I'm Caught Between My Anxiety Disorder & Religion, Here’s How I Cope
I never thought that I would be sharing my experiences with anxiety while being a Christian. One reason being, I never thought or knew I had an official anxiety disorder until March of 2018. All this time I thought I was one strange individual. I oftentimes kept my weird quirky behavior to myself because of sheer embarrassment and the people closest to me thought most of my behavior was funny or some sort of joke. Although I did try to make light of a lot of my experiences, there is definitely nothing funny about anxiety when you are in the midst of a full-on attack.
Having anxiety is hard. Having anxiety and being a Christian is even harder. How many times have we heard someone say:
"You have to trust in God."
"God will make a way girl, don't worry."
"You need to just give it all to God and pray."
"The Bible says we shouldn't be anxious and to have faith. Your faith is not strong enough."
I have heard this and more, far too many times than I would like to talk about. Each and every time I've heard it, a little part of me died inside and I just rolled my eyes and chalked it up to pseudo Christian ignorance. What most people don't understand is Christians who suffer with anxiety often feel guilty for suffering.
We are taught to be the "best" Christian; we're supposed to have unwavering faith and believe. We deal with so much pressure to have faith and believe in God's goodness, on top of battling frightening intrusive thoughts. Ultimately, the pressure manifests itself into more anxiety.
We start to constantly worry about not demonstrating enough faith and because of said "lack of faith", we continue to suffer. What does this mean for the ones who try their hardest to manage their anxiety and have faith but come up short as soon as an attack hits?
I would have to say God created us and sent us Jesus and the gift of communion with the Holy Spirit because God knows the mind is a battlefield. Your faith should never be in question. I mean if we want to look at the bible and get technical, ya boy David was stressed out to the max! Either that or he was just hella dramatic and was exploring his creative writing talents. His psalms are a mixture of praise and worship and most of all crying out in times of stress and anxiousness. Take for instance Psalms 6:1–10, David was in full on meltdown mode, screaming like Wyclef, SOMEONE PLEASE CALL 911. His anxiousness started to manifest itself in his body physically. While I feel terribly bad for all that David had to go through, this was comforting to me because it lets me know I am not alone.
We are not alone. God equipped me to defeat and overcome this and He equipped you to overcome this as well.
I know the first thing you thought reading that was, it's easier said than done. Trust me, I have been through hell and back in my mind, dealing with depression and anxiety at the same time, all while feeling like I was not a real human being, living in an altered existence. Imagine taking a bad trip on some drugs and never coming down off of them. Well, that is exactly how I felt 24/7 for months. I had been experiencing an awful symptom of anxiety called depersonalization. I was able to come to terms with my anxiety disorder and I picked up a few tools and grounding techniques that are Christian folk-friendly.
This isn't at all about religion, this is about the way you develop your relationship with God and how doing that will help you to overcome and heal your anxiety and if not fully heal, you absolutely will be able to cope much better than you ever have been able to do before.
One of the most powerful things that helped me to push through and win this battle was using scriptures as affirmations.
If you're anything like me, you may say some affirmations and then close your eyes and hope that there will be a change. You open your eyes and you see that life is still the same. Disappointing, I know. I started to think more on the exercise of using affirmations. Just saying them won't do much but what does work is speaking out your affirmations, and pushing yourself even if only for a split second to get into the feeling of the affirmation being said. We all are capable of doing that, no matter how depressed or anxious we are. I've noticed that sometimes my mind can wonder and forget about the anxious state I am in and once I realized I've forgotten, my mind is like, 'Wait a minute, we are supposed to be depressed, yep, let's go back to that.'
Once I realized that was happening, it dawned on me: I can get into the feelings of my affirmations.
During my darkest moments with anxiety and depersonalization, I was given the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I would repeat that verse to myself and for a couple seconds, imagine what I would feel like if I could feel normal again, and not bound down by so many morbid thoughts and fear. Eventually, I started to gain the courage to step out of my room, return to work, and be in social settings. So, I say try for one minute today to speak a positive healing affirmation of your choosing, and for 60 seconds, imagine what it would feel like when that affirmation comes true. Test my theory, do it for 7 days, and see if you start to feel a difference in how you handle your fears.
The comfort that can be found in structure and routines.
The anxious mind hates routines and normally when anxiousness senses routines happening, it tends to dissipate. Start by setting small goals for your routines. I never had any routines, I was a fly by the seat of my pants type of girl. To an extent, I still am and could use some tuning up. However, when I was at my worst, anxiety-wise, I put myself on a schedule. I woke up early, I forced myself to get out bed, and I focused on the daily tasks I set for myself. I also joined a gym and took evening classes so that kept me out late in the evenings. Less time to be home alone with my thoughts.
When I got home I would shower and use every lavender product I had in the house on my body and sheets so that I would have the most comfortable sleep. I also made sure not to fall asleep with the television on during this time. As our subconscious mind is so impressionable and I didn't want to chance feeding my subconscious anything that would aggravate the anxiety. So, my point is, what kind of routine can you begin in your day to day activities? It could be setting a time to wake up every morning and going to exercise or have breakfast. Or you set time aside at work twice a day to do some grounding meditation. Create more structure in your day to day. The mind is so vulnerable and moldable and will eventually fall in line with what you tell it to do.
Journaling is one of the most therapeutic things we can do for ourselves.
I used to be so discouraged from journaling because of trauma in my childhood and feelings of not being a good enough writer. It wasn't until I said to myself, who cares if it's horrible writing, no one will see it, that I began to write. I wrote about my innermost secrets, painful experiences, my mistakes, and every little thing I was too ashamed to talk about with anyone. It became a time of meditation and prayer. What began to happen was a breakthrough. I started to see where and how my thoughts came to be so negative and how anxiety has always been a part of my life and why it was so overbearing.
The journaling helped me process like I had never processed before with no judgement from anyone, not even myself.
I believe that was the work of the Holy Spirit sitting with me and communing with me. The Holy Spirit is here to help us process and give us the words to speak on our behalf to God the Father. Make a decision to commit to journaling and see where it takes you. If you're like me and you struggle with inconsistency, set small goals in the beginning. Try saying to yourself if I'm feeling stuck, sad, or completely disconnected, I will write. It doesn't matter how long or how much, just the action alone will help you move closer to your goal of healing and recovery.
Taking a walk or just sitting outside can be so calming.
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Lately on Saturday mornings, I go for a walk and find a bench and people-watch. It's something about seeing life happening in front of you that reconnects you. As I'm sitting, I truly believe it's a moment of being still in God's presence. Throughout my worst moments of feeling so disconnected with earth and my own body, just sitting and taking in fresh air and feeling the breeze hit my skin would reconnect me, even if only for a moment. I would get up and walk sometimes and begin to talk with God and tell Him all about how weird and disconnected I was feeling and how bad I wanted to get back to normal. It took time but I eventually got back to normal and I truly believe it was the work of God. The walking and people-watching and being out in nature was grounding for me and it could be a great grounding technique for you.
Get out and be around people.
I know if you are having constant panic attacks or you have been highly anxious and it's causing depression, the last thing you want to do is be around people. I was the same way, in fact, I was irritated when people would come around because they either had no idea what I was going through or I would explain it to them and they would look at me like I had morphed into an alien right before their eyes. As if what I was going through wasn't stressful enough! First thing to remember is this, people will be people and most of the time, I say this with no malice, we are absolutely ridiculous. However, this doesn't mean people don't mean well or they don't try to comprehend the best way they know how.
Have compassion for yourself around your people and have compassion for their lack of understanding.
Find someone you can trust and share with them. You might realize you are not alone and some of the people closest to you could be struggling with their mental health as well. It wasn't until I started to express to one of my close friends what I was going through that she revealed she had the very same experience and never told anyone. I can say I have had far more positive experiences than negative when I began to open up and share what I was going through. I began to push myself to go out in social settings again and reintegrate with people around me. If I ever began to feel off or way too disconnected, I would use my breathing and grounding tools to calm myself down or I would just call it a night and go home. The idea here is to take one step at a time, and just getting out of the house is a big one!
It's so easy for me to sit behind this laptop and tell you what to do, but it was much harder for me to step out on faith and do it. So, I know your struggle! I want to assure you that I am rebuilding my emotional well-being because of the tools I have shared with you. I did a lot of meditation, quiet time, journaling, and therapy. They all helped me but the most important thing as Christians we must not forget, is that through all our suffering, God still wants a relationship with you and He most certainly hasn't abandoned you. I look back now and realize I was using that time of isolation to get closer to God. The closer I got to Him, the closer I got to healing. I encourage you to do the same if you haven't started already.
Do you have any coping tools you'd like to share? Comment below I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
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“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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The first Full Moon of 2024 is on January 25, and we are letting go of all that no longer serves us. This Full Moon will be in Leo, and it’s only fitting we start the year on a confident tone like this fire sign. This Full Moon is all about releasing past versions of yourself that were aligned with self-doubt, honoring the gift of who you are, and choosing to forgive. When the Moon is in Leo, emotions run high, and you can expect people to speak their truth, open up emotionally, and connect deeper to the heart. An opportunity for reflection and redirection is being given now, and this Full Moon is a powerful one.
What Full Moons Mean in Astrology
Full Moons are the time of the month to let go, heal, renew, and rest. They are a time when matters from the past month come full circle, and when you get to gain some much-needed clarity needed for closure. The past month comes into focus during a Full Moon, and what you were once just initiating or pondering over prior, is now illuminated. Whereas New Moons are a time to set intentions, Full Moons are a time to seek gratitude for what you already have. With this Full Moon being a Wolf Moon, this particular Full Moon signifies a time of fulfillment, awakening, and recognition.
The First Full Moon of 2024
During the Full Moon, take time to acknowledge how worthy you are to live in your truth, to love yourself unconditionally, and to be confident in what you have built and are building for yourself. As the Aquarius Sun opposes the Leo Moon, we are being reminded that loving yourself isn’t selfish, and being in this energy only attracts those who recognize the love within you and match that. Let go of anything that makes you feel unworthy of all that you are capable of or want for yourself, and give gratitude to where you do feel authentic love.
Full Moon In Leo: How The First Full Moon Of 2024 Will Affect Each Zodiac Sign
Read for your sun, moon, and rising sign below, to see how this Full Moon will be illuminating your life.
1.ARIES
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in fellow fire sign, Leo, and things are heating up for you in regard to romance right now, Aries. This Leo Full Moon will be moving through your 5th house of love, joy, pleasure, and self-expression, and this is an exciting time for you overall. More opportunities for fun, creativity, and entertainment come to fruition for you now, and your heart is opening to the love that is here for you.
Life is coming full circle, and your heart is getting a clear view of how much love you are truly worthy of.
The clarity you are gaining this Full Moon is healing things for you in love and is creating an opening for a fresh start to take place for you in life. Luck is on your side during this Full Moon.
2.TAURUS
This Full Moon is bringing matters of the home to the front and center of your life, Taurus. You may be feeling some conflicting energy here with family and close loved ones as you seek to let go of any misunderstandings or miscommunications that have left you feeling unstable. This is a time for gaining some much-needed clarity when it comes to your support systems and sense of safety in life, and you are getting the opportunity to regroup and maintain that.
This is a very karmic time for you overall, with this Full Moon being in your 4th house of destiny, and a lot is changing and coming to light when it comes to your foundations in life. Honor your need for more rest and nurture, and reset if you need to.
3.GEMINI
The Leo Full Moon is a time of culmination for you financially and when it comes to communication matters, Gemini. Past hard work and efforts have come to fruition for you now, and you are seeing your due rewards and recognition. Abundance is blooming, and you have everything you need beside you. Allow yourself to consider how one culmination can lead to many other doors that will open, and know the successes you are seeing right now are only the beginning of what is possible for you.
Honor your goals and inspirations, communicate from the heart, and connect with like-minded souls with whom you resonate. Messages and divine guidance are coming in for you during this Full Moon, and you are creating space for dreams to be fulfilled.
4.CANCER
You are letting go of fears and aligning with self-trust and abundance during this Full Moon, Cancer. This Full Moon for you is reminding you to be patient on what you are building for yourself and to trust that your intentions will see manifestation when they are ready to. This is a good time to plan long-term financially, pay off any debts, clean out your purse or wallet, and clear things up in this area of your life.
Remember the gifts that come from valuing yourself rather than valuing what you have, and be confident in where you stand right now.
This Full Moon is giving you clarity on financial matters, clearing things up here, and helping you see where you can grow, let go, and replan.
5.LEO
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in your sign, and it’s setting the tone for the spotlight that is going to be on you this year, and also on the major culminations and changes you will be moving through as well. With this Full Moon occurring in your 1st house of self, this is one of the most important Full Moons of the year for you. A lot is wrapping up for you at this time; past goals are coming full circle, and you will soon be beginning anew in your personal life.
This is a time of being seen, recognized, and supported, and for seeing yourself with new clarity, love, and acceptance as well. This is a good Full Moon to honor your renewed passions and interests in life and to do what feels good for you right now.
6.VIRGO
Passion and creativity are high for you during this Full Moon, and things are especially inspiring for you right now, Virgo. This Full Moon will be happening at the very bottom of your chart, and you are going through a major release and regrouping in your life. You are letting go of any heaviness that has been weighing you down and keeping you stuck and uninspired, and are seeing the gifts in showing up and being confident to put yourself out there.
You deserve to be heard and you deserve to take up space, and you are letting go of shying away or isolating yourself from potential connections and opportunities. You are living in your truth and doing things your way right now, and this Full Moon is a time of healing through self-love.
7.LIBRA
The Leo Full Moon is a chance at clarity and acceptance, Libra. This Full Moon will be in your 11th house of friendship, community, hopes, and dreams; and you are getting the full picture on these matters right now. During this Full Moon, you are thinking about your destiny, life purpose, who you surround yourself with, and what your overall dreams are in life. Circumstances within your friendships, social circle, or finances may be changing right now, and you could feel more pressure to hold onto things that need to be let go of for now.
Closures happening in your life during this Full Moon, but they are leading to more fulfilling experiences for you. Know that what ends or transforms for you right now is helping you gain a new perspective and facilitate the manifestation of your dreams.
8.SCORPIO
This Full Moon is all about your career and professional goals, reputation, and achievements. Scorpio, you are getting a clearer view of what accomplishments you can settle into now, and which goals don’t make sense for you anymore. You may be feeling more pressure to perform, to complete projects, or to be in a more successful state than you currently feel. Allow yourself to gain a new perspective, and to believe in yourself and what dreams you want to go after in life, no matter how impossible they may seem to you now.
You are on your own timeline, and there is a lot to be grateful for here.
This Full Moon overall is helping you do a major let go of what’s been hindering your personal growth and is giving you the space and freedom to forge a new path for yourself. Think more long-term right now and give yourself grace.
9.SAGITTARIUS
There is a lot to grasp during this Full Moon, and you need some time and space to do so, Sag. This Full Moon is occurring in your 9th house of perspective, expansion, travel, and the higher mind- and is the time to get aligned and get centered. You are thinking a lot about your belief systems and which ones have been serving you or limiting you, and are getting some much-needed personal clarity. This is a good time to find healthy ways to mentally heal, gain peace of mind, and be in spaces where you don’t have to overthink.
This is a more spiritual, intuitive, and eye-opening time for you, as you awaken to more than you could have ever dreamed of. Take a moment of gratitude for all that’s become clear to you, and keep the faith.
10.CAPRICORN
Everything is coming into balance for you right now, Capricorn. This is a Full Moon where the clarity you gain changes everything moving forward, and one when your past investments are seeing a return. What you have been putting your time, energy, and dedication into is coming full circle, and you are recognizing where your commitments have served you well, and which ones have felt more like time wasted. You are ready to make some important decisions right now, and you are being supported as you do so.
Financially, you may be seeing some wins now as well, as you are being recognized for your savvy mindset and ambitious energy. You are ready to let go of past fears and are overcoming a lot during this Full Moon.
11.AQUARIUS
Aquarius Season is underway, and the first Full Moon of the year happens in your sister sign, Leo. With this Leo Full Moon, love is the focus, and relationship matters are coming full circle for you right now. This Full Moon is a time to let go of what’s been keeping you away from feeling more connected and in tune with your relationships, and to give this area of your life more of your attention. Romance wants to bloom for you now, but you may need to let go, forgive the past, and create some space to allow more of that energy in.
This Full Moon is teaching you to be confident in love and to know that you deserve all the good you dream of here. Life is reflecting to you how you have been feeling within, and you are coming to some conclusions on what you want to do from here.
12.PISCES
This is an exciting Full Moon for you Pisces, and a time when things begin to move forward again where they were once stagnant. The Full Moon is transiting your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines, and you are moving through a culmination here in your life. You are focused on taking care of your well-being, doing things that benefit your body, handling your responsibilities, and letting go of any unhealthy habits that have been restricting you in any way.
You are ready to let go of what isn’t serving in mind, body, and soul overall right now, and this is positively benefiting you. There is a lot of growth taking place in your life during this Full Moon, and support is coming in for you.
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