Ready To “Prep” Your Vagina For The Fall & Winter Seasons?
I don't know about y'all, but autumn is my absolute favorite time of the year. As I was thinking about all of the things that I adore about it, I reminded myself that it's now time to get my va-jay-jay ready for cooler weather. What? Is there a light chuckle coming out of you as you stare at your monitor like I've completely lost my mind? While it might seem that way at first, you might be surprised how "winterizing your vagina" can actually do wonders for your overall health and well-being.
So, take a moment out of your crazy day to check out some of the things that I do to get my vagina in gear for fall and winter. Things that makes even "her" happy that this time of year has finally arrived—and can actually do wonders for your own if you're open to giving these tips a shot.
1. Up Your Probiotics
Yeeeeeah. Let's not act like October 31 (Halloween) through January 1 (New Year's Day) doesn't officially mark the time when a lot of us tend to consume more sweets than we do the rest of the year. When there's too much sugar in our bodies, that can actually trigger something that absolutely none of us want—a yeast infection. If you've ever wondered how in the world that happens, it's because, when sugar gets to a point of compromising our immune system, that can make it difficult for our immunity to prevent the overproduction of yeast within our body.
Something that can help to keep the good bacteria thriving in our system (so that sugar doesn't overtake our system) is upping our probiotic intake. First, try and get into the habit of taking a probiotic supplement that has somewhere around 10 billion colony-forming units (you can check out a list of 2020's best probiotics for women here). Also, it definitely can't hurt to consume foods that contain probiotics too. Some of those include fermented foods like pickles, kefir, miso, kombucha, Gouda and cheddar cheese and even beer.
2. Drink Some Hot Apple Cider
I don't know about y'all, but to me, a signature drink for fall (and winter) is hot apple cider. If you've ever wondered what the difference is between it and regular ole' apple juice, the long/short of it is apple juice goes through a filtration process that hot apple cider does not. Anyway, if you happen to be someone who knows that your estrogen levels are naturally low, that could throw your pH balance off which could also trigger a yeast infection. Drinking cider (or juice or eating apples) can help to keep your estrogen levels at a good place because apples contain phytoestrogens which are basically a plant compound that mimics how estrogen affects your body. (By the way, some other foods that contain phytoestrogens include pomegranates, garlic, carrots, potatoes, cherries, dried beans and even coffee.)
3. Watch the Alcohol Intake
Listen, I'm all for y'all turning up with a glass or a bottle from time to time. But balance is key. If you decide to use the fall and winter seasons to turn into a lush in these streets, it could end up wreaking havoc on your vagina and your sex life. The reason why is because too much alcohol consumption can actually lead to vaginal dryness as well as fatigue. So, anything more than a cup or two of mulled wine or glass of spiked eggnog a day might be pushing it. Either drink two glasses of water per serving of the booze or go without more than you initially planned to this year. Your va-jay-jay and libido will be thankful.
4. Keep Some Olive Oil in Tow
Here's something that you might've noticed but not given a ton of thought to. It's actually pretty common that your vagina can end up feeling dryer during the colder months of the year. The reason why is because things like too much alcohol, taking cold/flu medication or sleeping without a humidifier on in your bedroom (more on that in a bit) can all contribute to your vagina not getting the moisture that it needs. Something that can counter all of this is rubbing your vulva down with a little bit of olive oil.
Not only does it serve as a great moisturizer and natural lubricant (so long as you don't accompany it with condoms; oil oftentimes breaks condoms down), olive oil contains loads of antioxidants, a respectable amount of Vitamin E, and anti-inflammatory properties that can help to soothe any minor irritation that your vagina may be experiencing at any given time. Just make sure that you use extra virgin olive oil because, the purer the oil is, the better it will be for your sensitive genital region.
5. Grow Out Your Pubes
Personally, I see my vagina as being a big girl like the rest of me, so I prefer to have some hair on "her". The couple of times when I tried going totally bare, I felt like I was in elementary school again. But, as with most things in life, to each their own, right? Earlier this year, I wrote a piece for the platform on how even pubic hair has trends (you can check it out here) and yes, even when it comes to our pubes, there are all kinds of routes that you can take. However, since pubic hair does help to cushion the friction caused by penetration, it reduces the risk of getting an STD (because the hair can help to keep tiny nicks from occurring that could lead to transmission of infected bodily fluids), it helps to keep debris from actually getting into your vagina and, as an extra bonus, it helps to keep "her" warmer—if you're someone who goes bald or even has a little strip, why not grow it out, just a little bit more, this fall season? You might be surprised by how much you like it and how much more comfy you will feel if you do.
6. Get Some Wool Underwear
OK, so here's something that I bet you never contemplated before. While it's great to wear cotton (preferably organic cotton) panties so that your va-jay-jay can breathe if you want to keep her extra warm, get yourself a few wool ones. I know, it might sound crazy but the reality is that wool is a fabric that doesn't hold onto moisture which means that they are actually better at keeping your vagina from trapping in too much moisture which could lead to infections up the road. As a bonus, it doesn't hold on to odor either.
Who knew, chile? By the way, if you want to treat yourself to some wool drawers, Ice Breaker and Woolx are two sites that sell them.
7. Purchase a Lubricant Warmer
How cute is this? If you're someone who's getting more and more into using lubrication during sex, first, check out "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go". Then, do yourself a big favor and pick up a lubricant warmer. Love My Pulse is a company that actually sells massage oils, condom-friendly lubricants and yep, a lubricant dispenser that warms up your oils and lubes. I won't lie, it ain't cheap ($199). But again, if you are a fan of lubricant, I don't see how this couldn't be the kind of gift that just keeps on giving. Straight up.
8. Cop a Sex Toy Warmer Too
While you're out here shopping for your vagina, if sex toys are totally your thing, why not get yourself a sex toy warmer as well? Experience Warm is a company that offers a sex toy warmer (that looks a lot like a wallet) that will warm up, pretty much any sex toy you've got, in 15-20 minutes. This one will run you around a hundred bucks, but if you're sick of using your hands to make your favorite toy of choice feel even a little bit like room temperature, this could be the perfect solution.
9. Sleep with a Humidifier
Dry air is a major issue in the fall and winter season, in part, because we tend to rely more on the warm air that flows out of our HVAC units. But when that dry air doesn't have any moisture in it, not only can that increase the air pollution in your house, it can also make you more susceptible to colds, cause your sinuses to clog up, and definitely dry out your hair, skin, scalp and yes, your vagina. You can combat this by putting a humidifier in your bedroom. It's one of the best ways to give your skin (and genitalia) the moisture that it needs while promoting a better quality of sleep in the process.
10. Invest in Some Flannel Sheets
I don't care what time of year it is, you should make it your ambition to sleep in the nude. One of the benefits mentioned in our article, "Yes, Sleeping Naked Could Help Your Anxiety & Sleep Pattern" is it's another way to reduce your chances of getting a yeast infection because your vagina is able to breathe (and not accumulate excess moisture) throughout the night. Sleeping naked can also help your body to regulate your hormones and metabolism while increasing your melatonin levels, so that you're able to sleep more soundly. If you're hesitant to do this during the fall and winter because it's colder and you don't want to turn up your electronic thermostat to the point where you'll be dead ass broke come March, get yourself some flannel bedding or some jersey knit ones. Both are warm, mad comfortable and make sleeping naked a pleasure from now until the spring season arrives. You'll love 'em, your vagina will love 'em and it'll be all good—no matter how cold it gets. It's one of the absolute best ways to winterize your vagina. Trust. Me. #wink
Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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I mean, you see the title. You know what it is. LOL. I will share the inspiration for this real quick before diving all the way in.
I must admit that I don’t watch The Real Housewives franchises all that much. There are several reasons why, yet the main one is there seem to be less and less actual wives on the show, so — the title is hella misleading. Sometimes, when I’m channel surfing (is it just me or does it seem like we’ve all got a ton of channels with not much merit on ANY of them?), I’ll find myself intrigued. And so, not too long ago, when the ladies ofThe Real Housewives of Potomac got into the topic of who swallows — yes, sperm and semen — Robyn Dixon copped to it while everyone else looked appalled, two things came to my mind.
One, what do women think that men go through when they go down on them? It’s not like it’s exactly the Sahara Desert down there, so how would they feel if their partner got up and “spit them out” during oral sex? And two — an article that I wrote for the platform years ago that received quite a bit of traction is “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” and when it comes to how good it can do your body? Sperm and semen (the fluid that carries it) are loaded with protein, reduce stress, boost moods, help with balancing hormones, and reduce inflammation, is basically a supreme multivitamin and can even extend your longevity.
Now, am I saying that swallowing is like a trip to Baskin Robbins? No. Yet, my personal opinion is that the texture/consistency, more than the taste itself, is what takes some getting used to (tell your man that water and a high vitamin C diet do indeed help in both departments). Either way, though, a lot of the…let’s go with trepidation that a lot of women have is in their mind more than anything. And besides, it’s not like there aren’t some proven hacks that can help to…“make the medicine go down” more easily.
Listen, I know that some women are never gonna be sold on swallowing. I also know that far too many men have told me that it definitely takes experiencing fellatio to an entirely different level. So, if you’re open to giving swallowing (more of) a shot, I wanted to help you out by providing some hacks that could very well…turn you into a swallowing master.
Take a deep breath. Exhale. Now let’s get into it.
1. Suck on a Mint
GiphyOkay, so if you have tasted semen (I’m gonna go with that from now on since sperm “travels” in it) before and you just can’t seem to get past how bitter or salty it is, one thing that can help is to suck on a peppermint or Altoids before the act begins. It can help to mask the taste — plus, the sensation of the menthol is something that a lot of men enjoy experiencing because it provides a sensation of coolness that, when combined with the suction sensation, is pretty incomparable.
2. Put Your Tongue Down
GiphyI’ll never forget playing a round of Never Have I Ever with some friends back in the day, and when the topic of swallowing came up, one of them said that what she does is she asks the guy to let her know (either by vocalizing it or tugging on her hair) when he’s about to cum and she puts her tongue down until/while he does. Meaning, that she stretches out her tongue and tries to lay it as flat on the bottom of her mouth as possible. What this does is prevent you from tasting most of the semen (especially since it shoots out during ejaculation at around 25-28 MPH). Again, just make sure that he gives you a heads-up. You don’t want to choke because you weren’t exactly…well, prepared.
3. Deep Throat It
GiphyAnyone who knows about Lil’ Kim (whose flow still rivals just about any and every female rapper in my opinion) and her lyrics can vouch for the fact that it’s rare when she’s not gonna find some kind of way to say “deep throat” at least once per song (LOL). For instance, I was listening to “Freaky Gurl” (featuring Ludacris and Lil' Kim) not too long ago, and yep — she talked about it. I’m thinking that most people know exactly what deep-throating is; however, just to be sure, it’s the act of taking as much of a man’s shaft into your mouth until it feels like it’s hitting the back of your throat; that way, you barely notice your partner’s ejaculate at all. Now, if you’ve got a gag reflex, the next tip is what will get you through it.
4. Tuck Your Thumb into Your Fist
GiphyDid you know that if you put your left thumb into your fist and then squeeze, it relaxes your throat? I’m dead serious. The method behind the madness is it hits the pressure point that helps to suppress your gag reflex. Might sound odd but hey — don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, chile. While we’re here, there are also throat-numbing sprays that will reduce the chances of you gagging, too. One is here. Another is here. And still, one more is here.
5. Become a Human Vacuum
GiphyThis one right here? I mean, the tip is exactly what it sounds like. The more passive you are about, umm, “receiving him,” means you will have more time where the ejaculate lingers in your mouth. On the flip side, the more intentional you are about sucking more during the time when he’s cumming, the faster it all comes out, the less you will taste anything. Oh, and LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING (and yes, I am totally yelling here!), it’s also the more you just got him to want you on a whole ‘nother level. Human vacuums change lives out here. Straight up.
6. Bring Flavored Lube into the Mix
GiphyBringing lubricant into your boudoir is beneficial on a myriad of levels (check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant”). As far as giving oral sex goes, flavored lube is bomb because not only can it help your taste buds to focus on it more than semen, but if we’re gonna be real, the textures are quite similar — which, when you really stop to think about it, is proof that a lot about swallowing is all up in women’s heads because, who do you hear complain about putting lubricant in their mouth? And since the lube and semen are quite similar, if you have some lubricant in your mouth as you’re performing the act, it will make things super slippery, which is a win for him, and harder for you to detect the semen, which is a win for you.
7. Incorporate a Sex Condiment
GiphyAnd what if you’re someone who actually does loathe the taste and consistency of lube? How about incorporating what I call “sex condiments” (check out “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”)? Honey. Frosting. Whipped Cream. Fruit Puree. These are just some of the things that, if you enjoy how they taste, they too can make swallowing so much more of a pleasant experience for you.
8. Keep Your Favorite Drink Beside You
GiphyBack in the day, when we had to take a medicine that we didn’t like, drinking something that we enjoyed right after helped to “wash it all down.” Along these same lines, if you’re only even merely considering swallowing in order to please your partner, keep a favorite drink on your nightstand to see how that works for you. It really will help to get the taste and texture out of your mouth rather quickly. Plus, you can look at it as a “reward” for doing an act that was so…selfless.
9. Go the “69” Route
GiphySometimes, all you need to do in order to become an expert swallower is incorporate a bit of distraction — and I’m not sure that anything tops the number (which is also a sex position) 69 when it comes to that. Listen, I wish I could find y’all the Instagram (they need to do better with their searches). I saw a few weeks ago where a sistah was talking about how she has absolutely no problem cooking at any time of the day or night for her partner. Why? “Why wouldn’t I make sure my eater eats? Are y’all dumb? It’s hard to find a good eater in these streets.” She ain’t neva lied. And when you’ve got someone who has you damn near losing your own mind — one, you want to please him back, and two, you’re usually too caught up to be focused on if he’s about to cum or not. Yeah, out of all of the hacks, this one reigns supreme. Get into that 69. Not sure how you could regret it. Him either.
10. Stop Overthinking It
GiphyTo be honest with y’all, whether you follow through on these hacks or not, nothing is going to seem like it helps if you’re constantly overthinking what the experience is going to be like. Just like overthinking, in general, causes anxiety and stress, makes it difficult for you to concentrate, results in you second-guessing your decisions, and can make you create problems that don’t actually exist — it can definitely manifest in those ways when it comes to performing and completing, fellatio. So why make things harder — no pun intended — than it has to be?
Make the decision. Stop thinking that it’s gonna be worse or more than it is. And enjoy the hacks and the experience. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the more your man will appreciate you for it. Hands down — remember tongue down, too. #wink
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