Ladies, Here Are 4 Indicators It's Time To Shoot Your Shot
It's hard as hell for a person to know when they should go for the bait. It can be quite confusing, to be honest. So many signals can become mixed when It comes to figuring out if someone is interested in you or they are just simply being polite.
Amongst being curved, embarrassed, or getting our lil' feelings hurt, it could also be quite intimidating to make a play for that Zaddy that you have your eyes on, but let's make sure we all have a clear understanding, ladies. There is a total difference between showing that handsome stud that you're interested versus full-blown chasing a man and scaring his ass off. It's all about reciprocity and vibes. If a man is showing the same type of interest in you as you are in him or giving strong hints, then that's your time to analyze your "go" signal thoroughly and go for the shot.
Shooting your shot doesn't have to a be a life sentence of curvedom. If you know what signs to look for and get rid of the outdated mindset that a man has to pursue you first, it could actually be an all-around confidence booster; a feeling of gaining your power back. It's simply about getting comfortable in knowing you have the capability of being "the chooser" and don't have to wait on a man to decide if you are worthy of being chosen.
Once you put yourself out there and show your interest, if he is interested, trust and believe he will take the lead from there. As scary as an ego hit can be, if the ball is in your court and you don't take the opportunity to score a winning shot, how else would you know what it feels like to win in the game of love? Scroll below for four ways to know it's finally time to shoot your shot:
Direct Eye Contact
If your future bae is giving you the googly eyes, you better believe that you have some type of captivating quality that has caught his attention. Men will typically shy away or look off from women they aren't interested in, all in hopes of not giving the wrong signal. But if he keeps gazing at you, looking directly in your eyes and making himself known to you, sis, that man is trying to catch your attention. It's up to you now to work your magic. Brush into him by accident, signal him over, or just plain out spark up a conversation with him. Men love humor, so compliment him in a playful way and see where it goes from there.
Body Language
Pay attention to the details. If he is being particularly conscious about his appearance while he's in your presence, you might have hooked your dream guy on the low. When he's overly smiling, biting his lips, fixing his cuff links, belt, or tie constantly, or touching his beard or hair over and over, he's more than likely trying to flaunt his best assets and he wants you to notice him. Men always want to be seen as masculine and powerful so if he's facing towards you, leaning in close, or he's tryna find a suitable place to put his hands, you've got this man intrigued and he wants to get closer to you; it's time to make a move.
Physical Contact
You know the saying "actions speak louder than words"? Well in this case, that's a sure bet. This is probably one of your easiest clues to tell when you should be pushing up on your possible man-to-be, or one of your options (if that's your cup of tea). A man is very unlikely to touch you in any way if he isn't somewhat interested in you. He might rub against you subtly, brush his hand over your shoulder, graze the small of your back with his palm, or simply grab your hands and hold them. Even if words haven't been exchanged about what's going on between the two of you, the physical chemistry speaks volumes and the volume is up loud and clearly saying, "Throw the ball in his court, sis."
Verbal Hints
This is more than likely the case for most of my millennial babes when it comes to meeting men via social apps. Most people have social media buddies or crushes that they chat with on a regular through DM, but even though you're chatting, you could be unsure what the vibe is with that person if they aren't sending you direct heart eye emojis. An easy way of knowing if he's worth scoring an alley-oop on is if he is being extremely flirtatious with you. When he's giving you compliments, saying nice things to keep you inspired or motivated, or showing interest in you, in general, he's giving you an open opportunity to show interest back. He's more than likely testing the waters to see how he can get in good graces with you and, if you're digging him, this is the ultimate time to let him know he's appreciated and slide him that number so you can text and not chat through DM.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Is The Man In Your Life Pursuing You Or Playing You?
Sis, Would You Shoot Your Shot?
Women Are Shooting Their Shot On Twitter And Receiving Surprising Responses
I Met Him In An UberPOOL & Now We're Married!
Featured image by Shutterstock.
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Corein Carter is a Los Angeles-based blogger, content creator and podcaster. The New Jersey native has had a love affair with words since she began penning poetry in high school and later went on to study journalism at WSSU. The self-proclaimed "Naturalista" embodies all things spiritual, plant-based, and self-care in both her daily life and through writing. You may recognize Corein's captivating voice and well-rounded perspectives from her fast growing podcast "Play on Words". Follow her journey on Twitter and Instagram @inlivingcolored.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Is It Ever Okay To Share Your Friends' Business With Your Partner? Maybe.
The older we get, the more we communicate our boundaries. With age, we also more clearly understand those boundaries and how to effectively, and immediately speak on them confidently. For many years, I remained connected with a friend whose boyfriend would always come to me and call me "lonely" or mention a discussion I had only had in private with her.
Back then, not only was it that anything I said to her in confidence was being reiterated without my permission. But there was also the sass of that man to repeat tidbits of our conversations back to me coupled with her audacity not to check him then and there whenever he did. But, as a much older adult, I realize people can’t do what they don’t know, and based on her choice of partner – it now seems to be a given that boundaries and respect weren’t two things that were high on her list of priorities…respectfully.
We stayed friends for many years, and honestly, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it had her man kept his mouth shut. I’m about to tell on myself when I say, “I thought we were all doing that? I thought we were all telling our man the tea at the end of our days?” I mean, I don’t have a man 90 percent of the time – so more often than not the secrets have been safe, but like?!
But, I’ve since seen several online posts in passing that suggest this is actually against the girl code – leaving me to feel validated but also guilty for my acts of treason. I thought it would be safe to get some more insight from an expert as listening to internet rhetoric can, at times, be overrated.
According to Dr. Ayanna Abrams, a licensed clinical psychologist, it depends. "It depends on four relationships – not just the one with your friend. This answer depends on your friendship, your partnership, your friend's relationship with your partner, and your relationship to the shared information.”
Dr. Abrams went on to provide a list of questions that can help us better understand if what you want to share with your partner is information your man is even qualified to know. Here is the list of questions that Dr. Abrams suggests you use as a flowchart of sorts:
1. What is my relationship with this friend?
How close are we? What stage of friendship are we in? Is this vulnerable information that feels particularly intimate or difficult for them to share? Did my friend ask me not to share?
2. What's my relationship with my partner?
What do I know about them and how do they hold information about me or the people in my life? Have they shown respect for people's privacy or do I know that they sometimes have trouble with privacy/secrets?
3. How does the shared information affect me?
Does it overjoy me, upset me, might it impact me and I'm anxious about it? (This could help determine what information you're sharing–are you sharing context for how it impacts you or are you sharing it as gossip?)
4. Is this information something that I believe my friend wouldn't mind my partner knowing?
Do they have any connection to each other (or is it strained or fairly distant?)
5. What's motivating me to share?
Do I need support, am I trying to connect with my partner through sharing things that happen to me within other relationships? Do we have a practice of sharing what's going on with our friends? How do I feel about sharing this information with anyone?
What can seem harmless to us may be a cause for immediate termination for others. This is a great opportunity to point out the importance of communicating and setting boundaries in all relationships, early and often. This is often recommended in romantic relationships but it can solve a lot of the issues stemming from miscommunication in platonic relationships as well.
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