How The Pandemic Has Women Redefining Motherhood

"While the world is experiencing chaos, I am creating life."


The COVID-19 pandemic has put a halt to so many things that we all took for granted: going out without masks, going to concerts, visiting family and friends, and traveling wherever we want. However, there is one thing that COVID-19 cannot stop and that is the miracle of childbirth. When babies are ready to come into this world, they are coming no matter what is or isn't going on around us. The addition of a global pandemic to a time in a woman's life where there is already so much going on, so many things to decide, so many things to do, and so many emotions seems unfair. Yet, that has been the reality for many women for almost a year now. However, it should come as no surprise that women all over the world have accepted the new normal with strength and grace and do what women do best: get it done (and beautifully, might I add).

I recently connected with five incredible women who either gave birth during the pandemic or are currently expecting. They shared everything from their reactions to finding out that they were pregnant, to how the pandemic reshaped their initial thoughts on pregnancy and motherhood. I was both touched and inspired by their outlook and their strength. Despite the fact that things looked different than they imagined they would, with limitations on who can attend prenatal visits or the hospital during the birth, these women have been able to pivot, remain positive, and adjust to their new normal.

Check out their stories below.

Erica James-Strayhorn  

Photo Courtesy of Erica James-Strayhorn

Erica is a first-time mom to a baby girl born in December 2020.

"I was very excited to find out that I was pregnant. I knew that things might be different, I just wasn't exactly sure what that looked like. I remained open and focused on how I wanted my pregnancy and delivery to be and focused on that. One thing that was impacted was the decision to have a home birth instead of having her at a birthing center. I made this choice based on the number of people allowed to be present at the birth center.

"My pregnancy and motherhood, so far, have been pretty close to how I thought it would be, even during a pandemic. I was focused on creating the experience I wanted when it came to the pregnancy and the birth. I have an amazing community, friends, and family who have supported me. It was upsetting knowing that my husband could not attend doctor appointments with me and that he could not attend our baby's appointments with us. However, that encouraged us to find creative ways for him to be involved in that part of her life and for me to make sure I was communicating information from those appointments to him.

Photo Courtesy of Erica James-Strayhorn

"Becoming a mother during this time has encouraged me to continue to be really mindful of the messaging and fear-based narratives that I have taken on so that I do not pass those on to her. It has also encouraged me to continue to take a stand for myself and for my family and honor what I feel is best for us. Slowing down and being present in each moment are two major things I am focusing on now that she is here. It goes beyond cherishing these moments. For me, it is about connecting to how each moment feels, without distractions."

Marshana Dahlia Spavento  

Photo Courtesy of Marshana Dahlia Spavento

Marshana is a first-time mom to a baby boy born in November 2020.

"We found out on March 10th that we were pregnant. We had just returned from our delayed honeymoon to Dubai. We landed, and the first thing I did was take a pregnancy test. We had married just seven weeks earlier and were thrilled that we got pregnant with relative ease. I was 38, one day shy of 39, and my husband was 49 at the time so we knew that we were blessed to be pregnant. The day after finding out we were expecting was my birthday and the same day that COVID-19 was determined a pandemic. Then on March 12th, I lost my job due to the pandemic. Needless to say, it was challenging looking ahead with so much uncertainty around us. Our plan was always for me to be a stay-at-home mom, but due to the pandemic, those plans were thrust upon us a little early.

"The pandemic really restricted the view that I had for myself as a mom. My mother passed away unexpectedly in December of 2018 and I always saw my motherhood journey with her by my side. Losing her was not only crushing, but the idea of becoming a mom, without her guidance and help was frightening."

"When I found out we were expecting, I was met with the reality that not only would my mother not be here for me, but no one would. None of my aunties or friends could come and help me out as a first-time mom. I was going to have to go at this one on my own. Of course, my husband is a great support, and he is so hands-on with our son. I would be lost without him. However, there is something to be said about having help from a fellow mom, and I just have to go without for safety reasons.

Photo Courtesy of Marshana Dahlia Spavento

"Becoming a mom in a pandemic is a true testament to the resilience of womankind. We truly hold inherent and innate power. From time, women have brought forth children, during times of war, times of peace, times of sorrow, or times of joy."

"As much as I wished my husband would have been able to attend my prenatal appointments, or that we could have toured our hospital's maternity ward ahead of time, I realized that even in these dire times, other women were bringing forth life just the same. That gave me hope. If they could do it, so can I."

Jessica Cooper

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Cooper

Jessica is expecting her first child in June 2021.

"The pandemic did not affect my reaction as my husband and I were actually trying to conceive. Although, we were apprehensive about getting pregnant while in the middle of a pandemic, we knew that God wouldn't give us more than we could handle. Lastly, because we had been trying for a few months, we were absolutely elated to find out we were expecting!

"The pandemic has reshaped my views on the superficial aspects of my pregnancy like hosting certain social events like a gender reveal or a baby shower. I am a social butterfly and love to entertain, so I've been planning my baby shower long before we were even trying to conceive! Due to the uncertainty of the pandemic, it's very likely I won't be able to have a formal, large baby shower, but I am OK with that because I am just grateful for my health and those of my close family and friends. I realized it's more to the pregnancy and motherhood than just the 'social' aspects of it and that I am more than blessed when it comes to embarking into the motherhood phase of my life.

Photo Courtesy of Jessica Cooper

"I have a newfound respect for moms and moms-to-be who are preparing for and/or raising a family all while still working full-time and still finding time to work on their dreams and aspirations. I started to feel anxiety at the beginning of my pregnancy just thinking about how I was going to juggle becoming a mother, working full-time as an educator, building my consulting business, The Savvy Counselor LLC, building my brand The Stylish Organized Wife, and maintaining a meaningful godly marriage! I realized though that the power of God is within me and that he has built women to naturally be strong beings. Giving myself grace and patience and asking for help when necessary is definitely OK."

Diamond Nurse

Photo Credit: Kathryn Hastings Photography

Photo Courtesy of Diamond Nurse

Diamond is a mom of a 2.5-year-old named Emerald. Diamond 's second daughter is due in April 2021.

"Initially, I was quite anxious and nervous due to all of the unknowns of COVID-19 and how it would affect my birthing experience and its effect on expecting mothers. I knew the hospitals were having more restrictions and it was important to me to have my husband and my doula to be a part of/assist in the birth of our new baby. I could have never foreseen a world stricken by a pandemic nor could I have known what that would mean for my life as a mom, wife, and owner of Diamond M.I.N.E Social Media Group. While my goals have not changed, I have learned to think about these things a little differently.

"COVID-19 has made me more efficient and intentional about how I spend my time. I love that I get to watch my daughter experience the world around her. It brings me so much joy and I hope to inspire her the way that she inspires me. As a mom, this pandemic has shown me the importance of community and being intentional about the time we spend together. We have shifted to having playdates with our 'COVID-19 bubble' who also have daughters the same age. This has been super helpful for us, as our children are mostly impacted by the restrictions. A toddler does not completely understand why you have to social distance or wear a mask. It's been such a blessing to be able to continue our playdates.

Photo Credit: Kathryn Hastings Photography

Photo Courtesy of Diamond Nurse

"This pregnancy has been physically draining, due to nausea and fatigue, but I have also been emotionally drained due to not only COVID-19 but also the racial unrest our country is facing."

"It's important to me that I keep a level of hope and positivity as I am carrying new life and also reflect on what's going on and continue to be an inspiration to my daughters. I love what a mom friend of mine said, 'While the world is experiencing chaos, I am creating life.' That in itself is powerful! Being a woman is powerful. I am grateful to be a woman and love being a woman. Living through the crazy times we are in has made me feel even more vulnerable, strong, and powerful. I love encouraging my sistas, especially my mamas. Through this all, I intend to give myself permission to take a break, show up as my authentic self and be present in my home life, where it counts the most."

Whitney Rene Osborne

Photo Courtesy of Whitney Rene Osborne

Whitney is expecting her first child due in Feb 2021.

"My then-fiancé and I were still doing long-distance at the time we found out, so trying to coordinate travel and other things were extremely difficult and scary at the beginning of everything shutting down. Having to experience doctor's appointments alone or on FaceTime was also a little disappointing, but we eventually got used to it and made the best of it!

"I don't think the pandemic has reshaped my thoughts of pregnancy or motherhood since I haven't experienced it any other way. I've pretty much convinced myself this was the best time to be pregnant since everyone is missing out on things, not just the pregnant lady that can't drink or handle late nights! As far as motherhood, I will absolutely be more cautious and protective of my little one since the pandemic has made me even more of a germaphobe than I was before.

Photo Courtesy of Whitney Rene Osborne

"Even with the challenges we all are facing during the pandemic, I have been blessed to have a very healthy pregnancy. This has allowed me to focus my energy on creating a healthy foundation for my little bundle. Being a business owner, a wife, and soon-to-be mother, I feel like I am unlocking my superhero powers one at a time. It is overwhelming to think about what it truly means to carry my own legacy as I go through my day — a constant reminder of the power of womanhood."

Featured image courtesy of Diamond Nurse

Originally published on January 29, 2021

The Evolution Of Serena Williams

It is like witnessing magic when you watch an athlete do what they do best. To see a mere human soar in the air over to the other side of a bar or to witness someone run at a speed quicker than a human thought. A basketball player defying gravity just to get a ball into a hoop. A ballerina turning their body into a top, spinning and spinning without fatigue.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
Lori Harvey On Dating With A Purpose & Not Compromising Her Peace For Anyone

Lori Harvey’s dating life has consistently been a hot topic on social media and now the model is shedding light on some of her dating do’s and don’ts. In an episode of Bumble’s new “Luv2SeeIt” content series, the SKN by LH founder sat down with the series' director, producer, and host Teyana Taylor and disclosed some quote-worthy thoughts on dating and relationships.

Keep reading...Show less
Black Women, We Deserve More

When the NYT posted an article this week about the recent marriage of a Black woman VP of a multi-billion-dollar company and a Black man who took her on a first date at the parking lot of a Popeyes, the reaction on social media was swift and polarizing. The two met on Hinge and had their parking lot rendezvous after he’d canceled their first two dates. When the groom posted a photo from their wedding on social media, he bragged about how he never had “pressure” to take her on “any fancy dates or expensive restaurants.”

It’s worth reading on your own to get the full breadth of all the foolery that transpired. But the Twitter discourse it inspired on what could lead a successful Black woman to accept lower than bare minimum in pursuit of a relationship and marriage, made me think of the years of messaging that Black women receive about how our standards are too high and what we have to “bring to the table” in order to be "worthy" of what society has deemed is the ultimate showing of our worth: a marriage to a man.

That's right, the first pandemic I lived through was not Covid, but the pandemic of the Black male relationship expert. I was young – thirteen to be exact – when Steve Harvey published his best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Though he was still just a stand-up comedian, oversized suit hoarder, and man on his third marriage at the time, his relationship advice was taken as the gospel truth.

The 2000s were a particularly bleak time to be a single Black woman. Much of the messaging –created by men – that surrounded Black women at the time blamed their desire for a successful career and for a partner that matched their drive and ambition for the lack of romance in their life. Statistics about Black women’s marriageability were always wielded against Black women as evidence of our lack of desirability.

It’s no wonder then that a man that donned a box cut well into the 2000s was able to convince women across the nation to not have sex for the first three months of a relationship. Or that a slew of other Black men had their go at telling Black women that they’re not good enough and why their book, seminar, or show will be the thing that makes them worthy of a Good Man™.

This is how we end up marrying men who cancel twice before taking us on a “date” in the Popeyes parking lot, or husbands writing social media posts about how their Black wife is not “the most beautiful” or “the most intelligent” or the latest season of trauma dumping known as Black Love on OWN.

Now that I’ve reached my late twenties, many things about how Black women approach dating and relationships have changed and many things have remained the same. For many Black women, the idea of chronic singleness is not the threat that it used to be. Wanting romance doesn’t exist in a way that threatens to undermine the other relationships we have with our friends, family, and ourselves as it once did, or at least once was presented to us. There is a version of life many of us are embracing where a man not wanting us, is not the end of what could still be fruitful and vibrant life.

There are still Black women out there however who have yet to unlearn the toxic ideals that have been projected onto us about our worthiness in relation to our intimate lives. I see it all the time online. The absolute humiliation and disrespect some Black women are willing to stomach in the name of being partnered. The hoops that some Black women are willing to jump through just to receive whatever lies beneath the bare minimum.

It's worth remembering that there are different forces at play that gather to make Black women feast off the scraps we are given. A world saturated by colorism, fatphobia, anti-Blackness, ableism, and classism will always punish Black women who demand more for themselves. Dismantling these systems also means divesting from any and everything that makes us question our worth.

Because truth be told, Black women are more than worthy of having a love that is built on mutual respect and admiration. A love that is honey sweet and radiates a light that rivals the sun. A love that is a steadying calming force that doesn’t bring confusion or anxiety. Black women deserve a love that is worthy of the prize that we are.

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.

Featured image: Getty Images

Tisha Campbell Opens Up About Finding Herself Again After Divorce

Tisha Campbell has a new show on Netflix called Uncoupled which stars Neil Patrick Harris as his character learns to rebuild his life after a breakup with his long-term partner. While Tisha’s character may not be going through a breakup, the veteran actress has had a similar experience in real life. The Martin star divorced the L.A.’s Finest star Duane Martin after 22 years of marriage and 27 years together in total. Soon after the divorce was finalized, Tisha claimed that Duane left her with $7 to her name but now she is in the restoration phase of her life.

Keep reading...Show less
Honey & Spice Author Bolu Babalola’s Hopeful Romance
Some may see romantic comedies and dramas as a guilty pleasure. But author Bolu Babalola indulges in the genre with no apology.
Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Former Beyoncé Dancer Deja Riley On Changing Her Career For Her Mental Health

Former Beyoncé Dancer Deja Riley On Changing Her Career For Her Mental Health

"I felt like I was not enough. And my mental health is important. So when I started feeling that way, I knew that it was time to shift."

Latest Posts