Even though it feels like January was two days ago, it's now less than two months away; which means the holiday season has crept up on us once again. I can admit that I'm a sucker for Christmas carols, Black Friday shopping, and all things holiday spirit.
But somewhere in between is the temptation and pressure to splurge on new holiday clothes (especially for NYE, okay?!) while still making sure I buy the best of the best gifts for other people.
It's no secret the holiday season is when we really open our wallets and have the "take all my money" spirit more than any other part of the year. But when January 1st hits, our bank accounts are looking at us like we're crazy. Over these past few years of adulting, I've found a balance between being able to save my beloved coins and still spend plenty money like Plies.
1.Under The Christmas Influence.
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One of the most recent lessons I've learned is to not give in to the pressure. I feel like I'm always bringing up the power of social media, but in all honesty, sometimes it adds pressure to go in on gifts for some type of acknowledgement in return. Getting married last year was even more pressure as me and my husband experienced so many firsts together, including our first Christmas. But we made it clear we weren't going to give in to the pressure of trying to show people how much we love each other with gifts. We knew that saving and making sure our home life was intact was what was really important, so we made a deal we wouldn't give each other, or anyone else, any gifts that cost more than $20 per person. Lemme say, $20 goes a long way boo.
Ultimately, if you can just set a budget and a limit to how much you want to spend, you could save so much money and not go overboard only to regret it all when the holiday cheer dies down (because we all know it will).
2.The Who’s Who Of The Christmas List.
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Remember when we were younger (oh the good old days!) and we made a Christmas list of people we wanted to shop for? That list would go on for days! But now that we finally reached that grown level status that we couldn't wait to get to, that list can definitely get Kevin Hart short now. As much as we want to be able to ball out on all of our family and friends, I was one of those people who had to come to terms with just not having the capacity to do that right now. One day, I'll be able to fill their stocking with amazing stuffers that will leave them in awe. But for now, it's okay if your list of Christmas gifts is super short, or it doesn't exist at all.
To be completely transparent, thanks to a major life transition of moving halfway across the country without completely knowing the future, I don't know if anybody will make it on the list this year. And we have to be okay with factors like that. I don't want to go as far as saying, "That's not what Christmas is about anyway… Jesus is the reason for the season." because as true as that can be, it doesn't change the fact that simply being wise in financial decisions, especially around Christmas, even if that means making sacrifices, is what can help secure the bag before the New Year.
3.Get Some Gifts For The Free Free.
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I'm not saying to not spend any money around Christmas. For some of us, that's just unrealistic. But what we can do is get creative for some of the gifts, so we don't have to spend as much money. Whether you want to channel your inner 10-year-old self and give a coupon book like you did for Mother's Day back in the day or making a recipe book for someone who loves to cook, there are actually some really cute free gift ideas out there. And if you put in enough effort, it can be better than a gift you would've paid for.
The holiday season is also the perfect time to cash in on shopper rewards from retailers, grocery stores and credit cards. It might cause for some serious life hacking, but you might be surprised the great things you can get without spending one single coin.
4.The Power Of The Re-Gift.
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Before I go any further, thank you in advance for not judging. But also know I'll never steer you wrong. When it comes to giving gifts, you and I both know that there could be all kinds of gems in your home that someone once gave you that you have yet to use; some of it might even still have the tags on it. Don't be ashamed to give this to someone else who might actually use it. As long as it doesn't look all raggedy, and they can't look at it and tell that you're trying to pull the 're-gift okie doke', this could be another major win for you to save money during the holiday season.
There have been times when I've re-gifted small things, from a mug I never used to a bag that I really didn't want to part ways with and was saving for a special occasion. But ultimately, it's sacrifices like this that really make the holiday season complete. So secure the bag and get creative to make sure you don't go broke this holiday season.
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When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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