If there is one summer when folks who don't believe in climate change (what in the world?!) should definitely get this side-eye, this one would have to be the one. Y'all, I live in the South, so I'm used to the summertime being mad humid. Still, when it comes to the heat that the sun is giving this year? I'll put it to you this way — currently, I am like the seniors who try and run errands at 7 a.m. or after 7 p.m. to avoid it. Straight up.
That's why I totally get that some people are all about big chopping this season. Shoot, for most of my adult life, my hair has been some variation of short (no exaggeration), so I totally get it. Still, as someone who has big chopped and also sometimes regretted it due to it being more emotionally-driven than a well-thought out plan, if you're someone who is strongly considering doing it, in order to make sure that you won't find yourself crying in your bathroom mirror from now through Labor Day, I wanted to offer up a few things to think about before you pull out your clippers or make an appointment with your stylist.
1.Have You Ever Big Chopped Before?
Here's been my personal experience with big chopping — unless your hair is really long and you've never gone super short before, it's not really the length that's the issue. No, the challenges actually come with 1) finding a cut that suits the shape of your head; 2) deciding if you want to relax your hair, texturize it (which is a form of mildly relaxing it) or go all-natural, and/or 3) figuring out which products to use. And because a lot of people tend to big chop impulsively, that means they didn't devote enough time to doing any real preparing which can ultimately freak them out once their hair is off of their head and in a sink somewhere.
That's why, if you happen to be a "big chop virgin", it's so important that you think about all of the points that I just made all the way through. While different lengths and styles do complement some more than others, I'll be honest when I say that it's rare when I've seen a big chop go awry; that is, when the cut is dope, the styling is on-point and the person carrying it is confident. Preparing ahead of time makes all of this possible.
2.Is It a Weather-Triggered Response?
Like I said in the intro, it's hot. LAWD, IT'S HOT. Yet just like Loretta Devine's character said in the seriesThe Client List about the weather, the same thing applies to seasons — "give it some time and it'll change". While right now, it might seem like the heat is never gonna end, the reality is that, this year, autumn officially begins on September 22. It's a reminder that seasons only last for (roughly) three months and where I'm going with this is, if you're thinking about cutting all of your hair ONLY because the heat is too much to bear, that sounds like an emotionally-charged decision. Oftentimes, moving in that space is not a good look (no pun intended); especially when it comes to making choices that you've got to live with for a while. While our hair is always growing (1/4-1/2" a month), it does require patience to gain real inches. So, if you're only considering big chopping as a way to get some much-needed heat relief, I would strongly consider pumping the brakes.
3.Is This a Hair Transition-Related Decision?
Some people opt for big chopping during the summer season because it's not uncommon for folks to go at least a few inches shorter when it's hot outside; this means that it could be a great time to transition from chemically-treated hair to an all-natural look. I'll be honest, if this is your reason for cutting your hair off, I think it's a wise move because the whole "keep your straight hair while growing out your natural texture" can be a bit taxing because that can oftentimes lead to a significant amount of breakage, if you're not careful. Plus, it can emotionally take you through it a bit if it's been FOREVER since you've even dealt with your natural hair. Learning its texture, adjusting to shrinkage, etc. might make you say "F it" and go back to relaxing. In fact, big chopping is usually for the sake of going immediately from chemically-treated to natural. Still, if you're not ready to lose all of your inches in one sitting, there is always another route that you can take. This brings me to my next point.
4.What About a Protective Style?
Something that can help to keep impulsive people from cutting their hair before they are truly ready and transitioning folks from becoming stressed the hell out as they are growing out their natural hair is protective styles. Some summers, I will do nothing but put my hair into box braids; it leads to low-maintenance and absolutely no regrets. Some pretty popular looks this year include stitched cornrows, flat-twist updos, medium-sized box braids, Bantu knots, braided faux hawks and mini twists. If you take good care of them, most of these looks can last you 3-4 weeks (at least) which will either get you through the summer heat or buy you more time for you to figure out if you really want to go short — or not.
5.Have You Discussed This with a Professional Stylist (Yet)?
The first time that I big chopped, my late fiancé literally pulled out a set of clippers and gave me an immediate low Caesar. It was the early-mid 90s and pretty "buck" at the time; although I must say that, in hindsight, I probably would've gotten a professional stylist to do it because well, they're a professional.
Listen, I know it seems so revolutionary to pull out some shears, stare yourself in the mirror and go absolutely ham on your head yet if you don't know what the hell you are doing, it can result in a mini-nervous breakdown because your hair will end up looking like it. Sometimes — no, many times — the anxiety surrounding a big chop has little to do with the length and everything to do with the cut.
That's why I strongly recommend that if you've got a professional stylist, you should run your thoughts by them. Not only can they help you to come up with a look that is the most flattering, they can also put together a hair regimen that you can realistically keep up with. That last part actually brings me to my final point.
6.Do You Get That a Short ‘Do Also Requires Maintenance?
Back when my hair was really short, two things that I adored was being able to cut it myself (learned to perfect it over the years) and being able to get-up-and-go without a lot of prep time and sometimes even drama. Still, when it's super short, cuts have to happen on the regular and when it's kinda short, you've gotta figure out what products truly work for your hair and that ain't always no crystal stair. Even when I had a relaxed mohawk (which was super cute), relaxing it sucked during the summer because I would sweat and then my sides would stick out like a porcupine.
Moral to the story? If you've been telling yourself that big chopping will free you from having to do your hair, on some levels, that couldn't be further from the truth. It's just a different kind of work. So again, think things through and choose wisely. Oh, and if you do chop it all and end up regretting it, remember that hair always grows back and a protective style can hold you down. Now, after reading all of this — big chop or no?
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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