WTF Is Overfunctioning & Is It Taking Over Your Life?
I don't know who needs to hear this but, you are not (and should not be) the end-all-be-all solution to everyone's problems. Burnout is a real issue among women, and it often stems from overcompensating, over-performing, and overextending yourself until you finally give zero F's and become over it.
I recently came across a term that made me do a double-take on my own life: overfunctioning. According to the experts at Psychology Today, overfunctioning happens when you go above and beyond to control a situation and other's perceptions and feelings around it. You try to become the hero who will do anything to make sure that all is well, even if it means putting yourself last or not getting what you truly want.
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A study found that 70 percent of working women have experienced burnout since the start of the pandemic. In addition to being "Zoomed" to death, women have to deal with household and care-giving responsibilities, educational pursuits, and other commitments that put them in overfunctioning mode.
Here's what overfunctioning looks like:
- Excessive people-pleasing to avoid disappointing others
- Avoiding saying "no"
- Setting goals for other people without their permission
- Taking on more responsibilities even when you are not asked
- Enabling bad behaviors in others
- Always talking and never listening to others
- Giving unsolicited advice
- Feeling like a victim when others do not recognize your efforts
As an overfunctioner, your anxiety is the driver of your actions because in your mind, if you are not in control of everything, something has to go wrong eventually. You may argue that overfunctioning is "just how it is" or "just the way you are," but it's actually a response to anxiety related to things that honestly have nothing to do with you.
Here's the thing: For so long, we've heard the narrative of being a "strong Black woman." We have to be tough, resilient, independent, and ready to take on life without a flinch because that is what we were taught to do. However, we have to be conscious enough to understand when we follow generational or societal trends by default or subscribe to the need to constantly be in control at all times.
Whatever your reason, take time to understand the emotional, physical, and mental toll overfunctioning can take on your life. "Doing the most" gives you an illusion of being in control when, in reality, you are losing control of yourself.
Image via Giphy
If you're overfunctioning, understand this:
- You don't always have to be the bigger person if it's to your own mental and physical detriment.
- You don't always have to give people, work, and situations every bit of your being.
- You don't always have to find a solution just because someone comes to you with a problem.
- You don't always have to be a helicopter wife, girlfriend, parent, or friend, trying to stop others from learning from their own mistakes.
You are ultimately responsible for yourself and how you react and respond to life.
You will find better peace of mind knowing that you can eliminate burnout when you stay and operate within your lane and live a life where you can let your hair down and let others do the same, live life, and learn for themselves.
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From Heartbreak To Healing: The Multifaceted Journey Of Nazanin Mandi
Nazanin Mandi is never out of options.
About a year ago, the 37-year-old life coach and actress was navigating life after divorce and determined to experience homeownership for the first time as a single woman. She’d been married to the R&B singer Miguel for three years, following a long-term relationship that started when she was 18 years old. But, in 2022, she filed for divorce. It was certainly the most public change she made but, in reality, it was just one of many decisions to refocus and reach her full potential in recent years.
“During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been,” she says in an xoNecole exclusive.
Still, as Mandi worked to get to know herself and her needs during this new phase of life, she realized the home she’d purchased wasn’t a good fit. Overwhelmed by the echoing of her voice in the spacious home, she had a breakdown and called her cousin, who immediately suggested she lease the home and live somewhere else. “I woke up in my house, and I was like, ‘This is not it for me,” she says. “All those years, I had been accustomed to living a certain way [and] in a certain house, so I bought myself a house like [my old home]. But my family was not the same. Waking up in that house by myself, it highlighted the divorce. I was like, ‘Oh, no, we can’t do this. This is not it.’ My life has changed, so my choices need to change.” At that moment, Mandi became open to the idea that there wasn’t one set way to achieve ownership on her own.
“I feel so much better. I’m in a smaller place. My best friend lives a minute from me and I can walk to her house,” she tells me during a Zoom interview from her home one recent afternoon in early February. In the past two years, she hasn’t just been advising other people on varying circumstances, she’s also been healing herself.
"During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been."
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If supporters began following Nazanin Mandi because of her conventional beauty or the contagious, bright, white smile she often wears in many of her photos, that’s likely not the reason they’ve stuck around. Instead, she’s amassed a following based on her transparency about her own anxiety and depression, along with the encouraging messages of self-acceptance, gratitude, ambition, and humility that are often sprinkled into her social media posts.
In an era where looking at Instagram photos of models can often lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, Nazanin Mandi is determined to be more than eye candy. She’s food for her follower’s souls, too.
Since being recruited to model while dining at an In-N-Out at 10 years old, Mandi has worked in many areas of entertainment. The Valencia, California native has modeled for brands such as Olay, Savage X Fenty, and Good American. As a teen, she sang at Carnegie Hall and auditioned for season 1 of American Idol, making it all the way to Hollywood before producers disqualified her for lying about her age. (Mandi was 15 at the time, and contestants had to be at least 16 years old.) Mandi has acted, too, including appearing on Disney’s That’s So Raven as a teenager and on the BET+ series Games People Play and the Prime series Á La Carte in more recent years.
In recent years, though, she’s also expanded her professional goals outside of entertainment, too. After becoming a certified life coach in 2020, Mandi launched the membership platform You Bloome in 2022 with the hopes of providing wellness services to others, including her self-published gratitude journal. “I wish I had access to something like You Bloome earlier in my own life,” she writes on the company’s website. The actress, who has been forthcoming about her struggles with anxiety and depression, has never had a life coach, but credits therapy as a tool that “really, really saved me and it laid the foundation to who I am becoming.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
"I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself."
While she’s always had a nurturing personality, Mandi says her interest in becoming a life coach was inspired by the women who would message her for advice on social media. “I would answer them back. It really sparked a fire within myself to help people,” she says.
You Bloome currently has three membership tiers, ranging in price from $2.99 to $39.99 per month. The highest tier offers a motivational text message twice a week, two live, group coaching sessions per month, and more. “We get emotional. We cry. We laugh. It’s really beautiful. I’ve built close relationships with my members through this. It’s been inspiring both ways,” Mandi says of the sessions. Still, the founder says she hopes to take on more motivational and keynote speaking opportunities in the future with the hopes of impacting as many people as possible.
And, she’s hoping to do all of this while continuing to explore a career as an entertainer.
At this point in her life, Mandi says she’s gained enough perspective on modeling, music, and acting to realize what she wants to prioritize moving forward. “We are going full force with acting,” she says, noting her goal is “to book a series regular or a film that impacts my career and the world.” She plans to continue to model, too, but has no desire to pursue music.
“I don’t want any part of that because I know what that life entails,” she says. “I don’t want to tour. I don’t want to do any of that. That is not where my heart is at.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If you ask Mandi, she’ll tell you she feels most comfortable in front of a camera, but she’ll also admit that she’s recently experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when thinking about her acting career. “I think it’s a fear of not succeeding,” she says. If anything, she adds, she’s harder on herself now than she’s ever been. “There were distractions before. There’s no distractions now,” she says. “I’m putting pressure on myself for no reason.”
This is where the life coach’s own personal healing comes into play. Mandi says she’s learning recently that “slow progress is still big progress at the end of the day.”
“Currently, I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself,” she adds.
Still, one of Mandi’s strengths is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to limit herself to just one passion. From working as a life coach to pursuing acting, she has given herself grace to explore all other dreams.
“We can be allowed to be many different things in this lifetime,” she says. “As people, our identities are allowed to expand. Don’t put us in a fucking box. I cannot live that way anymore.”
For more of Nazanin, follow her on Instagram @nazaninmandi.
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Featured image by Solmaz Saberi
Saweetie Gets Vulnerable About Her Career: “I'm A Confident Woman, But I Was A Very Insecure Artist”
Saweetie is no stranger to opening up about things she goes through behind the scenes in her career. She has stated on multiple occasions how she struggles with her mental health, and now she is getting vulnerable about her artistry. The “Richtivities” rapper’s career took off after dropping “Icy Grl” in 2018, and since then, she has dropped many other hits like “My Type” and “Best Friend,” which she collaborated on with Doja Cat and earned a Grammy nomination.
However, her quick ascend left her feeling exposed. After taking some time away from the music industry to get back to her essence and hiring a new team, Saweetie is ready to show up for her fans and prove critics wrong. The Bay area artist spoke to Allure in a candid interview about the reality of what she deals with in her career, her safe space, and what’s next. Here are nine things we learned.
Saweetie on the biggest mistake labels make
“The labels, they always want you to go straight pop, but the reason I came into the music industry is I love to get my thoughts off. My stream of consciousness is in my freestyles. It was just like, ‘I’m releasing it. I have to.’ Before we go into the radio and whatever y'all want to do that's cool, but let me do what I like.”
She continues, “It all started with me rapping in my car. I think that's the biggest mistake labels make these days. They take the artists away from what they're inherently good at — the reasons their fan base fell in love with them. And I think it's unfortunate that sometimes the art gets lost in that transition.”
Saweetie on the sexist advice she received from music executives
“I was told I should twerk more on my Instagram,” she revealed. “I was told that my voice was very boring. I was told that I rapped too monotone and needed more energy. I was told that I needed to share more of my life on the internet.”
“I'm going to twerk when I want to. That's not going to be my marketing. And if that's what you truly love to do, then empower yourself through that. But that's not innate to me. If I get caught at a party or if I'm turning up, okay, cool. But I'm not finna do that because you guys think I should. That's lazy marketing.”
Saweetie on feeling insecure as an artist
“I just feel like nobody was caring about my music,” she said of her team at the time. “To me, music is sacred. It's coming from your spirit. You can't just go finish an album in a week. That’s why it’s taking me so long. That’s why I haven’t dropped an album yet.”
“I don't mean to dampen the mood,” she continued. “But this is, realistically, how my career has been. We were constantly criticized for every drop. I was just very insecure. I'm a confident woman, but I was a very insecure artist.”
Saweetie on how blowing up quickly affected her artistry
“‘Icy Grl’ and ‘My Type’ blew up so quick, I was on the market almost immediately,” she said. “So I didn't have time to develop.”
Saweetie on the criticism about her stage presence when performing
“That's not my strength,” she admitted, “and that's okay because you're supposed to turn your weaknesses into strengths.”
Saweetie on not feeling protected in the music industry
“No, I don’t feel protected,” she said. There’s a heaviness that hovers over us."
She continued, "I'm not the only person. I know that there’s probably other people who feel the same way I feel. Why is it that some people get protected and some people don't?”
Saweetie on "The Single Life" EP drama
“I went to war with no soldiers, there was no ammo. I felt like I was left out to dry by my label and everyone around me. There was no public support. Honestly, I internalized that situation, but I'm used to doing that.”
Saweetie on her safe space
“The shower is my safe space,” she said. “I love taking out a wig or a weave, washing my hair, and really letting the energy off my head. I think that's how I cope. I like to get roses and put them on the floor and stand on them.”
Saweetie on not wanting to give up
“There's been a lot of times these past couple of years where I've given up on myself. Whether people knew about that or not, I just felt myself giving up, and I don't want to do that anymore.”
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/WireImage