5 Reasons I'll Still Be Self-Isolating Even After The States Reopen
Everything related to COVID-19 has been a hot mess and a ball of stress. From losing clients and being stuck in the U.S. to having to cancel events and even coping with the death of someone I know---life's been more than challenging these past few months. When I'm not trying to pick up the pieces of my broken travel plans and confused bank account, I'm juggling virtual appointments with my therapist, course assignments for my master's program, incessant Zoom meeting and event invites, and thoughts of saying to hell with it all.
I can definitely empathize with the millions of others in the same boat as me.
So please, bruh… sis, just know this: When outside fully opens for all of us, don't expect me to join you at that brunch table, on the cruise trip, or even for worship service. I don't care how many masks, sprays, and reassurances are given. Ya girl won't be in the building. Period.
I know some states and countries have lifted some restrictions, and people are out and about, but I'll still be self-isolating until I feel super-comfortable deep down in the pits of my soul to join the masses again. Hey, I won't shame you or try to convince you to do the same. I'll just let you know 5 reasons why I'm choosing caution over comfort:
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1. I've found career direction, money savvy, and discipline by staying inside.
Initially, I was very depressed and angry about being forced to remain in the same place for an extended period of time. (I mean, it's one thing to make a choice not to go anywhere. It's another for borders to be closed.) I also, obviously, did not like the initially negative impact COVID-19 had on my income streams. However, time at home has forced me to center my thoughts, get more creative, and reevaluate the services I offer and who I offer them to.
When you're distracted by too many choices, you sometimes get so caught up in it all that you lose sight of your long-term goals and what truly makes you happy. I thought I'd escaped the rat race of a 9-to-5 by going freelance full-time, but I found myself on another hamster wheel of entrepreneurship that wasn't really serving me. One client loss actually led me to a realization about a service I offer that I don't even enjoy doing---one that wasn't bringing in much money to begin with. COVID-19 forced me to essentially let go of dead weight and reevaluate the return on investment of time and energy.
I've also consulted branding managers, revamped my Website, got a new therapist, attended cool virtual events (that I would've been too busy to consider attending in-person), and found other skills I can market to make a coin. I think I have more self-work and re-focusing to do, so inside I'll be for a little while longer.
2. I can contribute to the good of the environment.
While I know governments have to make tough decisions that affect society as a whole, I can make my own choices about my body, my health, and my safety. Some of the affects of quarantine have been positive for the environment anyway. Experts have found that pollution and greenhouse gas emissions have decreased since the pandemic began, and though the positive effects might subside, this is good news for now.
Just because quarantines are lifted and businesses can open doesn't mean I have to immediately go back to life as usual. There's no law that says I have to go outside when everything opens up again. It's that simple.
I'm not an essential worker, my line of work can be done from anywhere that has WIFI and electricity, and I think it will be helpful to the community as a whole to help lessen the load of accommodating so many people who will be flooding the streets.
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3. I've adopted healthier habits and lost weight.
Yep, even with all the take-out and delivery food. Before the nationwide quarantine and business closures, I loved going out to eat and I only worked out when I felt like it. I'd have a meal at a restaurant at least three times a month. I enjoy the experience of having a chef cook and not having to do dishes or shop for groceries. When quarantines were mandated, I craved restaurant food, so I'd order delivery or takeout. Sadly, many restaurants are ill-equipped or lack proper infrastructure for effective delivery service, even when partnering with third-party apps.
After two very popular delivery platforms utterly disgusted me---offering cold, low-quality food, horrible drop-offs, and high fees---I decided to fast. I initially did two weeks---for the first, only water and tea, and the second, soups and liquids.
I really didn't start the fast to lose weight since fasts, for me, are related to spiritual and mental health, however, it doesn't hurt that I've lost 10 lbs so far.
I plan to continue. It's my way to take focus off unhealthy eating habits, detach from relying on restaurant meals, and release anger about wasted time and money. I plan to go vegan for a while once I break my fast (another lifestyle change I've done in the past and enjoyed).
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4. I was a germ-conscious introvert before COVID-19, and being so has suited me just fine.
No shade to people who are the total opposite---again, this is not to shame anyone for how they choose to live their lives---but I can count on one hand how many times I've been hospitalized or even extremely sick. I have always been a big fan of staying home if there are any semblance of symptoms of any sort of contagious ailment such as the common cold or flu. I was that kid who would not share food or candy with anybody, and don't get me started on toilet seats, cups, and utensils. I'm notorious for not letting people do things like dip their hands in a bag of chips or double dip a spoon in a sauce or soup.
I'm still a bit of a germaphobe---someone who doesn't allow "outside clothes" on or in my bed, washes clothing (no matter the color) in hot water, wears shower shoes in bathtubs I didn't clean myself (yes, even at hotels), and keeps handy bottles of sanitizer in my purse, in my car, and in almost every cupboard of the house.
After more than a decade of living in New York, falling victim to bedbugs from an apartment rental gone bad, and having a major health scare in my late teens, I stepped up the sanitation and germ-conscious game and never looked back. And I know, sis, I know: There are people who have done it all and still, unfortunately, got sick. However, experts have said, time and time again, that the more you can lessen exposure to germs and bodily fluids, the better your chances are of staying healthy.
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5. I need more evidence of a lower risk of contracting COVID-19.
So many stories are going around about the risks of getting COVID-19, the strain its caused for the healthcare system, and how a "mutant" version of it is anticipated to emerge in the near future. I'm not one to live by fear, but survivors of the virus have even said they do not think it a good idea to reopen businesses and reschedule recreational activities with groups so soon. And though there are vaccines under development, there is no vaccine readily available to the average consumer, according to reports.
A simple trip to the store for essentials has shown me that many don't follow directions and won't respect the six-foot advisement of social distancing anyway. I still see people gathering in groups conversing with no masks, people not washing their hands or using hand sanitizer, people using their bare hands to test fruits and vegetables, people coughing or sneezing without covering their mouths or using the inside of their elbows… I could go on and on. Even if I chose to do some of my favorite things outdoors--- sit on a beach, read at the library, have a meal on an outdoor veranda, or get on a plane---I can't do it with 100-percent confidence that I won't have an anxiety attack or be exposed to the virus.
Folks, I'd rather be safe than sorry, and to be honest, going back to life as usual for a brunch date, movie night or overseas trip just isn't in the cards for me right now. I will continue to pray, sanitize, self-isolate, self-motivate, and take things as slowly as I feel comfortable doing.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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