Mýa Shares How Seven-Year Celibacy Brought Mental Clarity: 'It Was Just Reconditioning'
Mýa might be the walking definition of drinking my water and minding my business. The "It's All About Me" singer has had a fruitful career spanning over 20 years, giving us hits like "Best of Me," "My Love Is Like...Wo," and more, and she is currently on The Queens of R&B tour with Xscape and SWV.
Music career aside, Mýa is also vegan and has been open about her health and wellness journey. And at 44 years old, her health and life choices appear to be the reason for her youthful glow. Another thing that may be responsible for her youthful glow is abstaining from sex.
The singer/ dancer opened up about what motivated her to be celibate for seven years during an interview with Way Up With Angela Yee and the benefits she received.
"Mental clarity," she said. "Just doing without. It shifted my mindset. There was no longer a focus, the rush to be in a relationship. The rush to be married. The rush to be in something because that's what you're taught to do, to have kids or procreate. And I think there's a lot of pressure on women to be able to do that and also feeling valid. Why are we taught we have to be taken or made an honest woman, am I a liar?"
As she continued, she stressed about the importance of love, but more specifically self-love and how that should be the goal. "Love is beautiful and I think the world always needs more of it, but I think, you must start with yourself and I have to start with self always versus expecting from other sources," she explained.
"So it was just reconditioning, and I think it was something that was necessary because it's a very spiritual thing, and you must be very selective if you want better results, and so I think that's self-accountability, and it started with me by just shutting that part of my life off."
Mýa has always kept her love life private and revealed that a part of that has to do with her public persona as a sex symbol. She explained how her public persona sometimes interfered with dating. "You grow up, semi sex symbol, there's a lot of things that are said about you and you ingest all of that," she said.
"You try to process all of that at an early age and then the aesthetic you may come with is totally opposite of who you actually really are and it intersects in your life when you're trying to date or maybe taking photos with other celebrities and so it can get very tricky.
"But I think a lot of things that are sacred should just remain private, for me until, of course, I'm solid and I'm ready and the foundation of us is together and even then it's a risk. So I don't really play with that part of my life publicly."
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London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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There's nothing like coming home after a stressful day of work (or, for my WFH peeps, shutting your laptop until tomorrow) and relaxing for the evening. However, what should be relaxing may actually be stressing you out even more. A recent survey reported that 41% of adults worldwide are stressed out, so the experts at Northerner conducted research to determine post-work activities that could be contributing to stress.
Below is a list of counterproductive evening habits to be aware of.
Screen Time
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In this day and age, many of us are all culprits of endlessly scrolling on our phones. However, the light from our phones can disrupt our natural internal clock, which can cause problems with sleeping. It can also cause physical problems like headaches/migraines and pain in the neck, shoulder, and back. If you're looking for a way to wind down for the evening, try reading, journaling, or even cooking.
After-Work Coffee
An after-work coffee sounds like a vibe, but it could also do you more harm than good. Studies show that caffeine can last up to 12 hours, which can affect your sleep. It can also mimic anxiety, causing headaches, restlessness, and sweating. If you want a boost of energy post-work, try a power nap or a brisk 10-minute walk instead.
Too Much Sitting
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Sitting all day comes with a lot of health issues, including obesity, heart disease, and even cancer. So if you work a job where you sit down for eight or more hours a day and then you come home and do the same thing, you can be putting yourself at risk for the aforementioned health concerns. A few ways to combat that is to set a timer to get up and walk around your home every 30 minutes, have a quick dance party while your chicken is in the oven, or even watch TV standing up.
Snacking
It's so easy to fall into snacking, especially when you don't plan ahead. Cooking after a long day can be a stressful task, but snacking is not the way to go. Typically, when people snack, it's usually full of salt and/or sugar, which isn't good for your health, so if you don't want to cook a meal and want to avoid snacking, meal prep.
Problem Solving In Bed
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Sometimes, when we get ready for bed, we start thinking about all the work we have to do the next day—the meetings, the errands we need to run, and events. We may also begin to remember things that we may have forgotten to do for the day, but here's some advice. Don't give in to the urge to complete them when you're supposed to be resting.
Instead, jot down those ideas and tasks. That way, you can rest peacefully knowing that you won't forget the things you need to take care of tomorrow..
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