10 Married Couples Told Me How They Deal With 'Pet Peeves'
The lead quote that I just shared? For the record, I hope that most of y'all know that it's shared I jest. Well, kinda. While it definitely should be no one's life goal to find ways to annoy someone else (lawd), the reality is we're all human. And when we sign up to share a living space with another person, long-term, there are going to be things that they do that annoys us just like there are gonna be things that we do that annoys them. Not on purpose. Just because.
Another term for annoy is "pet peeve" and if there's one thing that I find myself dealing with, when it comes to married couples, it's them figuring out how to navigate through their own pet peeves about one another, so that they can have more peace—even fun—so that they're less irritated, bothered…annoyed with one another.
Thankfully, 10 couples that I know were willing to share with me how they get through some of the things about each other that would technically fall into the pet peeve category. My goal in you seeing them is, if you take note of their issues and approach, it can either help you to work through what annoys you in your own marriage or, if you're single, further prepare you for what could definitely be in store someday. Are you ready to figure out how to deactivate daily marital triggers? Let's go.
1. The Taylors. Married 3 Years. Morning Routine.
Husband: "The thing that I wasn't prepared for was the fact that my wife is an early riser. I mean, early. And she wakes up hyper, happy and sometimes horny. I know that sounds awesome to you single folks but when you've got kids and sometimes have only had 4-5 hours of rest, someone humming and opening curtains at 5-6 a.m. isn't fun. I used to snap about it which got us off to a bad start. Now, I ask her to cuddle for 10 minutes or so. It helps me to ease into waking up. And not being jolted makes me more pleasant. Even though I prefer sex at night, it can make morning sex more appealing too."
Wife: "Can you see me rolling my eyes? I know you can. Who turns down morning sex? This guy. This guy right here. What caused me to feel less rejected was realizing that I'm basically my husband around midnight when he'd prefer to get it in. As far as him hating the morning, I used to feel like we should begin the day together. For the past year or so, I usually just leave him alone and take advantage of the quiet time by myself. At least once a week, he's got to get up, though. He knows why."
2. The Johnsons. Married 7 Years. Living Habits.
Husband: "I hate a messy kitchen. My wife hates a messy bathroom. For me, when dishes are left in the sink, I'm pissed. For her, if there are towels on the bathroom floor, I won't hear the end of it. The solution? I clean the kitchen most of the time and she cleans the bathroom. Life gets a lot easier when you accept that your spouse isn't gonna see life the way that you do. Rather than us both arguing over why our partner doesn't see things our way, it's best to just figure out the easiest way to get things done. Remember that and you'll have a lot less drama in your life."
Wife: "My husband's closet looks crazy. I mean, CRAZY. It drives me up the wall, but we don't share one. Ladies, men didn't sign up to marry their mama, auntie or big sister. Walking around, dictating how they should live is the best way to cause them to shut down and shut you out. I rarely have to go in his closet for anything, so that's how I handle it. What I don't see won't hurt me. I just make sure he knows that I don't want what's in his closet to be in our shared living space. It took a minute, but we've found our groove on that."
"Life gets a lot easier when you accept that your spouse isn't gonna see life the way that you do. Rather than us both arguing over why our partner doesn't see things our way, it's best to just figure out the easiest way to get things done."
3. The Richardsons. Married 11 Years. Finances.
Husband: "S—t. This is what no one really gets until they get married. It's really hard to always find your spouse appealing when you're arguing over bills and budgeting. A business partner for a wife is A LOT. Plus, my wife and I don't see the same way about money. At all. She's more of a 'If I got it, why not spend it?' while I'm more of a 'We don't have it if we don't have passive income yet'. I used to get really pissed because she seemed reckless with spending. Eventually, we found a way to set aside a certain amount of money each month that she can go ham on and a certain amount that we save. I can't tell you that I'm thrilled with our arrangement because a lot of what she gets seems like a waste of money to me but hell, marriage is about compromise, right? If you ain't ready to do that, damn near every day, don't get married. Don't. Get. Married."
Wife: "When we were dating? Girl, my husband could romance with the best of 'em. A big spender too. That's why I was thinking that we saw money from the same perspective. We absolutely don't. It was like the minute he put my three-carat ring on my finger, he damn near became a miser. What I had to learn was a man wooing you and providing for you can be very different things—he wooed me to get me and now he's more concerned with providing for my needs. That way of thinking is something that I had to learn to respect and appreciate. Don't get me wrong, a brotha still has to date a sistah. I've just learned that him pulling back the coins is about making sure I'm good."
4. The Talberts. Married 5 Years. Sex.
Husband: "Married sex is better than a lot of my friends said that it was. I think some of them chose the wrong partner but that's on them. My main pet peeve is that sometimes my wife can get lazy when it comes to sex. Like, she's always down to have it but she's sometimes like, 'How can we get this done in under 10 minutes?' when I like to draw it out like we did when we were dating. She says it's because she likes sex but has a ton of other things to do. I've just learned to get in where I fit in and try and create romantic scenarios where she wants to have sex for longer periods of time. It's not perfect but it's ideal."
Wife: "I married a lover and I love that. The sex is so good and, I'm not just saying this because he's in earshot but, my hubby really is the best partner I've ever had. The thing I wasn't prepared for is having to have sex all of the time. Like, all of the time. When I was single, if I wanted to do it every day for a week or only once a month, it was all good. Everything was on my terms. Married sex isn't like that. You have to take your partner's needs into account. Negotiating sex can be annoying. It's definitely not sexy. But if you want to keep your marriage, afloat, you've gotta do it. Marriage is one big negotiation test. It really is."
"When I was single, if I wanted to do it every day for a week or only once a month, it was all good. Everything was on my terms. Married sex isn't like that. You have to take your partner's needs into account. Negotiating sex can be annoying. It's definitely not sexy. But if you want to keep your marriage, afloat, you've gotta do it."
5. The Wilkersons. Married 15 Years. In-Laws.
Husband: "I can't stand my wife's mother. I really can't. She's nosey. She's controlling. And she is way more involved in my marriage than she needs to be. For the first half of our marriage, it was so bad that I wasn't sure we were gonna make it. Singles, when the Bible says to 'leave and cleave', take that to heart. If you can't leave your family to start your own, marriage may not be for you. My wife still lets her mother into our business more than I would want her to, but counseling has helped us a lot. It's helped my wife to see that her mom has never been good with boundaries. It's also helped her to understand that no one should cost you your marriage. I don't care who they are."
Wife: "I've got to admit that I still have some resentment towards my husband because of how he feels about my mom. What I've had to learn is she's not his mother. She's mine. I've also had to get that just because I really like his parents, that doesn't mean that he has to like my mom, even though I wish things were different. My mother? She's not gonna change. I don't even really want her to. But I have had to let her know that my marriage is important to me. I've also had to learn, sometimes the hard way, that she's not my go-to about him. He is. I still hope things will change someday. I'm not holding my breath. I have found a way to keep them both close without expecting them to be the best of friends. I'm not thrilled but it's finally become much more tolerable."
6. The Andersons. Married 13 Years. Child-Rearing.
Husband: "We've got two kids and didn't realize how different our approach was to parenting until after they were born. Our parents reared us very differently when it comes to spirituality and discipline and it has caused all kinds of fights that we didn't have before our children got here. Assuming that things will just 'work themselves out' is ridiculous when it comes to raising kids with another person. Get as clear as you can on the front-end and be open to seeing a therapist about child-rearing in the process. We've done it to learn how to communicate and compromise. I'm not sure our marriage would've made it without it."
Wife: "Having kids is hard. Lord, have mercy! And you don't really think about how different your spouse sees things until they get here. My husband is right. We have had to walk through some really murky waters when it comes to how we chose to raise our children. I think what has spared us is we ultimately want the same goals for our kids, long-term. We want them to have a spiritual center. We want them to be kind and giving. We want them to value education and be financially independent. Our approaches aren't the same most of the time, but the end goal is. We work on ways to meet in the middle to reach those goals. That has saved us."
"Assuming that things will just 'work themselves out' is ridiculous when it comes to raising kids with another person. Get as clear as you can on the front-end and be open to seeing a therapist about child-rearing in the process. We've done it to learn how to communicate and compromise."
7. The Kendricks. Married 5 Years. Hygiene.
Husband: "Lawd. I didn't live with my wife before we got married. I had no sisters and my mom was super private. So, adjusting to periods was something for me; I ain't gonna lie. My wife does something called 'free bleeding'. I don't know if you know what that is but f—k, it's a lot. For a while, she would come at me on some, 'I'm a woman, deal with it' but when I shared that it affects our sex life, we found a way to make it easier. I've tried having sex with her when she's on her period. It's not my fave but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. And she will wear, what's that thing called, a cup during her heavier days. I'll just say that hygiene habits need to come up before marriage. It can be more of a deal-breaker than people think it is."
Wife: "He's over here talking about my period while I'm still trying to figure out how grown men can hit the toilet and not clean up the pee they leave behind. Ugh. When you're dating, everything is sexy because you're both always trying to turn each other on. When you're married, you see it all. I mean, IT ALL. Having a sexual relationship with someone who does things that can seem pretty gross is a fine balance. I would just say, always remember why you chose him, remember that you've probably got some stuff that he doesn't like and always be open to improving. Marriage isn't for folks with a weak stomach. You heard it here."
8. The Gordons. Married 10 Years. Personality Differences.
Husband: "I could go on for days about this. I'll just start and stop with the fact that my wife is an extrovert and I'm absolutely not one. When we were dating, I thought it was cute that she liked to be the life of the party. In marriage, it has definitely been a pet peeve that I've had to manage just because she likes to host things, she wants to be out with her friends a lot and she wishes I wanted to go out more. We spent the first 3-4 years pretty mad at each other because we both were like, 'Why are you like this?' Now, we've learned that we balance each other. Sometimes, going out with her gets me out of my shell and my head and getting her to stay in gets her to slow down and enjoy peace and quiet. You can be 'in love' all you want but if you don't find a way to discover each other's personality needs, you can end up hating each other."
Wife: "My husband can be boring. He's loving. He's affectionate. He's a great listener. He's spiritual. He's fine. And he is BORING. I hate being bored. I really thought that because we love each other so much that, once we got married, we would be the best of friends who would do everything together. Nah. And that's disappointing for me. The good thing is my husband is very confident and not jealous, so he's cool with me hanging out even if he doesn't want to come. I'm still working on that 'balance' thing that he's talking about and I definitely wish he was less of an introvert, but love is about acceptance. I choose to accept how he is."
"We spent the first 3-4 years pretty mad at each other because we both were like, 'Why are you like this?' Now, we've learned that we balance each other. You can be 'in love' all you want but if you don't find a way to discover each other's personality needs, you can end up hating each other."
9. The Moores. Married 8 Months. Space.
Husband: "I can summarize this pretty quickly. Ladies, please stop asking us what we're thinking. If we've got a thought that we want to share, we'll let you know and if you ask that and we say 'nothing', that's what we mean. I really like being married. So far, there are no regrets. But I do think that men and women both have to learn that we are very different people. We shouldn't be out here trying to make our partner think and feel like we do. Just accept the differences and chill TF out. The space to be me is what I've had to fight for the most. We're getting there, though."
Wife: "We're still newlyweds, so I'm sure some more curveballs are coming. What I've had to get used to is just having someone who is always around. You're always sharing a bed. They might always be in the room you're in while you're having a conversation [with someone else]. And even though you love them more than anything, sometimes you really just want to be by yourself; especially if you're in a mood that you can't really explain that you want to just be alone to deal with. My husband isn't clingy, but his top love language is physical touch, so I've had to navigate through not making him feel rejected when I just want some room to breathe and process. He's very different so, just saying what I need usually does the trick. It's when I expect him to know that I want space that things get dicey."
10. The Deckards. Married 7 Years. The Future.
Husband: "It's funny that you would ask me about my marital pet peeve because it's kinda weird. I love just about everything about my wife. But if there's one thing I wish she would do, it's chill TF out more. I'm someone who lives in the moment—you know, I take things as they come. She, on the other hand, wants to have a plan for everything. A plan for tonight. I plan for next weekend. What we're going to do 10 years from now. And don't get me started on all of her damn lists. The first couple of years of our marriage, all of that drove me crazy because I'm calmer than she tends to be. But her focus on looking ahead has helped us to save some money, dodge a few blindsides and get organized in some ways that I've gotta admit probably wouldn't have happened without her. Damn, I never really told her that I appreciate that. I'll get her some flowers or something today, so thanks for asking."
Wife: "He told you that? That's funny because we just got into it last night about making a plan for a summer vacation. Yeah, I'm definitely the planner of the two. I spent a lot of time thinking it was my job to make my husband see things the way I do. That's not what marriage is about. It's about seeing how your strengths and weaknesses can work together to make each person better. If he wasn't with a planner, I'm not sure he'd been financially where he is now. If I wasn't with someone more relaxed, I very well could've stroked out from always being on-10. Recognizing what your spouse does for you gets you through the annoying times. Don't change them. Just see them for what they are."
That last line? It's a keeper. Through pet peeves 'n all.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
How 'Intuitive Intimacy' Will Play A Pivotal Role In Relationships In 2024
Not too long ago, I saw a video of a Black woman who was so speaking my language. She was talking about how it’s interesting that we, as women, will basically show supernatural tolerance when it comes to our female friendships, and yet, when it comes to our men, we won’t let them make even one mistake before deciding that we’re ready to cut them off.
Hmph. Let me tell it, a lot of us will self-sabotage our relationships with guys because we’ve got such a long list of things that we won’t put up with, that we’re pretty much looking for them to “mess up” right out the gate. And gee, that’s super unfortunate because you can’t cultivate any kind of real intimacy with someone that way — not to mention the fact that we aren’t perfect either, which means that they have to extend the same kind of patience with us that we need to be willing to extend to them.
And what does this possibly have to do with the focal point of this article: intuitive intimacy? Well, intimacy is defined as being many things; one of them is a close friendship. And so yes, if you want to experience healthy intimacy with the man in your life (or future man in your life), friendship should be at its foundation. Oh, but intuitive intimacy — something that is going to be a huge dating trend in 2024 — is about so much more than that.
If you’re curious, keep reading.
What Is Intimacy? REALLY?
Being truly intimate with someone goes well beyond sex.
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Something that irks me, to no end, is that people who engage in casual sex will sometimes interchange that term with “being intimate” (even I’ve fallen into the trap while writing sometimes because pop culture uses it so much). And why does that get on my almost last nerve? Because, as a writer, an “occupational hazard” that comes with that is being pretty word-literal — and since casual means things like “without serious intention” and “careless” and has synonyms like “apathetic,” “erratic,” “detached,” “unconcerned,” and “purposeless”…how in the world does any of that sound even remotely like real intimacy?
Now, to be fair, aside from friendship, another definition of intimacy is sex; however, it goes well beyond that. Being intimate with someone is about friendship and sex while also experiencing affection with them, experiencing a feeling of warmth when you’re in their presence, interacting with them on a very deeply personal level, being loved and understood by them, and seeing them as a safe space and confidant.
Uh-huh, now do you see why intimacy deserves so much more respect than recreational copulation? Damn straight, it does.
In fact, if you really take all of what I just shared into your being, it’s rare to find someone who you can be truly intimate with, in the full sense of the word — and honestly, I think that’s what intuitive intimacy is going to remind a lot of people of in the upcoming months.
Here’s why I say that…
Okay, So What Exactly Is Intuitive Intimacy?
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For intuitive intimacy to make sense, let me first break down what it means to be intuitive. When you’re an intuitive person, it means that you have a strong intuition. And no, I don’t mean that arrogant (and sometimes delusional, if I’m being real) stance that some women take when they say, “My intuition is never wrong.” Listen, I have sat in many (MANY) sessions where a woman had so much ego (and sometimes even bitterness) tied up in her intuition that it backfired on her. How?
Because, when certain questions were asked, and various revelations were revealed, what really was going on was she was moving on projection, which is oftentimes a mere counterfeit of intuition. That’s part of the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform before like “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” So no, please don’t be out here thinking that just because you “feel something,” your intuition is working at its peak level. There is a whole lot more to being genuinely intuitive than that.
- Being intuitive is about being discerning.
- Being intuitive is about being empathetic towards others (many empaths are intuitive).
- Being intuitive is about being highly observant.
- Being intuitive is about being very spiritual.
- Being intuitive is about being super observant and being able to pick up on things very easily.
Adding to that…
- Kids and pets gravitate to intuitive people.
- Vivid dreams (and prophecies) happen to intuitive people.
- Feeling shifts in energy and subtle changes in environments happen to intuitive people.
- Having profound insights on folks you just met happens to intuitive people.
- Seeking out solutions over causing more problems is a solid trait of intuitive people.
I’m sharing all of this so that y’all can see that no, “I feel like something is happening” is not really what it means to have an authentic intuition or to be truly intuitive. It goes far deeper than that.
So, when you combine intuitiveness with intimacy, you get intuitive intimacy — something that a Bumble survey says is going to be huge in 2024. And while a lot of people define it as simply “emotional intimacy,” as you can see from all of the definitions of both words that I just provided, that doesn’t really even begin to scratch the surface. However, if I were to summarize it, I would probably say that intuitive intimacy is all about being mindful — hella mindful — when it comes to yourself, the person you’re with, and the kind of intimacy you wish to experience with them.
Examples:
- Your friendship with them needs to have a ton of empathy in it.
- You need to be so observant that the affection you give meets their core needs.
- And brace yourselves — the sex you experience with them should have a spiritual component to it.
Yeah, when it comes to that last one, let’s touch on “intuitive sex” for just a second.
Some Say That Intimacy Is More Important than Sex. However…
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I thought it was interesting that when I read different articles on the intuitive intimacy trend, something that pretty much all of them said intuitive intimacy was about emotional intimacy being more important than sex. Personally, I don’t agree. Even when you look at how the Bible speaks on sex in I Corinthians 6:16 (Message), it says “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much of a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact.” It’s a reminder that sex was never supposed to just be a recreational or casual act.
So no, I don’t think that intuitive intimacy means that you should downplay physical pleasure or copulation — I think 2024 is going to remind (more) people that sex was always supposed to hold more merit and, perhaps if folks are more proactive and intentional about being truly intimate and fully intuitive in the bedroom, they can experience sex on a richer and more fulfilling level…and that makes me smile. It’s time. It’s past time.
Keeping all of this in mind, if you are currently in a relationship, ask yourself: are the two of you as intimate as you should (or would like) to be? Are you intuitive? Is he intuitive? Does it reflect in all rooms of your house? If the answer to these questions is “no” or “not as much as I would like,” I’ve got a few quick tips that can help to turn all of that around.
3 Tips for Building Intuitive Intimacy in Your Own Relationship
If you want to experience intuitive intimacy, focus on solidifying friendship.
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1. Focus on your friendship.
One of my favorite married couples has been together for well over 40 years, and every time I see them, they are together. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them apart, and I’ve known them since I was a child. I teasingly asked them about it one day and the husband said, “Girl, this is my best friend, my hanging buddy right here. Ain’t nobody I’d rather kick it with.” This is precisely why I don’t get folks who think that your spouse shouldn’t be your friend — hell, your best friend.
"Best" means “the highest quality” and “most suitable and desirable.” Why would you want to build with someone who you don’t see that way? Friendships are about fondness, loyalty, and trust (for starters). If you want intuitive intimacy with your man, focus on solidifying the friendship.
2. Become more spiritual.
A few years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” For those who are skimming this, your spirit is the essence of life — your life. And so, when it comes to your relationship, you and your partner should be improving each other’s quality of life in ways that you both can easily rattle off if someone asked you about it.
You both should be becoming morally stronger. You both should be feeding each other’s souls. You both should be “going deeper” into knowledge of self as a direct result of the way you influence one another. And yes, this should be transpiring both inside and outside of the bedroom. Is it?
3. Pay attention to one another’s energy fields.
Albert Einstein once said, “Everything is energy, and that is all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” The shorthand of this is “match energies” — only be intuitive when it comes to the kind of results that you want whenever you do it. Energy is big, y’all. If you want to go to another level in your relationship, be cognizant of your energy and pay attention to his, too.
You need to be fueling each other. You need to be making each other more positive. You both should feel more alive in each other’s space. And when it comes to sex, a man is literally going inside of you — how can you let someone who isn’t worthy of that affect YOUR ENERGY FIELD in that way and on that level?
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This is the time when you’re gonna be inundated (if not flat-out overwhelmed) by a lot of trends that will be happening in every type of category and industry that you can think of. Yet, if there’s one that you should take seriously and honestly can feel pretty good about, it’s intuitive intimacy.
If you’re in a relationship, strive for it.
If you desire one in 2024, don’t settle for anything less.
Watch how it benefits you — on a billion different levels.
I can just “feel” it. #wink
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