LL Cool J & His Wife Simone Celebrating Their 25th Wedding Anniversary Is Everything We Love To See
The only thing better than living your best life is doing it with your best friend and our good sis Simone Smith and our forever man crush LL Cool J have been blessed enough to do both at the same damn time. The couple, who celebrated their silver anniversary earlier this month, are living proof that both Black marriage is alive and well in these streets and their throwback love story is everything we love to see.
In a previous interview with Jimmy Kimmel, LL revealed that their first encounter was on Easter by way of a mutual friend and the rest was history.
"I was just 19, something like that. It was Easter and I was driving down the block in my mother's car. He said, 'Hey, you wanna meet my cousin?' I looked over and said, 'Oh yeah, I'll meet your cousin.'"
After more than two decades of marriage, LL and Simone share three daughters and one son and say that they've maintained a happy, healthy relationship by keeping God first, which proved to be especially important when Simone was diagnosed with cancer more than 15 years ago. According to LL, who even offered to donate part of his own tibia bone to aid in Simone's recovery, it was important that he do everything in his power to support his partner in her time of need:
"You don't abandon someone in that foxhole, you know. You got to be there in that foxhole with them. So I made some decisions professionally and decided to be by Simone's side during that period."
Along with choosing a partner who can align with your purpose, the couple stresses the importance of removing your ego from your relationship dynamic. Simone told Oprah:
"Definitely putting God first. We both definitely come from a spiritual background and there's a lot of compromise. Picking your battles [and] respecting each other."
Featured image by Instagram/@sislovespurple.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
âTour Interior Designer Annisa LiMara's Organic Modern Meets Midcentury Modern ATL Abode
In xoNecole's series Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
Annisa LiMara has called this space her home for two years. Her Atlanta sanctuary, which she aimed to give the look and feel of something you'd see in the glossy pages of Architectural Digest, embodies her vision of "stunning, yet functional and cozy."
"My home is a reflection of my brand, The Creative Peach Studios, and I am the 'Creative Peach,'" Annisa explains. "It was so easy to reflect who I am and my personal story in my space. When you walk into my home, you know that it is Annisaâs home. Iâm so proud of that. So grateful."
On the journey to becoming a homeowner, Annisa looks back on her experience as a "rough one," detailing that she officially started house hunting in March 2020. It had become so expensive to rent, and the 30-something lifestyle influencer decided she would rather invest the money she spent renting into owning a home. However, nine days into house hunting, her search was put on hold for a year. The following year, in 2021, the process of finding the right home and going under contract took a total of four months.
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"The resell route didnât work out, so my realtor suggested a new construction home, which turned out to be the better option," she tells xoNecole of her experience. "Although it requires more patience, it turned out to be a much easier process and a lot easier to maintain since itâs brand new."
As it turns out, the open floor plan three-bedroom two-and-half-bath would prove to be a blank canvas for Annisa to flex her creativity and design skills.
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
As a new construction, she watched the townhome get built from the ground up, and due to the "cookie-cutter" nature of new builds, Annisa knew immediately that she would change everything about it. The best part about it? All of her updates were cosmetic, so transformation could occur without having to do major renovations to achieve the look and feel she desired.
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
"The first things I updated were all the lighting, adding built-ins around my fireplace, and installing wallpaper in my bedroom, office, and dining room! I also had board and batten installed in the upstairs loft to make a statement and the kitchen island," Annisa details.
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
"Lastly, we painted the loft a soft blush pink, the kitchen island is a gorgeous terracotta, and added contrast with black on the doors, fireplace, and stairwell banisters."
In total, she spent $15K in renovations (plus the cost of furniture and decor). And although she says the second level of her home is a "work-in-progress," two years in, she considers the transformation nearly done.
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Annisa defines her decor style as "organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho," and with thoughtfully placed touches like plants, warm tones, and organic textures, her perspective can be felt throughout. "I found my point of view as a designer in my work and as I worked on my home, so it all came together organically based on what I was naturally drawn to."
"The organic modern meets midcentury modern with a touch of boho' is definitely my signature style. Youâll always see greenery, warm tones, brass, and rattan or wicker in just about every room. My color story is based on my brand [The Creative Peach Studios] colors: blush pink, ivory, olive and sage green, terracotta, and nudes," she adds.
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
It was her brand colors that would be the jumping-off point for her approach to decorating and styling her space. That, and a picture she had of what would become her sofa from Albany Park. She recalled her decor decisions, "It was their olive Park Sectional Sofa, and I knew instantly I wanted it, and it aligned with my brand colors naturally, so it was a no-brainer."
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
By drawing inspiration from Pinterest, favorite design brands like CB2, Arhaus, and Souk Bohemian, and through her work, Annisa allowed herself to be guided by her signature style as well as her instincts when making decor and color choices for her own home. "Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason; it just feels right."
Some of the aspects of her home that she regards as her favorites include her bedroom and its little nook where her bed is positioned, the open upstairs loft, and the open concept because "it really allows you to see all of the details I put into the design all at once." Another of her favorite finds is a purchase she copped from the thrift store years ago.
"I have this little brown and gold chair that I picked up for $6 at a thrift store in Jersey six years ago. I couldnât afford much in my little studio, but the chair was beautiful and unlike anything I had ever seen."
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
In addition to accent walls featuring blush pink and terracotta tones throughout the space, her gallery wall is another element that immediately draws the eye of any guest who enters. Annisa recalled a fond memory of a fine art piece she purchased from a Black woman artist when she first moved to Atlanta that she now prominently features in her living room. "It was a Black villager from her travels in Africa, and I fell in love with it because it felt like an ancestor I never met. I later found out that she was the sister of one of my very first design clients two years later," she shares. "Talk about a full-circle moment!"
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Kanobi Pollard/xoNecole
Cultivating a space takes time and patience, and that is a sentiment Annisa echoes when advising people who are looking to infuse more of themselves into their own dope abodes through design. "It is not a race, and youâll spend more money if you rush into designing without really being intentional about the vision for your space," Annisa concludes. "You just need creativity and patience to do it! And most of all, make sure you feel like itâs an oasis for you!"
For more of Annisa, follow her on Instagram @annisalimara.
âTour Interior Designer Annisa LiMara's Modern Meets Midcentury ATL Home | Dope Abodes
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When It Comes To Relationships...Why Is Love NOT Enough?
Charge it to the fact that I am such a fan of music, but whenever Iâm out shopping, I tend to pay attention to what stores are playing. And if thereâs one song that seems to show up just about everywhere, itâs a light rock classic by Don Henley and Patty Smyth entitled âSometimes Love Just Ainât Enough.â I promise, even if you donât know it by the title, youâve heard it yourself, at least a dozen times in your lifetime â and whether that kind of music is your âsceneâ or not, the reality is that the words are true.
Even now, in real time, Iâm dealing with two clients who love each other very much, and stillâŠthey are gearing up to file for divorce. Why? One reason is that, although the love is very strong, the type of love that the husband has for the wife is very different from the kind of love the wife has for her husband (hers is more of a friendship/agape love). Another reason is because, over time, their values have become very different (get someone who complements your life; it makes all of the difference in the world). And still, another is the wife feels that, if she were to stay, sheâd be choosing to remain stagnant as an individual because the kind of life he wants isnât the kind that she desiresâŠanymore.
Because I am super Team Covenant, for me, in many ways and on many levels, it's all tragic. Divorce is indeed like a death. I am a survivor of it from my own parents. I am watching two children who I love very much currently go through it. And as a marriage life coach for over 18 years now, although Iâve been able to help more couples stay together or even reconcile after divorce, my ârecordâ is not spotless. Yet you do live long enough, and you see that, sometimes, no matter how much love is present, if you want to go the very far and beautiful distance of ââtil death parts usâ on a literal level â you need more than just love to make that happenâŠno matter how romantic or even idealistic the notion might be.
Let me explain, in a bit more detail, just where I am coming from.
What It Means to Actually Love Someone
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Have you ever thought about what it actually means to love another individual? I promise that if you rely on social media to define it for you, youâre about to be set up for a mighty fall because easily 60-70 percent of the content on there is self-centered, unrealistic, and very feelings-and-nothing-else driven. What I mean by that last point is folks seem to think that love is ONLY a feeling when it is actually so much more than that.
For starters, love is a daily choice. Yep, ask any married couple who has more than a decade under their belt, and they will be quick to tell you that no matter how much they love their partner, sometimes they donât âfeelâ like they do, and so they have to push past their feelings and remember that they chose that individual, they made sacred promises in the form of vows to that person, and so they must choose to honor them. THAT IS A FORM OF LOVE.
Know what else love is?
Love is being someoneâs strongest support system, greatest advocate, and biggest hype man or woman. That requires a lot of patience, a ton of prayer, and quite a bit of believing in someone because, if they were perfect, why would they need any of that? Yeah, another thing thatâs sad about what many people think about love is they expect the person who they say âI love youâ to, to be whatever version of love that they conjured up in their mind â and usually that is very idealistic, which is extremely unfair.
Yeah, itâs mighty interesting that if you look to the Good Book for love definitions, things like âlove is patientâ (I Corinthians 13:4) and âFor God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten SonâŠâ (John 3:16) are what immediately come to mind and yet humans? They donât wanna wait for nothinâ, and they definitely donât think that they should sacrifice anything. Wild.
Another thing about love is it transforms. Not "changes someone" (some folks think they are supposed to use love to manipulate, and that isnât love at all) â it transforms them. And that takes time. Contemporary Christian artist Michael W. Smith once said, âTransformation in the world happens when people are healed and start investing in other people.â Transformation plays a role in the healing process. Hereâs the thing about that, though: if people didnât have anything wrong with them, what would they need to heal from? Transformation invests in others; in order to invest, you must give â not just take.
Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti once said, âIf you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.â Transformation is about understanding someone without trying to change them. Unfortunately, far too many people fail miserably at this. And yet, how arrogant is it to be out here thinking that itâs your job to change someone? Who are you to appoint yourself to that? Do you even understand the person who youâre trying to change? Or are you only coming from the angle of who and what you want them to be? Thatâs not understanding; again, that is manipulation.
To be honest with yâall, I could go on and on about what love is, yet this is an article and not a book. For now, Iâll just say that I think it was important to amplify those three talking points because they are the âangles of loveâ that oftentimes go overlooked. Thatâs why I wanted to lay some foundation on what genuine and mature love looks like before getting into why sometimes love is enough because itâs its own pandemic: the amount of people who call what they are in with or towards someone âloveâ when it's actuallyâŠanything (and sometimes everything) but.
Five Things That Should Come with Being in Love
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Okay, so with all of what I just said, you might wonder how you could actually hit the three love points that I shared, and it still not be enough to keep a relationship going â at least, a healthy and purpose-filled one. Thatâs a really great question. So, because love is so vastâŠletâs keep building with five things that should be happening, MUTUALLY SO, when two people are actually in love with each other.
1. Youâre becoming a better person. There is a Leo Buscalgia quote that Iâve shared before (more than once, actually) that I absolutely adore. It says, âAs soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I, in a love relationship, do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.â And honestly, the quote says it all. If you think youâre in love with someone, yet you AND they are not becoming better as a direct result of the love experience, something is definitely awry. At the end of the day, if you believe that âGod is loveâ (I John 4:8&16), love should definitely be improving you and him in a myriad of different ways and on a thousand different levels because a spiritual relationship with the Divine does just that. No wiggle room.
2. Your life is moving forward, not back. On the heels of what I just said, love shouldnât have you out here living in a state of stagnation. Love is to liberate you and make you feel like you can release what is holding you back so that you can run toward what will improve your quality of life. That said, if since youâve been with âhim,â you canât name three things that have shifted, drastically so, when it comes to how your life is progressing, that is a bit of a red flag as well. Love is to fuel you into newer dimensions, not keep you in hamster wheels of cyclic (and typically counterproductive) patterns.
3. You are receiving peace and being a conduit of peace too. I canât believe how many people on social media get triggered whenever they hear that someone wants to be with a peaceful and peace-filled individual. What in the world? Peace, in a relationship, is about harmony. Peace is about tranquility. Peace is about being on one accord, having a strong and solid friendship, and feeling calm in another personâs presence. Peace is not turmoil. Peace is not stress. PEACE IS NOT DRAMA. A lot of people out here? They think that because their relationship is passionate or intense that love is present. More times than not, the answer is âno.â As a woman by the name of Mary Helen Doyle once said, âChoose love and peace will follow. Choose peace and love will follow.â If that is not your personal reality with your significant otherâŠyouâve got some serious thinking to do.
4. Your views on love and relationships are maturing. Have you ever known a relationship that is childish? Thereâs no other way to put it. The two people involved are always trying to one-up each other. When theyâre mad, theyâll go days without speaking. You find yourself watching a soap opera online that you didnât ask for because one or both of them are constantly being passive-aggressive about each otherâs mess on their social media pages. Ugh. Remember how I said that peace isnât drama? Yeah, true love isnât either. In fact, one of the main things that love does is provide you with a safe space to be held accountable so that youâre able to grow in areas where you wouldnât have otherwise. If your âlove relationshipâ isnât maturing youâŠthatâs another flag on the play.
5. Sex is the âicingâ not the âcake.â A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, âWhat If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.â And yeah, this point? Listen, oxytocin â the natural hormone that bonds you to the people you are physically intimate with â can have you out here thinking that just because a man makes your body feel good that heâs good for your mind and spirit too (check out âQuestion: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?â). In other words, sex can be deceptive, which is why I donât like the term âmake loveâ (check out âI Absolutely Hate The Phrase 'Make Love.' Here's Why.â). Truly, it canât be said enough: sex does not MAKE love; sex CELEBRATES a love that is already in place. People who are truly in love know this.
Okay, so this is already quite a bit to think about, right? Itâs also essential and relevant because, before you can come to the conclusion that love is not enough to keep your relationship going, you need to make sure that love is what youâre actually experiencing. IS IT?
Now, letâs get into the main reasons why this article has the title that it does.
Itâs Damn Near Impossible to Love Someone You Donât Respect
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Iâm pretty sure that, at one point or another, weâve all heard the saying, âAn ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.â Yâall, that is absolutely how I feel about providing this kind of content for singles â and to me, âsingleâ is individuals whose tax records say that they are. Because no matter how much you may care about someone, again, ask anyone whoâs gone through a divorce, and Iâm pretty sure they will tell you that breaking up (no matter how difficult it may be) will spare you a lot more heartbreak than ending a marriage will. And so, with that being said, one reason why love may not be enough to try and stay with someone you are seeing (in a dating or even engaged dynamic) is if you donât respect them â or they donât respect you.
Scripturally, when it comes to how wives are to treat their husbands, I always think itâs amazing that women are told, not to prioritize loving their husband but respecting him (Ephesians 5:33). If you go to I Peter 3:2 (AMPC), it defines respect in this fashion: ââŠto respect, defer to, revere himâto honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].â (Did yâall see âprizeâ in there? I DID.)
Ask any man worth his salt, and heâs gonna tell you, I believe without hesitation, that the way he feels love is by feeling respected. So, when you take all of those words in I Peter into account, do you respect your man? And if you donât, why donât you? I promise you, with every ounce of my being, that if you donât respect him, itâs only a matter of time before your relationship either ends or becomes highly dysfunctional because respect is paramount in a healthy, loving dynamic.
And yes, you deserve to be respected as well.
- When a man respects you, he is honest with you.
- When a man respects you, he values opinions.
- When a man respects you, he honors your boundaries.
- When a man respects you, he doesnât âhit below the beltâ in disagreements.
- When a man respects you, he is careful in how he treats you.
- When a man respects you, he prioritizes you.
- When a man respects you, no kind of abuse transpires (including neglect).
Hmph. When you marinate on all of this, one might say that you canât be loved without being respected. While on some levels, thatâs true â believe you me, I have dialogued with many couples over the years who love each other yet they donât respect each otherâs boundaries or they donât fight fair. And thatâs because one or both of them werenât taught to prioritize respect.
I will say this, though: even if you do love your partner, if you donât respect them and/or they donât respect you, love is not going to be enough. Not to go the distance in a mutually beneficial kind of way, itâs not.
Next point.
LOVING Someone Doesnât Mean That the Two of You Are COMPATIBLE
Yep, Iâm gonna bring some Scripture back into this. Back in the Garden of Eden, when God decided to bless Adam with a helpmate, the Classic Amplified Version of Genesis 2:18 described her to be this: âNow the Lord God said, âIt is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.ââ Suitable means âappropriateâ and âfitting.â Adapted means being able âto adjust oneself to different conditions, environment, etc.â Complementary means âthe quantity or amount that completes anything.â Complete, in this context, speaks to âhaving all parts or elements; lacking nothing.â
Yâall, there are a couple of men who I loved, but it didnât work out. I was mad at first â and yet, in hindsight, it was never meant to be. Why? Because I was not the right kind of helper for them, and they were not the right kind of protector and provider for me. There were things about us that didnât âfit.â There were areas where we werenât willing to be flexible in order to make the relationship work. When it came to our values, perspectives, and goals, significant things were lacking.
And thatâs why I tell couples who come to me prior to marriage that they need to take COMPATIBILITY into serious account before saying âI do.â Compatible literally means âcapable of existing or living together in harmonyâ â and I canât tell you how many married folks have either been at their entire witâs end or have ultimately called it quits due to this being such an issue.
It can be what seems like something âminorâ at first too. For instance, donât underestimate if youâre the kind of person who likes a spotless home and your partnerâs house isnât the cleanest. Donât think itâs not a big deal if youâre an extrovert who likes to go out a lot and your partner seems like he barely even likes people (I know a married couple who have suffered, greatly, over the years because of this). Donât go into denial if youâre a spontaneous person and your partner is very much âmarriedâ to routine.
Some of my male friends? We are very close, and I adore them; they adore me, too. We ainât ugly either. Yet we are close enough to know and accept that the way we do life as individuals, there is no way we would be harmonious as a couple. Yep, sometimes love isnât enough because the two of you simply arenât compatible (or compatible enough) to go the distance.
Being with Someone You Love Isnât the Ultimate Goal. Being in a Healthy Relationship Is.
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As I wrap this up, one more point. A hill that I will forever and a day die on is far too many people put being happy over being healthy. Hmph, Iâll even take that a step further and say that far too many folks think that itâs someone elseâs responsibility to make them happy when that couldnât be further from the truth. Besides, if you donât even know how to keep yourself happy all of the time, how the hell is someone else supposed to pull it off? Ridiculous. And you know what? When two people are able to see things from this perspective, when they are able to fully grasp that 1) happiness is about inner work, 2) happiness comes and goes, and 3) being healthy is what should matter more â then they can find another person who feels the same way. And that is a solid foundation to build on.
Definitely, two healthy people get that when it comes to being in a long-term relationship that is thriving and flourishing, having someone to love who loves you back is pretty awesome. However, what keeps the relationship together is ensuring that the dynamic is HEALTHY.
So, am I saying that you can love someone in a very pure and genuine way and the relationship be unhealthy? 1000 percent. Iâm not speaking of extreme things like abuse, either. I meanâŠa word that oftentimes comes up whenever healthy is mentioned is âvigor.â Vigor speaks to strength, power, and ability. And if, by being involved with the person who you love, you are not getting stronger, becoming more powerful, and feeling more capable of becoming your best self as you are doing the same thing for him â there are elements about the relationship that is the opposite of healthy: unhealthy, and that means that love isnât enough. In fact, you should love each other enough to let each otherâŠgo. So, that you both can be joined by those who will support and encourage you to become a moreâŠvigorous individual.
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Whew, this was a lot. I know. It was also necessary. Because itâs time (past time, really) that we stop romanticizing love to the point that we lose sight of what its purpose is: the fuel needed to keep a healthy relationship going. And hopefully now, all of these words later (LOL), you are able to see that certain things have to be in place, outside of love, for things to not only workâŠbut work well.
âSometimes love just ainât enoughâ is both a mouthful and the truth.
Choose wisely, sis. Love yourself enough to do thatâŠplease.
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