So, This Is How To Do Thanksgiving (In A Pandemic)
How crazy is it that we're just days away from Thanksgiving? How even crazier is it that, at least most of us, are trying to figure out how to make this holiday happen when we're still—still, y'all—in the middle of a pandemic? Because let's be real. While when it comes to protecting our overall health and well-being, it would probably be best to sit this year out, since we've already made so many sacrifices, especially socially in 2020, I get that some of you may want to semi throw caution to the wind and share a meal with some of your loved ones anyway.
And that's just what we're gonna tackle today. If you're sick and tired of COVID-19 totally running your life and so you're gonna make Thanksgiving happen, one way or another, here are some things that can significantly decrease your chances of you or your people getting sick as a direct result.
1. Grocery Shop Carefully
Before we get into how to carefully handle the people who will be in your house, let's first get into the main reason they're coming over (other than to see you, of course)—the food! The last thing you want to do is have an awesome day with everyone, only for them to fall ill a few days later. So, have a clear shopping list (the less time that you're in the store, the better). Also, make sure that you try and go grocery shopping during a time when there is less "people traffic" (definitely not a couple of days before Thanksgiving or during the times when most people are off work). Always wear a mask and sanitize the handle of your grocery cart. Fresh produce vs. frozen or canned goods isn't that much of an issue (as far as which is safer when it comes to avoiding COVID-19); however, do make sure that when you get home that you wipe off cans, that you thoroughly rinse your produce and that the foods that needs to be refrigerated are put into a fridge that is set at 40 degrees (your freezer needs to be zero degrees) Fahrenheit. Doing this will decrease the chances of foodborne pathogens developing.
2. Prep Your Home
While you're cooking, clean all surfaces constantly (with soap and water; then follow that up with a disinfectant). Contamination can spread quicker than you might think, so wiping down counters and swapping out dishrags for different things (like using one for dishes and another for cleaning your stove) that you're preparing is important. Oh, and also be intentional about cleaning anything that folks will be touching a lot including door handles, tables, faucets, and light switches. While you won't have time to follow up behind everyone the entire time, wiping these things down right before company arrives, once during their visit, and again after everyone leaves is a good practice.
So that air can be well-ventilated throughout your house, crack open a few windows. You also might want to turn on a humidifier in the space where most people will be hanging out. Aside from the fact that indoor air pollution is automatically 3-5 times worse than anything that's happening outside, dry and poorly ventilated areas also make it easier for germs to spread. I actually read that using a humidifier in the wintertime can lower your risk of getting COVID-19. The more you know, chile.
3. Avoid Potlucking
Here's the thing about potluck. While, on one hand, it takes the burden off of you having to cook as much, the flip side is you don't always know if other people are as semi-OCD as you are when it comes to cleanliness. While this is great food for thought, no matter what, it's especially important to keep this in mind during this pandemic. So, unless you are absolutely at peace with someone bringing a homemade dish, request that your guests bring pre-packaged items like drinks, paper products—stuff like that.
Also, you might want to avoid going the takeout route this Thanksgiving as well. Although I actually wrote an article for the platform earlier this year entitled, "10 Safety Practices For Ordering Takeout (During A Pandemic)", restaurants tend to be slammed during the holiday season, and while it would be wonderful if they were all as cautious as we are with following COVID-19 cleaning protocols, assuming that they are is a risk that you might not wanna take. Because, after all, the only person you can ever truly be sure about is yourself. Right?
4. Go the Paper Products Route
As far as serving your meal to your guests, while properly washing (or dishwashing) dishes and utensils typically knocks out most germs, take extra precaution this year and consider going the paper and plastic products route. That way, people can throw away their plates, forks and cups once they are done. As a bonus, you won't have to do as much clean-up once everyone is gone.
If that is way too "low-end" for you, just make sure that you clean and disinfect every item that you and your guests use. By the way, running your pans, dishes and utensils through a dishwasher is considered to be the most effective for getting rid of germs while letting everything air dry is a fair follow-up alternative. Whatever you do, just make sure to avoid using the same towel for drying everything. Out of all of the drying options, that one basically sucks at preventing germs from spreading.
5. Cut the “Body Count” Down
One of the reasons why a lot of kids continually get sick in daycares is because there are so many of them in a tight space. Five children in a big room is very different than 20 in a smaller one. This line of thinking brings us to my next point. If you have a small gathering of 5-7 people (especially if you live in an apartment or a smaller house), that makes it so much easier for everyone to socially distance than if you've got a houseful. Listen, already opting to host Thanksgiving, in your home, during a pandemic, is a pretty bold feat. Don't you dare feel bad or guilty that you can't invite as many folks as usual. You've still gotta go to work on Monday. The lower your body count is, the better—for all parties involved.
6. Avoid Folks Who Haven’t Been “Acting Right”
I can count on one hand, the amount of people who've been in my home ever (chalk it up to the ambivert in me). Anyway, there is one person, in particular, I had to "put on punishment" because when I tell you that they are out here in these streets, like there isn't a pandemic happening, right at this very moment? Whew. My point? People who aren't wearing masks. Folks who haven't been social distancing. Anyone who even hints at having a fever or cold symptoms. Someone who has recently traveled and hasn't quarantined at all. These are the kinds of people who should skip out on Thanksgiving at your house this year. One workaround is to have them check in on Zoom, Skype or Google Hangout. While it won't be exactly the same, it's safer which ultimately makes it all good.
7. Establish a Strong Hygiene Protocol
Once people step into your house, consider having them take their shoes off and leaving them at the door (so that germs aren't tracked throughout your home). Have some hand sanitizer waiting at the door and/or ask them to wash their hands before actually getting comfortable. When it comes to sneezing and coughing, a minimal amount of that is natural, even when someone is well. That said, make sure that there are tissues on tap and maybe even cough drops or warm tea and honey so that your guests' coughing reflex can be calmed down; the less sneezing and coughing, the less particles of spit that ends up flying around. If there are kids who are coming, make sure that someone sees that they wash their hands before leaving the bathroom, and definitely have no problem with encouraging social distancing, especially if you are hosting indoors.
8. Consider Having Thanksgiving Outdoors
In many cases across the country, global warming has been showing all the way out. A silver lining in this is it's been proven that being around people outdoors (when you're social distancing, of course) is exponentially safer than when you're spending time with them while being inside of a space. So, if the weather permits, why not host Thanksgiving outdoors? Put a picnic table in your backyard (if you've got a backyard) and spread the seats apart. If you like this idea but you're worried that it will be way too cold come the end of November, you can always move Thanksgiving up a bit. Hey, nothing about this year has been conventional. I don't think folks will trip too much about having Thanksgiving dinner with you a week early and then being able to chill at their home on actual Thanksgiving Day.
9. Limit the Time Spent
Here's the thing about COVID-19—the longer that you spend time around an infected individual, the more you significantly increase your chances of them transmitting the virus onto you. According to the CDC, if you spend more than 15 minutes, in close proximity to someone who has COVID-19, you significantly increase your chances of them passing the virus on to you.
Look, we all know that none of us are interested in doing a drive-by Thanksgiving. However, this is a good enough reason to again implement social distancing and not having folks at your crib from noon until midnight.
10. If You’re Flying, Follow CDC Guidelines
So, what if you're not the one who is hosting Thanksgiving but instead, you're traveling to be with relatives or friends this year? Definitely keep your immune system up in the days leading up to your fly-out date (check out "Ready To Try 10 Quick & Easy Immune-Boosting Hacks?" and "10 All-Natural Ways To Avoid Catching A Cold"). If you want to take a test before you leave, many Walgreens and CVS stores offer the service (although it's not the cheapest; CVS is around $140, I believe). Be sure to wear a mask at the airport as well as during the flight. Don't forget to have some hand sanitizer (one that contains around 60 percent alcohol) on tap. While traveling, try and socially distance (remain two arm lengths apart) as much as you can, that you avoid touching others and that you keep your hands off of your eyes, nose, and mouth. (For more info on CDC travel guidelines, click here.)
Oh, if you decide to take a road trip instead, have some disinfecting wipes so that you can wipe down any ATMs or gas pumps that you may come into contact with.
And finally, if you feel, even a little bit under the weather, within 48 hours before traveling, strongly consider not going. Again, it's always better to be safe than sorry.
I know this all might be a bit "much" compared to years past. Yet I'm confident that if you stick to these 10 tips, you can have a pretty normal Thanksgiving. And after all that 2020 brought our way…"normal" is outstanding.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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