Lizzo is the physical manifestation of the iconic African-American proverb: If you don't know, now you know, playa.
Although Lizzo initially emerged on the music scene in 2013 with her debut project, Lizzobanger, she is just starting to get the traction she deserves. By now, I'm sure you've seen this flute-playing, soul snatching goddess on the internet in one way or another, and after her recent collaborations with industry giants like Gucci Mane and Missy Elliott, Lizzo is making a statement that she's here to stay. Not only does she have the confidence of 12 Beyonces, but she has the soul and talent to back it up.
There's a lot of things we can learn from this body-positive soul sister, and in honor of her 3rd studio album release, Cuz I Love You, here are four things Lizzo taught me about self-love:
Be Quiet
Sometimes strength comes in the form of silence. Life can be noisy and things can get messy, but if you have the power to be still, you can ultimately weather the storm. Take it from Lizzo, who after losing her father spent three months without speaking. For nearly 90 days, Lizzo communicated through shrugs and only opened her mouth to sing songs from Beyonce's legendary B-Day album, and eat grapefruits and chocolate bars. During that time period, Lizzo explained that she went through a serious transformation that ultimately inspired her to take her career more seriously.
"Something happened... that just sent me over the edge. I dropped out, flew to Denver for summer vacation, went crazy and decided to become a singer."
This bold move ultimately paid off and proved to Lizzo that sometimes real power is having the ability to hold your tongue. She continued:
"My mom is still like - anytime I'm quiet she's like hey, Melissa! Don't go nowhere! [I went] crazy... in a good way though, because I got inspired. That was a summer of metamorphosis."
Lizzo reminds us that the key to maximizing your true potential could lie in shutting the hell up sometimes! Note taken.
Get Professional Help
Thanks to programs like Silence The Shame and Eustress, Inc., the stigma around therapy in the black community is changing. People of color are finally talking about mental health and taking steps toward seeking professional help. Artists including but not limited to Big Sean, Janelle Monae, and Keri Hilson have opened up about their struggles with depression and anxiety and proved that celebrities need therapy too, and Lizzo is no exception. She told Rolling Stone that initially, finding a therapist was difficult, but ultimately, getting help allowed her to become a better entertainer. The 30-year-old musician explained:
"That was really scary. But going on that journey of being vulnerable with someone who I didn't know, and then learning how to be vulnerable with people that I do know, gave me the courage to be vulnerable as a vocalist. I was so afraid of sounding like that for so long. It's a raw part of me that I didn't allow myself to celebrate."
Walk In Your Truth
As someone who is truly indecisive, decisions as small as what to eat for lunch have the power to throw my entire day into a state of chaos. #LizzoTaughtMe that no matter how big or small, if you make a choice based on your truth, you can't lose. As women, well, as humans in general, we spend so much time trying to convince others of what we have, that we forget who we are. The "Tempo" singer gave us the remedy to how to overcome that way of thinking.
"When I have to make decisions, I always choose honesty and I always stay true to myself, because I know at the end of the day that is what's going to remain. That is what's going to be the legend: That I was true to myself and that I honored every person by staying truthful to them."
Love Your Body, That’s What It’s Made For
No matter what your size or body shape, we're all guilty of "I'm too". I'm too short, I'm too tall, I'm too fat, I'm too small. I'm willing to bet that there is no one on this earth who is truly immune to the "I'm too" disease, but according to Lizzo, the cure is self-love. It doesn't matter how beautiful the product is if you aren't aware of its function and the same is true when it comes to our bodies. Our bodies weren't made for the enjoyment or speculation of others, they were made to be loved, and Lizzo reminds us that we all have a body worth loving. The entertainer told Teen Vogue:
"We should love ourselves first. We should look at our bodies as vehicles for success, and not a signifier of who you are, how good your p*ssy is, if dudes like you or not, or if you can fit certain clothes...that's not what your body's for."
Blame It On My Juice, Baby
As the first plus-size black woman to be on the cover of Playboy Magazine, Lizzo proved that her juice ain't nothing to play with. Although the body-positive maven is now an expert in self-love, her mindset wasn't always this way. In an interview with NPR in 2016, Lizzo explained that unlocking a positive self-image came with accepting her juice for all it was rather than getting caught up in sipping on someone else's.
"I remember one day being like, 'This is it.' Twenty-some-odd years of me believing that one day I can wake up and be some other girl. It's like, you're not gonna wake up and be bigger or smaller or lighter or darker; your hair's not gonna suddenly grow down past your knees. You're going to look this way for the rest of your life. And you have to be OK with that."
Lizzo taught me that it's okay to be quiet because stillness is strength. She reminds us all to walk in our truth at our own tempo and no matter what size or shape we are, to not be ashamed of the ferocity of the juice we possess.
Featured image by Gary Gershoff/Getty Images
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Over the weekend, while headling Beautycon, the 42-year-old singer revealed to PEOPLE that her biggest beauty splurge comes in the form of LED light therapy. She told the outlet, "There's this light by Shani Darden, the LED light, and it's not cheap. But I literally sleep under it every night."
LED stands for Light Emitting Diode, and in light therapy, these little diodes emit different wavelengths of light to benefit your skin. LED light therapy has seen an uptick in popularity for its benefits, which range from acne reduction and skin rejuvenation to pain relief and a more even skin tone.
She continued, “It's like a 20 to 30-minute time limit. When I'm under there, it [has] red lights, blue lights, and other colors of light. But those are the ones that I use the most, and they are so awesome because of the simple fact that they are like killing germs and [helping with] anti-aging, which is amazing."
Kelly didn't lie when she said her go-to beauty device was a "splurge." Retailing at a whopping $1,900, the Shani Darden best-selling LED Light Therapy Mask "is clinically proven to reduce acne, pigmentation, and wrinkles." Per the website, the re-engineered "diode LEDs deliver the highest dose of red, blue and near infrared light therapy in cutting-edge wavelength combinations for smoothing, clearing and brightening benefits."
Kelly is someone who gets badder with age, and over the years, the wife and mom have been vocal about her dedication to self-care through the use of beauty products. In a 2022 interview with PEOPLE, she shared her inner beauty philosophy, "Give yourself as many compliments as you possibly can. You start with one, you can have two. You have two, you can have four."
Keep scrolling for some of Kelly Rowland's other beauty faves, including a couple of additional Shani Darden finds:
Pat McGrath Labs Sublime Perfection Foundation
Pat McGrath Labs
"For me [with foundation] it was either not enough coverage or too much coverage … Pat [McGrath] found the perfect blend of them both," Kelly told PEOPLE. "This is actually my color, and it blends in beautifully with the skin – the texture of it is just like silk. I brush it on, or, sometimes I use the little sponge and push it into the skin. It's my favorite. She just nailed it, she really nailed it."
Shani Darden Skin Care Facial Sculpting Wand
The Cut
Regarding this product, Kelly revealed to The Cut, "I go up my cheekbones, across my skin and my temples with her wand — it’s incredible."
Shani Darden Skin Care Retinol Reform
"I've been with [esthetician] Shani [Darden] for almost 10 years. I was having the toughest time with my skin after I had Titan [seven years ago]. Before she sold this, she put it in a little tube for me and told me when and how to use it–she likes to educate, which I really appreciate–and my skin changed in a matter of two weeks." - via PEOPLE
Augustinus Bader the Rich Cream
The Cut
“Sometimes I use the Rich Cream, and sometimes I just use the Cream," she explained to The Cut about her product preferences.
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Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Beautycon™
