How This Couple Keeps God Front & Center In Their Marriage
In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
Whoever said that you've probably met your soulmate by a certain age may have been onto something. Ask Jeff and Danae Amponsah, a couple who knew of each other in high school but wouldn't meet up and fall in love until seven years later. "I was a freshman, and he was a senior. We lived so close to each other, we even rode the same bus," said Danae. So, how do two people on two different paths of life end up meeting and falling in love? Well, my favorite answer: Through the love and connection with God.
As a ministry leader for an on-campus ministry at Rutgers University, Danae spotted Jeff, noticing that he was also in their weekly bible study, weekly church service, and Sunday service as well. After a few encounters at the mall, the two shared their first date at Chipotle, and the rest is history.
Read on to hear how the couple officially knew the other was the 'one', what obstacles come up in marriage, and how they're keeping God front and center:
The One:
Danae: As crazy as it sounds, I knew he was going to be my husband on our first date.
Jeff: God had spoken to me previously and told me to be patient and that I would know who she is when I see her. I went on a few dates with my wife, fasted, and I felt a spiritual connection between us leading to physical and mental attraction as well.
"God had spoken to me previously and told me to be patient and that I would know who she is when I see her."
How They Met:
Danae: The funny thing is, we both went to the same high school but never spoke to one another. Fast forward to seven years later: I was a ministry leader for an on-campus ministry at Rutgers called ALIFE, and I spotted him. I saw him every Tuesday at bible study, every Thursday at mid-week church service, and every Sunday at church. I admired the fact that he was a church-going man, and that was very important to me. We kept running into each other at the mall, and he walked into the store I worked at the time. We talked for a few minutes and he asked me to lunch. After an amazing lunch date, we started hanging out with other friends, and going on group dates.
One day, he called me and asked if I was free to go out for dinner. We had a great night out, and from that moment on, we knew we wanted to pursue a relationship. Knowing that he was such a gentleman, and a God-fearing man, made me want to put my whole heart into the relationship. I just knew he was the one. After seriously dating for two weeks, Jeff told me I was going to be his wife one day. Just six months later, he proposed.
Jeff: We met at a church function, but we had crossed paths in the past during high school. For me, it wasn't about taking a chance, but more of knowing who I was and what I wanted. I saw how beautiful she was, our personalities clicked, and we just bonded immediately. We dated for about two weeks and then we both made a decision to get serious.
"Knowing that he was such a gentleman, and a God-fearing man, made me want to put my whole heart into the relationship. I just knew he was the one. After seriously dating for two weeks, Jeff told me I was going to be his wife one day. Just six months later, he proposed."
Deepest Fears:
Danae: I lived at home with my parents up until the day Jeff and I were married, while Jeff had lived on his own for years. I was spoiled and used to my parents cleaning up after me, and even making my dinner! Jeff is very neat and it was hard for me to adjust to my new way of living. My father's nickname for me was even "hurricane" because everywhere I went I made such a mess! Sometimes we would have arguments over the smallest things, like me not making the bed, or cooking. Over time, we learned to both accept who we were as individuals, and decided to work together on pleasing one another's needs. It's the small things that we do that make both of us happy.
Jeff: No fears. Obstacles, yes. Two personalities coming together, two different ways of living, a lot of compromising, sacrificing, and communication between what one likes and dislikes. I can say we have overcome our obstacles simply by praying and reading our word in the Bible and having strong faith. We have continued to grow and gained understanding to know that in a marriage, you give yourself up and put your spouse first.
Common Goals:
Danae: Having God at the center of our marriage was always, and will always be, the most important thing to us. After that? Respect. We both vowed never to disrespect one another, no matter how angry we would get. Having Christ at the center of our marriage is so important because, on the tough days, it's His word that gets us through it. Reading together and praying together helps us build with each other. We wouldn't be married if we both didn't have our own personal relationships with the Lord, and that is our favorite thing about each other.
Jeff: The most important thing in our marriage is keeping God at the center because, without Him, things can get real crazy. God helps us to check each other's flesh and [to use] his Word for wisdom to gain better understanding of how to communicate with ourselves first then with your spouse.
"Having Christ at the center of our marriage is so important because, on the tough days, it's His word that gets us through it. Reading together and praying together helps us build with each other. We wouldn't be married if we both didn't have our own personal relationships with the Lord, and that is our favorite thing about each other."
Love In Their Language:
Danae: We build by motivating and pushing each other, even when one of us doesn't want to hear it. I believe in Jeff's dreams, and he believes in mine. For us, one another's support is what keeps our marriage strong. We took premarital classes before we got married, so there weren't many things I wasn't expecting or prepared for, but I learned that actually going through it was harder than what I anticipated.
One thing I didn't expect to struggle with was how different we expressed our love for one another. I express my love through affirmation and physical touch, and Jeff expresses his love through his actions. I knew that he wasn't nearly as affectionate as [I am], but once we were married, I hoped for more. I have learned that he is affectionate, he just shows it a different way than I do. He made efforts to change, and then I realized I didn't want him to. I wanted him to stay exactly the same. Everything he does for me, I know he does because he loves me, and it makes me feel like I mean the world to him. Things like this have been a growing experience for me and has helped me as an individual and a wife.
Jeff: We understand that love is not just a feeling, but it's everything. It's peace. When we both started to understand this, our bond became stronger. One big thing that popped up the most in our marriage were the petty arguments we would have because of our pride, lack of understanding ideas, motives, and feelings. The great thing about this was, it was expected, we just needed to grow through it.
Being in a marriage has shown me a lot about myself, helping me to identify what it takes to be a great husband. I show my love to her by actions, and she wants verbal affirmation. This was another challenge for me but I made the changes for her and she made the change to accept who I am.
"We understand that love is not just a feeling, but it's everything. It's peace. When we both started to understand this, our bond became stronger. One big thing that popped up the most in our marriage were the petty arguments we would have because of our pride, lack of understanding ideas, motives, and feelings. The great thing about this was, it was expected, we just needed to grow through it."
Love Lessons:
Danae: The biggest love lesson that I have learned is to humble myself, and to put aside my pride. Now that we are expecting our first child together, I am also learning how important it is for us to be in the same book, even if we aren't on the same page. I am still learning that I learn something new every day about my husband, and he learns something new about me, and knowing that we will get to know each other more and more each day for the rest of our lives makes me so happy!
Jeff: The best love lessons I feel we have learned together are learning what true commitment is, learning self development, fulfilling one another's needs, and learning who's good at what so we can share and give each other roles as we build our family. I feel like everyday there is something new to learn because we are doing life together. She's my right foot and I'm the left, and we just coordinate great together knowing that we move on the same rhythm to get through life.
"The best love lessons I feel we have learned together are learning what true commitment is, learning self-development, fulfilling one another's needs, and learning who's good at what so we can share and give each other roles as we build our family."
The Best Part:
Danae: The best part of our marriage is our communication. Jeff is my best friend in the world. We can tell each other anything. We always tell each other the truth.
Jeff: The best part of my marriage is knowing that I will never be alone again. It gives me something to look forward to everyday because of our partnership. Nothing is perfect but the world my wife and I live in is perfect for us. I've always told myself, the highest title a man can give a woman is "Wife", and since I've found someone to give that title to, she deserves everything through the grace of God. Yes it's not easy, but it's simply worth the journey and commitment. More importantly, we both agree that we want to inspire other individuals that marriage is worth it.
For more of Jeff and Danae, follow them on Instagram.
Featured photo courtesy of Instagram/ @danae_chandani
Originally published on September 25, 2019
Exclusive: KJ Smith Talks Viral Wedding With Skyh Black: ‘We Did What We Wanted To Do’
Whether it was your group chat, social media feed, or your favorite media outlet covering the spectacle, I’m pretty sure you’ve come across the viral Black wedding between actress KJ Smith (Sistas, Raising Kanan) and actor Skyh Black (All the Queen’s Men, Sistas). From their grand entrance to Jay-Z, Kayne West, and Beyoncé’s song “Lift Off” to KJ’s standout dance routine and the endless celebrity appearances, it’s an addictive TikTok scroll you can’t help but delve into.
But what many people would be surprised to know is that the couple’s original wedding plan was nothing like what it grew to be. What started as her simply scrolling through posts to get ideas eventually transformed into what the internet knows now as #TheBlackExperience. In an exclusive conversation with xoNecole, KJ walked us through her planning process, the morning of her wedding, and what she thinks of the online response.
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Aoki Lee Simmons Recalls Being Talked About For Her Looks As A Child & Where She Stands With Her Dad
It's hard to grow up underneath the harsh light and the scrutiny of the public eye. Add a supermodel mogul mom, a media mogul dad, reality TV shows, and Baby Phat runway shows to the mix, and you'll have a taste of what it was like for Aoki Lee Simmons growing up in the limelight. All that glitters isn't gold, and personal challenges don't discriminate against tax brackets.
Earlier this year, Aoki made headlines alongside her mom, Kimora Lee Simmons, as they publicly revealed what they had been going through privately as a family. Amid Russell Simmons' rape and sexual misconduct allegations, he is also estranged from the family, which all came to a head following a public dispute about Father's Day. Aoki supported her mother's claims that Russell had allegedly threatened their lives and also posted a recording of a video call between the two where he could be seen yelling at Aoki. She also told the public how damaging their conversations and relationship had become for her mental health.
Aoki would eventually stand by her truth in the days that followed, posting to her Instagram account, "Until a short time ago, this is the man who told me 'always defend and look after your mother girls' and 'never let a man curse at you, you call daddy if a man ever tries to yell at you or scare you that's never ok! Real men don't shout at women and girls." She added, "So to all the toxic men in my comments using 'I'm defending him' to be foul and talk about all the grievances you have with women, you can save it. It's pathetic. He would agree I know that for sure."
Despite navigating troubling times as a family, Aoki had an incredible year so far in terms of achievements. Alongside her part-time pursuit of modeling, she was able to graduate from Harvard University with a double major. At 20 years old at the time, she stands in history as one of the youngest Black women to accomplish such a win. One of her latest career moments can be found on the September cover of Teen Vogue.
The now-21-year-old spoke candidly about reading online about her looks as a kid, the advantages of being a "nepo baby," and where she stands on what happened with her dad.
Aoki on her looks being scrutinized and critiqued at a young age:
“At the time, I was reading a lot of crazy stuff: 'Poor her, she got the dad genes.' There were literally articles like, ‘Celebrity Kid Gone Wrong’ — and I was like, ‘Okay, I’m 11.’"
On benefitting from being a nepo baby:
“It’s totally true. I had no idea if I’d do modeling without my family, without their name helping me. I sometimes think when I look at shows or shoots — if I had done it, and it was that bad, and I was not me, would I get another shot? Would I have had the chance to develop the way that I have?”
“All you can do is be grateful and try to stay in your lane a bit."
Aoki on having no regrets about exposing her fractured relationship with her dad online:
“I don’t regret it. Part of it was already out there. There were reasons I thought it was reasonable to publish, because it was playing out in, like, a silent bubble.”
To read the cover story in full, head over toTeen Vogue.
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Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for NYFW: The Shows