We Spoke To Three Couples About What It Takes To Make Long-Distance Relationships Work
"I could never be in a long-distance relationship."
I used to tell myself that because I truly thought it was close to, if not, impossible. Whenever the topic would come up, my rebuttal often included questions like, "How would we stay in touch?", "How would I know if he's being honest?" or "How would we stay connected?"
I guess that's why they tell us "never say never" because all of that changed when I met Eric. I went from thinking a long-distance relationship would never work to actually giving it a try. Even though I was adamantly against it initially, Eric convinced me that for nine months, he would drive nine hours as much as he could to see me. I didn't believe he would, but he did at least once or a few times every single month. Now, 14 years later (and married 12 of those 14), we're still together.
Interestingly enough, our experience and similar stories like this ring true for many other people. Recently, xoNecole spoke with three couples to discuss some of the things that have contributed to their successful long-distance relationships, as well as advice and tips for couples who are currently separated by distance. Moreover, all of them previously closed the distance and/or got married, so thankfully their relationships haven't really been affected considering COVID-19 and quarantine.
These couples are real-life examples of the classic statement, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Despite the distance and despite the naysayers, these couples have figured out what it takes to make long-distance relationships work.
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Manning & Katelyn Bennett
Status: Married nine months (Together for three years)
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Two years
Distance: 850 miles
How They Met: Facebook
Bradley Bolivar & Brianna Friedman
Status: In a relationship for two years
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Nine months
Distance: 209 miles
How They Met: College pool party
Thornton & Deandra Paul
Status: Married two years
Length of Long-Distance Relationship: Seven months
Distance: 6,000+ miles
How They Met: Nightclub in Dubai
Although you’ve closed the distance now, approximately how often would you see each other?
Manning and Katelyn Bennet: "We would see each other approximately once every two months. Manning would drive alone on the weekends to surprise me, and both of us took turns flying to see each other."
Brianna and Bradley: "We saw each other every two weeks, sometimes once a month, for a few days at a time. Each time, Bradley braved the roads by himself just to come see me and stay with me."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "Despite the distance (6,000+ miles) and eight-hour time difference, we spoke every day, and saw each other at least once a month - twice in Dubai, three times in London, three times in Boston, and once in Portugal."
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What’s the most exciting, exhilarating, or beneficial thing about being in a long-distance relationship?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "The traveling alone was thrilling for us. It gave us something to look forward to when we planned dates to see each other."
Brianna and Bradley: "Most exciting thing was the anticipation of knowing when he'll arrive. I'd cook, clean, and make sure everything was ready for him. The most beneficial is getting to really talk and learn one another to the best extent we could. Our connection grew very strong from not being able to see each other."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "For us, the most exciting part was the opportunity to travel between countries to see each other. Although it was bittersweet every time we had to say goodbye, we were able to enjoy different cities together and make lots of memories early on."
What would you say has helped the most in terms of staying connected and maintaining the relationship despite the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "When we started dating, it was really important for us to surround ourselves with like-minded people. We knew there were people who didn't believe in long-distance relationships and doubted the concept. So, we were mindful and cautious about what we shared about our relationship. Nowadays, it's popular to constantly post and publicize your relationship, but we chose not to do that."
Brianna and Bradley: "We FaceTimed a lot, and if we knew we were going to be busy, then we made sure to check-in throughout the day. When Bradley worked overnight shifts, I would stay up as long as I could just to make sure we had time to talk to each other. We often used our voices and body language as signs of love and affection. It was difficult at times, but when you have the connection and the love, it doesn't feel like you're miles away from each other."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "When we couldn't see each other, FaceTime was our 'savior'. We made sure we spoke multiple times a day. We never skipped a day. Many times, we woke up only to realize that we fell asleep while we were still on the phone."
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Oftentimes, there are misconceptions about long-distance relationships. Considering your success, are there any preconceived notions you’d like to demystify?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "People often say, 'long-distance relationships don't work,' but they can work if you work it. We made up for the distance by being creative. Ultimately, it's about effort, communication and trust. Because of the distance, we learned how to really communicate, and we built a solid foundation on trust."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "For a lot of people, long-distance relationships can be daunting. To be honest, neither of us were too keen on being in a long-distance relationship prior to meeting each other. Before we met, Thorton lived in Boston and would have never considered dating someone in New York. However, we've learned that with the right person, distance is irrelevant. When you really want each other, you'll do what it takes to make it work."
"We've learned that with the right person, distance is irrelevant. When you really want each other, you'll do what it takes to make it work."
What did your plan look like for closing the distance, and what would you recommend for those looking to close the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "Honestly, we didn't have the luxury of planning and making sure everything was right. It was out of necessity that we chose to close our distance. We knew we loved each other, so we decided to take action. For those who are planning to close the distance, decide on a place that's mutually beneficial for both of you in terms of growth, comfort, and opportunity."
Brianna and Bradley: "We decided to move in together once Brianna's lease was up, and we don't regret it. We're closer now than ever before, and we learn something new about each other every day. It's important to have a plan in place when it comes to closing the distance whether that means moving in or closer to each other. Even if it takes some time, knowing that you have a goal and something to look forward to really makes the experience much more bearable. We reveled in the idea that one day, we were going to spend forever together…talking, cuddling, dancing, laughing and loving each other face-to-face."
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Now that you’ve closed the distance, what’s the most significant advice you have for couples who are currently enduring the distance?
Manning and Katelyn Bennett: "Enjoy the distance from each other and take time to learn more about yourself and appreciate the person you are. Do the self-work and focus on your dreams and goals, so that when you close the distance, you'll be able to build and grow together."
Brianna and Bradley: "Stick it out! If you truly want the same things and share the same vision such as holy matrimony or sharing a life together, then the wait and distance will be worth it."
Thornton and Deandra Paul: "Remember to communicate as much as possible, and try to see each other as much as you can (when travel is permitted)."
Featured image by Shutterstock
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
This Couple Almost Let Their 8-Year Age Gap Keep Them From Finding Love With One Another
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
I’m willing to bet that this is not the first time you’ve seen this couple. Dalen Spratt is a television producer, owner of a tailored men's suit line, and creator of Ghost Brothers: Haunted Houseguests, which is currently streaming on Destination America. Stacey Spratt is also a serial entrepreneur, focusing mostly on events and the nonprofit world, and she is the owner of two award-winning craft beer bars called Harlem Hops. But their accolades are not what united them.
The couple met years ago at their alma mater, Clark Atlanta University, when they were still working to create the life they have now, and if you had told them then that they’d eventually tie the knot, the pair probably would’ve laughed in your face.
Today, they’re new parents, flourishing in their careers, and each others’ “teammates.” When desiring love, Dalen recommends not looking to other couples for advice. And Stacey advises staying true to what you want. “Don’t put age or limitations on love and children. If God could do it for me, why can’t he do it for you?”
Here's How We Met.
How did you meet?
Dalen: We met in 2005 when she was advising the Greek sororities and fraternities in college. She was old as hell in college, and I was a young buck (laughs). Everybody had a crush on her, but I didn’t think much of it. Then, in 2007, we were in the same grad school class, but she still wasn’t trying to see me then either. I had to catch her five years ago; I was very patient.
Stacey: Yeah, everybody in our grad school class called him Young, Fresh to Death because he was always dressed in B-school (what CAU affectionately refers to as business major classes), and we’d just wear sweatpants (laughs).
So, I know Dalen was always attracted to you. But what about you? Did your attraction to him develop over time?
Stacey: So 2006-2008 – all the years went by. I don’t think we were really thinking about each other at all back then. Years later, I had an event in Dallas, and I booked him to be a speaker. Then, a few years ago, Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: "If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you." But I still thought he was too young at the time, and he started pulling receipts. Taraji P. Henson was dating someone young at the time, Gabrielle Union–
Dalen: First of all, I didn’t do that. You did that.
Stacey: Okay, I did. I thought he was a cutie pie, but that age thing was on my mind!
"Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: 'If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you.'"
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Talk to me about the first date. How did he change your mind?
Stacey: Our first date was at Tin Lizzy's in Atlanta. During that time, he was living in Dallas, so it was long-distance. But he came into town, and we just had a good time. We talked a lot, which we still do. It wasn’t anything fantastic.
Dalen: Don’t downplay our first date.
Then, walk me through your courtship. How did you get to the next level? What was that conversation like?
Stacey: I think he knew at age 43 or 44 I wasn’t playing around. But also, I think it just naturally progressed.
Dalen: Yeah, it just happened naturally. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t think initially either one of us thought it would be as serious as it was. She thought I was too young and I wasn’t ready for marriage, kids, and all that. I think we both thought we were just hanging out. But after spending so much time together, a lot of stuff started happening. Like, she had to have surgery early on. It wasn’t just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That’s why we still don’t have an anniversary date because we never really asked.
"It wasn't just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That's why we still don't have an anniversary date because we never really asked."
What made you want to commit to each other?
Dalen: The moment I knew Stacey was for me was from a phone call. I don’t really like talking on the phone, and I can be really blunt sometimes. But we were talking, and I said, ‘I don’t really feel like talking anymore.’ And she was just like, okay, and hung up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, and she understood that. It sounds bad, but that’s how I knew she just got me. I felt like she could get my random awkward moments, and she does to this day.
Stacey: For me, I liked him as a person. Even when times get rough and tough, I could still like him as a human. He is my best friend. We have time. We laugh until we cry, and it’s just always like that. Even when we get pissed at each other, something happens, and we fix it. Also, how he treats his mother. That’s a momma’s boy, but I’m a daddy’s girl – so I get it. I know how I want to be treated, and I see how he is with her and that’s beautiful.
What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourself through loving your partner in this relationship?
Dalen: I grew up an only child and she grew up with siblings. So, when you have someone who is used to doing things by themselves, there is definitely a learning curve when you get into a serious relationship. It’s funny now, but it was definitely a process.
Stacey: I agree – definitely the only child thing. There’s times I look at him like, did you ever live with anyone else? That comes from being momma's baby, too. I have to say, my “mother-in-love” spoiled him. But also with Axel (their daughter), that brings another level of patience.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
What was the biggest challenge that you had to overcome together?
Dalen: We’ve gone through a lot within the years we’ve been together. We suffered two miscarriages – I’d say that’s the biggest.
Stacey: Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me. I was wondering if I can’t carry [a child] what that looks like for us. We had very real conversations pretty early in our relationship.
"Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me."
What do you fight the most about?
Dalen: Nagging. Stacey nags; she’s a complainer. She’s that momma that will look in a room and just hunt for something to complain about. Like, I’m worried for Axel when she's in high school.
Stacey: It’s because I like things to be in place. He leaves stuff all over the place. I can tell where he’s been in the house because something is left around. So he says I’m nagging – but it’s like, just get your stuff.
What are your love languages?
Dalen: Stacey is gifts all day.
Stacey: *thinks*
Dalen: We’ve talked about this. xoNecole is about to cause problems in our home (laughs).
Stacey: Obviously I love you. *thinks again* It’s words of affirmation.
Dalen: That’s it.
What’s your favorite thing about each other?
Dalen: I’ve always respected her business-mindedness. That may sound superficial, but it’s not because I’ve never been with someone who thinks like me. It’s one of my most treasured things about her. I remember one day, I was just running through ideas with her, and each time Stacey had a suggestion on how I could make it better. It’s just very comforting. She takes whatever I’m doing and elevates it – including me.
Stacey: I love Dalen’s hustle and creativity. He’s been on multiple shows, and he continues to create, produce, and reinvent himself and the product he’s putting out. I love that we can create together and bounce things off each other. Even though we may be in different arenas, there’s nothing he can’t offer me great advice about. I love that drive.
Finally, how did you know it was love?
Dalen: Well – she said it – first. (laughs)
Stacey: And he looked at me and smiled! He didn’t say it back. We were on a trip, out of the country.
Dalen: We were arguing when she said it, and she just threw it out.
Stacey: But we continue to do that. We’ve spent holidays and everything outside of the country.
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The Scorpio man and Pisces woman form a relationship that is heartfelt, sincere, and not for the weak. There is an immediate connection and familiarity between these two, being that they are both water signs and are both ruled by their emotions. They are on a similar playing field in life, yet they go about their desires in love in a very different way.
Scorpio Man And Pisces Woman Love Compatibility
Ultimately, a partnership being formed between the two is an intimate and emotionally transformative one, and this is a relationship they both never forget. Things can get messy, but if they are willing to do the work within, then the love can also be pretty amazing for them as well. They are all in or nothing when it comes to partnerships, and they learn a lot about true commitment and vulnerability through this pairing.
What attracts a Scorpio man to a Pisces woman?
The Scorpio man is attracted to the Pisces woman's mysterious aura and emotional demeanor. The Pisces woman is attracted to the same things as the Scorpio man. See, these two are more similar than most signs of the zodiac, and they can intuitively feel this about each other right away. Pisces and Scorpio often share similar interests and have a lot of opportunities to meet each other because they like to do the same things and are often in the same places. These are two creative and artistic souls, and there is something that they both find inspiring about each other right away.
The connection and synergy of a Pisces and Scorpio couple is undeniable, and there is a strong force in life that often brings these two together. The Pisces woman can feel that there is more to the surface than the Scorpio man presents right away, and this is instantly intriguing to her, being that she rules the 12th house, which is where everything is hidden in life. The Pisces woman has secrets of her own, and she sees the Scorpio man as someone who can resonate with how she feels and dive deeper into the relationship together.
What is the relationship like between a Pisces woman and a Scorpio man?
The relationship between the Pisces woman and the Scorpio man is emotional. Emotions run very high in this relationship, which is often a good thing, but can turn into something entirely different very quickly as well. The Pisces woman and Scorpio man often get into a relationship together quickly. They are not earth signs that take their time developing a relationship; they are water signs that base their decisions on their emotions and go with the flow of the currents here.
So when they meet and they feel that instant connection with each other, they often jump into a pairing with one another right away.
This couple will enjoy spending time together and will feel like they are deeply understood in the relationship. There is a comfort here that is truly profound, and if anything, they are best friends first and foremost. However, the Pisces woman and Scorpio man tend to let their emotions overwhelm them and can turn little things into something bigger. Arguments or disagreements in this relationship can get messy, and they are both somewhat emotionally impulsive. Neither will forgive and forget easily as well, so reaching a point of forgiveness or harmony after something challenging occurs may never happen.
This relationship works best if both parties have already experienced a long-term commitment or have learned their lessons in love and evolved. The longevity of the relationship will depend on how they begin it. However, the love they have for one another is undeniable.
What is the sex like between a Scorpio man and a Pisces woman?
The sex life between the Pisces woman and Scorpio man is transcendent. They tend to have no issues in the bedroom, and that instant connection they feel when they meet often has an underlying energy of sexual compatibility as well. This isn’t the type of couple to wait a long time to explore each other in the bedroom, and they form a deep intensity here right away. They are looking to connect on many different levels, and they feel enough compatibility in the connection to do so.
The Pisces woman is willing to explore in the bedroom, and the Scorpio man is ready for anything. This is a couple who will entertain role-play, bondage, etc., and there are a few limitations to what they are both interested in. With the Pisces woman providing a safe space to many, the Scorpio man feels comfortable opening up in many different ways, the main one including behind closed doors and in the bedroom. They are emotional at their core, however, and will still want a level of intimacy with each other that goes deeper than just sex, so although their sex life is great, there is more they both want at the end of the day.
What makes a relationship between a Pisces woman and a Scorpio man work?
What makes the relationship work between these two water signs, is that they both understand each other deeply. They don’t have to explain themselves or work too hard on getting to know each other because it’s almost instant that they do. They speak the same language, in other words, and they can learn a lot from each other in the process. They are more open with each other, and their more reclusive demeanor changes in the presence of one another. This is a couple that likes to spend time together doing things that each other has an interest in.
At the end of the day, these are just two people who want to love and be loved, and they can give each other that.
The Pisces woman helps the Scorpio man open up more, go with the flow, and trust the universe. The Scorpio man helps the Pisces woman step into her power, stick up for herself more, and live life fully. There is something creative and eye-opening about this pairing, and they create their own world together. Trust is everything between the both of them and once they have that, they lay the foundation for the relationship to grow and thrive.
What may cause a Scorpio man and a Pisces woman to break up?
The thing about a water sign relationship is that things can get messy. Emotions are always running high, and if they are not on the same page, this can lead to the energy of the relationship being all over the place. The Pisces woman is loyal, attentive, and compassionate, but she is also a free spirit who likes her space and freedom. The Scorpio man, on the other hand, craves deep intimacy and partnership and may have a hard time trusting the Pisces woman, and that trust needs to be had in a relationship.
Scorpio may find Pisces to be too wishy-washy for his liking, although Pisces just sees herself as someone open-minded and flexible and doesn't understand why the Scorpio man can’t be a little more like that as well.
This relationship can fall apart due to things becoming overwhelming too quickly. They tend to get into the relationship quickly and break up just as fast as well. If they can act on mental clarity as much as they do their emotions, then this can create a more solid ground for the relationship to grow and continue to grow upon. You would think that being with someone who is the same element as you is a recipe for success in a relationship, but two of the same things can be too much at the end of the day.
Summary: Is a Scorpio man and a Pisces woman compatible?
Ultimately, this is a relationship with high compatibility, and depending on the two people at hand, it will determine how things unfold here. They have the tools needed to form a sincere, loving, and compassionate relationship but will have to confront each other's differences with the same attitude to work. Once the first challenge or conflict arises in the relationship, how they handle it afterward will determine if the relationship is going to work out or not.
These two are perfect when things are going well, but can be dramatic when they are not. The Pisces woman and Scorpio man can’t get enough of each other at the end of the day, and this will indeed be a relationship that they will never forget.
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