A One Night Stand Changed How I Feel About Sex
I've never had a one night stand. Despite how sexually liberated and free I feel, it's a realm I've never dared to enter. And not for lack of opportunity, just for lack of thought. As an emotional person, I feel things deeply and I believed that a one night stand would do nothing for me. I would have the physical and not the emotional, which takes a toll on the overall quality of a sexual experience.
Even in my casual experiences, emotion has lived there. It's why sex with the same person gets better over time. It's why my most powerful orgasms unearth and unravel. It's why I feel full instead of empty afterwards. The emotion is there, so the connection runs deep.
But my mind on the matter changed this summer. It was blown. Thoroughly and completely.
New Orleans has always been a city of magic, so I shouldn't have been surprised by the transformative experience that enlightened my life and my perspective on hit it and quit it sex. It was a work trip, but he insisted on bringing me pleasure. I had been in town for a couple of days for the festival, and when I met him I was absolutely exasperated by my schedule and made that sentiment clear in the backseat of his Lyft.
A vent session about work quickly became a conversation about oral sex and the importance of reciprocity with our perfect stranger, all because of a DJ Khaled track that popped up on the radio. It wasn't a surprise to me when he dropped me in front of the Ace Hotel that he insisted I take his number so that he could be a tour guide and show me the city. I said okay. Aside from my crab roll I devoured for lunch, it was one of the highlights of that day.
On the eve of my flight back to Atlanta, I decided to take him up on his offer. I had seen the city but so far underneath a very curated lens and I wanted to be with the people, so I decided to skip Sunday night's concert series for fun with Mr. Tour Guide aka Bearded Bae. He picked me up from my hotel and asked me what I wanted. I told him about a weak ass Hurricane I had a couple of hours before and told him I wanted something frozen. He had the perfect place in mind.
With our frozen margaritas in hand, we strolled down Bourbon, immersed in jazz being played in the outside air and impromptu twerk sessions and tangos. It was the laughter and the fun I had been missing. And his smile was everything. As a true lightweight, I was tipsy halfway through my cup, but it didn't stop the conversation from flowing as we gave one another our backstories and present truths. He made me feel an ease that was reminiscent of knowing someone for years versus days and a few text messages here and there.
I don't know if either of us knew sex would be in the cards for us, but after we left a rooftop bar and he pulled me into his arms for a kiss that made my knees buckle and my back arch simultaneously, I was sold.
I wanted to give myself over to the moment.
Despite what my brain told me about how I felt about one-nighters or casual sex with someone I barely knew, I wanted to be true to the way he made me crave and melt with lust and desire. I didn't realize it until then, but I had been fantasizing about juices dripping in his beard since the first time I laid eyes on him. I had just been telling myself "no" until I said "yes."
And that night, I kept saying "yes".
As he grabbed my booty and bit my lip to access my tongue. He suggested a quick stop to the store to get condoms.
As he followed me into the elevator of my hotel and continued to pepper me with hot kisses, I was a faucet by the time we entered my room. We took turns undressing each other and I caressed his caramel skin before he picked me up and walked us to the bed, guiding the length of my body against my disheveled sheets. It was such a gentle careful act and it surprisingly took me higher.
He fulfilled my dripping beard fantasy briefly before I tapped him, begging him to end my misery and grant me what he promised me: Him.
When he penetrated me, I felt like I was flying. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the thought of every fantasy I had envisioned about him in the past couple of days being fulfilled. Maybe it was a combination of them both. All I knew was everything was so heightened. "Give it to me," he kept whispering in my ear in between languid, purposeful thrusts.
I came undone almost instantly. And after the third or fourth time, he followed me over pleasure's edge, announcing his orgasm. Music to my ears.
We cuddled briefly before he had to bounce to attend a club outing with his homeboys, but he promised to be back, if he was welcomed. I agreed even though I didn't believe he'd return. But hours later, he did. We held one another for the remainder of the late night early morning we shared together, pressing play from where we had paused. He overslept and missed his early a.m. shift at the clinic but unbegrudgingly helped himself to seconds with a round of morning sex before I had to catch my flight.
It was a night to remember and one I reminisce on often. Not only because the pleasure I experienced was one for the books, but also because it changed my stance on how I thought about one night stands altogether. I understand them now. It's not about time, it's about feeling. And I think although it's a feeling that's coursed through my veins before, it's another part of me that I inherently swallow because as a woman, it's frowned upon to move through the world a certain way.
No matter how much we lift it up and bear the weight of it on our backs.
So, the next time you lay eyes on someone you think could take you there but push the fantasy from your thoughts because of logic and reasoning, consider paying that little voice dust and let yourself be enticed by the flow of going with it. When you allow yourself to be true to the moment and to the energies that pull you two together like a magnet, the universe rewards you.
I never thought a perfect stranger could ever make me come, let alone make me feel him so deeply both emotionally and sexually. I was wrong.
Featured image by Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty