10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex
Contrary to the assumption of a lot of single people, I know quite a few married folks that have a really great sex life. Some of them even profess that it gets better with time because they are emotionally in sync with their partner and, the more they both learn what works and what doesn't, the better they get at satisfying each other. Not every once in a while. Consistently so.
Matter of fact, when it comes to a lot of the conversations that I have with married couples, if they've got a complaint about the current state of their sex life, it has nothing to do with their partner or the sex act itself; it's all about trying to figure out how to find the time to do it—or do it more often.
Sometimes life is so hectic that, once noon hits, it seems like the day is already a wrap. If you're married, and that's exactly how you've been feeling lately, I've got a list of 10 ways to easily help you to make time for more sex with your boo. Honestly, they are things that your subconscious already knows about. Just see this as a way to mentally reignite the fire and urge so that you won't wait until you have time to get it in, but that you will make time to do so. No matter what.
1. Hop into the Shower Together
Ah yes, shower sex. One of my favorite scenes from the show Insecure is when Issa tries to be sexually spontaneous with Lawrence and invites him to get into the shower with her. There wasn't enough room, the water temperature wasn't right, and everyone was slipping all over the place. That was some realism for yo ass right there. Still, I'm a firm believer that where there's a will, there's a way, and some of the benefits of shower-themed coitus is that it saves time (in the sense that you can have sex and get clean simultaneously), the extra wetness can be super sexy and, it makes period sex easier on both parties.
To pull it off, you just need to make sure that you do the following—set the water temperature before jumping in; put a non-stick mat on the floor of your tub and have a bathmat right outside of your tub too (so that nobody falls), and review some sex positions that are both comfortable and hazard-free (check out "10 Sex Positions That Will Make You Actually Enjoy Shower Sex"). If you do all of this, having sex in the shower is a great way to get a little lovin' in if you and yours are truly pressed for time.
2. Wake Up 30 Minutes Earlier. Or Go to Bed 30 Minutes Later.
If you're an engaged person who's reading this, one thing that I recommend you discuss with your soon-to-be spouse is who's a morning person and who's a night owl. While it might not seem like a big deal to you now, there are many married couples who aren't getting as much sex as they would like, all because their partner wants to sleep—and have sex—at a different time than they do.
A big key to having a successful marriage is compromise. That said, another way to make more sex happen is for the night owl to wake up 30 minutes earlier or the morning person to go to bed 30 minutes later. If you happen to be the night owl and morning sex isn't necessarily your thing, check out "Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier". Something tells me that it just might change your mind.
3. Take a “Lunch Break” at Your House
A lot of people in my world happen to work from home; they also share their lives with someone who does the same. Something that they tell me is a real perk to having their partner within earshot all day long is they're able to stop for "sex breaks" whenever they want. That got me to thinking that another way to make sex happen when you don't have all of the time in the world is to schedule a lunch break when you and your man can meet up at home and well, you know.
Maybe it's just me, but there's something really hot about meeting up in the middle of the day; especially if you've got kids and they're at school because that means that you can "engage" all over the house while being just as loud as you wanna be.
If you can manage to make it a late lunch, that's even better since research reveals that the best time to get some is approximately around 3pm. Don't ask me which time zone. They didn't exactly address that part. But really, so long as you're getting some, does it matter?
4. Save Your Favorite Television Show—for Later
I'm old enough to remember when VCRs were all the rage. I was also a freshman in college when we all got mass access to the world wide web (wow, right?). Technology has come a long way from when I was a little one. One of the benefits of that is the fact that there really is no such thing as missing a television show anymore. Whatever it is, you can see again on On Demand, Hulu or an app. So, whatever show that is your guilty pleasure (because we all have one; sometimes I can't avoid 90 Day Fiancé no matter how much I try), be intentional about watching it later. Then use that 30 minutes—or better yet, an hour—to spend some much-needed quality time with your spouse. That program ain't goin' anywhere. It'll be waiting on you, soon as you're…done.
5. Go a Week Without Social Media (at Home)
If you want to know whether or not you are addicted to social media, check out some of the stats from "44 Social Media Addiction Statistics Everyone Must Know". If you'd like the Cliff Notes, some of the signs is that you freak out whenever Instagram or Twitter isn't working, you lose sleep or don't complete tasks because you're constantly distracted by what's on line and, your sex life is continually on the decline.
There are a few reasons why social media can wreak havoc on your sex life. It distracts you. It connects you with people that you quite possibly don't need to reconnect with (like your exes). The images that you are constantly bombarded with can do a real number on your body image and self-esteem. It can keep you from engaging with people who are in "the real world" because you are always "plugged in".
Not too long ago, I penned a piece on here entitled "Married Couples, What You May Need Is Sex. Every Day. For A Month. Straight." Some of my clients have done this before; they say it's one of the best things that has ever happened to their sex life as well as their relationship overall. If a part of you is down to try it, but you're also wondering when in the world you would find the time to make it happen, I've got an idea—how about you go on a social media fast during those same 30 days? If the mere thought of that has you going into cold sweats, that's another sign that you could probably use it. And by "it", I mean the fast and the sex, because something is up if you get off more on your Facebook and LinkedIn than you do your spouse. Just sayin'.
6. Multitask in the Kitchen
Kitchen sex is bomb too. Sitting on the counter makes "things" more, uh, accessible. The fridge and pantry are right at your disposal. Spatulas, dish towels and water sprayers can become the ultimate kind of sex toys. Need I go on? Although, if you've got kids, this might be something that you should only consider when they're at grandma's, if you don't have any children, the kitchen can quickly turn into one of the most erotic rooms in your entire house. This is especially the case if you get the urge to eat while you're cooking which, to me, is the ultimate form of multitasking. Oh, and I'm not talking about eating food either. #wink
7. Turn All Electronics Off by a Certain Time
If your television wasn't in your bedroom. If your laptop wasn't your "man on the side". If you actually set your smartphone on silent or—gasp!—charged it in another room at night, I bet you'd have more time for sex than you thought you did. I say it often because it can't be said enough—I totally agree with interior decorators when they say that bedrooms should be used for sex and sleep only. If you refuse to purge your room of your electronics, at least commit to turning them off by a certain time a few days a week. If you're wondering what you should do with all of that extra time and attention that you just freed up, kindly refer to the title of this article—again.
8. Get a Babysitter. Then a Hotel Room.
You know what they say—we don't always have time. Sometimes, what we've got to do is make time. If you can't remember the last time that you and yours went on a date, there's no time like the present to hire a babysitter (or ask a friend to have your child over for an impromptu sleepover) so that you can go on one. Dinner is cool. But how about turning your date into a sex date by going to a hotel (one that has room service) instead of out to a restaurant? Yes, chile. I don't know one single person on this entire planet who doesn't find hotel sex to be a Top Five favorite.
If you're totally down, but money is a little tight, I've got a few hacks for you to try. For starters, if you find a deal on sites like Expedia or Hotels, remember that they charge commission fees. Once you see a rate that suits your budget, call the hotel directly and see if they will honor it if you book via them directly (more times than not, they will). Speaking of booking directly, another way to get some cool rates is to download the app of the hotel where you want to go. As far as the cheapest days to get a room, apparently it's on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. But if you book on one of those days, life happens, and you need to cancel a non-refundable reservation, you can try to resell your room on sites like RoomerTravel or Cancelon. Now how about getting that room?
9. Don’t Run from a Quickie
You might've read somewhere that it takes a man, on average, around five minutes to orgasm while it takes a woman somewhere between 13-25 minutes (foreplay included). What this proves is simultaneous orgasms are about mastering the art of timing more than anything else. What this also reveals is most of us are more than capable of climaxing in under 15 minutes which some would qualify as being a quickie.
Listen, I'll be the first one to say that while R&B songs are leaning towards the unrealistic when they talk about having sex all night long (ALL night long?!), the art of the seduction and the techniques involved with unrushed foreplay are bar none. Still, there is something that can be equally as satisfying about having a quickie while brushing your teeth in the morning or finishing up your nighttime routine before turning in.
The spontaneity of it, along with the I've-just-got-to-have-you-ness of it all, makes a quickie something that should never be underestimated or overlooked. Especially when you're really pressed for time.
10. Plan for It
The reason why we've published articles on the site like "Is Scheduled Sex Really Better Than No Sex At All?" before is because we get that as steamy, seductive and even romantic spontaneous sex may be, sometimes life schedules and demands make it difficult to have the kind of sex that you and your spouse truly desire. While the remedy to that may be to simply put it on your calendars, be honest—isn't it better to plan for sex than to look up and realize that it's been weeks since you've had any at all? It's a rhetorical question, but I'm pretty sure we can all agree on the answer.
Ain't nothin' wrong with scheduling sex, y'all. It means that you're making intimate time a priority and that's something to be proud of. Making time for sex with your spouse always is—and should be.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar
10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important
What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex
What You Should Do If You Find Yourself In A Sexless Marriage
Feature image by Giphy
- Married Couples Sex Every Day For A Month - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Fix A Sexless Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- 7 Things Married Couples Should Do...At The END Of Their Day ... ›
- 10 Sex Resolutions Every Married Couple Should Make ›
- 10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So ... ›
- The "Seasons Of Sex" That Married People Go Through - xoNecole ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
I Tried Uche Natori's Full Glam Routine & It Leveled Up My Everyday Makeup Look
Mastering a full glam is a work of art. I’ve always watched in awe at the glam girls who truly knew what it meant to bring a face together. One of those women is Uche Natori. Her full glam makeup looks have caught the eyes of thousands across her social platforms. She is a master at providing easy, fun, and fabulous looks. Watching Natori’s makeup tutorials has inspired me to do the unthinkable - trying to master a full glam makeup look for the first time.
One thing about me is that I am a natural makeup girl. I enjoy using concealer on my needed areas, with a bit of blush and mascara to seal the deal. The “no makeup makeup” look has helped me feel my best for many years, and truthfully, I never learned how to do much else. I don’t know how to put on lashes or what it takes to master a good contour. The only thing I have learned in the beauty world is how to make my makeup look like my skin. Although I’m proud of my accomplishments, I think it’s time to build my skills and try to keep up with the “girls.”
A Trip To Sephora
After binge-watching Natori’s videos, I learned early on that I didn’t own most of the items she used. I made my way to my local Sephora to purchase the following: cream contour, powder, foundation, brown lip gloss, neutral blush, and refresh my concealer. Most of these beauty items were familiar due to my past makeup adventures. Powders were more of a learning curve. I typically like my makeup to be dewy and light, so I’ve always avoided using powders. In 2024, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I had no idea there were different powders for different purposes. The Sephora employee kindly explained to me the difference while I melted internally.
Thankfully, we could navigate a lightweight powder I could use daily without feeling overwhelmed by the product. I continued to bask around Sephora as I selected items from my favorite brands—Fenty, Rare Beauty, Charlotte Tilbury, and more. Once, a confused woman in an overpopulated beauty store slowly turned into a kid in a candy store. It was safe to say I was having a time splurging on “Daddy’s money.” I mean, Daddy xoNecole.
Attempting To Be A Full Glam Girl
Fresh face
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
I made the decision to skip eyeshadow and lashes for my first attempt. I figured it would be better to master the art of good face makeup before moving to more advanced makeup techniques. It’s also important to note that I used Charlotte Tilbury’s Flawless Filter for my base to ensure I didn’t overwhelm my sensitive skin.
These decisions made going for a “full glam” less intimidating and more achievable.
Foundation
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Foundation finish
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
I prepped the skin before starting and wasted no time going heavy-handed on the Flawless Filter, Fenty Beauty’s Cream Contour, and Dior Concealer—all brands Natori has used in past videos.
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
When applying contour and concealer, I had to rehydrate the skin. I learned very quickly how fast these items can dry on your skin. Natori typically applies a facial spray during her routine to keep her products hydrating, making them easier to blend. My skin welcomed my makeup again once I used the same technique with Milk Makeup’s Hydro Grip Setting Spray.
Concealer
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Concealer finish
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Blending began to become seamless, providing the perfect full face that I had always known I could achieve. Once finished, I locked in all my hard work with a traditional Sephora Setting Powder and continued to the next step.
Blush, bronzer, and lip gloss are my best friends. We’ve been going together real bad since my early 20s. Once I made it past securing a good face base, the rest of the makeup routine was familiar. I used NARS Laguna Bronzer to lock in my contour.
Bronzer
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Blush
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Adding a powder bronzer into my routine brought my face back to life and enhanced my facial features. To give my skin some radiance, I applied the Rare Beauty Blush In the color "Beige Peach."
Concealer after bronzer and blush
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
I added mascara, eyeshadow, and a lip to complete the look. At the very end, in very Natori fashion, I used one of her signature go-tos, the Patrick Ta Major Glow Balm.
The Results
The finished look
Celeste Polanco/xoNecole
I loved how my makeup turned out! I did a good job landing a good face base. A few areas that could be better are my blush and bronzer. I’m used to using a light hand, which makes my blush disappear in seconds. The point of a full-glam is for it to last! Moving forward, I will be fearless when applying blush and bronzer in hopes of longevity.
It’s safe to say Natori’s complete glam makeup looks are achievable for girls looking to step things up. Your inner glam girl goals are on the other side of your makeup brush, so pick your favorite Uche Natori makeup looks and get started!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Celeste Polanco/xoNecole