My ex-boyfriend and I were together for two months before I found out he stole my identity.
I met my ex at work while he was temping there. He was incredibly charming, charismatic, and complimentary. He kept me laughing with his jokes and personality, and made it clear to me pretty quickly that he held some sort of interest for me. He always made sure I felt special underneath his gaze. He wasn't really my type, but by the time he grew the courage to ask me out, I was so enamored with our chemistry and connection that I figured, hmmm why not? It was around Valentine's Day when we first went out. He did nothing short of wining and dining me. I was amazed. I was smitten. And after that night, he and I were inseparable.
Even though signs were there, I chose to allow them to go by unnoticed because he was a great guy. I allowed him to start staying over at my place and would come home to a walked dog and cleaned dishes. It was the little things for me and he knew how to do them well to make me feel like he listened and like he cared.
Once his temp position at my company was over, he started trying to get another job as an Uber driver. He sold his old car and a few weeks later bought a new car. I was surprised by what he was able to do in such a small window of time, especially working a temp job for some time and being unemployed shortly thereafter. He told me that he had some money saved and got a little extra from his uncle and that was how he was able to buy the car.
About a month later, I received an alert from my credit report regarding one of my credit cards. There was some new activity. I had been paying my bills on time so I thought at the very least the report would reveal that my score had gone up by a few points. But when I checked it out, I saw that there was a new auto loan through a bank I knew my ex was banked with. I thought to myself, “Self, could this be your man's doing?" But I shook it off, “Nah, my boyfriend wouldn't do that."
I decided the best course of action was to give the bank a call to see if I was in their system and maybe get an idea of how. I called them, gave them the last four digits of my social, and there I was, right in their freaking system. I found out that I was the co-signer on the auto loan referenced on my credit report. When speaking to the representative, I inquired about who the primary on the account was by mentioning his name to her. “Yes, that's him," she said. So it was indeed his doing.
Immediately, I called and went to the police station to have him reported. It turned out to be pointless because I couldn't have him arrested. It had been nearly a month since the crime had been committed and I hadn't caught him in the act so it bore no grounds for an arrest. Instead I had to go through the process of filing a report and getting a warrant out for his arrest. The police also offered to escort him from my apartment if I needed them to.
I had my mom, aunt, and dad meet me at my place. Police were there upon our arrival. Three cops and I walked upstairs and I watched as they knocked on the door. My ex opened the door and looked perplexed. After confirming his identity to one of the cops, the cop responded with, “You are under arrest." I was shocked! Apparently, there was already a warrant out on him for a previous incident where he never showed up for his court date.
Since then, he's tried countless attempts to get back together with me, but I am not having it. I will not be in a relationship where I can't trust my man. I found out he stole my social security card and applied for the car loan through the bank online. He electronically forged my signature and the check was mailed directly to the car dealership. The damage of what he had done to not only our relationship but to me is irrevocable.
He claimed that once he got his tax return back that he would pay off the loan and that I wouldn't be responsible for it because he'd have it paid off in full. The first payment was due in May, so he still hasn't done that. I'm still in the midst of getting my name off the loan and have been going through hell to do so.
While I don't think that every potential mate will pose a threat as major as my ex did, I think it's important that we learn to listen to our gut. Even though I had moments where I questioned a feeling of anxiety he gave me in the pit of my belly, I ignored it because I had no proof that those feelings were valid. I saw red flags but passed them by. They lacked depth so I gave them no mind.
[Tweet "Red flags, no matter how big or how seemingly small, should never be ignored"]
Here are some major signs your partner may be a scammer:
- He has never asked you over to his place.
- He seems too clingy too soon in the relationship.
- He moves from state to state often.
- He seems like he can't keep a job.
If you see any of those signs, take them as red flags, and keep it movin' ladies!
I've learned a lot from this situation. I'm not going to blame myself for what happened but it's definitely taught me a lesson. You can't rush into relationships. He seemed like the perfect guy, but the hard lesson is that just because everything seemed like it is going right doesn't mean it gives you a reason to rush into things, including allowing people access to your home and personal space.
This situation has taught me to be more cautious, a little more responsible and not so naive. I'm still learning and I'm glad I had this experience early on so that I can navigate my future relationships a little better.
He's out of jail now, and by the grace of God my name was released from the USAA loan. It has also been removed from my credit report. It took countless amount of hours of phone calls but I wasn't giving up without a fight!
HOW TO REPORT/RECOVER FROM IDENTITY THEFT
1.) Report it to the police
2.) File a report with the FTC(The Federal Trade Commission) with as much information as you can
3.) Contact your bank and/or credit cards to place alerts for any suspicious activity
4.) Contact the 3 credit agencies to put a freeze or alert on accounts so no one cane open any accounts with your name or social security
5.) Check up on all accounts frequently for any suspicious activity
As for my ex, I've forgiven him and what he has done because I refuse to let anyone have power over me to change my positive spirit. I have NOT spoken with him and have deleted him from ALL social media. He's currently on the run to HOLLYWOOD....
Have you ever had an ex steal something from you? How did you deal with it? Were there any red flags you purposely ignored? Share below!