Now, more than ever, it's important to make your space sacred. Since COVID-19 came in like a flood, we have been spending more time in our dope abodes. Our souls need a safe space to shelter from all of the happenings outside of our doorsteps. Home is not only where the heart is but it's also where the peace is. It's the space that allows us to rest and recharge because black rest matters, too.
In resting, we recharge and we also begin to create the life and space we desire.
Journalist and content creator Marsha B. knows exactly what that means after her once comfortable life was shaken up. After seven years in a relationship, she woke up one day and decided she had to put herself first. While the breakup was one of the most amicable separations she has ever experienced, there was still one large blockade keeping her from her new chapter — their huge, two-bedroom apartment in Ditmas Park, Brooklyn.
Marsha's journey to her stylish sanctuary was nothing short of serendipitous. Her relationship ended on good terms so there were no qualms about her residing with her ex but her soul needed to started anew. A few months after the breakup, Marsha moved into a studio in the same neighborhood. It wasn't a deluxe apartment in the sky but it was the first stage in her building the life she wanted. However, her attempt to find solace in solitude quickly became a nightmare.
Reclaiming Her Time and Space
The studio apartment
Photo Courtesy of Marsha B.
"For my ex, it made no sense for me to leave. For me, it was vital to me really exploring what it meant to prioritize myself. I made the decision to find my own place. I moved in the wintertime so the neighborhood was generally quiet," she explained. "Once the weather hit 50 degrees, I realized I lived directly in front of a drug hub in Flatbush. Yes, directly outside of my front window was a trap van with drug dealers and drug addicts, reminiscent of the New Jack City movie."
The soundtrack of her life became fights heard in the middle of the night, undercover officers taking down addicts, and observed transactions as she walked into her building. She knew then that she had to go back to the drawing board in achieving the freedom she desired. She broke her lease. Her apartment complex let her know she'd be responsible for paying the rent through the remainder of her lease term. "I honestly didn't care," she said. "I had the money. I was going to do what I had to do to live comfortably."
Marsha found herself a few steps closer to the sanctuary she envisioned mid-apartment hunting when a broker reached out to her about a huge one-bedroom apartment available nearby. Located just 30 minutes from the studio she was renting, she decided to take a walk there. This time, she wanted to scope the neighborhood and be certain there were no trap vans hidden around the corner. The first thing that caught her attention was the size of the space. The living room alone was the size of the studio she was in the process of moving out of.
Photo Courtesy of Marsha B.
However, though the space was the size she longed for, it'd require a lot of work to truly be the space of her dreams. "This was a diamond in the rough," Marsha stated. "The kitchen had this horrible wallpaper from the 70's. The tiles on the floor were old and dirty. The walls honestly had never been painted since the tenant first moved in, 20 years ago. There were holes in the wall, a roach infestation, broken light fixtures. You name it, they had it. The broker let me know this apartment was being rented 'as is', so all my requests for the apartment to be improved were denied."
" I prayed long and hard about whether or not I should take this place. It was going to be a financial investment and I wasn't fond of spending so much on a place I didn't own. I adjusted to my abundance mindset: 'You have the money. You want to live comfortably. You will live here for as long as the universe will have you here. An investment in this apartment is an investment in you,'" she continued.
"I adjusted to my abundance mindset: 'You have the money. You want to live comfortably. You will live here for as long as the universe will have you here. An investment in this apartment is an investment in you.'"
The Stylish Sanctuary - Before & After:
And an investment it was indeed. Marsha got the keys to her apartment in October 2019 and since then has had her place fumigated and painted. She's retiled the dining room, kitchen and bathroom floors, stripped the wallpaper in the kitchen among other renovations she needed to in order to give her apartment the transformation she deserved. "I had to do everything on a budget because I still had to pay two months rent at my old spot, while paying rent at my new place," Marsha shared. "Then, there were moving costs, first month's rent, security, and broker's fee. And paint. Paint isn't cheap, especially when the apartment is gigantic."
But the hard work, money, and effort paid off and the peace she found afterwards was worth its weight in gold. "I am in love with where I live and I honestly don't ever want to leave!" she rejoiced about her stylish simple sanctuary.
The Transformation:
Photo Courtesy of Marsha B.
"It's important to invest in what you want. This apartment was in such horrible shape and if I weren't willing to invest in it, I might've settled for something mediocre. I am filled with pride when I look at my apartment and what it's morphed into."
Photo Courtesy of Marsha B.
"I'd like to think that I manifested this apartment. I wrote down on a piece of paper, 'I will attract the perfect apartment for me. It will be in the perfect location. It will be safe and affordable.' I got exactly what I asked for. If I didn't shift into my abundance mindset, I could've possible lost out on an amazing living space. As far as rent goes, I only pay $55 more than I was paying in my studio. This apartment is four times bigger. No DIY projects, but I will throw this tip out there: Facebook Marketplace is the truth!"
Photo Courtesy of Marsha B.
"My favorite part of my new space is my bedroom. I strategically left it out of my apartment tour because it's such a sacred space for me. If my home were a church, my bedroom would be the confessional. I'm very conscious of the energies I allow in there. I have affirmations written on the walls and I house my altar that keeps me spiritually grounded there. My personal rule is that there are no arguments or disagreements in my bedroom. It is literally a safe space for me."
Keep up with Marsha on her website, Introvert N The City.
Featured image courtesy of Marsha B.
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The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
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Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
My main motive? Mostly, I hope that it will serve as a solid reminder to embrace all of the things that you adore about this time of year, so long as you do it in moderation and you weigh the costs.
Especially as far as drinking alcohol is concerned.
PRO: Manages Blood Sugar Levels
GiphyHere’s something that you may have never seen coming. Were you aware of the fact that alcohol can actually help to stabilize your blood sugar? Yep, according to the American Diabetes Association, so long as you leave it to no more than 1-2 cocktails a day, alcohol may be able to lower your A1C levels. Pretty cool, right?
CON: It’s a Carcinogen
GiphyAlcohol is a carcinogen. The reason why this should somewhat alarm you is because carcinogens are things (like tobacco, UV rays, processed meats, etc.) that can increase your chances of being diagnosed with cancer (especially mouth, throat, esophagus, stomach and breast cancer). There are various ways this happens including the fact that alcohol, specifically, can hinder your body from breaking down certain nutrients, it can cause your estrogen levels to spike and alcohol can also cause certain toxins to damage your DNA and certain bodily proteins over time.
PRO: Cultivates Euphoric Feelings
GiphyIf you find yourself feeling more euphoric while you’re enjoying a drink, it’s not all up in your head. Although, for the more part, alcohol is considered to be a depressant, when consumed in small amounts, it can provide a stimulant effect. This happens due to the fact that when you first start to consume alcohol, it causes the production of the feel-good hormone known as dopamine to increase — and since dopamine makes us all feel more relaxed and confident while heightening our senses of pleasure too…well, there you have it.
CON: May Increase Anxiety/Depression
GiphyAs they say, “what goes up, most come down” at some point — and that is what you have to be careful of when it comes to alcohol consumption. For instance, when you drink alcohol, although it tends to initially cause your dopamine levels to uptick, because it is a temporary bodily response, sometimes the dips are lower than the rises…and that is when anxiety starts to kick in. A similar point is made with depression because oftentimes, people with depression-related symptoms, will use alcohol as a way to deflect from what’s really going on with them — and that can make them feel even worse than ever once the buzz of alcohol starts to wear off.
PRO: Has Some Heart-Related Benefits
GiphyWhen it comes to your heart, there are interesting findings surrounding its relationship to alcohol. For instance, some research states that, so long as the consumption is moderate, alcohol can actually help to increase the good cholesterol in your system while also breaking down proteins that can potentially lead to blood clots; both of these factors alone can reduce your chances of dying from heart disease.
CON: Packs on Pounds
GiphyIt’s no secret that alcohol tends to contain quite a few calories. That’s why, it’s not uncommon for people who’ve lost weight to mention “I’ve stopped drinking” as one of the causes for the shed pounds. That’s not to say that there aren’t some alcoholic beverages that have less calories than others including vodka (133 calories per serving), white wine (148 calories per serving) and tequila (99 calories per shot). Just keep in mind that the more you drink, the more calories get into your system and the more weight you stand to gain.
PRO: Lowers Inhibitions
GiphyAlthough you really should only be uninhibited around people who you absolutely trust, if that person is your partner and you’re looking to have a pretty — eh hem — active evening, alcohol can certainly help to make that happen. The science of it all is the prefrontal cortex of your brain is what regulates your inhibitions and levels of self-control. Meanwhile, alcohol suppresses your inhibitions which can cause you to be more spontaneous and open to trying things that you might not immediately do if you were sober. And with the right individual, that can be sexually beneficial (emphasis on “right person”).
CON: Makes It Harder to Orgasm
GiphyOn the other hand, as odd as it may seem (in light of what I just said), if you have too much alcohol in your system, it could make climaxing difficult. That’s because orgasms happen, in part, due to your nervous system being stimulated — and since alcohol is technically a depressant…well, it could reduce nerve sensitivity (especially as far as your clitoris goes) for you while making it challenging for your partner to remain erect or have consistent stamina. And yeah, that sucks.
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‘Tis the season. And with that, if some wassails or hot buttered rums are in your immediate future — hey, don’t let me stop you — not even a lil’ bit.
All I’m saying is now that you know what alcoholic drinks have to offer (both ways), you can know exactly how to incorporate them into your holiday plans. Enjoy!
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