Want To Reduce Work Stress? Here's How To Protect Your Peace.
One of the toughest parts of this new normal where we can all work remotely is we've now lost the clear separation between work and home. We end up working longer hours without breaks because there is no commute, and it seems like even more is expected of us working at home because we don't have any office distractions.
But the truth is, there is NO upside to working yourself into an early grave. Work stress and burnout are real, and they can negatively impact both our physical and mental health, our productivity, and even our relationships with friends and family. Therefore, boundaries are necessary to maintain your sanity and some level of work/life prioritization.
If you're thinking, "I hear you, Julia, BUT…that's easier said than done. If I start drawing boundaries with work, my company will think I'm not working hard enough or that I don't want to support the team," I've got you covered! Below I've outlined a few ways for you to start protecting your peace at work (whether at home or whenever we return to the office):
Say NO at work.
Shutterstock
Contrary to popular belief, it's perfectly OK to say NO at work. This does not mean you're not a team player or that you aren't willing to get work done. It simply means you are prioritizing your activities, and there may not be available bandwidth to take on additional work. If your supervisor or manager asks you to take on new tasks and you know you're already overloaded, schedule some time to walk through your current deliverables to see which ones can be placed on the backburner in favor of the new activities.
You can say something like, "Given the complexity of ABC tasks I'm already working on, I won't be able to add on XYZ as well and still complete everything accurately in the timeframe you've outlined. Which items would you prefer I prioritize first?" It is important that your supervisor is always clear on your work list so they have the appropriate context when assigning new projects.
Set boundaries in the workplace.
Let this be your confirmation:
Unless it's clearly part of your job description or communicated to you upon hiring, you should not need to be on-call for your employer. If you are performing at your highest level during standard business hours, meeting stated objectives, and providing your business partners and stakeholders with required information, your off-work hours should belong to you.
That's not to say there aren't peak times. We've all had to work on an accelerated project or complex presentation that may require unconventional hours. But outside of specific circumstances, get comfortable with leaving work where it is at the end of the day, and picking it up strong the following day.
If you find yourself receiving several late requests or calls, have a discussion with your management regarding role expectations and time commitments. You can also interact directly with those requesting your support. When you get something at the end of the day, respond with a quick note that says, "I received your request, and I will be glad to provide these details for you tomorrow." If you have a meeting scheduled for after-hours, propose a new (available) time and state, "I'm unavailable at XXpm, but I am open to meeting at XXam. Will that work for you?"
Remember if you don't draw the line, people may assume there isn't one!
Establish meeting agendas and objectives for better time management.
Shutterstock
This is particularly important if you are in leadership or management. When you are leading teams and setting the tone for an organization, your time truly dwindles. You cannot afford to spend time in meetings that serve no purpose, or else you will find yourself meeting all day during business hours, and then doing your actual work AFTER hours. When meetings are placed on your calendar, review them for agendas and expected outcomes.
Should you receive a meeting with a blank invitation comment box, don't shy away from responding to the sender to ask what the conversation is about, the main objectives, and how you can best provide value. This shows that you're not at all opposed to being part of the discussion, BUT ALSO, it politely lets them know you don't have time to be meeting about some upcoming meeting, which is a review of something they took offline in a prior meeting.
No more meetings about meetings in 2020.
Start delegating tasks more often.
Here's one more for my leaders and bosses! Start giving away your work. This is something I have personally struggled with as a manager because I feel like if something is given to me, I have to be the one to do it! Perhaps you've felt the same way, or you think, "If I want it done right, I have to do it myself." But keep in mind you are only one person, and there is only so much two hands can do. But if you have a team of competent, talented people working for you, tap into their skills and strengths. This gives you the opportunity to provide development and expand their work horizons, BUT ALSO, it gets some tasks off your plate so that you can better balance your more high-priority items, reduce your stress and anxiety levels, and work more efficiently. You've heard the saying: Many hands make light work. Take advantage of the resources you have and trust your team to help you carry the load.
Remember, you are not your job. You work to live, not live to work. And it's impossible to be at your best when you are constantly under excessive work stress. So be willing to put yourself first. There will always be another job, but there is only one you!
For more information about Julia Rock, check out Rock Career Development or follow her on Instagram and Twitter. To read more on work stress and the associated health impacts, check out this CDC report.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Ways To Calm Down When You're Stressed - xoNecole ... ›
- 9 Foods That Decrease Stress Hormones - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Kelly Rowland Stress Mental Health Sanity - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Try These Relaxation Techniques To Reduce Stress & Chill Out ... ›
- Upgrade Your Self-Care Game By Implementing This Simple Practice ›
- Manage Remote Work Burnout, Work From Home - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Stress at Work - HelpGuide.org ›
- Work Stress: 3 Key Ways to Kibosh It and Get Calm ›
- 16 Simple Ways to Relieve Stress and Anxiety ›
- 10 stress busters - NHS ›
- 6 Easy Ways To Reduce Stress at Work (And Be Happy) in 2020 ›
- Coping with stress at work ›
- 12 Ways To Eliminate Stress At Work ›
- 9 Simple Ways to Deal With Stress at Work ›
- How Remote Work Can Lower Stress Levels - Remote.co ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by arsenisspyros/Getty Images