5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend
You know what they say—you tend to see things a heck of a lot clearer when you look at them in hindsight. After experiencing almost 12 years of abstinence (which I'll get into at another time—I promise), one thing that I recognize is I had a pattern of sleeping with my guy friends.
Back in my gettin-it-in days, I wasn't the kind of girl who met a guy in a club and went home with them. I also didn't get down with one-night stands. In fact, 90 percent of guys I've slept with, I've known for several years (the others, no less than a year). After time spent hanging out had passed, I would build a friendship with them. Since oftentimes there was a chemistry and attraction, I would tell myself that sex with them wasn't that much of a risk. I knew them, so it was emotionally safe. Or so I thought.
But here's the problem. Out of my 14 friends/sex partners, ask me how many I'm friends with now. Hmph. When it comes to several of those past friendships, it's really a shame that we're not friends because, ironically, they weren't homie-lover-friends; they were literally my boys.
For better or for worse, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, sex changes things. Oftentimes, in ways we would never predict or imagine. That's something I had to learn the hard way.
So, before you decide to sleep with one of your own homeboys (either for the first time or again), please take a moment to consider the following five things first. Because trust me, when it comes to having sex with a friend, it's really hard to undo what's already been done.
Are You Both on the Same Page?
It might ruin the potential of romance at the moment, but whatever. If you and your male bestie can talk about your relationships with other people, your credit scores, and how much money you both make, you can discuss what you both are expecting out of a sexual relationship. Not just what you both want in the bedroom but how you want things to roll afterwards too.
If there's one thing you don't want, it's to wait until afterwards to find out if one of you wants something casual while the other wants to explore the potential of something serious.
He's not a bad friend if you sleep with him, you catch feelings and he's not interested. But it could wreck your friendship if you don't explore things playing out this way beforehand. He's a friend, not some random. Your body, heart, and friendship are worth making sure you're both on the same page.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This post is in partnership with BET+.
Kingdom Business is back for its second season, with even more sermons, songs, and serpents. The series picks up where it left off, with actress Serayah as Rbel caught between the stripper pole and the pulpit. With the first lady of the church working desperately against her, Rbel must find a way to live her dreams and honor her friend while figuring out her faith in the process.
Season one served a collection plate of rivalry, deceit, and revenge –– among many other tribulations. Between the 28-year-old’s acting, conviction, and harmonious voice, here are a few reasons why season two of Kingdom Business is a must-watch.
If the Spirit Doesn’t Move You, Serayah’s Singing Voice Will
Rbel, formally known as Rebecca Belle, is a stripper whose life forcibly takes a turn after suffering a tragedy. Through her quest to find the truth, Rbel finds herself at odds with the head of a local church, First Kingdom’s Denita Jordan, played by the legendary Yolanda Adams. Rbel unknowingly emerges as what a faithful Christian embodies: a perfectly imperfect human who works every day to try their best while leaning on God. Although struggling with her faith, each ballad sung by Rbel can be felt, as the lyrics relate to personal struggles we all endure in different ways. Gospel songs hit differently when your life is in shambles, and chile, Serayah is singing new life into folks.
Serayah is a Formidable Opponent to The Yolanda Adams
As one of the best-selling gospel artists of all time, it’s no easy task to take on the role of a person on the opposing side of greatness. Serayah’s Rbel does an excellent job meeting Jordan at her level while shining through her solos. Throughout season one, Rbel emerges as a top streaming artist, an accomplishment that begets something of a holy war.
Serayah’s Acting Range is Engaging
As a former stripper trying to make a name for herself in the gospel industry, you can imagine the struggles that could come with it. Rbel goes through a range of emotions, all understandable and relatable. Despite several crises of faith, Serayah ensures Rbel delivers a humbling performance that makes the audience root for her redemption.
The Kingdom Business Soundtrack is Everything
Streaming now on Spotify, Tidal, and Apple Music, the Kingdom Business: Season 1 soundtrack is one you’d want to add to your playlist for high and low times. Aside from four soul-soothing songs from Serayah, the soundtrack also features singles from co-star/Hamilton’s Chaundre-Hall Broomfield, gospel artist Chandler Moore, and legend Yolanda Adams.
Serayah’s Rbel Makes You Root For Her
With First Kingdom beginning to crumble under the pressure of lies, infidelity, and deception, Rbel’s window to take that top spot seems wide open; however, the end of season one showed us the Spirit had other plans. Whether you believe or not, Serayah’s Rbel makes you want to see her win. Who doesn’t love a good underdog with a laid 22” bust down? Whether she seeks Him or not, God is proving to be on Rbel’s side. But is it enough to turn everything around for her? Will Rbel lean on faith or fear?
With secrets coming to light, success within reach, and the devastating conclusion of season one, you don’t want to miss season two––especially with more guest collaborations. Kingdom Business returns to BET+ on Nov 2.
BET+ Original | Kingdom Business | S2 Official Traileryoutu.be
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Your Foolproof Guide To Mastering The Perfect Turkey Cook Time
Whether you're a seasoned pro or a newbie to hosting Thanksgiving or Christmas, knowing how long to cook a turkey is crucial for putting on a delicious holiday feast. In the traditional Thanksgiving or holiday dinner spread, a turkey acts as the centerpiece and often the dish that all the other dishes complement.
When it comes to cooking the perfect mouthwatering bird, the size of your turkey plays a big role in determining how long it should be in the oven. Think of this as your cheat sheet for how long to cook a turkey. So, grab your apron, and let's break down the ideal cooking time for the perfect turkey for your holiday meal!
How Long To Cook Turkey
First things first, defrost your turkey.
And how long do you defrost a turkey? Well, standard practice is to defrost a turkey for 24 hours for every 4-5 pounds of turkey. So, a turkey that is 4 pounds would be defrosted for 24 hours; a turkey that is 8 pounds would be defrosted for 48 hours, and so on and so forth. A 12-16 pound turkey can take 3-4 days to thaw in the fridge.
The safest way is to defrost your turkey in the fridge. Place your bird in a large tray or on a plate to catch any drips, and keep it covered to prevent any cross-contamination.
If you're short on time, you can use the cold water method to unthaw your turkey safely. Submerge the turkey in a large container with cold water. Change the water every 30 minutes, and allow 30 minutes of thawing for every pound of turkey.
Cooking the Perfect Turkey
Cooking a turkey at 325 degrees Fahrenheit is a great choice for a delicious and evenly cooked bird. As a rough guideline, you can estimate about 15 minutes of cooking time per pound of turkey.
However, it's super important to use a meat thermometer to ensure it's fully cooked. The internal temperature of the thickest part of the turkey (typically the thigh) should reach 165 degrees Fahrenheit. Keep reading to learn more about ideal cook times for different pounds. The oven temperatures are based on Fahrenheit.
How long to cook an 8 pound turkey in the oven?
Cook a turkey that is 8 pounds for 2¾ to 3 hours at 325 degrees.
How long to cook a 10 pound turkey?
For a turkey that is 10 pounds, you can cook it in the oven for 2¾ to 3 hours at 325 degrees.
How long to cook a 13 pound turkey?
Cook a 13-pound turkey for 2¼ to 2½ hours in the oven at 425 degrees.
How long to cook a 15 pound turkey?
For a 15-pound turkey, cook it for 3 to 3¼ hours at 425 degrees.
How long to cook a 20 pound turkey?
For a turkey that is 20 pounds, cook it for 4 to 4½ hours at 325 degrees.
How long to cook a 22 pound turkey?
The cook time for a 22-pound turkey is around 4¼ to 4¾ hours at 350 degrees.
How long to cook a 24 pound turkey in the oven?
A 24-pound turkey can be cooked in around 5 to 5¼ hours at 350 degrees.
Let the Turkey Rest
Also, don't forget to allow your turkey to rest for about 15-20 minutes after taking it out of the oven. This helps the juices redistribute for a juicy, tender turkey.
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