Your Monthly Horoscopes: August 2019
Happy August, babes! We've finally closed out that wild ass eclipse season and Mercury retrograde madness just in time to end our hot girl summer on a high note.
Most of the action this month takes place in magnanimous Leo before we transition into ambitious Virgo motivating us to finish out the Summer strong so we can reap the blessings of the harvest season this Fall. Check out your monthly horoscope below to see what awesomeness August has in store for you!
Aries and Aries Rising
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The cosmos is showering you with blessings this month as Jupiter, the benevolent, goes direct on the 11th opening up new opportunities for you that allow you to flex your innate leadership qualities. You may be playing the role of teacher, mentor, or guru to people near and far and this transit could even bring you the gift of adding a new stamp to your passport. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, making your communication even more feisty than usual. When it comes to romance and dating, be mindful of your aggression which may be better suited for a high intensity workout that could definitely take place behind closed doors.
Your creativity is at a peak this month and you're likely to attract tons of attention for simply expressing the greatness of who you are.
Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to review some of your long-term financial goals and to revise accordingly. This transit will help you figure out how to make money by doing more of what you love and value. On the 15th, the Full Moon illuminates your friend circle and social networks. This can result in the dissolution of certain bonds that give you the freedom to connect with new people that are more in alignment with your vision. Virgo moves into Mars on the 18th and you're feeling motivated to whip your body into shape. By the end of the month, the Sun, Mercury and New Moon in Virgo are setting you up for some much-needed changes in your daily routines that are more beneficial for your mental and physical well-being.
Taurus and Taurus Rising
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The month begins with Jupiter ushering in the blessings when it comes to your finances. You've got the potential to strike gold with some back taxes, a credit boost, or even just some extra support from a benefactor. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Leo, making you the center of attention amongst your household. Be mindful of stirring up drama amongst your family at this time and use your influence to uplift your loved ones instead. Uranus begins its retrograde in your sign and the next several months is taking you through a deep, inner metamorphosis regarding your personal values. It's time to free yourself from any limited conceptions of who you've known yourself to be until now. On the 15th, the Full Moon brings some good news regarding your career achievements. If you're feeling unfulfilled within your current job, you may decide to call it quits in pursuit of something more meaningful. Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, helping you to buckle down on those creative projects.
Push past those dreaded perfectionist tendencies and give yourself a chance to really express yourself. Your voice, and art, matters but it's up to you to validate it!
When it comes to love, you may be feeling more pressured to get serious and with Venus moving into Virgo on the 21st, you've got the potential to attract exactly what you want. The Sun moves into your sister sign on the 23rd, giving you a boost of energy and the clarity needed to break through any creative blocks you've been experiencing. With Mercury moving into this same part of your chart on the 29th, spending a little extra time with your munchkins is important. If you're interested in starting a family, this is a great time to talk with your OBGYN to get you on a fertility plan for a healthy, successful pregnancy. The New Moon in Virgo on the 30th can be a potent time to plant the seed (if you know what I mean). Even if the idea of children makes you gag, this lunation invites you to get in touch with your own inner child. Loosen up and have some fun! Life doesn't always have to be so serious.
Gemini and Gemini Rising
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Jupiter, the benevolent, is coming through with the blessings when he goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune in your relationships, whether it be a significant romantic connection or key business partnerships. Do I hear wedding bells? Mercury moves into Leo the same day and you're making quite the impression on your social media platforms and with your gift of gab. Give me drama, dahling (not the Love & Hip-Hop kind but more so the Broadway kind of flair). Uranus goes retro on the 11th as well, giving you the chance to do the inner work that will liberate you from karmic contracts that impede on your flow of wealth. It's time to clean up your subconscious money programming, my love. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius places you in the spotlight as a teacher or guru of some sort.
Stay humble and keep in mind that with great power comes great responsibility.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, motivating you to get organized in your home. With Venus following closely behind on the 21st, you and bae will prefer the comfort of your sanctuary versus being out and about. This could also be a time of discussing family planning for those of you ready to take that step. The Sun moving into Virgo on the 23rd has you hyper-focused on your family. Avoid being overly critical of your loved ones, Gemmie. We all have our imperfections—even you. As Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the opportunity to create more healthy bonds amongst your family and the New Moon on the 30th marks a much-needed fresh start when it comes to the way you relate to them. Some of you could even find yourselves shacking up with your significant other or relocating around this time due to an expansion of your family.
Cancer and Cancer Rising
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You finally made it through that hectic eclipse season. Your birthday season likely brought a lot of twists and turns along with your celebration of another year of life. If you feel like you got the short end of the stick last month, Jupiter is here to make up for it when it comes to your health, daily work, and routines. Your schedule should be smoothing out a lot more with this benevolent planet going direct. Some of you may be in for some amazing new work opportunities, or an adjustment in your current routine, that will benefit your overall well-being. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th as well and you're extremely dynamic when it comes to bringing in the cash. Don't be afraid to strut your stuff! Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate your long-term goals. Are they truly in alignment with what you love and value?
On the 15th, the Full Moon helps you break through psychological trauma or intimacy issues that get in your way of feeling connected to the collective.
Mars moves into Virgo on the 18th, motivating you to connect with your sibling(s), friends, and local community. Acts of service are favored during this time. In what ways can you give back to these groups of people? On the 21st, Venus moves into Virgo and you could be attracting someone that is enamored with your intellect. Online dating is favorable during this transit. Once the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you may consider planning a short distance trip to end the Summer on high note. Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th encourages you to get that oil change before hitting the road. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo inviting you to communicate your ideas in new ways. Maybe it's time to start that blog or YouTube channel to share your wealth of wisdom as an act of service to others.
Leo and Leo Rising
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Happy birthday, superstar! Jupiter is showering you with blessings once it goes direct on the 11th, enhancing your world with even more romance, adventure, and creativity. Mercury moves into your sign on the same day, making you the social butterfly of the season. Your dynamic energy is irresistible at this time, so use it to your advantage to make your birthday wishes come true. On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your career path and whether it's truly in alignment with what you personally value. Don't be surprised if you find yourself embarking on a new path once this transit is all said and done. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius highlights a committed partnership or business connection. However, some of you may be realizing that a key partnership no longer meshes with your long-term goals which could result in a separation.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo bringing your focus to finances. This is a good time to reassess your budget and spending habits.
With Venus moving into this part of your chart shortly after, you could be on the receiving end of some extra cash or gifts. When it comes to love, attracting a partner with more long-term potential is possible during this transit. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo which could have you feeling a little raw and exposed due to you being overly critical of yourself. Be easy on yourself, mamí. Mercury moving into Virgo encourages you to use those positive affirmations to counteract the negative self-talk. The month closes out with a New Moon on the 30th that can bring in a new money-making opportunity for you that may alter your daily routine and your bank account.
Virgo and Virgo Rising
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Happy (early) birthday, Goddess! Jupiter is gifting you in the area of home and family once he goes direct on the 11th. Some of you may be relocating or even expanding your family in the months ahead. Don't forget to thank your ancestors as they play a big role in the blessings you're receiving during this transit. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, enlivening your dream world with clues as to how you can tap into your star potential. You may even experience some past life recall of your life as a former entertainer which will ultimately help you embody that energy in this current lifetime if you choose. Uranus goes retrograde on the 11th as well and you're headed back to school (or diving deep into self-study on topics of interest).
It's time to expand your wisdom about the ideologies you value the most.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your sign and you're feeling more motivated than ever before. It's time to take the world by storm! Venus moves into your sign on the 21st, making you even more attractive than usual. Expect to be showered with attention, gifts, and money during this transit. If you want to switch up your look at all, this is a favorable time for a makeover. Virgo season officially begins on the 23rd and the world essentially revolves around you for the next month. Mercury moving into your sign on the 29th makes you the social butterfly of the zodiac at this time. Get out there and mingle. You could be meeting some important movers and shakers during this transit. On the 30th, the month winds down with a New Moon in your sign, inviting you to set an intention for what you'd like to accomplish in the year ahead.
Libra and Libra Rising
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Jupiter is bringing in the blessings once he goes direct on the 11th in a part of your chart having to do with communication, transportation, and short-distance travel. This energy is also ripe with breakthrough for any writers or speakers wanting to get themselves out there more. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, helping you boost your social media presence. Shine bright, superstar! On the same day, Uranus begins its retrograde, inviting you to transform your inner psychological landscape as it pertains to your self-worth and money mindset. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius illuminates the world of romance, creativity, and adventure. You may find yourself connecting with someone who has a similar vision to yours when it comes to the long-term goals you want to accomplish.
Meeting someone who shares the same humanitarian interests as you is likely. This is also a great time to drop any creative projects you've been working on behind the scenes.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, giving you the motivation to clean up bad habits that interfere with your ambitions. It's time to put your inner critic in its place, babe. Venus follows shortly behind on the 21st and love matters take a more quiet approach. Spending time in the bedroom with bae will be more preferred during this transit. With Mercury in Virgo as well, the pillow talk will be even more stimulating than usual. By the end of the month, the Sun and the Moon are cozying up in the sky, inviting you to set some intentions that will help you implement better habits and routines into your life that will elevate the health of your mind and body.
Scorpio and Scorpio Rising
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The month opens up with Jupiter, the benevolent, going direct on the 11th which has the potential of bringing in some extra cash for you. If you've been looking for new ways to increase your flow of income, a fortunate opportunity could be knocking on your doorstep in the weeks to come. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, boosting your presence amongst your work environment. You're making quite an impression on some really important people who are recognizing your ability to lead and make shit happen.
On the same day, Uranus goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to reassess your relationship values. Are your relationships a reflection of your self-worth?
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, bringing your attention to friends and social networking. With Venus moving into this part of your chart as well, you may be attracting someone from your friend circle. If you're single and open to meeting someone, sign up to volunteer with a local organization or humanitarian cause. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, getting you hyper-focused on those long-term goals of yours. Mercury moves into this part of your chart on the 29th, helping you get organized when it comes to achieving those big hopes and dreams of yours. Just watch out for being overly critical of yourself and the process. Believe in yourself! You wouldn't have the vision if it wasn't meant to be a reality.
Sagittarius and Sagittarius Rising
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Your ruling planet is bringing in the blessings, Saggie. Jupiter is finally going direct on the 11th, so expect a windfall of expansion and abundance in at least one area of your life. Mercury moves into Leo on the same day, inspiring you through international travel and foreign affairs. This is also a great time to publish any written work of yours. Some of you may even consider going back to school to expand your knowledge or dive deeper into self-study about esoteric wisdom. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the opportunity to revamp your routines. Ask yourself if your habits really add value to your life. If not, it's time to make the cut. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings up an important conversation or opportunity for you to express your truth.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo, getting you motivated to make some boss moves when it comes to your career.
Watch out for workplace romances while Venus transits through this part of your chart. You may find yourself attracting, or attracted to, someone in a position of power and influence. Virgo season officially begins when the sun moves into this perfectionist zodiac sign on the 23rd, helping you dot your i's and cross your t's when it comes to moving up the social ladder within your professional world. With Mercury moving into Virgo on the 29th, you've got the gift of gab and you're making quite the impression on your boss or someone that is interested in hiring you. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, bringing in that job opportunity or promotion you've been waiting on.
Capricorn and Capricorn Rising
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Your spiritual awareness gets a whole lot more expansive this month with Jupiter going direct on the 11th. Say goodbye to that past-life karma and hello to a more liberating experience. Mercury moves into Leo on the 11th, helping you to boldly conquer some of your inner demons. Keep in mind that you don't have to go at this alone and confiding in a professional wouldn't be the worst thing around this time. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you a chance to reevaluate whether your dating prospects are a reflection of your values. This is also a good time to give voice to your inner child and heal any self-esteem issues that inhibit your personal expression. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius brings your attention to money matters. This culminating energy can represent an ending in one source of income but trust that something more abundant is coming in for you.
Use the power of social media and networking to create new opportunities for yourself.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and your wanderlust is insatiable. This is a good time to plan an international voyage or learn more about another culture. Venus moving into this part of your chart on the 21st could have you attracting someone from a far away land. The Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, helping you get more organized when it comes to your research and studies. With Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 29th, it's a good idea to connect with like-minded individuals to reinforce what you're learning. This is also an opportune time to publish that think piece or book you've been working on. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo, inviting you to connect with a new teacher or guide (possibly even a spirit guide) that will help you transcend to a higher level of consciousness.
Aquarius and Aquarius Rising
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The month starts off slow leading up to the highly anticipated Jupiter direct on the 11th, helping you expand your social circle and reap some blessings when it comes to that long-term vision of yours. Mercury moves into Leo the same day, making your relationships more animated than usual. Just watch out for being too much of a drama queen with your significant other or in a business partnership. Uranus goes retrograde on the same day, giving you the chance to reevaluate your living arrangements and your family dynamics. It's time to reshape the money mindset imparted on you throughout your ancestral lineage. On the 15th, the Full Moon in your sign places you front and center stage.
It's time to reveal the new and improved version of yourself! This energy fully supports you in revamping your wardrobe or getting that new hairstyle.
On the 18th, Mars moves into Virgo and you're motivated to transform your psyche particularly when it comes to obsessive forms of self-criticism and judgement whether it's towards yourself or others. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st, giving you the upper hand in receiving financial assistance from a benefactor. When the Sun moves into Virgo on the 23rd, you'll be getting to the psychological root of any health issues you've been struggling with. Mercury moves into Virgo on the 29th, inviting you to research some better alternatives for dealing with stress and anxiety. The month winds down with a New Moon in Virgo on the 30th, encouraging you to stick with these new, healthy habits which will completely transform your world in the next six months.
Pisces and Pisces Rising
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Jupiter, your ancient ruling planet, goes direct on the 11th, bringing you good fortune when it comes to your career and social status in the world. On the same day, Mercury moves into Leo, making you super dynamic in your work environment and very popular amongst your co-workers. You've got a lot of energy under this influence, so getting back into your fitness routine is favored at this time. Uranus, the great awakener, goes retrograde on the 11th as well, helping to liberate you from any self-limiting thought patterns that inhibit you from expressing your truth. If you're a writer or speaker in any capacity, this transit is opportune for restrategizing ways to bring in revenue with your skill set. On the 15th, the Full Moon in Aquarius releases you from some heavy past life karma that has perpetuated a belief of not being a part of the group.
As different as you are, sweet Pisces, you still belong.
On the 18th, Mars moves into your opposite sign, bringing your focus to relationships. Be mindful of being to critical or judgy of people that you have close, one-on-one connections with. Venus moves into this part of your chart on the 21st and you could be taking your current relationship to the next level. If you're single, you may be reevaluating your relationship boundaries to avoid continuing some unhealthy patterns you've been experiencing in love thus far. On the 23rd, the Sun moves into Virgo and you're more interested in connecting with others in a more intimate setting versus large groups of people. Mercury moving into this part of your chart on the 23rd could result in negotiations of contracts with a business partner or significant other. The New Moon on the 30th will help solidify this adjustment moving forward.
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- August 2019 Monthly Horoscope ›
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The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Don't Go Into 2024 Without Discussing These 6 Things With Your Man
Since we’re at the stage in 2023 where we can pretty much count down the hours until a brand-spanking new year is before us, I thought it was necessary to encourage those of you who are in relationships to do a bit of relational inventory. It’s not something that I haven’t mentioned in my content before. Hey, charge it to being a marriage life coach and writer but I think clear communication is super essential — and that means there are times when you need to flat-out ask certain questions, listen to the answers you receive, and then decide where to go from there.
And so, today, I’ve got six questions that you should ask your man over the next couple of days. Now, I’ll be honest: some of these might be hard to ask simply because the answers might be difficult to hear if they’re the kind that you didn’t expect. Still, I believe that it’s important to close out the year by opening up the floor to hear where your man’s head and heart are as you express your head and heart in return. Because, from both personal experience and observation of others, time is too precious to be out here assuming that what you want is what he wants as well.
If you want to know, you need to ask — and I think you can pretty much get the clarity that you need by asking — asking not berating or pressuring — the following six questions before the ball drops at midnight on January 1, 2024.
1. "Are we on the same page?"
GiphyThe reason I’ve written articles like “6 Signs You’re In A One-Sided Relationship” in times past is because I know what it’s like to be seeing someone and, while I think we’re doing one thing, they are thinking we’re on something completely different. I’ve thought that good sex was establishing a solid connection while the guy saw me as his favorite kind of recreational use. I’ve thought I was officially dating while guys thought they were in situationships with me (and no, those two things ARE NOT the same). I’ve thought that seeing someone for months was ultimately leading towards marriage while the guy was having a good time just…seeing me for months (LOL).
And while it’s easy to demonize those individuals while playing the victim role, the reality is when one assumes, it still can make an ass out of them — and yes, many times, because I wanted something to be a certain way, I assumed that they did too.
And that’s why it’s so important to make sure that you and whoever you’re…whatever-ing with (LOL) is on the same page as you are. I don’t care how long you’ve known him. I don’t care how much the two of you have in common. Don’t fall into the “surely, he must be on what I’m on; how could he not be?” trap because men and women are different. That’s not a flaw on the man’s part; that’s just the way it is.
I could go on and on about this particular question alone yet I think you get my overall point. Before going into 2024, see, not only if you’re on the same page but even in the same kind of book. I would hate for you to see your dynamic as a romance novel while he treats it more like a magazine that he casually thumbs through at the doctor’s office — you know, something to do…for the moment. You’d be amazed how much that happens. Sad yet true.
2. "Do we want the same things?"
GiphyOkay, so say that you both are in agreement that you’re exclusively dating. Thing is, you’ve got marriage in your sights while he doesn’t want to get married. “Now Shellie, why would a man get into a one-on-one situation if marriage wasn’t the ultimate goal?” Yeah, this right here is one of the main reasons why I pitched this article in the first place. A man will date you, even exclusively and seriously, and be fine with that because he may like serious relationships while having no intentions of ever getting married at all (check out “Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON’T Desire Marriage?”). I mean, who said that everyone thinks that companionship equates to sharing a home, sharing a name, and sharing a life until death parts them from their partner?
Or what about kids? What if someone has verbalized that they can see making you his wife someday (check out “We Asked 10 Men What Makes A Woman 'Wife Material'”)? Thing is, you are in your 30s and want kids ASAP yet he is on the fence about whether he wants children at all. Listen, I have worked with couples, both as a marriage life coach and a doula, long enough to know that this isn’t something that just “works itself out with time.” Why? Because time is not on a biological clock’s side. The way life — and science — have it, men have damn near forever to figure out what they want to do as far as parenting goes. Us? Yeah, not so much.
Bottom line here, whatever it is that is truly important to you, whatever is pretty much a non-negotiable as far as you are concerned, that is something else that needs to be brought up. Because no matter how much the two of you may love each other, that has little to do with if you want the same things — and in order for a relationship to run smoothly, the latter has to be a part of your relationship’s reality.
3. "Have your needs changed?"
GiphyI have shared in articles before that, one of my favorite quotes as far as relationships are concerned is, “People change and forget to tell each other.” This is a big part of the reason why people end up getting divorced, all the while saying that they feel like strangers to one another. It’s because, NO ONE goes day by day, month by month, year by year, and doesn’t change as a person on some levels. And when you’re evolving with another individual who is doing the same, that’s double the shifting. It takes a lot of patience and grace to go through those transitions smoothly.
Anyway, it’s always a wise move to ask your partner if the same needs they had last year — or hell, even six months ago — are the ones that they have now. And I mean in every department too. What they may have liked sexually may have shifted (as is with you). The ways that they used to like you to express your love for them might be a bit different now (as is with you). The kind of relationship that they were looking for — getting older, their goals, and all kinds of other stuff may have altered that as well (as is with you).
You can’t meet someone’s needs if you don’t know what they are and it’s unrealistic to assume that those needs are always going to be the same — no matter how much you may want them to be (that’s a play on words by design). The best relationships are proactive about making sure that mutual needs are met. Discuss each other’s needs with your man sooner than later. Much sooner if you can.
4. "Is this what you thought it would be?"
GiphyEven though I mostly work with married and engaged couples, I do come across my fair share of people who are just dating too. One couple, in particular, I remember the woman being absolutely heartbroken when her boyfriend of three years told her that he wanted to end the relationship because it wasn’t what he thought it was going to be like. He felt that she wanted to monopolize too much of his time. Not only that but she didn’t get along well with his family and they had two different faith beliefs. Although he went into the relationship thinking that so long as they strongly cared for each other, everything would work itself out — it wasn’t going smoothly and he wanted a relationship that required a lot less…finessing.
Listen, a motto that I have is “better to break up than divorce,” so it’s a good thing that he spoke up before paperwork, kids, and a lot of other stuff got involved. However, that story alone is impactful enough for this question to be mentioned because…you’d be amazed how many people won’t speak up about stuff like this unless they are point-blank asked. ASK.
5. "Are we making each other better? Or...worse?"
GiphyThere are so many words that just get “thrown around” without really appreciating the weight of them. One would be “toxic.” Something that is toxic is something that is basically harmful at a poisonous level. And so, when we use the term “toxic relationship,” one way to qualify if one is or not is if it’s making two people better or worse. Honestly, this can apply to familial dynamics, friendships, co-workers, fellow church members…yeah, it pretty much runs the gamut. Yet since we’re talking about romantic connections here, you definitely should discuss with your partner if the two of you are making each other better or worse as the direct result of intimately interacting with one another.
I actually have a male friend right now who is at this crossroads because he doesn’t feel like he or his fiancé are making each other better. It’s not so much that they are making each other “worse” so much as they are keeping each other stagnant — and that’s not good either. Why? Because if there is anyone who you should be able to say that, as a direct result of them being in your life, you are thriving and flourishing, it needs to be your partner. And if that isn’t the case, no matter how much you care for each other, something isn’t healthy about staying together because life is too short to be “treading water” when you should be moving forward.
- If you’re not emotionally maturing, you’re not getting better.
- If you’re not getting stronger in your sense of self-worth, you’re not getting better.
- If you’re not reaching goals that you have for yourself, even if it’s simply because you’re distracted with trying to maintain the relationship all of the time, you’re not getting better.
- If you feel like you’re sacrificing, to the point of losing, parts of yourself, you’re not getting better.
- If you’re not getting better, you’re not getting better.
Better means “more.” Worse means “less.” If there is more "less" than more "more" when it comes to your relationship with your man…don’t overlook that. The time to talk is now. RIGHT NOW.
6. "How do you want to end next year?"
GiphyOkay, so back to what I just said about the whole treading water thing, I definitely think that you and your partner should reflect over the past 12 months and chat about the strides that were made. Yes, as individuals yet more importantly (as it relates to this article), as a couple. If you can pinpoint clear new milestones that were reached — mazel tov! On the other hand, if nothing has really changed at all…you know what I’m about to say, right?
And no, I’m not saying that folks should expect what I just recently read about Fantasia (did you know that she only knew her husband for three weeks before getting married? Wow.). All I’m saying is that healthy relationships consist of two people who move with intention and when intentions are executed, progress is made.
So, as we close this one out — talk about how things were this time last year and if there are clear signs of growth. Then talk about 3-5 goals that both of you can feel good about setting for the new year so that you can keep improving as a couple. Because it would be sad to spend years with someone and, in the words of Nina from the classic movie Love Jones, all you can look at each other and say is, “All we have are all these years.” Geeze.
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An author by the name of Justin Wetch once said, "Love starts as a feeling, but to continue is a choice." And in order to choose to continue, in a mutually beneficial fashion, you both need to know that you want the same things and feel the same way. So, before entering into 2024, please make sure that the both of you do — for both of your sakes. That way, you can move with confidence and clarity…without any type of assumption.
And that’s always the best place, relationally, to be.
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