Celebrity Stylist Olori Swank Teaches Us How To Master The Art Of A Successful Closet Purge
We are all guilty of keeping things that we need to let go. There's a comfortability with certain items that causes us to death grip them even though we have clearly outgrown them. For example, that bandage dress that's no longer flattering, or that white shirt that is more yellow these days - it's time to let it go, sis!
Summer will be knocking on our doors come June 21st, and it is our duties to be fully prepared with an effective wardrobe. You should feel joy and excitement to curate a look everyday. Take it from boss babe and celebrity stylist Olori Swank. Olori Swank told us, "Style is how you introduce yourself without opening your mouth. Make sure you're saying all the right things."
In order for you to say all the right things, you need unerring staples that will be indisputable.
Did you know that Olori Swank had dreams of being a doctor? Instead, she opted to heal hearts through fashion. From Teyana Taylor to Lance Gross, Swank is a hot commodity in the fashion industry, so she knows a thing or two about styling and closet purging. Being a serial entrepreneur has also taught her lessons on looking like money without spending too much of it. Swank told ESSENCE, "Being fashionable is really being able to express yourself with what you have. I know people who will spend $10,000 on a jacket and the jacket looks terrible because they didn't know how to put it together. And then you'll have a girl who went to Goodwill and spent $15 on her whole outfit and everyone is asking her where she got it from. There's no direct correlation between how much you spend and how fashionable you are."
We had a chance to chop it up with the blue haired beauty to learn tips and tricks for a successful closet purge. Here's the tea!
Where To Start
"The one thing is: any item you've not worn in nine months to a year. Nine times out of ten, if you haven't worn it in forever, it's a sign it needs to go. It may not fit well, the trend might be over, it may be damaged, or you may not like even like it; whatever the reason may be, it's time to get rid of it."
The Truth About "Goal" Items
"Many women see something in a store that they absolutely love but can't quite fit (yet). I do think having ONE goal item is your closet isn't going to kill you; however, if you find yourself in a situation where a lot of the items in your closet are 'goal' items, not only may it discourage you from dressing sharp everyday, it may also cause you to have the 'I have a closet full of clothes, and nothing to wear' syndrome. If you find yourself in this position, it's definitely time for a closet purge!"
The Key To A Successful Closet Purge
"Closet purges are very important! So important that I dedicate a whole section to them in my 101: TheBlueprint For A SWANK Life book. The proper way to purge your closet is to start with items you have not worn in nine months to a year and let them go. Next, let go of items that are too small or too big since nine times out of ten, you will not wear them because they don't fit. Don't fool yourself with the excuse, 'I'll grow into it' or, 'I'll lose weight for it.'
"Another question to ask yourself is, 'What's the likelihood I'll ever wear that item again?' A lot of us have items in our closet that we love; they are so memorable, unique, and distinctive but we are embarrassed to be caught wearing them twice. Unless it's an item that holds extreme sentimental value, like a wedding dress or a vintage sweater passed down from your grandmother, let it go. You should also get rid of any items that are damaged, or don't represent your current style of dress. If a zipper is broken or a button is missing, and you've been saying for the longest time that you were going to get it fixed, and you've yet to get it fixed, most likely you are not going to wear that item again. There's no need to leave it in your closet taking up space when it's not even in the best condition for you to pull out and put on if you feel like wearing it. Also ask yourself, if you were in the mall shopping right now and you were standing in front of this item, would you buy it? If the answer is 'no,' then it is time to let that item go. It's not uncommon for us to love something in the store, buy it, get home, never wear it and then not like it anymore.
"Don't let buyer's remorse be the reason you keep something in your closet especially when you don't intend to wear it. You can donate those items to a battered women's shelter and feel just as good about yourself as the day you bought it. Remember, one woman's 'yikes, I hate this,' is another woman's 'oh my God, I love this.' Lastly, ask yourself if you feel comfortable in an item. If the last time you wore that dress you broke out in hives in front of a dinner party of twenty people, the likelihood of you wearing that dress again, no matter how cute it is, is slim to none."
"One woman's 'Yikes, I hate this,' is another woman's 'Oh my God, I love this.'"
Everyday Closet Essentials
According to Olori, every woman should have these essential items in their wardrobe at all times:
- A black suit (comprised of black pants & a sharp blazer that they can either wear together or separately),
- A little black dress that makes her feel like a star in any room she walks in,
- A white collar dress shirt,
- A pair of jeans that fit her like a dream,
- A leather jacket,
- A pair of classic black pumps,
- A pair of nude pumps,
- A pair of ballet flats,
- A leather daytime bag,
- An evening clutch,
- And a great pair of sunglasses that suit her face.
The Golden Rule For Maintaining An Effective Wardrobe
"Buy only what you love and what you feel confident in. Don't feel pressured to follow every single trend. Invest in quality staple pieces that you can have for years, but don't spend too much money on trendier items you know won't last long in your wardrobe."
Want more stories like this? Check out these xoNecole related reads:
Host Kela Walker Gives Us Tips For A Bomb Work Wardrobe
Dress Layering Is A Thing & This Is How You Do It
30 Closet Staples Every Woman Should Own In Their Wardrobe
- 5 Steps That Make Closet Purging and Organizing Easier ›
- The Start-to-Finish Guide to Organizing Your Closet ›
- How to Purge and Organize Your Closet - California Closets ›
- SPRING CLOSET PURGE! Organizing a wardrobe that works FOR ... ›
- 7 Steps to a Successful Closet Purge | Real Simple ›
- A Day In the Life of Celebrity Stylist Olori Swank - YouTube ›
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- 101 By Olori SWANK ›
- ESSENCE Network: Celebrity Stylist Olori Swank Shares Her ... ›
- Olori SWANK (@OloriSWANK) | Twitter ›
- Shop the latest on trend women's fashion online at SWANK blue ... ›
- Olori SWANK (@oloriswank) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- OloriSWANK.com ›
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Listen, You're Totally Missing Out If You've Never Tried 'Yoga Sex' Before
Deflecting. If there’s one thing that irks me to absolutely no end, it’s when someone tries to avoid personal accountability — or even just a direct question — by deflecting. Take some people, who are barely in their 50s, who try to tell me that they are basically in a sexless marriage due to their age.
Chile, please. Reportedly, over 40 percent of people between the ages of 60-85 are sexually active (I personally think it’s much higher than that), and more than half between the ages of 57-75 (and one-third between the ages of 75-85) participate in oral sex. Matter of fact, a great example of all of this is TikTok sensation (and her husband) Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith who’s been married 43 years and talks about intimacy with her man every chance she gets. And you know what? I adore seeing it (check out “Marriage Tips with Social Media Creator Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith”)!
And just what does all of this have to do with today’s topic? Well, while talking to two of my clients not too long ago — people who are also well into their 60s — about the fact that they try to get it in at least twice a week (see what I mean? And that doesn’t include oral), when I asked them what their secret was, the wife said, without hesitation, “Simple. We do yoga sex.”
It’s pretty redundant for me to say that I write about sex a lot, which means that I research it too; however, I’ve got to admit that although I know that certain positions can make engaging in copulation easier, it never crossed my mind that there was something known as yoga sex. Yet, as the couple broke it down to me, I found myself becoming more and more intrigued. And that caused me to do some looking around so that I could share the wealth.
Because if your sex life is already bomb as hell, things are slowing down a bit, and you need a bit of “oomph” to fuel the fire again or, deep down, you know that you’re deflecting when it comes to your sex life and you want to change that — yoga sex could be the answer to all of your sexual needs. Read on to see what I mean.
Let’s Review Some Overall Benefits of Yoga, in General, First
GiphyThe gym? It’s never been something that has tickled my fancy, not even a little bit. Oh, but as my metabolism is slowing down and I can tell that I’m deep in the throes of perimenopause (CHILE), I’ve accepted that I need to be more intentional about exercise than ever. And since you can find just about anything that you’re looking for on the internet, I’ve found myself taking a real liking to yoga.
As far as health-related and direct physical benefits go, there are many:
- Yoga helps to reduce stress
- Yoga helps to decrease bodily inflammation
- Yoga helps to boost your immunity
- Yoga strengthens your body
- Yoga increases flexibility
- Yoga gives you more balance and improves your posture
- Yoga elevates your mental health
And that really is just the tip of the iceberg! Since you can get all of this from apps that offer classes for free (you can get a list of some of them here, or you can put “yoga classes” in the search field of YouTube as well), which means that you can do yoga from the comfort and convenience of your own home, why wouldn’t you want to at least give it a shot? Especially if, as you’re about to see, you can incorporate sex into yoga too?
So, What’s This “Yoga Sex” Thing All About?
GiphyIf you actually took the list of benefits that I just provided seriously, it should make all the sense in the world why yoga would help to improve people’s sex lives. If you’re less stressed, it’s easier to orgasm. If you have less bodily inflammation, sex is more comfortable. If you have a solid immune system, you’re in a better mood for sex. If your body is stronger, you will have more stamina during sex. The more flexible you are, the more sex positions you can try. The better your posture is, the easier it is to breathe deeply (which also increases your chances of climaxing). And if your mental health is in a great state, the more satisfying sex will be for you overall.
Okay, but there’s more. Some studies actually reveal that women who participate in yoga on a regular basis are more easily aroused, lubricate more, and experience less bodily discomfort — and get this, especially if they are over the age of 45. One study even went so far as to reveal that 75 percent of women who did yoga consistently said that they were more satisfied with their sex life than before yoga became a part of their lifestyle. Impressive…impressive indeed.
So, what makes “yoga sex” a thing? Well, it’s basically when people bring standard yoga positions into their sex life. Meaning, it’s not about learning positions that will make you stronger and more flexible in the bedroom beforehand; no, yoga sex is about literally doing yoga while having sex.
For instance, say that your goal for sex is to experience deeper penetration from your partner. A position that you might want to try is the cobra pose (here) where you first get on your stomach and then lift the upper half of your body with your hands while keeping your arms straight. If your partner straddles you, it frees their body up to penetrate you while also stimulating your neck and shoulders with his hands and mouth.
Or, if you like the missionary position yet you want to give it a bit of an upgrade, the bridge pose (here) can make that happen because it’s all about being on your back and then lifting the lower half of your body while your feet are planted on the ground (or your bed if your core is strong and your partner is helping to hold you up). Word on the street is this is a top-tier cunnilingus position. Report back. #wink
Maybe you’ve always wanted to experience a cervical orgasm. Getting on your back and throwing your legs over your head, and then being penetrated is one of the best ways to achieve this goal; that position is called the plow pose (here).
Now that I’ve broken yoga sex down a bit, do you see the potential that it holds? Do you also see how taking up some yoga, outside of sex, could better prep you for yoga sex?
If all of this has piqued your interest, first let me say that there are other traditional yoga positions that would be great for sex too like the forward bend and reclining butterfly (here) or the happy baby and cat-cow (here) — and honestly, that’s only the beginning because, the more confident you become, the more positions you’ll probably want to experiment with. The really awesome thing is, when it comes to yoga sex, positions aren’t the only thing that you can explore; there are different types of yoga sex too. Let’s touch on that briefly as well.
Did You Know That There Are Different Kinds of Yoga Sex?
GiphySo, what do I mean by different types of yoga sex? Great question.
Tantric yoga: This type of yoga focuses on the more spiritual side of intimacy. It does this by incorporating practices that help with meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), flexibility and deep breathing.
Orgasmic yoga:If you want to control your pelvis more, strengthen your core, and become an expert when it comes to breathwork, then orgasmic yoga will be more your speed (for the record, from what I’ve read, belly dancing actually qualifies as a form of orgasmic yoga. Just an FYI).
Kink yoga: If BDSM is your thing, then this is the kind of yoga that you’ve been looking for. The main aim here is to use yoga to get you to become more flexible and more mindful during sex.
When it comes to all three of these, if you live in a major city, there’s a pretty good chance that you can find a class that specializes in them. Otherwise, YouTube has some introductions to all of these too.
3 Tips for Yoga Sex Beginners
GiphyAnd what if yoga sex is something you’re down with yet you’re not sure how to start? Well, here are a few tips that can make even trying yoga sex tonight a more pleasurable experience.
1. Decide on positions beforehand. Good foreplay isn’t just about what you do 15 minutes before intercourse; it’s about getting each other’s minds “right” long before that. So, put your partner in the mood by emailing or texting pictures of some positions you’d like to try. It will get his mind in the mood and his imagination going; it’ll also give you some time to practice (just sayin’).
2. Create a “yoga-like” atmosphere. Listen, one of the key principles of yoga is cultivating an environment for mindfulness and peace. So, if you’re trying to do this with the television on, the kids yelling downstairs, or with your mind on a billion different things, it’s not going to work. You need quiet. You also need a lot of room. You need scents (like lavender, jasmine, vanilla, neroli, or sandalwood) that make you feel calm and relaxed. And you need soft lighting; it brings about a sense of tranquility. What about sounds? Instrumental or nature ones are probably gonna work best because they won’t break your concentration.
3. Always meditate (together) first. You’re kinda gonna miss the whole point of yoga sex if you just walk into your bedroom and immediately get into the downward dog. Remember that mindfulness, peacefulness, and pacing oneself are all benefits of yoga — and meditation is what achieves all of this. Plus, meditation is proven to control anxiety, bring about self-awareness, and even give you a greater attention space. So, before any foreplay even begins, sit on the floor across from your partner, look into each other’s eyes, and breathe, deeply, in and out together, for at least 3-5 minutes. It will bring forth an energy that will make yoga sex — and orgasming — truly incomparable…that’s what my clients tell me anyway. #wink
____
It really is so time out for bringing ageism into sex. If the body is able and the spirit is willing, you can be out here rivaling the 20-somethings. Yoga sex is just one option that cosigns on this — and has the data to prove it, chile. Enjoy!
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