What Sex Workers Need You To Know About Their Careers
Blaksyn
Pronouns:
They/Them/Theirs or He/Him/His
Occupation(s):
"As a sex worker, my focus lies in a few areas. Firstly, the type of sex work I mainly engage in is Professional Domination. This is a type of sex work that utilizes some or all aspects of BDSM in order to provide an experience that falls into the category of alternative sex practices. Through the use of BDSM, while being mindful of consent and safety, I am able to enjoy deeper understandings of the wants and needs of my clients through concise communication followed by physical and verbal acts meant to manipulate the body, mind, and/or spirit. Secondly, as a sex worker, I am also an educator concerning BDSM and advocate of and for the better treatment of sex workers."
What has your time in the industry been like? How has FOSTA impacted you?
"My experience as a sex worker has been that of a lot of highs and lows with more highs. Before I continue, it is important that I convey the amount of privilege I experience concerning my body composition, assumed gender, and type of sex work I mainly engage in as I consider these experiences. Sex workers endure a litany of negativity and hazards including but not limited to assault, stalking, cishet men, law enforcement, and death. From the perspective of a professional dominant, I command clients to act while exerting control as an authority figure. Factor in the presentation of a man, a baritone voice, and a 6'1, 240-pound stature and it is easy to see why I have had more highs. That privilege allows for less assault.
"I have been stalked or threatened, but never harmed. This is unique for sex workers, as many are assaulted and murdered every single year. On the other hand, this work has introduced me to amazing, interesting, and talented individuals in my travels for work. SESTA and FOSTA greatly impacted my sex work in numerous ways. One of the biggest is that it pushed me from a more safe environment like the internet and into the world at large. On the internet, I can cross reference a 'John' for safety with other sex workers while also ensuring I get pictures of identifying documents like a driver's license, which creates a paper trail in case any harm come to me. In the streets, I can't do that as spontaneity occurs more often and I rely on word of mouth and more visibility, which puts me at risk for run-ins with law enforcement."
"Sex work is work. Sex work is liberation."
What should the world know about sex work?
"Many sex workers are often part of several marginalized communities including that of sex workers. White supremacy, patriarchal control, disenfranchisement, socioeconomic disparities, and numerous other contributing factors have created a climate in which sex work is becoming more commonplace. However, one of the biggest reasons why we engage in sex work is because we fucking want to do so and have the ability. Over the years, there has been the all too common narratives that try to explain why we would do something that causes society to treat us less than human. This is an excuse to think of us as less than human at every level.
"Sexuality is a way for the marginalized to exercise autonomy and control in a world not built with them in mind. I love the control I have over my body and choices as someone who is not only self-employed running a business where I am CEO, but also because of the sense of freedom that inhabits my heart. Sex work is work. Sex work is liberation."
To read more, click "Next Page."
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Regina King Reflects On Grief and Loss After Her Son’s Death: ‘The Sadness Will Never Go Away.’
The pain of losing a child is an experience that no parent wants to go through — and actress Regina King is now ready to speak about her experience with grief two years after her son’s passing.
In her first TV interview appearance since her son, Ian Alexander Jr., died by suicide in January 2022, King sat down with Good Morning America, to reflect on the tragic loss.
“I’m a different person, you know, now than I was January 19,” King shared. “Grief is a journey, you know? I understand that grief is love that has no place to go.”
“I know that it’s important for me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is, speak about him in the present because he is always with me and the joy and happiness that he gave all of us,” she added.
The Shirley star also added that it's vital to discuss the common misconception surrounding depression, noting that battles with mental health can manifest in diverse ways. “When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way — they expect it to look heavy,” King told Robin Roberts.
“To have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian’s choice, which I respect and understand… He didn’t want to be here anymore, and that’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”
Jeff Kravitz / Contributor/Getty Images
The Academy Award winner openly revealed that she was initially “so angry with God.”
“Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all of the things that we had gone through — therapy, psychiatrists, programs — and Ian was like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom,' " she said.
With the memory of her son near to her, King said through tears, “My favorite thing about myself is being Ian’s mom and I can say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotion that comes with that. I can’t do that if I did not respect the journey.”
Anderson, 26, was a musician, DJ, and King’s only child. In 2019, Ian escorted his mother on the red carpet of the Golden Globes where she took home the award for "Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture."
He told E! News at the time, "She's just a super mom. She doesn't really let bad work days or anything come back and ruin the time that we have. It's really awesome to have a mother who I can enjoy spending time with."
Understanding that grief is shared by many others, King emphasizes the unique weight of her role as Ian's mother and acknowledges that the sadness will always be a part of her.
“Sometimes, a lot of guilt comes over me. When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, ‘What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?’ I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom, you know? Only me. So it’s mine. And the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741, or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
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Featured image by Shannon Finney / Stringer/Getty Images