Thinking Of Pegging Your Partner? Here Are 7 Tips To Prepare For It
The word “pegging” makes a lot of people nervous, but it isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds. We often see it in movies as a joke or a negative experience, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, pegging is usually an intensely pleasurable and intimate sexual experience. More than that, it's a way to reverse traditional penetration roles, spice up your sex life, and, if you have a prostate, take your orgasms to the next level.
What Is Pegging?
Pegging isn’t all that complicated - one partner wears a strap-on dildo and penetrates the other partner anally. It originated as a woman wearing a dildo and penetrating a man, but now, it has progressed in which any gender can be the giver or receiver.
There are a few things you’ll need before you get started:
Lube is critical in any kind of anal play. Don’t get the cheap stuff either - you’ll want lubrication that lasts long, won’t damage your sex toys and makes penetration smooth and comfortable.
A harness or strap-on dildo is the main component here. A harness straps onto your waist and fits a dildo, while a strap-on is a single toy that includes both. For beginners, it’s better to just buy a strap-on.
A vibrator is optional, but it can take your pleasure to the next level. Vibrating dildos aren’t much pricier than standard ones, so I’d recommend getting a vibrator and deciding later if you want to use it or not.
Is Pegging Safe?
Yes! Pegging is absolutely safe, but as always it’s important to practice good hygiene and communicate with your partner.
“Start slow and communication with your partner throughout,” says sex educator Nina Nguyen from Fraulila. “Have them give you feedback on what feels good and stop if either of you starts to feel pain.” Anal play can cause discomfort, especially if you aren’t used to it.
If you’re new to anal, take it slow and try to relax as your body gets used to the penetration. If you’ve got experience with anal, pegging isn’t all that different.
Why Do People Peg?
There are several reasons people try pegging, but sex and relationship coach Nicole Shafer explains it best, “Well, short answer- it feels good!” she explains. “There are so many reasons individuals can be interested in pegging… from pleasure to powerplay to exploring something new, it brings about excitement.”
For some couples, pegging is about reversing their normal penetration dynamic. For others, it can be about submission and dominance. Some couples just love the way it feels. Regardless of the reason, it’s quickly becoming a popular sexual activity.
So You Want To Peg Your Partner, Here’s How To Bring It Up
A lot of people - especially heterosexual men - might not be comfortable with the idea of pegging at first. It isn’t necessarily seen as a “normal” sexual practice yet, and the initial discomfort can be frightening.
It’s never okay to pressure your partner into an act they aren’t comfortable with, but you can have an educational conversation and go from there. Pegging takes a lot of trust because you can hurt your partner if you don’t listen to them.
Talk about why you want to try pegging. Explain that it starts slow and they will be in control of the speed and intensity the entire time. They may say no, and that’s okay. You won’t regret talking about it, even if it doesn’t happen.
7 Pegging Tips Everyone Should Know For Their First Time
1. Start with foreplay
Pegging can be intense, especially the first time, so don’t jump straight in. Getting in the mood will help you both relax, which makes your partner’s body more receptive to penetration.
Sex isn’t a race. Do things you know your partner enjoys, and start pegging when it feels natural.
2. Use Lube!
I cannot stress this enough - use lube! Professional Parisian dominatrix Madame Toska suggests you lubricate both ends generously. “Lubricate that hole, then lubricate the dildo. Start with the smallest dildo you have.”
Lots of people swear by coconut oil, but any lube will work. Just make sure to try it in advance to ensure you don’t have any allergic reactions and do your research to make sure it won’t damage your toys.
3. Find the Right Position
This is going to vary depending on you and your partner’s preferences, but pegging them from behind is a good place to start. They might prefer to start on top so they have more control over the penetration.
It’ll take some experimenting to find what’s best for both of you but start in the position that feels most relaxing.
4. Slow and Steady
Don’t get ahead of yourself. If the receiving partner isn’t used to anal penetration, you need to go slow. It will take some time before you can speed up, and their body will need time to adapt to every inch of penetration.
I’d highly recommend using fingers, butt plugs, or small toys for practice before you move up to pegging. No one’s butt can go from zero to strap-on in one night.
5. Thrust Carefully
Dominatrix Madame Toska says that even in BDSM, the receiving partner has the final say with pegging. “The person receiving the pegging is always in control,” she says, “Even when there is a dominant/submissive dynamic involved.”
6. Don’t Be Afraid to Talk
You and your partner both want each other to enjoy sex, so don’t keep any secrets about what you’re feeling. If it hurts, say so! If it feels amazing, say that too! No one gets pegging perfect on the first try, but if you communicate to find the right rhythm, it’s euphoric.
7. Take Care of Your Partner Afterward
Pegging isn’t the kind of thing where you can roll over and fall asleep right after. Remove the dildo slowly, and tell them what you’re doing as you’re doing it. Check-in with your partner to see how they’re feeling and if they need anything.
It helps to have a towel to set aside the dildo in, and maybe a wet cloth to help clean them up. If it’s your first time, have a conversation about how they felt, what they liked or didn’t like and if they want to try it again.
Pegging isn’t for everyone, but there’s no harm in experimenting. If you decide to give it a try, make sure to take it slow and build up to it. It may take some time to get it right, but it’s worth it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by kupicoo/Getty Images
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
In the crazy world of dating, so much attention is placed on the behavior during actual dates. Whether it is choosing the right outfit or making a good first impression, the focus tends to center on the in-person time spent together. But something that often gets overlooked is the significance of "between date behavior (BDB)." BDB is not just generic good morning text messages (that can be sent to 10 women in one minute), but rather text check-ins during the day and even nightly phone calls. This is the time when two people are apart but still find time for connection.
It is during these in-between moments that the foundation of a truly meaningful relationship is often built. A glaring example of what happens when there isn’t BDB is the early relationship between Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. At the beginning of the series, she was so hyper-focused on the time she spent together that she ignored that Big wasn’t calling or texting her often between dates. Instead, he would reach out and send cars based on his convenience… and not hers.
When it comes to dating, don’t be Carrie!
BDB in Dating
@datingcoachanwar BDB in Dating #datingtips #datingadvice #singleblackfemale #singleblackwoman #blackfemininity #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice #blackdating #singlelatina #singlelatinas
Please realize that 80-90% of your time will NOT be with your partner while seriously dating, so the BDB will also be a significant part of your relationship. Here are some other reasons why what happens when you're not together is just as, if not more, significant than the hours spent face-to-face…
One of the key factors that makes BDB so crucial is authenticity. When we are with someone on a date, it is easy to put on a front (show one’s representative), showcasing our best qualities and concealing our flaws. But it is in our day-to-day interactions, the text messages and phone calls, that our true selves shine through.
Consistency in behavior is an indicator of authenticity. And authenticity builds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.
Speaking of trust, it is one of the foundations of a successful relationship. Building it doesn't happen in a single evening. It's the consistency in behavior between dates that solidifies trust. When your person consistently communicates, shows interest, and keeps it respectful in the moments between your dates, it is reassuring that your potential partner is seriously interested and invested in the relationship.
Also, in between dates, the channels of communication become lifelines that connect two people and nurture emotional intimacy. How you communicate and what you choose to communicate about can significantly impact a growing relationship. Consistent, thoughtful messages and meaningful conversations like sharing your thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities can help create a strong emotional bond. Being supportive and understanding during difficult moments can bring you closer together.
While the time spent on a date is super important, the BDB, I would argue, should not be slept on. It's the glue that holds the connection together, builds trust, and sets the stage for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself waiting for that next date, remember that the journey between those dates is just as significant, if not more so, in the grand scheme of building a meaningful connection.
Hope this helps!
Coach Anwar is a certified dating and relationship coach who has 13 years of experience helping Black and brown women date with strategy, meet relationship-ready men, and get into the best relationship of their lives.
To learn more, you can follow Coach Anwar on IG. Wanna work with Coach Anwar? Click here to book a dating consultation.
Featured image by Dimensions/Getty Images
