#RIPNipsey: A Look Inside The Legacy Of A Real One
It never fails. At the beginning of every year, I say the same thing to one of my closest girlfriends—"I know some people are gonna leave us this year, but I'm never prepared for who." Y'all, we just got into the spring season and already I've been caught totally off guard. James Ingram. Kristoff St. John. Kevin Barnett. And, as a diehard Beverly Hills, 90210 fan while I was growing up, Luke Perry. But there was something about hearing the news of—attributes are not listed in any particular order of importance here—hip-hop artist, philanthropist, entrepreneur, community builder, father, man of Ms. Lauren London and friend to, have mercy so many (just put #RIPNipsey or basically any variation of the hashtag in your Twitter search field for evidence of just how many people knew and loved him) Nipsey Hussle that particularly stung. No, stings.
Aspects and Angles / Shutterstock.com
Before I attempt to do this mini-tribute any sort of justice, let me just say that as someone who lost my father five years ago and my fiancé on the same day that he proposed 24 years ago this fall, there is nothing more annoying than having someone who didn't personally know someone you loved try and tell you—or anyone else—about them. No, I've never met Sir Ermias Asghedom (his birth name). I've also never been to one of his shows or purchased anything from his store (although believe you me, I'll be finding some sort of way to give a few coins in support, in his honor, over the next few weeks). Still, he did make an impact on me in some pretty random-yet-relevant ways. I didn't realize just how much until today.
Nipsey Hussle as a Businessman
I'm pretty sure that most of us have heard the saying "Know your worth and then add tax." It's pretty much a mantra over here on this side. But Nipsey took it to a whole 'nother level when, once upon a time, he decided to charge $100 a pop for his mixtape; he reportedly made (count it) $100,000 in under 24 hours at his pop-up shop.
It shook (and probably shocked) so much of the business world that he was featured in Forbes back in 2013 (Forbes actually checked for him quite a bit afterwards. Also peep "Inside Nipsey Hussle's Blueprint to Become a Real Estate Mogul" that was published this past February). According to Nipsey, he attributed the idea to something he read in the book Contagious: Why Things Catch On (Jonah Berger). That stayed with me because it's a powerful reminder to make a lane rather than wait for someone to open up one for you. Oh, and if you don't know how to do that…READ SOMETHING.
Nipsey Hussle as a Community Activist, Supporter and Selfless Giver
Matthew 6:1-2(NKJV) says, "Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward."
As I read a beautiful piece on Nipsey's life in The Los Angeles Times this morning, something about him reminded me a lot of Prince. I say that because just like Prince did a lot of giving that many of us knew nothing about until he was gone, so did he (check out "Prince, the Secret Philanthropist: 'His Cause Was Humanity'").
Indeed, tears came to my eyes as I read, not just about how Nipsey was in the process of opening a STEM center in the Crenshaw District or how he was also redeveloping a strip mall, but also how it was nothing for him to buy a pair of shoes for teens, provide jobs for the homeless or cover the funeral fees for people who couldn't afford it. Y'all, real giving doesn't need attention or applause. It just needs a source. Nipsey was living evidence of this very fact.
Nipsey Hussle as a Bold AF Voice
Ida B. Wells once said, "The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them." Listen, it's no secret that Nipsey was going to produce a documentary on the late—and for many of us who aren't in the Matrix would dare say "great"—Dr. Sebi. In fact, last night, the good (holistic) doctor was trending on Twitter right along with the tragic news about Nipsey.
I'm not gonna get into all of the conspiracies; time will reveal what needs to be seen and known but in February of 2018, Nipsey went onto The Breakfast Club and (at the 26:53 mark) said some pretty…courageous things about the doctor and why he wanted to give his trial a (louder) voice. The things he said reminded me of something I read that actor Christian Bale once said: "I tend to think you're fearless when you recognize why you should be scared of things, but do them anyway."
To speak up against the government and pharmaceutical companies (Dr. Sebi) and then set out to shine a spotlight on him, Nipsey is fearless personified. Fear stifles. Nipsey appeared to have very little of that. It was even evident in the final tweet that he posted on yesterday—"Having strong enemies is a blessing." A blessing is a form of favor and mercy. I believe Nipsey has been granted both. In a myriad of ways. Some seen. Some unseen.
So what will happen to Nipsey's passion project now? Nick Cannon vowed on his IG that he would pick up the baton. It's touching. It's also a reminder that fearlessness is catching. That's just one more thing that moves me about Nipsey's life.
Nipsey Hussle as a Lover
My fiancé died in a freak car accident. It was so freakish that it's a book all unto itself. One of the strangest things about it is he died at a Shell station on Bell Road in Nashville. What's the big deal? If we had married, my name would've been "Shellie Bell". My nickname growing up was "Shell Bell".
***Deep breath***Last week, I watched the absolutely-adorable-and-totally-infectious GQ video featuring Nipsey and actor, Nipsey's lover and mother of one of his children Kross (he also has a daughter from a previous relationship named Emani), Lauren London. She had to ask her man 30 questions about her (he got 24 of 'em right, by the way). I got chills when they discussed that they met "On Crenshaw and Slauson, at my store."
Whew. One of his "creative babies" is on Crenshaw and Slauson. He met the love of his life (and later created more life with her) on Crenshaw and Slauson. He lost his life on Crenshaw and Slauson. Trust me, unless you lose "the one", you have NO IDEA what it's like. What you may even try and conceptualize doesn't begin to crack the surface. I must say that it did bring some warmth to my heart that Lauren loved a man who was again, fearless, in expressing his love for her; so much so that there is cyberspace documentation that no one can question.
On the red carpet at this year's GRAMMYs, Nipsey captioned a pic with her on his IG that simply said, "Isis and Osiris". On Lauren's birthday back in December, he posted a shot that said, "Happy Birthday 2 A Real One". Last summer, in a pic that had Lauren looking as beautiful as ever (and usual), his caption said, "Been thru a lot...Never folded on me. Love and respect that for life." It's not a ton of words but, let's be real— it's more than a lot of men are willing to publicly declare. Big ups to a man who leaves no doubt as to who he wants, is into and is down for. Big ups also to the men who recognize how real the love between two people are. Black men know how to love Black women. Nipsey made this point very clear.
Nipsey Hussle as a Man with a Short Life Yet a HUGE Legacy
33. Whenever I hear that someone has died at the age of 33, it jolts my spirit. Yehoshua the Christ died at 33. And, so did other people who made an impact in their own special way. Sam Cooke and Donny Hathaway are just two people who immediately come to mind. But when I thought about how one of my friends reacted when he heard the news, I knew that if there was one word to sum up what Nipsey positioned himself for, even in a little over three decades, it's legacy.
Me: "Dude, did you hear about Nipsey Hussle?!"
Him: "I can't believe it! I just bought a shirt at his store a couple of months ago."
My friend is a GRAMMY/Emmy/Dove award-winning producer by the name of SHANNON SANDERS. Because he's been in the industry for so long, we have interesting chats about the smoke-and-mirrors of the scene. But when I asked him what shook him so much about the loss of Nipsey, what he said about what he found to be the genuineness (not perfection but genuineness) of him is how I think I'll bring all of this to a close.
"My grandmother was a part of one of the first graduating classes at Crenshaw High School. Two neighborhoods I know like no other are South Nashville and the Crenshaw District. What I want to know at this point is, how many times do we have to see this narrative? It's so senseless and what I really hate about this instance is [Nipsey] represented the best among us in terms of community aspirations."
"To be killed outside of the doorstep of the empire that he built? It just hurts. But what I pray is that his loss will have a 'dandelion effect'—that what he did will inspire others when it comes to caring for people and building up their own communities. That if there is a silver lining to this tragedy, it's although he went to sleep, it has reminded many of us to wake up."
Hmph. I can't help but apply SHANNON's last line to the final scene in Spike Lee's School Daze. WAKE UP, indeed.
Rest in Peace and Power, Nipsey. We're holding you in our thoughts, hearts and prayers, Lauren. You come from good seed, Emani and Kross. We're up. We're woke. We promise.
Featured image by Andres Tardio.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to 75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned in one of the articles that I read). And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which is the first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/or oral sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I once read a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay, so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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Featured image by Juan Moyano/Getty Images