Singer Serayah Swears By This Mario Badescu Skincare Favorite
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on the daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
I was first introduced to Serayah on FOX's hit show Empire as "Tiana Brown", but she clearly hasn't slowed down on anything else that she has going for herself - and that's a Fendi fact. Since the release of her debut single "Driving Me" featuring Jazze Pha in 2017, the past three years have been nothing less than a rising success for the beautiful and talented sensation named Serayah McNeill.
As we've seen her grow into the artist, dancer and actress that she is today, the "Love It" songstress has gone into the entertainment world as more than just a one-hitter quitter on a television show. If you don't catch her between releasing new music with Blac Youngsta or making cute YouTube vids and TikTok challenges with her heartthrob bae Jacob Latimore, Serayah can be found on your radio or on a playlist across the nation and on your television screens on shows.
In addition to her undeniable talent, Serayah has enviably flawless skin. According to the California native, she owes a lot to feeding her skin what it needs. "I love natural products. Anything natural, I will try it first, but I have learned that there are some chemicals that are kind of good for your skin that keep it balanced like salicylic acid and glycolic acid. I've learned some things, but I'm glad I have because your skin changes as you get older and you try to manage it - those are some things that have helped me," she explained to xoNecole.
We had the chance to speak with the 24-year-old actress, singer and philanthropist about unwinding with wine and a good book, learning to go with the flow of her skin during the change in seasons and her growing obsession with Mario Badescu and Patrick Ta.
My earliest beauty memory...
"Stealing my mom's eyeliner - I think I was in seventh grade. I wanted to start wearing eyeliner and mascara, and I knew my mom had it. I snuck in there and I took some of her eyeliner before school, and she's like, 'I cannot find this eyeliner. I just cannot find my eyeliner!' Then she's like, 'Do you have on eyeliner?' And it was so funny. That was probably in seventh grade or somewhere around middle school."
My morning skincare routine consists of...
"It changes every once in a while because I learned that it's kind of good to not do the same exact thing everyday to give your skin a break on some products. My typical day-to-day is to wake up, try to meditate, get in the shower and things like that. For my beauty routine, right now I love the PCA [Skin Pigment] Bar. It has an exfoliator pad that it comes with and it's really, really good at getting the top surface of the skin off to be fresh for the day. Then, I've been following that with moisturizer. A good serum, a good moisturizer and good face wash is basically the three things I go for."
My evening routine looks like...
"A couple of drinks. No, I'm just kidding (laughs). No, for real - unwinding for me is wine or some type of light alcoholic beverage. Not every night, but I mean during quarantine, it's been more than usual. A bath or a night hot shower, drinks, something great on TV or a good book, and even some music to just sort of vibe out."
My skincare routine in the PM consists of...
"At night, I have more dry skin on the scale, so I tend to do the same routine, but I'll do a thicker, more moisturizing moisturizer before I go to bed."
How my skincare changes for the seasons...
"Fall and winter, I'm [into] tea tree oil, honey and coconut masks for my face and lots of masks to give moisture to my face because like I said, I'm more on the dry scale. Moisture, moisture, moisture is my thing! Anything that has great moisture without being too greasy, but it's just really moisturizing, my skin just sucks it up.
"[One of] my favorite [products] is the rosewater [facial spray] by Mario Badescu. Spring or summer, I try to carry around one of those for hydration throughout the day. Then for face wash, I try to do serums and I try to do stuff that [doesn't have] too much Vitamin C or isn't skin brightening just because the sun is out."
How I approach beauty from the inside-out...
"[I] work out, eat good, meditation, read, and journal. I'm reading - for the second time - The Four Agreements and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purposeby Eckhart Tolle.
My go-to makeup look consists of...
"I do wear makeup, and my go-to is a good bright under-eye, a medium coverage foundation, a really bronzy natural contour. I go for light powder, especially during the summer, because you don't want to be cakey and sweaty during the summer. Light powder, a more cream-based foundation, and I'll do some eyebrows, gloss and a big thing for me is highlighter. I love cream highlighters, powder highlighters, anything to make me look more sun-kissed is my vibe.
"A lot of people don't like this one because most people are oily or normal-to-oily, but I really love MAKE UP FOR EVER's Cream Foundation Stick. It works perfect for me and it doesn't move. One of my other favorite things right now is Morphe's Brow Pencil because it's more on the waxy side and I like that because it gives me room to build instead of my eyebrows being so dark, and for that natural bushy brow look. Another one of my favorites right now is Glow - it's this highlighter from Patrick Ta. He has some of my favorite lip glosses and highlighters right now."
What self-care looks like to me...
"My boyfriend calls me 'Walgreens'. Maybe it's because I'm a Gemini and I can't do the same thing everyday, but I just love having many body washes to choose from in my shower. Those are must-haves and moisturizers and lotions - I love it. I'm just into it, I try all different kinds, and I have so many different ones. It's just my thing.
"My favorite scents are definitely vanilla, peony, and I like the tobacco-infused candles as well. Mahogany is another favorite of mine."
My travel beauty essentials...
"I think a really cool thing is seeing people travel with masks and stuff, but I haven't gotten there yet. My favorite thing probably in the entire world is my lip moisture or Chapstick, especially because travel makes me drier. Mario Badescu has a really good lip balm that I'm loving right now, as well as that good ole cocoa butter lip balm is my favorite. Another travel must-have is taking some sort of travel-sized face to keep my face routine up while I'm traveling because I just have to exfoliate. If I don't, then I don't feel like my makeup is right and don't feel like I feel good. If I can take some type of exfoliation pad or exfoliating face wash, stuff like that would be amazing."
My most significant beauty lesson...
"Two things that I've learned are [to] sleep with a silk pillowcase and one other one would be masks. I did masks [when I was] a little bit older. I'm really into masks right now and a lot of them help with various different things that could be going on [with my skin]."
For more of Serayah, follow her on Instagram.
Shop Serayah's Beauty Favorites:
Featured image courtesy of Serayah
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images