Practical Ways A Minimalist Lifestyle Frees Your Mind & Your Money
When you hear the word "minimalism", your mind probably formed an image of some privileged man with a dingy backpack wearing wrinkled khakis and flimsy flip flops. And if he has a place to live, you may imagine one plaid chair, one chipped plate, and one fork. We can even hear his voice tell those of us who value money, things, and experiences that we're too superficial. I'm also willing to bet that we're not about that lifestyle.
But what if I told you that minimalism isn't all tiny homes or hand-me-downs? What if I said we can still have nice things? Or that minimalism is just living in a way that gets rid of the meaningless stuff and curates a lifestyle filled with peace, purpose, and freedom? And let me not forget the best part of it all: You can ultimately build your bank account, too.
Christine Pratt understands the accumulation of things and the impact it has on our well-being as well as our coins. This Afrominimalist — as she's known on the 'gram — once had a closet full of accessories, shoes, and handbags within handbags within handbags as well as shelves full of knick-knacks. Yet, she reached a point where her life felt messy and oftentimes overwhelming. It wasn't until she cleared her apartment of anything that didn't serve a specific purpose that she was able to breathe. Christine makes a deeper connection between material, mindset and money in her first TED Talk titled "You Can Be a Minimalist, Yes You!" that she delivered this past November.
Fellow minimalists Roshanda Cummings (Roe) and Erin Johnson (E) are the individuals behind the Instagram community Brown Kids. Just a few years ago, an overworked Roe was ready to quit her underpaid job but worried about the rack of credit card debt that she created for her racks of clothing. But by adopting a minimalist lifestyle, she managed to pay off $11K in 11 months on a $19K annual salary.
11 whole thousand.
In less than a year.
On less than $20K per year.
How'd they do that?
"You have money," Roe says, "It's just in your stuff."
What kind of stuff, you ask? It's all those jeans we packed away in a tote because we're going to pull them back out when we lose those last 10 pounds. It's also the three types of edge control that we tucked way under the bathroom sink because they don't lay our baby hairs at all but we're keeping them, dammit, because we spent a lot of money on these jars! And some may say it's all the books I had neatly stacked and shelved but to that I'd reply, Mind yo' business. I'm reading all of them!
I suppose I can agree that it's all clutter and there are numerous studies linking physical clutter to internal clutter, but that's a whole other article. And the stuff that's out in the open for all to see? At some point we need to clean it, move it elsewhere, or dust it. Or even worse? Pack it up should we ever move! Embracing minimalism means that we either trash it, get paid for it, or pay it forward if we're not using it or getting some joy out of it. Minimalism also promises that we'll feel good for doing it.
Intrigued? Or still unsure? Read on for 4 points we can glean from Roe and Christine when it comes to adopting a minimalist lifestyle, especially when it comes to our bucks:
It empowers you to find “hidden” money.
E and Roe helped their Brown Kids community find $120K in forgotten money during a weeklong Instagram challenge. Roe stresses that regardless of our salaries, we always have extra money somewhere. She cashed in a stagnant 401(k) worth $4K from an old job but she also found $7K in unwanted stuff that she could sell and applied all of the proceeds directly to her credit card balance. And while we are aware of those sites where we can sell our infrequently or unworn clothing and shoes like Poshmark and Mercari, do we know about unexpected or forgotten refunds and utility deposits that we are due but we somehow overlooked? Did you know you can check with your state's unclaimed property department to see if any of those types of funds are waiting for you? Claim your coins, sis!
It encourages you to look at your finances differently.
Something about a strict budget is a turnoff. It seems to put an emphasis on the things we can't have because they were considered too minor to include in our monthly spending, like a caramel frappuccino. Although minimalism forces us to distinguish between wants and needs, it isn't designed to be as limiting as a traditional budget. Instead it makes us look inward to decide what's important to us and why.
Christine explains that our current spending habits are a reflection of how we were raised. As an attorney and author, she became the first person in her family to be able to acquire any and everything, which led to her overconsumption of purses and heels. Once we get to the root of our destructive spending habits, we'll automatically make different financial choices going forward, which means we'll think twice before making a frivolous purchase.
It helps to decrease unnecessary food waste.
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In 2010, food waste was estimated to be about a third of the food supply, or a whopping $162B! We contribute to this figure when we buy and cook more than we can eat and then it spoils, causing us to throw it all out. But that doesn't mean we need to resort to canned or dried foods!
E and Roe are the brainchildren behind the Jar Method, which is their way of storing and extending the life of produce from three days up to three whole weeks. E and Roe saved $500 the very first month they kept their veggies in glass jars instead of in plastic bags and containers. And not only did they lower their monthly grocery bill, but they also made their refrigerator shelves look pretty, too.
It shows us that sales don’t automatically add up to savings.
One of the biggest myths about minimalism is that you can't shop, especially for items at full price. Lies. E and Roe snatched up a pristine secondhand outdoor furniture set a few months ago but they also looked to decorate their interior with West Elm or CB2.
"A minimal mind is not about cheapness or class," says Roe during an earlier interview with Impossible Podcast. She explains that it's about clarity. Will this item reflect you or the person you want to be? Will this item bring you joy?
Roe isn't against splurging on an item of clothing, either, but if it's expensive, she's mindful of its quality, sustainability, and usability. What is it made of? Will it last? How was it sourced? Will she wear it more than once?
"Sometimes you'll spend a lot and sometimes you spend less and sometimes you won't spend at all," Roe adds.
Christine often refers to Project 333, a challenge where you mix and match 33 favorite pieces (including accessories and shoes) to create new outfits for 3 months. This way, you essentially end up with a complete seasonal wardrobe that takes up less closet space.
Buying new quality pieces to fulfill the 33-item capsule wardrobe isn't forbidden and buying as much as you can for as little as possible isn't a requirement or even a recommendation. In fact, snatching up everything you see on clearance is frowned upon and defeats the purpose of minimalism.
Bargain-shopping for Christine was once an escape until it wasn't. She was stunned by all of her purchases with price tags still hanging on them. Sure, she walked out of the store with shopping bags full of merchandise at a deep discount but she didn't exactly gain anything when she wasn't even wearing, using, or really liking anything she bought. "Remember, it's not a deal if you don't need it," Christine says.
Minimalism isn't as extreme as we may think. The sole intent shouldn't be to make unreasonable or unrealistic sacrifices or forego everything of luxury or leisure to stretch our hard-earned dollars. It's not even about junking our most sentimental treasures, either.
Instead, minimalism is about sparking more joy with less stuff and living much better in the process. Sure, it may still be hard to give up some things because, let's face it, who's really a pro at purging their own belongings? But imagine that bit of excitement we'll get when we move those dollars from credit card balances to savings account balances with items we don't use, don't care about, and won't miss.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Ways You Can Start Stacking Your Savings
The Minimalist Guide To Fall Style
10 Budgeting Apps That Will Get Your Coins All Together
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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