Letting Go Of Perfection Helped Me Live My Purpose
Perfection (noun): the state of being complete and correct in every way
As a writer, I like the challenge of picking words that best describe something. And the word I would use to name the thing I dislike the most at this stage of my life and career is "perfection."
Let me explain.
I started brainstorming on what my dream career would be like during the first days of April 2018. At the time, my job as an Executive Assistant wasn't giving me the fulfilment I was looking for. I knew something had to change. I mind-mapped my ideas and have been lucky enough to quickly figure out who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and why. Especially why. From there, I knew I had found my purpose.
It took about five months before I was able to completely assemble the puzzle of my dream career and finally see what the big picture looked like.
In doing so, I understood that the impact I was trying to have on the world would require a lot of work, consistency, and determination. I also had to accept the fact that my 9 to 5 was still going to be in sight for quite some time. Not as a dream killer as I had always viewed it as, but as a dream supporter, helping me fund the life I saw for myself. I mean, if I don't fund my dream, who will?
My plan was simple: I was going to work my way to the top and become a public figure using my voice and my writing to inspire people to go after their dream life (writing it down makes it even sexier). Of course, the journey wasn't going to be easy. It is a well-known fact that with every new level comes a new devil, and here is where perfection got in the way and almost defeated me.
The Perfect Moment Doesn't Exist, You Have To Create It.
The next steps I needed to take to make my project come to life were clear; get a logo for my brand, create both my website and YouTube Channel, and most importantly, create good content. The deadline to launch the whole concept was initially set for September 2018. Initially, yes. Almost immediately, I failed.
So, I set another deadline later that year, which I haven't been able to meet either. In fact, the closer launch day was, the less I felt ready to unveil myself to the world. Of course, it's no wonder fear was the reason I was delaying the birth of my imprint on the world.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of not having what it takes.
Fear of not matching my ambitions.
Fear of not being perfect for the job.
While I was trying so hard to find strength and courage within myself to do what I was supposed to, the book I'd finished writing a few months earlier has been published on Amazon. My childhood dream had become reality: I was now a published author!
However, no matter how big this achievement is to me, it, too, took months before I felt ready to publicly announce that I had written a book. One, because I didn't want to make an announcement without my brand being launched for marketing reasons. And two, as a French-speaking author who decided to write her first book in English, I feared it would be mediocre.
Perfection reared its ugly head yet again.
I decided I had enough. The need to achieve perfection had to go. Perfection was holding me back from living in my purpose. And it had been like that for too long. It was time for me to embrace my flaws and let the world know that Savannah Was Here. Finally, after having failed the first two times, I eventually managed to publish my brand's Facebook page, announce the publication of my first book, film my first video, and finally click the post button on YouTube. I must mention that besides my brand's story and its visual image, nothing was ready for publication. I'll be honest, perfection was fighting me. I had the hardest time letting go and I definitely had to count to three and hold my breath before I took the big jump. But at least, I jumped.
And guess what? Nobody even complained that what I created wasn't perfect. In fact, people have been asking why it took me so long to show off. I was even told that I make doing the things I love look magical. The process to creating and building my brand taught me an important thing: The perfect moment doesn't exist, you create it. If you wait for it, you're wasting your time. It's in your power to decide to make a moment perfect and to define what exactly makes it perfect. Also, I believe that one way to ensure that nothing happens is to want to achieve perfection; so don't be too hard on yourself.
Zig Ziglar once said, "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
Being A Work In Progress Still Makes You Relevant
All this time, I thought I needed to be a fully accomplished woman in order to inspire people. I used to wonder who is going to listen and take lessons from a 23-year-old who doesn't even have one third of Oprah's knowledge of life? Well, Oprah wasn't built in a day, they said. And here's even more good news: I doubt any of the most inspiring people on earth were.
No matter your age or your personal story, you owe yourself and the world to start somewhere and start using your gift in a meaningful way. Because the truth is, you never know who you are inspiring. When you walk in your purpose as a work in progress, it's magical to see because you become someone who's not better than anyone. You take the world by the hand and show it that it's possible. That we are all possible.
When you make the decision to truly walk in your purpose and use your gift, you eventually win people over to your cause and change the world, whether you want to become a dentist, an attorney, or a TV host. Give yourself the right to celebrate your small wins because they will be the stepping-stones to your purposeful life.
Give Perfection A New Meaning
Even if you don't eliminate perfection altogether, I'm finding there's a chance to make peace with perfection. Instead of letting society's standards define perfection for me, I'm redefining it by giving the word a meaning that reflects me and where I am at the moment:
Perfection (noun): the state of one's mind acknowledging how magical his or her flaws are, which procures a feeling of freedom of being
Featured image by Getty Images.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
This Is 42: Alicia Keys On Embracing Aging And Finding True Beauty Within
Singer Alicia Keys is “Fallin’” more in love with herself as she enters her regal 40s.
In her recent cover story interview with The Cut, Keys shared that she is embracing personal growth and self-discovery at the age of 42.
"I love getting smarter. I love being more conscious. I love being aware of what I think," she told the publication. "I love being in touch with what I think and being comfortable knowing that what I know is the right thing for me, that I don't have to seek so much validation from everybody else to decide if that's a good thing for me or not."
Keys shares that she’s made peace with the pace of her aging and sees herself becoming “more beautiful” as she gets older because of the self-reflection and inner work done over the years.
“Your heart opens more. You have a quality about you that is so much stronger in a way. I really know that you become more beautiful as you recognize these things about yourself, as you become wiser, as you become older, as you become more yourself, who you actually are,” the Grammy winner says.
In 2016, the “A Woman’s Worth” singer committed to a bareface, make-up-free lifestyle as a personal stance to embrace her natural beauty.
In an essay for Lenny Letter, Keys shared that her decision was based on shedding the societal beauty standards placed on women. “Before I started my new album, I wrote a list of all the things that I was sick of,” she wrote. “And one was how much women are brainwashed into feeling like we have to be skinny, or sexy, or desirable, or perfect.”
Today, the founder of Keys Soulcare reflects on the young woman she was when she entered the music industry and the personal transformation that’s taken place since becoming a mother, wife, and beacon of grace as a 42-year-old woman.
“I started out in the music world when I was 17 years old and you are told that you put on this and you wear this, you get yourself together and you get ready to perform,” she says. “You get to transform and be in a place where you can really identify how you want to express yourself. All of that is a beautiful part of growing and a beautiful part of being a woman is that you get to express yourself.”
She continues, “It opened my eyes to how I didn’t feel comfortable or beautiful if I didn’t have my armor on, and if I didn’t have all my face and hair and pretty things and nice clothes on that somehow I was less than beautiful or just less than.”
“I realized, like, Whoa, what’s underneath all that? It allowed me to have a conversation with myself about how I wanted to feel and even what I wanted to let go of.”
Since then, the “Girl on Fire” artist has reintroduced makeup back into her life on her own terms, telling PEOPLE last year that her outlook has “evolved.”
"I get to determine what's beauty to me. Nobody gets to tell me what that is, and I can't tell anybody what that is either,” she shared with the platform. “That's why my relationship with [makeup and beauty] has come to the place where it is.”
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Featured image by Manny Carabel/WireImage via Getty Images