Multi-Hyphenate Serayah Talks Compromise & Why She'll "Never Be The Same"
FOX's Empire coming to a close may be the end of the road for the Lyon family and longtime fan favorite Tiana but as far as Serayah is concerned--things are just getting started. Admitting to being bit by the performing bug at about five years old, the insanely beautiful multi-hyphenate had big dreams from that point on of making a name for herself in the industry--and it's pretty safe to say that she's now living those same dreams out day by day. The Cali native has since been linked to some of the biggest names in the music industry such as Taylor Swift and Chris Brown.
And after giving fans a taste of her own musical prowess with her debut EP Addicted in 2018, Serayah is serving up something new with her forthcoming project Ray in June. Let's just say, the "Never Be The Same" singer is now set and ready to take center stage. xoNecole recently got the chance to catch up with the 24-year-old entertainer to talk all things Empire, her quarantine self-care routine, and why she says learning to compromise is a major key in relationships.
xoNecole: How have you evolved personally and professionally since being a part of ‘Empire’?
Serayah: Professional-wise, I've learned so much about the business. Personally, I just grew up. I started at 19 and six years later: I'm in my twenties and I'm a different girl than I was when I was a teenager. I've definitely matured and learned so much about myself and what I want to be and who I want to be in this world.
"I've definitely matured and learned so much about myself and what I want to be and who I want to be in this world."
What life lessons have you learned from your co-stars that helped you along the way?
A major life lesson is probably just to go for it and don't hold yourself back. Taraji [P. Henson] always says just go for it and don't hold anything back. And I think that's her mantra as you can see, she's a powerhouse. So I've always taken that advice from her and just shake off anything else that I've been going through during my day and turn it into my art.
Has there ever been a moment in time, maybe in life or in love, in your past that has changed you or that you really learned a lot from? Where maybe you felt like you’ll never be the same after this?
Yeah, I think with past relationships: I learned what I like and what I don't like and not to hold grudges. I learned so many lessons in 2019, growing past immaturity and egotistical thinking. And I think that's a daily thing that we all should try to do and it's something that I'm aware of now. It's hard because you're dealing with yourself so you have to be completely 100% with yourself, right?
"I learned so many lessons in 2019, growing past immaturity and egotistical thinking. And I think that's a daily thing that we all should try to do and it's something that I'm aware of now. It's hard because you're dealing with yourself so you have to be completely 100% with yourself, right?"
What has been the most surprising thing to you when it comes to love?
Mmm, let me think about this one (laughs). Probably compromise is a big thing, I think. And understanding. I think before we judge and before we get so mad at certain things, we should try to understand where another person is coming from. I learned that you're dealing with another person's past and history and life, so I think in relationships you have to be a little bit more gentle with certain things. Everybody doesn't have the same triggers but some things don't go down smoothly with some people. So, I think learning those things and trying your best not to do them and compromising in certain areas is where it's at.
What has been the most challenging thing to you when it comes to love?
For so long, you're so used to running your life the way you want it to run, that you never really think of someone else's opinion or thoughts on something. Especially when you're an opinionated person. So I think for me, it was learning to see where someone else was coming from and putting myself in their shoes to understand things and not be defensive.
"I learned that you're dealing with another person's past and history and life, so I think in relationships you have to be a little bit more gentle with certain things. Everybody doesn't have the same triggers but some things don't go down smoothly with some people. So, I think learning those things and trying your best not to do them and compromising in certain areas is where it's at."
What's been your quarantine self-care routine? How are you dealing?
I've been trying to deal. I've been doing some deep conditioning with my hair. I've also been bored so some days I put on a wig and do my makeup. But really it's just: wake up, get coffee, check my emails, see if there's anything I need to do for the day, then the rest of the time I'm just thinking of ideas for content. Why not? We have all this time.
What's next for you?
I wish I knew for sure (laughs). But I am definitely releasing new music in June, I'm releasing my EP. I'm still auditioning and I have some things in the works for film ideas, but for the most part I'm just seeing what I can get into after all this quarantining is over.
"Miss You" and "Never Be The Same" are available to stream everywhere now. And for more of Serayah, catch her on Instagram: @serayah.
Featured image by Shaun Andru/Instagram
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
How A Couple That Never Spoke On The Phone Answered Marriage’s Call
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
As I move through life and experience different highs and lows, one thing that has become increasingly clear is the importance of self-love and self-worth. Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I do feel like if it’s in a good place, people experience life more fully. And when it comes to love, my friend Amanda Wicks and her husband, Will Ford, are the perfect example.
Amanda may not remember this, but years ago, on one of her many visits back to Atlanta (we both went to Clark Atlanta University), she sat across from me at a dinner table and declared she was done looking for love. She was happy with who she was, and while she still desired it, it was no longer something she was chasing. “If it happens, it happens,” she said. The statement was so bold it made me quickly reroute our usual dating story catch-ups and awkwardly move to a different topic.
Well, the next time we met up, she told me she had met someone and was moving to Houston to live with him. Imagine my surprise and concern. Later, I’d find out that this decision, like so many other elements of their relationship, flowed naturally and organically. Their whole partnership has been full of peace and vulnerability.
Fast forward to today’s conversation, they’re still living together, celebrating four years of marriage, and planning to create a family. And while this stage of their story sounds generally normal, the way they got there is nothing but. Check out the "How We Met" feature below to see how a couple who never spoke on the phone and lived in different states ended up in a loving marriage full of ease, art, and authenticity.
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Walk me through your ‘How We Met’ story.
Amanda: We met on Instagram (laughs). He followed me first, and I followed back because he does art, and I was intrigued by that. Honestly, we followed each other for a while before we connected. But I remember one day I saw a post where he had on a Martin t-shirt that I liked, and that sparked our conversation. He ended up telling me he made the shirt and actually mailed me one. So when I got it, I made a post wearing it, and that’s where the conversation started. Since that day we’ve communicated every day since.
Will: Yeah, I initially saw her on a short-hair Instagram page and followed her because I thought she was attractive. I actually showed her to my co-workers on one of our monthly outings as an example of my “type” – something I had never done. But one thing I will say is, I noticed she had on a Nina Simone shirt in one of her photos, that’s what got me. It showed she had more depth.
I guess that answers my next question. Did you have an initial attraction to each other?
Will: (Laughs) Yeah, I did.
Amanda: For me, no. I just wasn’t looking at him through that lens. I didn’t follow him because he was attractive. I don’t follow people online because of that. I actually remember a time when we were going back and forth, and I was like, “Aye, you kinda cute.” It was a specific moment. Once I started looking through his page more often, I started to view him that way, but it still was more of an acknowledgment. We really connected primarily because of our creative interests.
So, how did it go to the next level?
Amanda: I was in Nashville, and he was in Houston. But I’m somebody where if I feel like doing something, I’m going to do it. I had been meaning to go to Houston for a while to see a friend, so I felt like it was the perfect combination of a circumstance. We had been talking a lot, and I knew I liked him as a person and really wanted to meet him, but of course, I was aware of the idea that it could blossom into more. I remember I sent him a text saying, “Would you think I was crazy if I pulled up to Houston?”
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What was your reply? Did you think she was crazy?
Will: In my mind, I was like, I don’t know. (Laughs) I wanted her to, though, so I wasn’t going to say yeah. It was a little wild, but I encouraged it.
Okay, so tell me about the date.
Amanda: I don’t know if you’d call it our first “date,” but the first time we met, we went to a skating rink. I was a little nervous about meeting him in person. Like, what if we don’t have chemistry – that was in the back of my head a little. But I brought my friend with me as a buffer, and thank God I did because he was so quiet the whole night. I literally can’t think of one thing he said the entire time. But the saving grace was that we had built a rapport. We reconnected the following night and were together until 5 a.m. – just sitting there talking. We ended up spending the whole weekend together.
Will: I’m socially awkward if I don’t know you. Also, before the date, I didn’t know what she sounded like or anything because, that’s another thing, we hadn’t talked on the phone. (They both really don’t like phone calls, so everything was through texts at this point.) I guess I could say I was kinda nervous, too. I had never met someone through social media, and then here I was, meeting her in person at a skating rink. I hadn’t skated in years, I was hoping I didn’t fall. But we had just been talking so much that I was open to it.
What made you want to take that risk?
Will: She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around.
Amanda: I don’t think it was anything specific. It’s not hard for me to connect with people. But there were no red flags. We align across the board. That was different. We really connect on how we see the world.
"She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around."
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Out of curiosity, what are your love languages?
Amanda: I connect with all of them. I think it just depends on what I’ve been lacking. I appreciate words of affirmation because I’m so big on actions that I like those bold statements of love, and of course, I appreciate quality time. The older I get, the more I appreciate physical touch, but that’s not something I need. With receiving gifts, I like thoughtfulness, and I like giving thoughtful gifts, too. But acts of service is for sure my biggest one. I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most.
"I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most."
Will: I think it all depends on how I’m feeling, too. But probably also acts of service. I like how Amanda will buy me deodorant when I run out (laughs). She just does so much all the time to show that I’m thought of.
At what point in your connection did y’all have the “what are we” conversation?
Will: I don’t think we ever had that convo. We never defined anything, we just kinda went with how it was going. However, I knew I wanted it to be more serious when I went to visit her. She had been coming to Houston once a month, and I went to Florida (she was there for work) to see her. I realized I felt comfortable coming into her space, too. That gave me that last little bit of whatever I needed.
Amanda: Yeah, I can’t say I had a defined moment like that. But again, as we had more and more interactions, there were just no red flags. The more we thought about it, the more we realized no matter where we went relationship-wise, we were adamant about being a part of each other’s lives. We never had the “talking to other people” conversation or anything. But we did both understand we weren’t going anywhere. Eventually, it graduated to convos around building a life together, but even that was over six months in. I just liked him as a person.
Have there been any negative revelations that your partnership and marriage have taught you about yourself?
Amanda: I’ve always felt that partnership is supposed to make the other person’s life easier. For me, it was a struggle to let someone help me in all the ways I didn’t really know I needed help. As I started having less capacity, I had to realize that it doesn't work anymore. It was hard for me to acknowledge and ask for help. I think that’s something I am still coming to terms with, even with other relationships in my life.
Will: I think I’m learning and still learning how to get out of my head. I’m the kind of person who always has to visualize stuff before it happens. And this relationship is the first thing that I don’t do that with. Of course, we plan stuff, but I know it’s gonna be good regardless. It allows me to stay in the moment. If I can do that with this, which is the most important thing to me, why can’t I do that with other things?
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What challenges have you faced together?
Will: For me, the preconceived challenge was living together. I’ve never lived with a woman before. Even in my previous relationship, it was long-distance. I’m also the type of person that likes my space, but as soon as she got here, that was out the window. It was so smooth it made me feel stupid for questioning it.
Amanda: I’m grateful to say we don’t necessarily have challenges between each other together. But we have been struggling with infertility and health issues. Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way. But that’s an example of how having someone else there can be helpful. I was so functional as a full-blown individual doing everything by myself.
So, in my head, I don’t need anyone, but having someone there who is happy to support me has taught me it’s okay to welcome that. It’s made us stronger because it’s taught us how we both function under duress – it’s good to know it’s not terrible (laughs).
"Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way."
What are some of the shared values that are important to your relationship?
Will: How we see life, what we’re here for, and how you’re supposed to treat people. It sounds really simple, but it’s not as common as you think.
Amanda: We value being really good people – without strings. We both don’t value money, but we value stability. So we don’t have to endure the “why are you not hustling” arguments. We were both stable people individually, and we came together. Also, we both value meaningful connections, alone time, reflection, and family. That guides us in what we do and how we build a life.
Finally, what is your favorite thing about each other?
Amanda: I’ll say one of my favorite things about him is that he’s brilliant. I view myself as a smart person, but in my head, he can do what I’m doing ten times faster. There are times I want to push myself to do stuff, and I’ll just ask him because I know he can do it. It’s incredible.
Will: My favorite thing about her is how people see her. Being a witness to how important she is to other people’s lives is amazing. Standing to the side and seeing how she affects them is really special.
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Feature image courtesy of Amanda Hicks and Will Ford
HBCU Alumnas Share The Life-Changing College Experiences That Shaped Their Career Success
News of the recent legislative blow barring affirmative action in higher education has shined a spotlight on HBCUs and whether they might be a more viable option for Black students and professionals seeking advanced degrees. It's also led to debates about why one would choose a Black institution of higher education and led me to reminisce on my own HBCU experience.
As a proud Hampton University graduate with a print journalism degree, my experience there is the reason I am confident, resilient, and forward-thinking. I went on to work for major publishers, including The New York Times, so I never felt any sort of short-comings or less-than insecurities about not choosing a majority-white school. And I'm not an outlier. Much of my graduating class has similar success stories.
I was once asked in a newsroom, "How did you get here coming from the school you went to?" The words "affirmative action" sputtered from this small-minded, insecure person's lips thereafter. I simply smirked and said, "Well, you think affirmative action got me here, but did it keep me here? And why are you at a lower title than me? Didn't you graduate from an Ivy League?"
At Hampton, I was able to carve out my own path of excellence and redefine success for myself after living in the shadow of an amazingly brilliant valedictorian brother---who was highly sought-after by universities and who went on to find success and great career advancement after studying engineering at one of the top (and majority-white) schools in the nation.
It was also the tenacity, self-starting skills, self-sufficiency, thick skin, and the manifestation of Black excellence developed from my experience at Hampton---not affirmative action---that led to a successful and pretty long career in journalism.
I caught up with a few other amazing women to talk about how their HBCU experiences positively impacted their career choices and later success and the best college experiences of their lives:
Terysa Ridgeway
Courtesy
Program Manager at Google
Author, Think Like A Computer
Southern University Graduate
On college experience and impact on post-grad career choice and growth: "HBCUs, in general, always provide a very nurturing, fostering type of environment. I feel that, for me, as a young woman at the time, that was super-beneficial. That provided me with emphasis on leadership, empowerment, and still giving back in leadership roles in our communities."
"My parents met on the campus of Southern University. My two oldest sisters went there. We're a traditional Southern University family."
On thriving in STEM after college: "As a freshman, sometimes people would pay me to design their MySpace pages and Blackplanet profiles. Even learning more HTML and going deeper into [computer] science like C and C-sharp, which are more program-specific languages, and building that muscle more formal was pivotal to me. Personally, social media was my fun place, but being able to tie in those things that I just enjoy in a fun space, and then [I understood that], okay, this could 100% be a career path if I buckle down and focus on it."
Karen G. Hatcher CPM
Courtesy
CEO & Founder, Sovereign Realty & Management
Clark Atlanta University Graduate
On how her educational experience impacted her career: "I am in real estate development, and we also manage investment portfolios. I'm an entrepreneur, and we just had our 15th anniversary last year. We do a lot of residential investments here in the Atlanta market. Clark Atlanta had the business school. I took my first real estate class there. And that was one of my electives. ...I get to use all of those finance skills every day in analyzing real estate. ... It's really cool to be able to lean on those tools that I learned at CAU and into [graduate] school and actually apply it every single day in my work."
"It was predominately white where I grew up---upstate New York, near the Great Lakes---and to come down and to be in a sea of Black excellence, with all these hopes and all these dreams. It was incredible."
On the benefits of attending an HBCU: What I find from people who have graduated from HBCUs is their--our--ability to show up. The level of confidence that we have in moving in multiple rooms. ... You receive a different level of love that is poured into you. You're the majority in a sea of excellence. Our ability to pitch, to interview, to make decisions, to network---it's on another level.
Danyell Taylor
Courtesy
Private Enrollment Specialist at K12.com, A Stride Co.
Howard University Graduate
On the moment that she knew Howard was a good fit: "Going to the A-building, being discouraged, being in a new city with some funds but not many, and there was a student who was like, 'Are you on scholarship?' I'm like, 'Nope, not on scholarship.' And then, immediately from that conversation, we went to class. He connected with me the next day, and I got scholarship funds. He was a mentor. My communications teacher was a mentor, and then I was able to work with other communications students in a way that I wasn't able to see myself [before].
"That was three months into my experience. I swear, I'd called my mother, like, 'I think I've gotta come home. I don't think I'm going to be able to make it, especially being 22 hours from my family.' So to have him really turn it around on the dime, to have another communications teacher pour into me...He even encouraged me to do my PhD at Howard. That was the turning point where I said, 'Yes, this is the best experience.' They really wrapped their arms around me and kept me encouraged."
"What Howard did was tell me that I could be a communicator, that I could succeed, and that I could make a difference. And especially because Howard made a difference in my life through education, I decided I want to make a difference in the lives of families through education."
Ashleigh Demi
Courtesy
Cheyney University of Pennsylvania Graduate
Media Personality And Host
On impactful legacy in choosing Cheyney: "I really wanted to do broadcasting, journalism, and communications. I was the anchor for my high school, so going into college it was a no-brainer that that's what I wanted to do. I knew that Ed Bradly of 60 Minutes was an alumni of Cheyney, and I knew that [Washington] DC's own Jim Vance, an anchor on NBC4 went to Cheyney. It wasn't too far from home, and I wanted to get that drum line experience from an HBCU."
"I know that with that experience, Cheyney gave me confidence. It gave me the wow factor that I'm among the greats."
On support and love that led to thriving: "I always could ask someone for help and would not be left behind, even if I had to volunteer or do extra credit. There was always something there where I was able to not fail. With HBCUs, they want to see you succeed. My educational experience at Cheyney was nurturing. If they see you struggling, the professor would pull you aside and talk to you to figure out what challenges you're facing. There's always some type of study group or someone to help you succeed. "
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Featured image courtesy