Quarantine Revealed What Was Really Missing In My Dating Life
Despite the length of time that I have been single, it has been a very interesting journey that has been filled with many lessons learned. To be quite honest, I experienced the same toxic scenarios repeatedly because I was too stubborn to implement wisdom in my situations. I was the type of woman that easily fell for the lame lines, unfulfilled promises, sketchy characters and "obvious" lies from men. Nonetheless, I would not change my past because it cultivated me into the woman that I am today.
Throughout my singleness, I have gone on dates with men who were worth getting to know and others where our interaction should have just remained as only a phone conversation. Regardless of which category the man fell in, they all had something in common; it did not last.
There have been many moments that I contemplated why my interest or excitement for those guys drastically faded. Especially with the men who many would deem as decent and this year was the year that I discovered why.
Being in quarantine has been a difficult transition that forced many of us to stop, reflect and sit in our emotions and thoughts. It has even brought out the dust that many of us have swept under the rug for years. That is what the quarantine did to me as it relates to my previous dating experiences. More specifically, it revealed what was really missing in my dating life.
For the past several months, I have taken an inventory of what I really needed and desired when it came down to finding a partner through listening to a variety of podcasts, reading books, meditating on the Bible, prayer, processing my thoughts and emotions through in-depth girl talks and journaling. All of which has led me to a revelation that intimacy was the very thing I was lacking in my dating life.
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No, I am not talking about sexual intimacy but an emotional, spiritual and mental one. When you are locked away from fancy dinners, concerts, events and anything that involves a large population, you tend to overlook the value and importance of one's emotional, mental and spiritual status.
This new norm of going on picnics, taking more walks, being at less crowded outdoor dining restaurants has forced many to not just share fun facts about themselves; but to actually talk and attentively listen.
Think about it, the last thing you need during the climate of our world is to let your mind rot during this pandemic. Many of us have realized the true importance of what it means and looks like to be emotionally, spiritually and mentally healthy and available.
With that newfound realization, I realized that my time spent with men had to be more than just entertainment and photo ops, I needed sanity and peace.
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I craved to be grounded in the Word of God by a man who had the unapologetic attitude to pray for me or send me an encouraging Bible verse after having an exhausted day as a Black woman. I did not need to go to a concert nor did I need a glass of red wine; I needed to feel such a deep connection that made me feel like the guy could possibly be a safe place for me.
That was an area in which I lacked. I was overly distracted by the glamour of dates that I overlooked the emotional, mental and spiritual capacity of my date.
However, being in quarantine revealed how invaluable emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy really is for me. I discovered that it is the very thing that keeps me intrigued and engaged. All of this may sound "obvious" to many but to some, it is a newfound understanding that will shape our minds to fully grasp that this level of intimacy is what really makes two people genuinely like each other and not just tolerate one another.
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Joy is a 2x Author, Empowerment Speaker, and Strategy Coach. Her platform, Speak With Joy, mission is, "To empower and equip Women and Young Adults to speak with JOY despite life's circumstances in the area of FAITH, PURPOSE, and RELATIONSHIPS".
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Megan Thee Stallion Shares Her Transformative Approach To Health And Wellness
Megan Thee Stallion is back and better than ever — both physically and mentally.
ForWomen’s Health May/June 2024 cover, the 29-year-old rapper bared all, opening up about her healing journey following the aftermath of the July 2020 shooting incident by rapper Tory Lanez.
“A lot of people didn’t treat me like I was human for a long time,” she told the publication. “I feel like everybody was always used to me being the fun and happy party girl. I watched people build me up, tear me down, and be confused about their expectations of me.”
She continued, “As a Black woman, as a darker Black woman, I also feel like people expect me to take the punches, take the beating, take the lashings, and handle it with grace. But I’m human.”
While the “Savage” artist exudes confidence through her stage presence and boisterous lyrics, behind the scenes, Megan was experiencing a silent battle with her mental health. “Before I went onstage, I would be crying half the time because I didn’t want to [perform], but I also didn’t want to upset my fans,” she says.
With pressures from the outside world piling up, Megan experienced “dark times,” that caused her to isolate from the public eye.
“I didn’t want to get [out] from under the covers,” she recalls. “I stayed in my room. I would not turn the lights on. I had blackout curtains. I didn’t want to see the sun. I knew I wasn’t myself. It took me a while to acknowledge that I was depressed. But once I started talking to a therapist, I was able to be truthful with myself.”
The “Wanna Be” rapper also details her current workout slip and diet that work hand in hand, giving her the mental clarity and stamina to perform at her highest level. For four to five days a week, Megan is locked in with one of her two trainers, Emory “Joc” Bernard and Tim Boutte, doing a variety of workouts like Pilates, running up and down sand hills at the beach, or hitting the StairMaster or elliptical for upwards of 40 minutes.
Best known for her “Megan knees,” leg day is a must — with hip thrusts, goblet squats, leg extensions, and “stallion kicks,” being included in her circuits.
With a combination of therapy, stepping away from imbalanced relationships, and daily movement, the Houston Hottie has since been able to reconnect with herself on a deeper level; putting her happiness before the opinions of others. “Working on myself made me get into working out because I needed to focus my energy somewhere else,” she shares. “I used working out to escape and to get happy.”
“I’m in a space where I feel good mentally, so I want to look as good as I feel.”
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Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images