You know what they say—you tend to see things a heck of a lot clearer when you look at them in hindsight. After experiencing almost 12 years of abstinence (which I'll get into at another time—I promise), one thing that I recognize is I had a pattern of sleeping with my guy friends.
Back in my gettin-it-in days, I wasn't the kind of girl who met a guy in a club and went home with them. I also didn't get down with one-night stands. In fact, 90 percent of guys I've slept with, I've known for several years (the others, no less than a year). After time spent hanging out had passed, I would build a friendship with them. Since oftentimes there was a chemistry and attraction, I would tell myself that sex with them wasn't that much of a risk. I knew them, so it was emotionally safe. Or so I thought.
But here's the problem. Out of my 14 friends/sex partners, ask me how many I'm friends with now. Hmph. When it comes to several of those past friendships, it's really a shame that we're not friends because, ironically, they weren't homie-lover-friends; they were literally my boys.
For better or for worse, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, sex changes things. Oftentimes, in ways we would never predict or imagine. That's something I had to learn the hard way.
So, before you decide to sleep with one of your own homeboys (either for the first time or again), please take a moment to consider the following five things first. Because trust me, when it comes to having sex with a friend, it's really hard to undo what's already been done.
Have You Accepted the Fact That It Will DEFINITELY Change Things?
Something that NONE of us can escape is the power of oxytocin. It's the natural hormone that our body produces during a kiss, cuddling, and especially during sex, that automatically makes us feel bonded to another individual. Some even call it the "love hormone" because of the powerful effect that it has.
If you're not willing to accept that one way or another, sex with your guy friend will change things, then you DEFINITELY don't need to do it!
For the record, it could also change things for the good. But either way, just from the doses of oxytocin you'll be getting alone, you can't exactly go back to how things were pre-sex. Pretty much ever.
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