You know what they say—you tend to see things a heck of a lot clearer when you look at them in hindsight. After experiencing almost 12 years of abstinence (which I'll get into at another time—I promise), one thing that I recognize is I had a pattern of sleeping with my guy friends.
Back in my gettin-it-in days, I wasn't the kind of girl who met a guy in a club and went home with them. I also didn't get down with one-night stands. In fact, 90 percent of guys I've slept with, I've known for several years (the others, no less than a year). After time spent hanging out had passed, I would build a friendship with them. Since oftentimes there was a chemistry and attraction, I would tell myself that sex with them wasn't that much of a risk. I knew them, so it was emotionally safe. Or so I thought.
But here's the problem. Out of my 14 friends/sex partners, ask me how many I'm friends with now. Hmph. When it comes to several of those past friendships, it's really a shame that we're not friends because, ironically, they weren't homie-lover-friends; they were literally my boys.
For better or for worse, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, sex changes things. Oftentimes, in ways we would never predict or imagine. That's something I had to learn the hard way.
So, before you decide to sleep with one of your own homeboys (either for the first time or again), please take a moment to consider the following five things first. Because trust me, when it comes to having sex with a friend, it's really hard to undo what's already been done.
Are You Willing to (Possibly) Lose Them as a Friend?
So, why am I not friends with most of the guy friends I had sex with? Well, most of the reasons why, I've just shared with you in disguise as warnings. Some got married and their wife didn't want me in their lives. Sometimes one of us wanted more than the other. There were a few that wanted us to have sex indefinitely; me to only have sex with them but for our friendship to remain the same (translation: I could date other people, just not get sexually-involved with them). If I had one word for all of this? Mind-boggling.
And although some of my guy friends were the best sex partners I've ever had (no joke), if I could do it all over again, I would've stuck to the fantasy. Our emotional intimacy is what I miss more than the physical pleasure because a true friendship connection is really hard to come by. It made things so complicated that ending the friendship was the best way to make life simple again.
That's just one more thing you should seriously ponder before you decide to have sex with one of your guy friends.
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