at being proactive; especially when it comes to making time for their spouse.
Meanwhile, healthy couples are extremely reactive in this way. They've got pre-planned dates on their calendar. They are intentional about going to bed at the same time as much as they possibly can (a worthwhile read is "If Your Partner's in Bed, You Should Be, Too."). Sex is a priority, consistently so (check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important"). They both seek to become fluent in speaking each other's love language(s).
They are this way because they know that if heartfelt time is not spent with one another, it can eventually starve the emotional connection which could ultimately kill the relationship. And so, nothing gets in the way of spending quality time together. If that's nothing more than pillow talk every night, so be it. But time alone is going to happen. No person, place, thing or idea is going to get in the way of that.
3. You’re Both Solutions-Oriented
Actor Will Ferrell once said, "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." Sure, it's funny but you know what they say—there is truth in all humor. One of the main things that a lot of single people miss about the purpose of dating is, it gives them, not only the opportunity but the freedom to see someone in a bunch of different situations. It's not just about doing what's fun; it's also about being truly intentional about getting to know another person (which is why you should be open to going on different types of dates and, after about six months, be willing to experience new things with one another, single folks. That's how you get to know each other's core). If they don't do that, they could go into a marriage with an unrealistic perception of who someone really is. Then, when the internet crashes and their spouse totally shows out, well…now what are they supposed to do?
One thing that a dating couple should look for is how the person they are seeing handles stress, challenges and outright problems. What they should desire is a solutions-oriented kind of person. And just what does it mean to be a "solutions-oriented" spouse. An article on Medium's site defined a solutions-oriented person as: "Solution-oriented people don't just solve problems, they help identify the source of a question or challenge and provide the right, or a better, way of doing things." Y'all, I can't tell you how many times I've sat in sessions with couples who can't seem to make progress, and it's all because they keep rehearsing problems instead of finding solutions for them. Back to what Mr. Ferrell said, if you're with someone who is problems-focused, if the internet is slow, all they are going to do is complain about it and present all of the worst-case scenarios that could come from having a slow connection (can't pay bills on time, won't be able to stream anything online, job will be hell on earth, etc.). A solutions-oriented individual will be more in the lane of, "Yeah, the connection's wack. Let's see if there's a loose cable, we need to upgrade our modem or go with a different service altogether." There won't be time to whine because all they'll want to do is fix the issue as quickly and accurately as possible.
When two people are like this and married to one another? So long as they respect each other's approach to various problems (which is kind of another article for another time), they are unstoppable. Nothing can shake them because, to them, problems are challenges and for every challenge, there is a remedy. Simple as that.
4. You’re Both Able to Let Things Go
I once read somewhere that sensitive and empathetic people have a really difficult time letting things go because they feel like it's their job to fix everything. If you recall the movie The Secret Life of Bees, that's ultimately why the character May took her own life. That said, if you happen to be married to someone who has a hard time releasing things, before getting all up in arms about it, it might be beneficial to ponder if it's also because they are sensitive and empathetic. On the other hand, if their "not letting things go" consists of them not being able to forgive or leave the past in the past, that usually stems from one of two things (if not both)—someone who never really learned how to forgive well and completely or someone who has major trust issues. To both of these, marriage is going to be really hard because no relationship works without a forgiveness and trust.
In a healthy marriage, spouses know this. Whether they are avid Bible readers or not, they have found a way to make this following Scripture applicable to their daily lives. Ephesians 4:26-27(AMPC) says, "When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down. Leave no [such] room or foothold for the devil [give no opportunity to him]." Healthy husbands and wives deal with things as they come, are forthcoming about their feelings, wants and needs, can forgive and release offenses, and choose to spend time moving forward rather than waste time constantly looking backwards. That's because they would rather enjoy the moments that they have together than allowing bitterness and resentment to keep them apart.
5. Honesty, Humility and Patience Are at Your Marriage’s Core
From a biblical perspective, the Word commissions men to "love your wife, just as Christ loved the Church" (Ephesians 5:25). If people are really paying close attention to that, I think it sends a pretty powerful message that one of the main purposes of marriage is to teach us how to love our spouse like Christ loves us all—fully, sacrificially and eternally.
But even if you're not a Bible follower, ask any married couple who's been together for more than a couple of years and I'm pretty sure they will tell you two things, without question. First, that NOTHING shows you more about the good and not-so-good of who you are quite like marriage does. Second, if you truly desire to become a better person and to cultivate a healthy marriage, you have to learn how to be totally honest, full of humility (people who can't apologize lack humility; somebody needed to hear that) and patience; not just the "willing to wait" kind but the "the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like" variety.
Honesty is about being truthful, sincere and not doing things that are deceitful…in any category. It's about sharing your feelings, not hiding information that could infect your union, and also not coming up with ways to manipulate situations (or people). An honest person is forthcoming. Their word can be totally trusted. Their partner knows that nothing is going on behind their back—again in any category (because there are all kinds of ways to deceive a person). Because they trust their partner so much, they are totally at peace in their presence.
Humility is about wanting to be happy more than being right. It's about admitting when you were wrong and taking ownership for it without deflection or shifting responsibility. It's about being quick to apologize without following it up with "but" (don't justify your actions, just apologize). Humility is also about being willing to put your own needs before someone else's when necessary and wanting to create a space of peace more than conflict. Humility is also about not needing to always take the credit for things. Again, married people see each other as a team so, if one spouse comes out on top, both automatically do. At least, that's how a humble person sees it.
And patience? Patient people know how to wait. Patient people don't expect their partner to grow or change overnight. Patient people don't expect things to happen on their clock all of the time. Patient people also realize that the more they complain or act out, the worse things tend to be. When the Bible says, "love is patient" (I Corinthians 13:4), it's saying more than a mouthful. You'd better believe it.
6. There Are Healthy Boundaries Set
The parents. The in-laws. Work. Church. Besties. And shoot, that's just off the top of my head. Something that healthy spouses are gonna make sure exist is boundaries with other individuals; and by boundaries, what I mean is limits. No, the parents and in-laws can't speak about or two their spouse any ole' kind of way. No, work and church cannot monopolize so much time that their spouse feels disregarded or worse, abandoned. No, besties are not gonna know more about what a spouse has going on in their world than their own life partner does. Wanna know how a lot of affairs start? They start because a husband, wife or both, have some really sucky boundaries.
However, boundaries between a husband and wife—established limits of what's cool and what's not— need to exist too. Going below the belt in an argument should be seen as violating a boundary. Withholding sex as a form of manipulation or punishment is, at the very least, violating a biblical boundary for marriage (I Corinthians 7:1-5). Ignoring your spouse's wants and needs should be treated as violating a boundary. Speaking badly about one another, whether in or out of each other's presence, should be seen as violating a boundary. Not taking ownership for one's actions should be treated as violating a boundary. Dishonesty should be seen as violating a boundary. Not giving each other space when it's requested should also be seen as violating a boundary. In a healthy marriage, a husband and a wife freely discuss what their limits are with each other and other people and they honor them.
7. You Have a Fulfilling Sex Life
Anyone who thinks that their spouse should be their all and everything is setting themselves up for some real disillusionment and disappointment. While I do believe that, under your relationship with God, your partner should be your top priority (because when parents are good, kids are good; that's not so much the case in the reverse), that doesn't mean you shouldn't have other relationships too. You definitely should.
At the same time, if there is one thing that should totally set your marriage apart from every other relationship you have, it should be the fact that you have sex with your spouse. For this reason alone, sex is a very (VERY) important part of a marriage.
That's why I am a huge believer that a very telling sign that a marriage is a healthy one is if a couple has a healthy, happy and consistent sex life; if they are making sure that they are maintaining something that "sets their relationship apart" from all of the rest. And just what does a healthy sex life look like? Both partners care about pleasing each other. Both partners are emotionally and spiritually connected during the act. Both partners find it to be a problem if they aren't prioritizing sex. Both partners are doing all that they can to keep their sex life fresh and exciting. Both partners still desire each other, whether they've been together for one year or 20. Both partners find sexless marriages to be a real relational problem and not just "something that happens". Both partners know that while there are seasons of sex for couples, they are not willing to be sexually complacent; they want their sex life to thrive, just as much as any other area of their relationship.
Signs Of What An Unhealthy Marriage Looks Like
1. The Communication Sucks
It's no secret that one of the leading causes for divorce is poor communication. And what does a poor communicator look like? Good question. I'll share a brief list.
- They don't think before they speak.
- They cut off people while they are talking.
- Their body language conveys dismissiveness and/or disrespect.
- They mistake assumptions for reliable instincts.
- They want to "win" instead of connect.
- They are doing a million different things during a conversation.
- They are not tone-sensitive (who wants to be yelled at or hear sarcasm dripping off of someone?).
- They don't ask questions in order to seek clarity.
- Everything is about them and their feelings.
- They think they can read someone else's mind.
Shoot, and again, that's a brief list. Am I saying that people who are in a healthy marriage don't struggle in these areas? Of course, they do. But what separates them from unhealthy married people is they aren't the least bit comfortable about communicating with their partner like this. If it's a therapist, some self-help books, advice from friends and mentors or a workshop, they are going to figure out how to get better at connecting with their partner because they know that, if you're not communicating well with your spouse, at the end of the day, you don't have much to go on or grow to.
2. One or Both of You Are Constantly Criticizing the Other
There is a husband I know who is now divorced, for the second time, from his wife. While there is plenty of blame to go around, if there's one thing I know that he for sure could've improved on, it was how critical he was towards his wife. He nitpicked. Nothing was ever really done to his standards. He was irritated a lot of the time. Who wants to live in that kind of space? (This is something that parents should ask themselves when it comes to if they are hyper-critical with their children too.) As a result, his wife would make poor decisions, as if to "rebel" against all of his criticizing. It was like she would do stuff that she knew was, let's say really unwise, just to show that she was grown and she could. Like I said, they got married twice…and divorced twice.
Super critical spouses are fascinating because they tend to do to others what they can't handle receiving from someone else. Meaning, while they're out here expecting perfection, deciding that others should automatically do what they expect, simply because they expect it and believing that their life's mission is to "fix" their spouse—they flip out when someone comes even remotely close to being the same way towards them. Listen, the world is hard enough, especially for us Black folks, to be coming home and being criticized all night long. Not only is it draining and hurtful, but it's arrogant and counterproductive to a relationship's growth. Because I have sat across from many couples with a critical partner who has found some not-so-productive ways to cope. They might tune their spouse out. They might work longer shifts. Yep, they might even cheat. And none of this is healthy. To a certain extent, understandable. But definitely not healthy.
3. You’re “Together but Alone”
When I was first embarked upon my abstinence journey, something that a healthy married wife said to me was, "Girl, the loneliest night alone beats being in a bad marriage any day." My initial response was, "I mean, if you say so." But after years of this marriage life coaching journey, I totally agree. I remember once getting my nails done and a random woman sharing with me how she's been taking care of her sick husband (he has chronic back pain and hasn't worked full-time in over a decade) for years now and not once, has he said "thank you". "It's so weird to be in a house with someone and still feel like no one is there or there for you," she said between her tears.
You know, a lot of church folks like to pat themselves on the back (all the while looking down at others) for never ending their marriage. But it's a really low bar to only not get a divorce.
If you believe that marriage is a spiritual union, God doesn't just want us to honor our vows (which is important); he wants us to be in a healthy relationship. A part of what comes with that is loving your partner, supporting your partner and being present in the relationship.
Knowing whether or not your partner feels like they are "with you" or all alone is not something that you can answer for them. If you really want to be clear on if your partner feels close to you or separated from you, not physically, so much as emotionally, mentally and spiritually, do your marriage a big favor and ask them that tonight. A very simple question like that can shed a ton of light on whether or not you've got a healthy marriage or…not.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Hacks To Get Your Marriage Back On Track
10 Things Marriages Need On A Daily Basis
10 Things Married Couples Wished They Paid More Attention To While Dating
10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
For years, studying
zodiac sign compatibility has been a fascinating journey for those who want to understand the dynamics of their relationships better. Between the first date debates of Cheesecake Factory vs. coffee shops, we truly understand that sometimes looking to a higher power to guide you on who to date sounds like a good idea. So, it is no surprise that people often turn to Astrology to gain insights into their compatibility with others.
Since no one covers dating, love and relationships, and sex as we do at xoNecole, this guide will delve into the intriguing world of zodiac sign compatibility. Here is everything you want to know about how each sign interacts with others, how the planets impact compatibility and what are the most and least compatible zodiac signs.
Zodiac Compatibility Chart
(March 21-April 19) | (April 20-May 20) | (May 21-June 20) |
(June 21-July 22) | (July 23-August 22) | (August 23-September 22) |
(September 23-October 22) | (October 23-November 21) | (November 22-December 21) |
(December 22-January 19) | (January 20-February 18) | (February 19-March 20) |
Table of Contents
- The Big Three In Astrology: Sun, Moon & Rising Signs
- Cusp Signs and Compatibility
- What Makes Someone's Zodiac Sign Compatible
- Planets That Help Shape Zodiac Sign Compatibility
- The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs
- Love Matches by Sun Sign
- Least Compatible Zodiac Signs
- Opposite Signs and Compatibility
- Conclusion
The Big Three In Astrology: Sun, Moon & Rising Signs
But there is more to zodiac compatibility than just your sign. Even if you are slightly into Astrology, you’ve heard of the sun, moon, and rising signs. This is also called the "Big Three" referring to the three essential components of an individual's birth chart.
These components provide insights into their personality, emotions, and outward demeanor. Together, they offer a comprehensive view of a person's astrological profile, shedding light on various aspects of their life and character.
Evheniia Vasylenko
The Sun Sign
Key Characteristics:
- Represents the core of one's identity
- Governs one's ego, basic personality, and life purpose
- Determines one's zodiac sign (e.g., Aries, Taurus, Gemini, etc.)
- Reflects the conscious self and how one expresses themselves
Your sun sign is the most well-known aspect of your Astrology chart. It represents the essence of your being, your fundamental motivations, and your core personality traits. When people ask, "What's your sign?" they usually refer to your sun sign.
- Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
- Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
- Leo (July 23 - August 22)
- Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
- Libra (September 23 - October 22)
- Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
- Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
- Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
- Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
- Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
For example, if your sun sign is Leo, you will likely exhibit traits associated with Leo, such as confidence, creativity, and a natural flair for leadership. Your sun sign is like the spotlight that shines on your outer self, revealing who you are to the world.
Astro expert Avalldar Astrology says, "For many people, the Sun will not necessarily be the most influential placement when it comes to romantic compatibility, precisely because we have entire charts that we need to look at in order to see all the dynamics at play between all the planets."
The Moon Sign
Key Characteristics:
- Represents one's emotional nature, instincts, and subconscious mind
- Governs emotional reactions, feelings, and inner desires
- Determines one's zodiac sign based on the Moon's position at birth
- Reflects the inner, emotional self and how one processes emotions
While the sun sign represents your conscious self, the moon sign delves into your emotional world. It provides insights into your innermost feelings, reactions, and instincts. Your moon sign influences how you respond emotionally to various situations and process your inner world.
For example, if your moon sign is Cancer, you may be deeply sensitive, nurturing, and strongly connected to your family. Your moon sign can reveal why you react emotionally in specific ways and what brings you emotional fulfillment.
The Rising Sign (Ascendant)
Key Characteristics:
- Represents the mask or persona you present to the world
- Governs your outward behavior, first impressions, and physical appearance
- Determines one's zodiac sign based on the position of the Ascendant at birth
- Reflects the way you interact with the world and your immediate environment
The rising sign, also known as the Ascendant, is the sign that was on the horizon at the exact time of your birth. It represents the image or facade you project to others, your first impression, and your approach to the world. It's often described as the "mask" you wear in public.
For instance, if your rising sign is Virgo, you may come across as organized, detail-oriented, and practical when you meet new people. Your rising sign influences your appearance and how you present yourself.
Cusp Signs and Compatibility
Now let’s explore more about cusp signs and what that means for your compatibility. Cusp signs occur when an individual's sun sign is near the beginning or end of a zodiac sign, resulting in a blend of characteristics from both signs. Think Cancer (June 21 - July 22) sign born right at the end of the zodiac date of July 22.
For example, if someone is born on March 21, their sun sign would be Aries, but they are on the cusp of Pisces and Aries because the zodiac sign changes from Pisces to Aries on or around March 20. As a result, cusp individuals often exhibit traits from both adjacent signs.
When it comes to cusp signs, compatibility can be as intricate as the sun, moon, and rising signs. A few things to consider when thinking about dating someone who is on the cusp are shared traits, open communication, and individual variability. Effective communication is vital in any relationship. Cusp individuals may benefit from openly discussing their unique blend of traits with potential partners to foster understanding and avoid misunderstandings.
What Makes Someone’s Zodiac Sign Compatible?
First, know there are so many different types of Astrology, and different astrologers use different combinations, formulas, and theories to draw their conclusions for compatibility. In general, zodiac sign compatibility is the idea that particular signs are naturally more compatible due to their shared traits, while others may clash.
However, one way to get a better sense of compatibility, at least outside of the zodiac signs, is by examining the elements (fire, earth, air, water), modality ( cardinal, fixed, mutable), and extensively, aspects (conjunctions, trine, squares, and sextiles extensively).
Sounds confusing? We know, so let us explain.
The Elements of the Zodiac: Fire, Earth, Air, and Water
There are four elements in Astrology: fire, earth, air, and water. Signs of the same element often share common characteristics and are more likely to get along.
While signs within the same element tend to have good compatibility, there can also be strong connections between signs from complementary elements. For example, fire and air signs often get along well due to their shared enthusiasm and communication skills. Similarly, earth and water signs can form deep emotional bonds.
Zodiac Compatibility in Sex and Friendship
Fire Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Characteristics and Qualities: Fire signs are known for their passion and energy while also being adventurous and impulsive.
Sex Compatibility: Due to that passion and energy, when two fire signs come together, their sexual connection can be intense and filled with excitement.
Friendship Compatibility: Their enthusiasm and energy will continue to drive the enjoyment of adventurous and dynamic friendships with fellow fire signs.
Earth Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn
Characteristics and Qualities:Earth signs are typically grounded and practical and are characterized as patient and reliable.
Sex Compatibility: Earth signs are sensual and grounded. They appreciate physical touch and connection. Physical intimacy tends to be fulfilling and harmonious in relationships between earth signs. A Taurus is focused on pleasure, and a Virgo is focused on pleasing, so this is a good match for both of them.
Friendship Compatibility: Earth signs value stability and practicality. They tend to form grounded and dependable friendships with other earth signs.
Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius.
Characteristics and Qualities: Often described as intellectual, communicative, social, and flexible.
Sex Compatibility: Air signs are intellectually driven and enjoy mental stimulation. For them, communication is a key aspect of sexual compatibility. When two air signs connect, their mental rapport can enhance their sexual experiences.
Friendship Compatibility: Air signs are intellectually driven and enjoy stimulating conversations. They often have intellectually engaging friendships with fellow air signs
Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.
Characteristics and Qualities: Water signs are emotional, intuitive, empathetic, and sensitive.
Sex Compatibility: Water signs are emotional and intuitive. They seek deep emotional connections in their relationships, which can translate into profoundly satisfying sexual experiences when two water signs come together.
Friendship Compatibility: Water signs are emotional and intuitive. They tend to form deep and empathetic connections in their friendships with other water signs.
Quality aka Modalities
To take it a step further, let’s explore quality. Also known as modality, this refers to the mode of operation or the primary style of a zodiac sign. Each sign is categorized into one of three modalities: cardinal, fixed, or mutable, which describe the sign's general approach to life and how it interacts with the world.
- Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn): If your sign is cardinal, you're likely seen as a natural leader or initiator. You're often the person who starts projects, comes up with new ideas, and leads others towards a goal. You're dynamic and proactive but might need help with following through as you're always looking toward the next big thing.
- Fixed Signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius): Being a fixed sign means you're seen as stable, reliable, and persistent. You're the person who sees things through to the end, displaying remarkable resilience and determination. You excel in maintaining and nurturing projects or relationships but may sometimes be perceived as stubborn or resistant to change.
- Mutable Signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces): If you're a mutable sign, adaptability is your forte. You're flexible and versatile, able to adjust to new situations with ease. You're the person who can go with the flow and make the best out of changing circumstances. However, this can also mean you might find it hard to stick to decisions or be seen as inconsistent.
Aspects
Aspects in Astrology are about the angles formed between planets in your birth chart, reflecting the interactions between different parts of your personality. These aspects can be harmonious or challenging, shaping your character and life experiences.
- Conjunctions (0 degrees): When two planets align closely, their energies merge and intensify, creating a focal point of power or tension in a birth chart. This can be harmonious or challenging, depending on the planets involved.
- Squares (90 degrees): Representing challenges and obstacles, squares force us out of our comfort zone, propelling us towards growth through struggle and resistance. This also indicates challenges or internal conflicts and learning through overcoming obstacles.
- Trines (120 degrees): The trine is a flow of energy that brings ease and harmony, highlighting natural talents and facilitating effortless success in the areas affected. This aspect often reflects your talents or areas where you succeed with little effort.
Examples include Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius ( fire signs), as we mentioned above, so it comes as no surprise these signs are compatible.
- Sextiles (60 degrees): The aspect is when the planets are about two planets apart. This harmonious angle can be opportunities presenting chances for growth and learning. They require some effort to utilize but generally support your progress.
For example just to name a few, Aries sextiles Gemini and Aquarius. Taurus sextiles Cancer and Pisces. Gemini sextiles Aries and Leo. And Cancer sextiles Taurus and Virgo.
- Oppositions (180 degrees): Have you ever heard of the phrase opposites attract? Here, planets sit across from each other, creating a tug-of-war effect that can lead to tension but can also lead to significant personal growth through understanding opposing viewpoints. This aspect shows tension or conflicting interests, bringing out the need for balance and compromise.
Overall, understanding these concepts can offer a more nuanced view of your zodiac sign, revealing strengths, weaknesses, and potential growth areas. It can help you understand why you might gravitate towards certain behaviors or patterns in life and how you can use this knowledge for personal development and better relationships with others.
Planets That Help Shape Zodiac Sign Compatibility
So, what do the planets have to do with compatibility among zodiac signs? As we mentioned, a harmonious aspect (like a trine or sextile) between these planets in two individuals' birth charts can indicate strong compatibility, while challenging aspects (like squares or oppositions) might point to areas of growth, tension, or conflict.
The Sun- the very essence of our being. In relationships, it reflects our basic personality, our ego, and our core identity. When sun signs are compatible, it often indicates a natural understanding and appreciation of each other's fundamental nature, a key ingredient for lasting connections.
Sign it governs: Leo
The Moon- the realm of emotions, instincts, and the subconscious. Moon sign compatibility delves deeper, beyond the surface level of interactions, touching the heart of our emotional needs and nurturing instincts. A harmonious moon sign connection can mean a deeply satisfying emotional rapport and understanding, a feeling of "coming home" when you're with your partner.
Sign it governs: Cancer
Mercury- the planet of communication. Mercury’s influence dictates how we think and communicate, which is essential in understanding and resolving conflicts in relationships. Compatible Mercury signs often find a natural flow in conversation, understanding each other's thought processes and perspectives with ease.
Sign it governs: Gemini and Virgo
Venus - the goddess of love and beauty, representing how we express love and what we seek in relationships. Venus sign compatibility is a key player in romantic attraction and shared values in love, dictating the harmony in how love is given and received.
Signs it governs: Taurus and Libra
Mars - the planet of action and desire. Mars influences our drive, our passions, and, yes, our sexual energy. Compatible Mars signs can lead to a fiery and dynamic connection, full of passion and vitality.
Sign it governs: Aries
Jupiter - the planet of luck and expansion. Jupiter's influence in a relationship can signify growth, optimism, and a sense of adventure, bringing a joyous and expanding quality to the bond.
Sign it governs: Sagittarius
Saturn - the teacher, representing discipline, responsibility, and long-term commitments. Saturn's role in compatibility is often about the durability and seriousness of the relationship, ensuring that the bond is not just fleeting passion but has the strength to endure challenges.
Sign it governs: Capricorn
The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs
1. Leo and Libra
When Leo and Libra are together, they are almost always the center of attention! With Leo being ruled by the Sun, they know how to satisfy the Libra's desire to be appreciated and reassured. With Libra being ruled by Venus, they know how to shower Leo with the love and attention that they deserve. Both Leo and Libra know how to bring out each other's true star power and help each other grow into their best selves.
2. Scorpio and Pisces
The watery pair of Scorpio and Pisces just instantly understand each other. Although not many others can match Scorpio's intense and passionate energy, Pisces is almost always up for the task! These two are able to be truly vulnerable with each other and appreciate the depth of their connection. Pisces' intuitive side always knows how to break through Scorpio's barriers and immediately knows how to comfort them. Scorpio challenges Pisces to take a walk on the wild side; Pisces encourages Scorpio to be themselves.
3. Aquarius and Sagittarius
Aquarius and Sagittarius never have a dull moment with each other! Sagittarians are always in pursuit of knowledge and live for adventure. Aquarians love to discover the most unique subjects and are always down for a good debate. This pair knows how to mentally stimulate each other. Although they both value their independence, they know how to effectively divide and conquer. They both enjoy learning from each other and helping each other explore new territories.
4. Taurus and Cancer
With Cancer's protective nature and Taurus' romantic tendencies, these two are one of the most loving couples ever! Tauruses help Cancers to ground themselves and provide them with the comfort and stability that they crave. Cancers help Tauruses get comfortable with expressing their emotional sides and make them feel appreciated. This couple is the epitome of the phrase, "Home is where the heart is." They truly understand how to make the other feel at peace and how to cater to each other's love languages.
5. Virgo and Capricorn
Virgo and Capricorn are the power couple of the zodiac! These two earth signs know how to get things done when they are together and can truly motivate each other. They both want to see each other win and will supply each other with the encouragement that they need. Virgo and Capricorn almost instantly bond over their witty sense of humor and their intellect. Virgo shows Capricorn how to appreciate the small things in life; Capricorn shows Virgo how to see the bigger picture from a new perspective.
6. Aries and Gemini
When Aries and Gemini are together, the conversation almost never stops! These two know how to keep things going and will always be the life of the party. The passion between these two signs is almost unmatched! Aries knows how to perfectly capture Gemini's attention and keep the relationship fresh. The Gemini values all of the Aries' complexities and knows exactly how to keep their fire alive. Gemini teaches Aries that life does not have to always be so serious. Even as a couple, these two are genuinely the best of friends!
Love Matches by Each Sun Sign
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Best Matches: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini
Good Matches: Aquarius, Libra
Read More: Aries Woman And Aquarius Man Love Compatibility
Read More: The Love Compatibility Of A Libra Woman And An Aries Man
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Best Matches: Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer
Good Matches: Pisces, Scorpio
Read More: Pisces Woman And Taurus Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Watch This Taurus & Capricorn Love Match Put Their Relationship To The Compatibility Test
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Best Matches: Libra, Aquarius, Aries
Good Matches: Leo, Sagittarius
Read More: Gemini Woman And Leo Man Love Compatibility
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Best Matches: Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Read More: Cancer Woman And Virgo Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Cancer Man And Libra Woman Love Compatibility
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Best Matches: Aries, Sagittarius, Gemini
Good Matches: Libra, Aquarius
Read More: Leo Woman And Capricorn Man Love Compatibility
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Best Matches: Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer
Good Matches: Scorpio, Pisces
Read More: The Love Compatibility Of A Virgo Woman And Scorpio Man
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Best Matches: Gemini, Aquarius, Leo
Good Matches: Aries, Sagittarius
Read More: Pisces Woman And Libra Man Love Compatibility
Read More: Libra Man And Cancer Woman Love Compatibility
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Best Matches: Cancer, Pisces, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Read More: Scorpio Woman And Aries Man Love Compatibility
Read More: The Love Compatibility Between A Scorpio Woman And A Cancer Man
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Best Matches: Aries, Leo, Gemini
Good Matches: Libra, Aquarius
Read More: The Love Compatibility Between A Sagittarius Woman And Leo Man
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Best Matches: Taurus, Virgo, Cancer
Good Matches: Scorpio, Pisces
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Best Matches: Gemini, Libra, Aries
Good Matches: Leo, Sagittarius
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Best Matches: Cancer, Scorpio, Taurus
Good Matches: Virgo, Capricorn
Least Compatible Zodiac Signs
So you’ve read all about how you should analyze which zodiac sign is the most compatible for you. But what about signs you should avoid? For these, not only do the zodiacs come into play, but also the elements and modalities of each. Here are the least compatible zodiac signs.
1. Sagittarius and Taurus
Sagittarius and Taurus incompatibility is more obvious than most matches on this list. Sagittarius wants to be on a plane, and Taurus wants to be at home. Taurus wants tangible results, and Sagittarius finds happiness in exploring the mind and different ideals. This pairing isn’t the most compatible because they both want very different things in life, not to mention they are always at a different pace.
2. Scorpio and Gemini
Scorpio and Gemini together create chaos. Although they have a lot of fun together, this pairing is better off seen in a working environment, rather than a romantic one. The thing about Scorpio and Gemini is that they don’t get each other. It’s hard to understand where the other person is coming from, which often leads to miscommunication and hurt feelings between them.
3. Aquarius and Cancer
Aquarius and Cancer rarely get involved romantically together, as this pairing does better in a friendship than a relationship. Cancer can seem like too much for aloof Aquarius, and Aquarius can be too in their head for Cancer’s heart-centered, emotional energy. Cancer tends to be intrigued by Aquarius. However, the relationship is usually one-sided. Cancer will often feel like they are giving their all, but that is never enough for Aquarius, who may acknowledge Cancer’s efforts, but at the end of the day, it’s not what Aquarius needs to feel fulfilled romantically.
4. Capricorn and Leo
Capricorn and Leo have too many power struggles and ego conflicts in order to make the relationship peaceful and positive. Disagreements often arise within this partnership, and they have to work especially hard for the relationship to progress and grow. The thing about this couple is that Leo wants to be adored and cherished, and Capricorn isn’t about the theatrics.
Capricorn likes to take things slow and gradually evolve as a couple, whereas if Leo isn’t getting everything they need right away, they will feel let down and unloved. In order for this partnership to work, there needs to be compromise and honesty about what is expected within the relationship.
5. Libra and Virgo
Now, this pairing is on the list of least compatible because they are constantly questioning where each other stands and are rarely on the same page. This isn’t a complete disaster for a relationship, but it’s definitely not the top recommended either. The thing about Libra is that they don’t really get Virgo and Virgo’s meticulous thought process. Virgo feels the same way about Libra and thinks they spend too much time on things that aren’t as important to Virgo.
Communication can be good here as they are both more mentally active signs. However, Libra tends to be someone that Virgo never seems to fully grasp. They are both nurturing individuals, but in a relationship, they tend to feel like they aren’t getting what they need.
Opposite Signs and Compatibility aka Sister Signs
Ever wondered why you are attracted to someone completely opposite then you? This can be explained by the term sister signs. A sister sign is the zodiac sign located in the exact opposite position of your sign on the zodiac wheel. The relationship between opposite signs can be either soulmate energy or very challenging if both parties aren’t willing to look at their reflection and learn from each other.
Evheniia Vasylenko
The sister signs in Astrology are:
- Aries and Libra
- Taurus and Scorpio
- Gemini and Sagittarius
- Cancer and Capricorn
- Leo and Aquarius
- Virgo and Pisces
For example, with a Gemini, this pairing is all about having fun and expressing themselves. Gemini and Sagittarius, in many other pairings, often feel misunderstood, but these two match energy. Being both explorers of life, Gemini’s inner curiosity and Sagittarius’ need to know more make for not only good conversation but exciting experiences together as well.
Is An “Incompatible” Relationship Based on Zodiac Signs Doomed?
It's a myth that certain zodiac signs are destined to be incompatible. While your natal chart might reveal challenging dynamics, it doesn't dictate the success or failure of a relationship. Instead, it provides insights into areas where you might need to exert more effort or make adaptations. Understanding this can help you navigate relationships more effectively, regardless of astrological compatibility.
Rather than viewing your chart solely for compatibility, use it as a tool for deeper self-understanding. Focusing on planets like Venus, Jupiter, or the Moon can reveal key aspects of how you seek emotional comfort and express love.
For instance, the Moon's placement can indicate your emotional needs and comforts, while Venus may reveal how you prefer to give and receive love. Jupiter, on the other hand, sheds light on the ways you feel most comfortable in providing for your partner. Recognizing these aspects can help couples understand their values and find common ground.
Conclusion
While astrology can provide valuable insights into potential compatibility, it's essential to remember that real relationships are complex and multifaceted. Finding your cosmic match is not solely determined by your zodiac sign but by shared values, communication, and understanding. Embrace the uniqueness of your relationships, and let the stars be a guiding light rather than a strict rule.
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- What You Really Need To Know About Compatibility Based On Zodiac Signs ›
Why Reesa Teesa's "Who TF Did I Marry?" Saga Is A Cautionary Tale To Single Women Everywhere
Unless you’re living under a rock, by now you’ve heard of Ressa Teesa and her viral TikTok saga "Who TF Did I Marry?!?" My first learning of Ressa Teesa came over this past weekend. I was walking my dog and on my For You feed I came across a popular TikTok account giving commentary on a series called "Who TF Did I Marry!?!" I thought to myself, “What story is this and why is it coming across my feed? Is this some new series on Netflix that I missed?”
Lo and behold it was a 50-part series on TikTok that very well needs to be made into a series about a woman named Reesa Tessa and her story on how she ended up marrying "Legion" whom she calls a pathological liar, how she got away, and shares this cautionary tale and captures the attention of millions of people while doing so.
Who TF Did I Marry, a Cautionary Tale
@reesamteesa Who TF Did I Marry- Introduction #reesateesa #fyp #series
The Backstory
It’s 2020. Reesa Tessa is living in Atlanta and dating online and comes across Facebook Dating - red flag number one because the men I’ve come across on Facebook, honey, run and run fast! But she connects with a man who for the purpose of the story she calls "Legion." In their first phone call, he tells her that he’s a former arena football player who’s moved to Atlanta post-divorce to start over and he asks to take her to dinner. In route to meeting him at The Cheesecake Factory, her tire blows out. Teesa in hindsight realizes this is a sign from God but instead of canceling the date, she calls Legion and he saves the day, shows up to fix her tire, buys a new one, and still takes her on a date.
The first date if you ask me had love bombing on the menu - but again I am not here to judge my good sis. I am just a messenger who did the Lord’s work by watching all 52 parts to recap so you don’t have to. During dinner, he tells Reesa that he wants to be married, have children, and he’s ready to get out of these streets. He’s killing her softly with his words and she feels like she’s finally met the one. This is where things speed up for the worse. COVID lockdown starts and y’all know what they say about pandemic love, it was moving fast honey!
Legion moves into Reesa’s home because he only has a studio apartment despite going on and on about how much money he has. Speaking of money, he appears to be a good man, Savannah. He’s paying all the bills due to a new job where he’s a VP at a condiment company. He is also family-oriented, something they share in common, and he talks to his brother daily. He’s promising our girl Reesa Teesa that he will not only provide, but he will buy them a home, take her to London, get her a luxury vehicle and, in the words of the late great Whitney Houston, be all the man she needs.
She finally has the soft life Black women online have been talking about, she feels like she has the man she’s prayed for. But life comes at them fast and the cracks in the relationship begin to show.
When the "Man of My Dreams" Turns Into "Who TF Did I Marry?"
me when I got to Part 40 of the Who TF Did I Marry series on TikTok: pic.twitter.com/uRjAI9MOdf
— Ron (@ronthacreator) February 18, 2024
A few months in, Reesa gets pregnant and Legion appears to be ecstatic although Reesa, who has grown up with a religious upbringing, didn’t feel confident in being pregnant and living with a man that she wasn't married to. Legion tries to assure Reesa that they will be fine and that he is approved for a $699,000 home and will buy her a house. They begin touring houses too many things are not adding up. He has all this money but he’s living in a studio apartment. He wants to buy her a home but every home they tour when asked for proof of funds he puts up a fight and refuses to show it.
Reesa unfortunately miscarries but is relieved to some extent and discovers that Legion has been lying about the house-hunting process. She doesn’t know what happened, but she knows something is wrong and wants to get to the bottom of it. Reesa realizes that the lies are not adding up as they’ve toured house after house. After a conversation with a real estate agent who can sense that something is up and a job application Reesa fills out to go after a new position, she realizes her husband has given her a fake identity. She needs his social security number in order to apply for the job and after some research, she discovers he not only has never been a VP, he has no contact with his family and has not spoken to anyone in years, and he has a criminal record.
She also discovers how many lies he has told. He told her he had only been married once, but found an additional former marriage he kept from her. He told her he lived in California at a point, but never did. He told her he had siblings that never existed, he told her his grandmother died in 2020 but died in 2008, and the brother he spoke to daily did not exist, this man was diabolical. Does she get all the answers she was looking for when she learns the truth? No, but she does discover that Legion is nowhere near a VP but his twin brother in fact is a successful VP who drives a luxury car and lives the life he always dreamed of.
Not only has Legion lied about communion with his family, but she discovers that he has no job, never played football, never lived in California. In the end, Reesa is eventually able to move out of their home, have Legion arrested, get divorced, and start a new life.
The Takeaway
If you’ve watched the series you might have asked yourself multiple times, girl, what TF were you thinking? But there was a moment where Reesa said, “I just thought it was finally my turn” and I realized that Reesa, while she did not fact-check absolutely anything, yearned for love just like many single women. Over 48% of Black women in the United States are unmarried, Reesa Teesa was one of them and she thought this was her chance to leave the single life for good. Did she move too fast? Yes. Did she not she think clearly? Yes. But ask yourself for a moment can you understand that she thought she’d met a man who was the answer to her prayers not knowing he was the narcissist of her nightmares?
One of the main things that you can take from this story is that if something does not feel right, investigate IMMEDIATELY. Keep the people close to you updated when you meet someone new and if the relationship doesn't feel right, leave at the first red flag. Don’t wait for the second, third, or tenth flag - leave at the moment you realize something is off. And lastly, pour into yourself. In a world where we now have women saying healing is a waste of time and you shouldn't take time to learn to love yourself, this is why you need to do the work.
When you learn to love yourself and heal, you tolerate less. You invest in yourself more, and you become a version of yourself that you could have never dreamed of.
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