Perception Is Reality: 5 Keys To Manage The Way Others See You
We hear it all the time -- at least within the workplace! Perception is reality; mkay! In fact, in psychology, better known as "person perception", this term refers to "the processes by which people think about, appraise, and evaluate other people." In other words, we're all a bit judgy by nature. And based on past experiences, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, social status, emotions, personal agendas–you see where I'm going here–we can be quick to make snap judgments.
Think about the last time you met a new co-worker, friend's boyfriend, maybe even a first date. You immediately began to draw conclusions based on the firmness of their handshake, attire, the way they groomed their hair; each impression having a lasting impact despite knowing very little about the individual. Of course, if you're living in a modern-day rom-com, a la Gabrielle Union, you're likely to win 'em over each and every time. Only, in reality, this typically isn't the case!
So, when can the perceptions we form have a negative impact on our reality? Let's take a stroll down memory lane.
In 2017, I signed my life away and returned to the 9 to 5, after spending the former seven years freelancing. Unlike my counterparts–many 10 years my junior–I entered the tech world sans a degree, very little technical knowledge or business acumen and all the anxiety. To mask both the fear of failure and showing my age, I did what I do best: fake it until you make it, hunty! And boy, oh boy, did I play the part. You know how the saying goes: "I may be ghetto at heart but my customer service voice went to Harvard."
Only, as I became more comfortable in my newfound skin, I received feedback I was giving off the wrong impression.
While I assumed walking tall, speaking with authority (always with a side of compassion), and taking initiative were all covet-worthy characteristics, for some, these qualities made me less approachable–at times even intimidating. As one who prides herself on being rightly-related, this really irked me! So, I sought out feedback–not from friends or close co-workers–but from those I seldom interacted with.
What did I learn? Perception is NOT reality. Yep. I said it. Sure, I have killer resting b*tch face and could channel my inner Disney Princess a bit more. However, in "reality", the root of the matter was, because I carried myself with confidence, set the bar high, pushed others to be their best self, and held them accountable, I was indeed a force to be reckoned with–one to watch. All things I was previously meant to believe were undesirable based on someone else's preferred so-called reality. Now, this isn't to say I don't have things to work on. I'm certainly a work in progress.
This is a simple reminder that, while perception can have a powerful influence on the lens with which we view the world, it's often out of touch with reality.
Do you often find yourself making conclusions based on perception, or worse, often misunderstood? Here's how to manage how others perceive us.
- Eliminate assumptions. No one likes to play the guessing game! Instead, seek validation.
- Ask plenty of questions. Right or wrong, it's important to be respectful of others' perceptions. They may have good reason to feel the way they do. In situations like these, it's best to talk it out, ask plenty of questions, and listen. Chances are they'll be watching to see if you were paying attention.
- Check your own perceptions at the door. Be mindful of the perceptions you yourself create. Do they hold up? Could they use a modification or two?
- Assume positive intent. We're all carrying some sort of load. That said, always assume others are making decisions regarding their actions with the best of intentions.
- Be yourself. Be kind. Be authentic. After all, at the end of the day, you can't win them all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Featured image by Shutterstock.
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Lover of tacos and a killer jacket. Keanu Reeves is bae. Mother of two amazingly awesome children. I live by one rule: Don't be a Richard. Follow me on Instagram @truthhawkins.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage