The Healing Ways I Slayed My Recovery From Fibroid Surgery
Like millions of black women around the world, I've struggled with managing fibroids. And after successfully changing my diet and eliminating stress triggers, I had to make the tough decision to go under the knife for a myomectomy.
Five days out of surgery and 41 days into recovery, I was relieved but quite depressed and miserable.
I did a lot of thinking and soul-searching in that short period of time, reflecting on major moments from the past three years of my life: running a successful consultancy, living in Jamaica for 30 days, traveling to Ghana with a client, losing two jobs--and my sanity--and meeting the love of my life.
Related: How I Healed My Uterine Fibroids The Holistic Way
Add to that the recent removal of nine tumors from my womb and a C-section-like scar without the baby to show for it, and you've got a nice Netflix rom-com on your hands.
I was hell-bent on using the time of bedrest and healing constructively, so, in an effort to cut the whining, loathing and feelings of utter inconvenient annoyance, I offer the following tips for at least slaying those feelings with a bit of delusion and positive thinking. Oh, and these ain't your Granny's get-well tips:
Replace thoughts of fear, disfigurement and further complications with Netflix binging, meditation and gratitude.
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I've never, in my life, had to have any sort of surgery or be admitted into a hospital. Since fibroids crashed my 35th birthday, I've had two blood transfusions, two lengthy stays in the surgery prep area, two life-threatening visits to the ER, several panic attacks, and one too many days in the hospital for surgery and observation—all within a year.
I really don't do well with being sick and dealing with doctors and their medical possibilities. The whole idea of having a scar across my pelvic area, possibly having scar tissue, possibly having new tumors grow back, and possibly not being able to have a vaginal birth (if I am even able to possibly have a kid) has invited anxiety and depression to bang on my door.
To totally rebuke the nasty, utterly terrifying thoughts going through my head, I turned to prayer (thanks to my awesome sister who actually believes in the concept of "prayer warriors" and is fervent in consistently praying with and for me), Netflix series (gotta love a little Maisel and some thrilling crime docs), and my faith that God is in control. These trumped any doomful possibility any day.
Ignore the “Oh yeah, So-and-So went through the same thing back in ’83. You’ll be alright.”
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I guess people who lack self-awareness don't see how annoying and a tad dismissive it is to immediately compare your hurt to someone else's.
I heal how I feel.
It's great to be able to relate to other women who've had the same or a similar procedure, but those who have never been through a myomectomy or any sort of surgery may have their self-awareness or sensitivity dials turned down to zero. They'll downplay your pain, question why you have to be out from work for so long, scrutinize you turning down that cheeseburger and fries while recovering, or ask intrusive questions about things that have nothing to do with ensuring your well-being or post-surgical peace. Earphones, selective hearing, and closing my eyes to fake sleep were my best friends in these cases. Get you some.
Surround yourself with elements or things that will make you smile.
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After being in the hospital, I felt totally yucky. I'm a super-germaphobe, and I hated wearing that gown. (I could have brought pajamas for my stay, but did you miss the part about me being a germaphobe? I wanted nothing more than the sweats I came there wearing to be in contact with anything from the hospital.)
Pre-surgery, you can't use deodorant, lotions, or perfumes, so, again, I felt disgusting.
After I got home and was finally able to take a real shower, I put on my favorite lotion (along with sesame and coconut oil for my very dry skin after multiple wipes with that God-awful antibacterial liquid they put on you to prep for surgery.) I love Palmer's Moisturizing Body Oil and Bath & Body Works' Shea Butter lotion in Sweet Pea.
(Of course, I also made sure to follow doctor's orders in terms of cleaning my new birthmark—I mean, scar–with nothing but soap and water, patting it dry, and letting none of my good-smelling lotions or oils near it. Today, I still use the oil along with pure African shea butter on my scar, which has worked nicely. My doc--a black medical-industry phenom in her own right --did an amazing job making a clean and neat five-inch incision that will one day become a faint memory.)
My aunt brought me balloons (which I love, even at the ripe age of 36), and my grandmother kept flowers in my room.
When you get the strength, make use of your favorite Plug-in or vaporizer scent, wear a bright-colored scarf to keep your hair under wraps, or play your favorite music. Create a happy atmosphere.
Cliche? Yes, but go ahead and catch up on learning something new.
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It took me hours to even figure out how to change the look and font for a new blog I started, but I did it. Oh, and those Netflix docs: I learned how gullible, gluttonous and wicked people could be via the Fyre Fest docs, how complex the whole issue of legalizing marijuana is via a California community that's apparently a hilly, murderous haven of marijuana farmers via Murder Mountain, and how to say hello and thank you in Russian via the Red Queen.
Seriously, take a few free courses, learn more about recovery methods and healthcare options for reproductive health, challenge yourself to daily writing exercises, or play a new game. Maybe knitting wasn't your thing before you had to go under the knife, but that crochet bikini or dress might look damn good on your next vacation!
Embrace visits from people who maybe thought you’d died and want to be sure you hadn’t.
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OK, I'm being dramatic but it is refreshing to reconnect with family members you haven't spoken to in a while over stories about fertility, hospital stays and the best pain meds to take. I was truly blessed by it and was able to do something I'd been putting off doing for years: reconnecting with folk. Sometimes it takes a difficult situation to do that, but just thank God for the opportunity.
Enjoy the conversation and take in the love in whatever form it comes.
Dealing with fibroids can be one huge annoyance at best and an expensive health disaster at worst. but you can overcome and thrive through it all. Take it from me. I now smile and wink at the scar that serves as a reminder that I've joined millions of other badass women who survive and slay.
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- 7 Myomectomy myths debunked | MDedge ObGyn ›
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Meet The Designer Behind This Megan Thee Stallion "Hiss" Video Look
When Megan Thee Stallion dropped “Hiss,” a shift happened. From the audacious lyrics to the striking visuals, there was no doubt that the song and video would go viral. The opening of the video shows the H-town hottie rocking a barely there Shibari red dress, showing off her voluptuous frame. It was a sexy moment created by Timeekah Murphy of Alani Taylor. The designer exclusively tells us how the opportunity came about and what it was like seeing her design on Megan for the first time.
Timeekah Murphy
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xoNecole: How did the opportunity to create such an iconic look for Megan Thee Stallion's "Hiss" video come about?
Timeekah Murphy: The opportunity came from a DM from celebrity stylist Zerina Akers. She asked for a unique Shibari piece for Megan, and I needed to get it done in two days. So, of course, I did everything in my power to make it happen. I've always wanted to design for Megan, so this was an awesome opportunity for me.
xoN: What was that initial feeling of seeing the dress on her for the first time?
TM: I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her.
xoN: Did you meet her? If so, how was that moment?
TM: I didn't meet Megan during the shoot, but during my time in LA, I got the opportunity to meet her at LA Pride with Tiffany Haddish, Common, and EJ King (stylist). Megan is such an amazing person, so it made it even better to know that my designs were going to be worn by her. I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her.
"I was shocked because, at first, I thought it hadn't been used. I saw Megan's last video and thought, damn, maybe it didn't fit. So, to see it on such an amazing video was breathtaking. I was beyond excited to finally say I designed for her."
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xoN: Walk us through the creation of the dress. How did you come up with the look, and how long did it take to make it?
TM: I was the co-designer for a brand called Deviant in 2018-2020, and we used to make custom Shibari pieces. That's how Zerina knew me. So I'm very familiar with making these types of pieces. We made plenty for Beyoncé, Cardi B, Tiffany Haddish, Tyra Banks, and so many others. So Zerina knew exactly what she wanted.
To get it done, it took me a day and a half. It's very intricate and time-consuming, so I spent about six hours making it then I sent an image of it to Zerina, and she didn't approve the first one, so I had to start from scratch again after getting my guidance and understanding of what was needed. The next day, I went to The Lab and created another version, and she approved it. I had to get it shipped overnight so that she would get it in time and fast forward to seeing it on the big screen.
xoN: What's next for you?
TM: Everything. The sky is not my limit, so the Alani Taylor brand is expanding into so many different avenues. We are getting involved in the community more, offering sewing classes to the youth. I've opened up a store for my brand in Atlanta and now preparing for fall/winter Fashion Week.
Megan Thee Stallion "Hiss" video/ YouTube
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Everything Issa Rae Has Said About Her Relationship With Husband Louis Diame
If there’s one celebrity who keeps her personal life on the low-low, it’s Issa Rae. Although we have watched her skyrocket to fame following the first season of the iconic series Insecure, she has kept her professional life and personal life separate. That was even more apparent when she married her longtime boyfriend, Louis Diame, on July 25, 2021.
The couple tied the knot in the South of France. However, when Issa began sharing photos of their wedding on social media (which are now deleted), she referred to one of the photos as an “Impromptu photo.” In a photo with her husband, she jokingly said it, “Then I took a few flicks with Somebody’s Husband," feeding us a little information, but not too much.
What we do know about Louis is that his career is in international banking. He’s said to be Senegalese, and he appeared on an episode of Issa’s web series, The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl. It’s the episode where Issa’s character Jay goes on a date with white Jay and gets nasty looks from people in the restaurant, including her then-boyfriend Louis.
Another fun fact is that the American Fiction actress’ family seems to like him. Issa’s brother, Lamine, told Us Weekly in 2019, “He’s just a good guy, man. He’s just a cool guy,” he said. “They’ve been dating forever. He’s already been like a brother to me. Family ties at all the family events and dinners, Christmas, Thanksgiving.”
Here’s everything Issa has said about her relationship with Louis.
Issa on Her Wedding to Louis
Following their wedding, the Viarae Prosecco founder stopped by the Tamron Hall Show and said she “publicly” claims him and talked about the special occasion. "It was just a beautiful experience," she recalled.
"People tell you that it goes by fast, and they're right. But my thing was, it was a party. At the end of the day, it was just a big party. And it was a lot of fun. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by people who took the time out to just come and celebrate, and that's something that I'll cherish for the rest of my life."
Issa on Married Life with Louis and Whether She Wants Kids
Issa further opened up about being a newlywed in a cover story for SELF magazine and said she was “extremely happy.” When the question arose about having kids, however, she had this to say.
“I like my life, I like this selfishness, and I know that I have a window. I’ve always felt that way, that women, Black women especially—unless you’re Viola Davis or Angela Bassett—you have a window when people are going to want to continue to see you and see what you can do,” she explained.
“Then there are so many limitations placed upon you, and that does keep me up. I want to do as much as I can while I still can. I know it’s not the proper mentality to think that kids will slow you down, but I do feel that way.”
Issa on Being “Super Protective” of Her Relationship
Issa Rae and Louis Diame
Photo by Leon Bennett/Getty Images for Essence
In the April 2021 cover story for Rolling Stone, the journalist shared how protective Louis was as she interviewed Issa. She explained how he was at their home, and later in the week, he showed up during her early morning stroll with the star, staying on the opposite side of the street. This was during the pandemic and yes, they quarantined together.
But Louis isn’t alone. The multi-hyphenate feels the same way about their relationship. “I just feel superprotective of any relationship I’m in,” she said. “That’s come from observing and making fun of people over the years who broadcast the most intimate parts of their relationships, then are left with egg on their face. I call them the ‘me and my boo’ people. Let me embarrass myself. Don’t let a nigga embarrass you. That’s always been my focus.”
Issa on How Keeping Her Privacy is a Form of Self-Care
The producer shared with SELF magazine about the importance of keeping her peace. Like many social media users, Issa often shared a lot of herself on the platforms. However, she began to change her habits pertaining to her personal life.
“I think the little time I’ve been in the industry, I’ve witnessed how so many people who are front-facing don’t have a peace and aren’t at peace, and that’s always been troubling to me,” she said.
“In this age of social media, where I was an avid user, I would share so much of myself, of my friend group, and it was fun because it felt like [it was] just among my friends. The more I started to seep out, the more I felt like people took ownership of me and my decisions and things that I did. That's just not something that sat right with me, and I found that I don’t like to be the subject of conversations that I don’t initiate. There’s just something uncomfortable about that.”
So, when it comes to her marriage, Issa is mindful of keeping some things for herself. "There's something really nice to have a piece of me that no one knows about or no one can talk about except for the people that are part of my life," she said. "Self-care has been having a private piece that's just for me."
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Feature image by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic