Missy Elliott Opens Up About How A 14-Year Hiatus Gave Her "Peace Of Mind'"
Missy Elliott is one of the hardest working entertainers in the game, but there was a time when it seemed more like the game was working on her, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. On a recent episode of Sway in the Morning, the 48 year-old-artist opened up about why she ultimately had to step away from the industry to continue to effectively walk in her purpose.
To Missy, her time away from the music game acted as a catalyst for self-care in her personal life, and she recommends that no matter what line of work you're in, you take time to take care of you, first, sis:
"Your brain is like a computer, you have to refresh or it's going to crash. I don't [care] how great you are, you have to take a second. For me, peace of mind, it's a lot. A lot of people want to be artists until they understand what comes with it. Because for the people on the outside, they just see the glory of it but they don't see what goes on behind the scenes for many artists."
The entertainer, who just came off of a 14-year hiatus with the release of her EP, Iconology, said that in the past, her struggle with Graves' disease affected her career in a major way, even most recently during her recent performance at the VMAs. The singer recently told Angie Martinez that only hours before her show, she was rushed to the hospital because she couldn't breathe. Despite her condition, Missy says she took some cough syrup and did the damn thing:
"Just gotta fight it and be like, 'What Ima do?' Tell MTV after they spent all that bread? They woulda been like you better take this whatever and get out there. I just had a chance to see it last night on the way to the hospital again. I'm just watching it sick. I saw it last night fully through. I was like, 'Wow.'"
Missy, who's been open about her health struggles in the past, said that it was for this reason that she decided to bring her music career to a halt in the first place. The Virginia-born star first revealed her diagnosis with Graves' in 2011 after she almost crashed a car due to muscle spasms:
"It happened out of nowhere. I've always worked, worked, worked and never stopped. And sometimes your body is like, 'OK, you wildin.' I remember not being able to write. I couldn't even lift up a pen, a cup."
She explained that at one point, her disease got so severe that she couldn't even pick up a pen to do what she loved anymore:
"I remember Monica came to my house one time and was like, 'OK, just tell me the words and I'll write it for you.' It was bad. It went on for a minute, for like a year. Then it's a lot that comes with it. But I got a praying family. My family prays. They pray very hard.
Despite Missy's absence from the game, she's back like she never left, but that didn't come without some well-needed time for self, proving that it pays to take care of you, the world can wait.
Watch the full clip below!
Missy Talks Untold Industry Tales, Marriage, Jay Z Epiphany + New Music www.youtube.com
Featured image by Everett Collection / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images
