The one. If you got a group of 50 single women together (single women who desire to be in a long-term relationship, that is) and you asked them what they were waiting on when it came to being in something serious, I wouldn't be shocked if at least half of them said, "I'm waiting on 'the one'." The one who they love above anyone else. The one who seems like their soulmate. The one they want to spend the rest of their life with.
That's beautiful. No sarcasm. Love, when it's right, is the absolute ultimate. Yet sometimes, I feel like term "the one" gets romanticized so much that we overlook the very practical side of what being with that kind of man really is. So, let's explore that a bit. Via personal experience, a lot of observation, working with countless couples and even due to a bit of reading, here are seven conclusions I've come to as it relates to determining when someone absolutely isn't the one — no matter how much it seems like the opposite…on the surface.
1. You’re Not Clear on What “The One” Is
While this one might catch you off guard a bit, I think if I break it down a little bit more, some dots may connect. Sometimes, in our quest for "the one", we're not even really thinking about what role we want that person to serve in our life…because we're not absolutely clear on what kind of relationship would best serve us. What I mean by that is, do you really want to be married or have you been programmed — by family, friends, religion, the media — to think that you should be? Do you think that a soulmate automatically means that someone is absolutely perfect for you when really, since no one is without flaw, a perfect fit doesn't realistically exist (a great complement does, though. Check out "If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life"); therefore, you're kinda already setting yourself up for either non-stop or earth-shattering disappointment? Do you think that once you meet a suitable companion that giving them the title of being "the one" means that they will be your all and all (which is too much pressure to put on any one individual…ever)?
It's really hard to know if you've met "the one" if you don't have a good understanding of what that should mean and what that would require.
So, what do I think the one should be? The person who helps you to feel safe; especially safe within your authentic self. The person who brings consistent peace to your spirit. The person who challenges you to become a better version of yourself. The person who causes you to feel truly seen. The person who is a real advocate for your purpose. The person who loves, respects and celebrates you. The person who holds you accountable (without any pushback on your part because, again, you trust them). The person who doesn't make the thought of a long-term commitment freak you out. The person who you know you didn't settle for by choosing them. The person who is a true spiritual match.
When you can meet a person who checks these boxes off — and they are able to say that you do the same thing for them — you've definitely met someone who is in a league all their own. And the really cool thing is it's based in what's real — not some trumped up fantasy or even something that was birthed out of other people's pressure and expectations of what "your one" should be.
2. His Words and Actions Don’t Align
Now that we've touched a little bit on what a healthy definition of "the one" is, let's get into some signs of when a man absolutely is not the one for you. Let's start with when his words and actions are not in agreement with one another. I believe I've shared before that if there is a huge challenge that words of affirmation people go through (and I definitely am one), it's sometimes, we're so moved by what comes out of someone's mouth that we don't really expect them to do much more beyond that. For example, if they say, "I love you", oftentimes that can be enough and so it can take us a while to be like, "Hold up. When's the last time you did something that actually showed it, though?"
And here's the thing about words. If you look at them from a spiritual (in this case, I mean biblical) perspective, we are created in the image of the literal One who spoke words and things manifested once he did (Genesis 1-2). God said let there be light…and it was so. So yeah, we should see ourselves and others as literal vessels who also have the ability and power to definitely say something…and then make something happen as a direct result of the words that we said.
So yeah, sis. I don't care how much flattery he speaks, how many assurances he's given or how many promises he's made, there is no way that you trust in or rely on someone who doesn't actually treat his words like action verbs. If what I just said is a totally foreign concept to you…that's not good. And if you're with someone who is like this, that's a pretty telling sign that he's probably not the one for you. At least not right now, he isn't.
3. Your Value Systems Totally Clash
For many years, there was a guy from my past who I totally considered to be the one who got away. I felt that so profoundly in my spirit that some people in my world referred to him as that rather than using his actual name. Anyway, back in 2015, when I went on my heart pieces tour (check out "Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour"), he was one of the people I connected with to get some of the answers that I needed in order to gain some real closure. That conversation lasted for hours and while that man is still sexy as hell, is thriving more than ever and I definitely get why we connected all those years back in the way that we did, when he started to share with me where he was spiritually and what some of his future goals were, I got that we had grown apart on levels that would definitely prevent us from living in any kind of harmony now. Past some climbing-the-walls sex and witty banter, we probably couldn't offer each other more than that. We just value different things now.
Two people having different values and standards isn't bad overall. It's absolutely horrifying, though, if you're trying to create a life with another person on a very intimate level. Matter of fact, I know a married woman now who loves her husband and yet regrets marrying him because she downplayed just how much some of their core values clashed back when they were dating. Listen, there are all kinds of people that you can love because you like them, you respect them and you enjoy them. It's a whole 'nother ball game when you're contemplating living with them and making little humans with them.
While relationships are all about compromise, if there's one area that should not be up for bending, it's your value system. If you and he aren't on the same page in this area, he's probably meant to be a friend. Or someone who taught you to put your values above a relationship — which is actually a really great lesson to learn.
4. He Doesn’t Bring You Peace (and/or You Don’t Bring Him Any)
Let me tell it, the reason why a lot of us don't prioritize peace as much as we should is because we didn't grow up in a household that had much of it to start with. And since there was so much chaos surrounding the people we shared that space with professed to love us, as adults, many of us think that love and turmoil/drama/a lack of harmony not only can coexist but should. Uh-uh. If you don't get anything else outta this, hear me when I say that no one is your one if they don't bring you peace — and they can't say that you do the same thing for them in return.
I've shared before that peace is a really layered, powerful and profound word, if you look at it from the Hebrew word "shalom". In modern-day Israel, when people greet one another with "shalom", what they are basically saying is "may health and prosperity be upon you". Yet shalom also breaks down to reference wholeness, completeness, tranquility and harmony. And harmony? That's about being in agreement with someone. Being on one accord with someone. Having a friendship, feeling unified and living in a way with someone else that shows that the two of you truly do fit together.
Whenever I do interviews and folks ask me what I want in a relationship, holistic safety and peace are always at the top of my list. Because if he and I don't feel safe in each other's presence, if we don't bring each other the shalom kind of peace — what the heck are we doing together? No. Really.
5. He Doesn’t Complement Your Life
I actually wrote an entire article on this topic before (also check out "The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You"). So why am I bringing this point up again? For starters, it's because it really can't be said enough (trust me). Also, because I want to share what a wife has been telling me, on repeat, about how much her husband absolutely does not complement her — and they are going on 20 years of being together. While I've got to respect the fact that she is honoring the vows that she took and so, for her, divorce is not an option (a lot of people are really flippant about the promises that they make; that is unfortunate), I must admit that she is a bit of a cautionary tale. She knows it too.
You know, I recently read a tweet that said something along the lines of, "Some of y'all are realizing that you never really wanted a man in your life. What you actually wanted was a son." Whew (check out "Are You His Partner Or His Second Mama?"). That said, my friend has been told, for years, including by her husband, that she can be pretty controlling and bossy. Not all of the time yet enough of it. And so, it would appear that she initially went into her relationship with her man to initially "make him better". It was all about her appointing herself to be his improvement plan. The problem with this is 1) that's not any grown person's job to do in someone else's life; 2) being so arrogant as to think someone else needs work and you don't is a recipe for ending up with mud all over your face, and 3) looking to change him means that she was more focused on what he had the potential to become than who he actually was/is.
As a direct result, she ended up doing what far too many people do — she married potential. A lot of that potential has never actualized because her husband doesn't want to become who she thinks he should be. He's content being the man that he is — and on some levels, has always been. Plus, since she's been more focused on him than she probably should, that has hindered her from growing as much as she needs to as well.
And that's the part of someone complementing another individual that isn't discussed, nearly enough. The literal definition of complement is "something that completes or makes perfect". Complete means "lacking nothing". While far too many people are out here looking for someone who will give them whatever they want on a tangible or monetary level, emotionally mature folks get that a true "lacking nothing" is someone who helps them to soar on a mental, emotional and spiritual level.
"The one" will fit you in such a way that you can't help but to become better as the result of them being in your life, as they are able to say the same thing about you. If you can't say that a man complements you, why would you stay with them? Being complemented is one of the best things about being in an intimate relationship. Straight up.
6. You’re Constantly “Convincing” Him
One of the joys of being single is the fact that when you're dating someone, you don't have to act like you're married to them…because you aren't (check out "7 Things That Make Marriage Different From Seriously Dating"). This means that even if you love a guy and/or you've been with him forever and/or you are in something long-term, it's still so much easier to leave because there is no contract (which is pretty much what a marriage license is) between the two of you. I'm not saying that ending the relationship won't hurt (check out "Why You Need To Grieve Your Past Relationship"). I'm saying that since you didn't say "until death parts us", why pressure yourself to act like you did?
Same thing goes with staying with someone to the point where either you feel like you have to keep convincing him to stay — or you've got to convince your own self to do it. And listen, this point can sneak up on you in some pretty cryptic ways. If you're constantly arguing and yet convincing yourselves to work it out, if you there are more bad days than good and yet you keep convincing yourselves that the good days are worth it, if you feel deep within you that there is probably more that you should be having and yet you too are afraid to let each other go to see what other possibilities are in store — those are some ways that you are definitely convincing yourself to stay. And sis, that's not loyalty. That's fear.
There's no way around the fact that relationships, even healthy ones, have their ups and downs. Yet you know what? When a relationship is both good and beneficial, two people don't spend a lot of time convincing themselves to stick it out. The dynamic is so good that it's worth hanging in and the drama is so far and few between that it doesn't feel like a ton of grueling work.
7. You Are Never Satisfied
As a marriage life coach, I 1000 percent believe that a leading cause of divorce that isn't brought up, nearly enough, is the fact that two people who went into their marriage not knowing how to be satisfied and so, they had totally unrealistic expectations when it came to wanting the union, including their spouse, to "make them content". What in the world? If you haven't mastered how to be satisfied — fulfilled, happy, supplied, positive, alive — within yourself, what the heck is some other flawed human being supposed to do? Good lord. Amazing how many folks want someone else to do what they won't even do for themselves. That's another message for another time, though.
For now, as I close this out, I want to drive home the point that someone isn't the one for you, not if they can't satisfy you (some folks out here are so greedy, needy or entitled that NO ONE could ever satisfy them); no, the clincher is they aren't for you if they get you out of the satisfactory feeling that you (should) already have within— with or without their presence.
Here's what I mean by that. I can't tell you how many divorced people I know who are thrilled to be apart from their former spouse. And one of the main things that a lot of them tell me is that they feel more content than they ever had because their partner was constantly nagging and/or trying to change them and/or constantly wanting more and/or always moving the bar and/or causing them to doubt themselves. That's hell on earth, y'all.
The one? That's someone who only adds surplus to the satisfaction that you already feel. You're content, so they come in and cause you to feel…even more content. So, you know what that means, right? You've gotta get good with yourself, so that you can actually tell who is incapable of supporting you in remaining in the state of satisfaction that you're already in (alone). Bottom line, if you're with someone and you don't feel any of this — it's either because you need some time to get right with you or the dissatisfied emotions are alerting you that they aren't "your one".
Do I think "the one" is possible? A thousand times yes. I just think we need to be a lot more practical in our thinking about it. Your one isn't some Prince Charming. He's someone who comes in and supports you being a better self. The one is who will bring you closer to your ideal self. Anything short of that is settling. Anything less? He's probably not your "the one".
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (email@example.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley Is In Her Element
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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Summer Walker's 'Caresha Please' Interview Shows Why Yung Miami Is The Ultimate Girl's Girl
As one-half of the City Girls, Yung Miami (born Caresha Brownlee) has always used her voice to empower women, whether it’s telling them to boss up or leave a relationship that’s no longer serving them. And with her Revolt podcast, “Caresha Please,” Miami continues to uplift other women but in a more intimate setting.
The “Act Up” rapper’s latest interview with Summer Walker proves that she not only raps about it but she practices what she preaches. The interview covered everything from the “Unloyal” singer’s dating life to being a mother to her music career. When the conversation shifted to Summer’s anxiety, Miami used the moment to praise the Billboard music award winner’s qualities and talent.
Summer has been vocal about her anxiety in the past and explained that it sometimes affects her when she’s performing. While talking to Miami, she also shared that she struggles with being herself in public because she fears being judged.
“They be judging ratchet b--hes, like they really be judging ratchet b--hes,” the “Pull Up” singer said. “People be like, ‘oh, she look dirty, she look dusty, she’s ghetto, like dadada…so I be tryna just keep it together, and then I know it’s also hard for people to like understand the concept of multifaceted people like people that have different sides of them, like it’s not just one way, and it be confusing people, and they be like, ‘well, how she sing about this but she act like this.”
Summer continued by saying that that’s why she is generally quiet on stage because she doesn’t want to say anything “stupid.”
Miami quickly chimed in to let Summer know that it’s okay to be herself, and that’s why people love her. “Anybody that knows me know like I’m a big Summer Walker fan, and I feel like when it comes to R&B artists, we don’t have a R&B artist that’s showing their personality or showing a different side,” she said.
“When we see R&B artists, we just see like their music and just the reserved them, so I kinda feel like to have a new R&B artist that’s ratchet, that’s themselves, that’s what we need. That’s what’s missing, and that’s what make you, you, and that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with you because when I found out who Summer Walker was, it was “Girls Need Love,” and then I remember, I saw like a twerking video of you on the pole, and I’m like, ‘I love this b--h.’”
She continued, “Like I never saw that from a R&B singer, and I feel like from one artist to another, I don’t feel like you should bury your personality or not be true to yourself because of perspective.” The “Jobs” artist ended her response by saying that people love others who are authentic.
Summer admitted that everything Miami said was true and that she never thought of it like that. “People just be in their head for no reason,” she said.
We love seeing women give other women their flowers and provide safe spaces. At the end of the interview, both Summer and Miami expressed how much they like each other and how they should hang out more.
Miami’s interview with Summer is the true definition of sisterhood.
Summer Walker Talks Realizing Her Self-Worth, London On Da Track, Lil Meech & More | Caresha Pleasewww.youtube.com
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Feature image by Robin L Marshall/WireImage