You know what they say—you tend to see things a heck of a lot clearer when you look at them in hindsight. After experiencing almost 12 years of abstinence (which I'll get into at another time—I promise), one thing that I recognize is I had a pattern of sleeping with my guy friends.
Back in my gettin-it-in days, I wasn't the kind of girl who met a guy in a club and went home with them. I also didn't get down with one-night stands. In fact, 90 percent of guys I've slept with, I've known for several years (the others, no less than a year). After time spent hanging out had passed, I would build a friendship with them. Since oftentimes there was a chemistry and attraction, I would tell myself that sex with them wasn't that much of a risk. I knew them, so it was emotionally safe. Or so I thought.
But here's the problem. Out of my 14 friends/sex partners, ask me how many I'm friends with now. Hmph. When it comes to several of those past friendships, it's really a shame that we're not friends because, ironically, they weren't homie-lover-friends; they were literally my boys.
For better or for worse, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, sex changes things. Oftentimes, in ways we would never predict or imagine. That's something I had to learn the hard way.
So, before you decide to sleep with one of your own homeboys (either for the first time or again), please take a moment to consider the following five things first. Because trust me, when it comes to having sex with a friend, it's really hard to undo what's already been done.
Do You Want Them to Be at Your Wedding Someday?
You might not care about it right now, but boooooy…this is a mental boomerang that you don't want to deal with later. Sure, having sex together may not seem like all that big of a deal now but that doesn't mean you'll feel that way 10 minutes, 10 days, or 10 months afterwards.
Also, if either of you end up meeting the love of your life and you decide to be totally transparent with them, they may not be too thrilled about knowing that a close friend knows you like they do. Yep. Even if you and your friend are cool with your past sex life, your future spouse may not be.
Keeping all of this in mind, if you and your friend are so close that you can't imagine them not being at your wedding or present in your life in general, this is another reason to reconsider having sex with them. Again, if not for your friendship's sake, the sake of your future marriage—with someone else.
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