Nazanin Mandi & Miguel Say Therapy And A One-Year Break Saved Their Relationship
A very wise woman told me that timing is everything when it comes to love, and it got me thinking about a few of my former suitors. There were a lot of good men who, although I adored, showed up at the wrong time in my life. Growth is one hell of a thing, and Nazanin Mandi and Miguel saw this firsthand throughout their 14-year-long relationship. In a recent episode of the podcast, Ladies Like Us, the newly married couple opened up about why taking a year-long break ultimately saved their relationship.
The couple, who met fresh out of high school at only 18 and 19 years old and married last November said that although their connection was immediate upon meeting, their journey hasn't been perfect. Nazanin explained:
"First of all, you're just not, and you think you are, but you're not mentally mature to handle a serious relationship. Honestly. And it could be different for some people, but I know in our situation, no, we just were not at all. Yeah. And we weren't ready to take on what we did either."
Miguel admitted to being unfaithful early in the relationship, leading to a series of breakups and an abundance ugly crying. Although the singer said that he has always maintained his love for Nazanin, his newfound industry lifestyle kept him distracted and eager to explore:
"I loved her. I wasn't necessarily always in love with her at the time. And my actions showed that. Because I didn't really know, I was still discovering things for myself about me. And how to love myself and going through that, just transitioning from being a little more obscure and like all of my time and energy going into music. So a lot of the energy and time went to that and our relationship didn't get a lot of the nurturing that could have been shown to her that, that she deserved, that we deserve."
After realizing that he was not fully in a place to commit, Miguel and Nazanin decided to put their relationship on hold to work on themselves, and when they reunited, they made a promise to each other to consistently have a therapist in the room. Miguel said that seeking professional help as it relates to their relationship has been a game-changer:
"This is how we level up and how it becomes real because everyone comes from different kinds of realities, we see love in different ways. We appreciate and receive love in different ways. And I think it was when we saw a therapist that helped us understand, it was like an a-ha in a lot of ways. Sometimes you can hear someone but it doesn't mean you're listening. So while you're arguing, while you're explaining your point, you're just holding on to this thing that you're trying to prove."
Nazanin shared that even now that they're living in marital bliss, they make sure to see a therapist regularly to ensure that nothing slips through the cracks:
"Now it helps us communicate better at home. We go to therapy now, not because we need it because it's our emotional gym. Instead of trying to fix things, it's just more maintenance. And it's a beautiful thing to be at that place. But if we do have an issue, nothing's perfect over here, I do know that we can eventually talk it out and make it work."
Miguel says that although he doesn't believe in soulmates, he does believe that he and Nazanin have a love that's worth fighting (and even going to therapy for):
"I think the most important thing is that it's going to be work. One, in life, do things that you love, be with someone that you actually love. At least you know that there's a reason. I think that's why when we talk about partnership, it's not about the expectation of the title."
To listen to the full podcast click here!
Featured image by @nazaninmandi.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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