Exclusive: LeToya Luckett & Tommicus Walker On The 4 C’s That Are Key In Their Marriage
"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage."
I'm sure we all can remember singing that idealistic love song as young ones, but for Tommicus Walker and LeToya Luckett-Walker, it's more than just a child's game--it's real life. With their beautiful new baby Gianna close-by during our conversation, the vibe you get from this married couple is one that's mixed with authenticity, love, soul, country, spirituality, and laughter. And it's a vibe that they say is only present because they decided to forge a new and better path individually before joining their lives together.
The two Texas natives originally didn't meet until a month after their first conversation, but it was during that time that they began to establish the foundation their relationship would be built upon: love of God and commitment to self-evolution. "After getting out of my previous marriage, where I was married for eight years, I began to really take a step back. I was fasting from dating, having sex, wanting to be around a lot of women, and just really clearing my soul and mind to hear from God," Tommicus tells xoNecole. "I was focusing on my daughter [Madison], running my business, waiting, and preparing myself for my wife to be presented to me."
As for LeToya, she explains that in life and especially in love, if you want something you never had, you had to be willing to do something you've never done. "I wanted to do things differently this time around. I didn't want him to know my name or what I did. In the past, I had put the physical sometimes before communication but for this I put communication before the physical," she says. "And there was laughter and great conversation, I felt like I knew him before. We read the Word together, we prayed, it just felt right."
With a year and three months under their belt, a new bundle of joy to add to their bliss, and new ventures on the horizon, it seems as if LeToya and Tommicus are quite literally a match made in heaven.
Read on as they share their insight on life and love in this latest segment of Our First Year.
The One
LeToya: He just felt like home from our first conversation. I know I've been in Los Angeles for the last 13 years, but we're both from Texas. We had so much in common with the way we grew up and eating, and family time. We both wanted to raise our family in Texas so off jump, we had a lot in common. I think the first time I prayed with him, I felt different. And I was also one of those girls who had a list before, and I finally threw it away. Because, there were things that he had that were on my list, but there were other things that he had that I didn't know I needed that weren't on my list. Sometimes we can get in our own way as single women. But it's nice to know that somebody is there that can be supportive. Once I had certain conversations with him, met him, prayed with him--God put it on my heart and told me this was it. This was my husband. He felt like a teammate and there was a real partnership that came into play. And I hadn't felt that before.
"He just felt like home from our first conversation... And I hadn't felt that before."
Tommicus: I think she said it best, we had so much in common. She was country as hell and she felt like a homegirl from the jump. But when we started praying together and having that spiritual connection--it was over. Outside of my ex, she was the only other girl I actually prayed consistently on a daily basis with. We read the Bible together, we read the book of Proverbs before we even met. Knowing that she was a Christian woman and a woman of God, it just felt right. God presented her to me. I knew after the third date she was going to be my wife. And I never looked back or questioned him.
"God presented her to me. I knew after the third date she was going to be my wife. And I never looked back or questioned him."
Overcoming Fears in Marriage
Tommicus: Being that I was married previously, I always said I would never ever get married again. I didn't want to have any more kids. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where I was heartbroken and having to pull myself out of the hole again. But honestly I can say, with LeToya, I never had any fear. And that was because my mind, my body, and my spirit was so clear and God was talking to me on a daily basis. I believe Toya is my soulmate, she's my best friend, now the mother of my child, my wife. I had my heart open wide and I didn't try to have my guard up. The thing is when you know, you know.
"With LeToya, I never had any fear. And that was because my mind, my body, and my spirit was so clear and God was talking to me on a daily basis. I believe Toya is my soulmate."
LeToya: When you're in and out of relationships, you learn to practice divorce. It becomes easier and easier because you know you can survive that. When certain things would come up in our marriage, it would trigger certain thoughts where I'd think: 'is it over?' And I had to learn to work through that and let him know my triggers. And he would do the same for me. So it was just fearing having to go through a breakup, that was what my biggest fear was. Because I don't get into marriage for it not to work out.
Important Lessons in Marriage
Tommicus: The Bible tells us that life and death are in the power of our tongue. And so what I've learned to do and what I continue to do is to speak life over my wife, over my kids, and our situation. I always look at the positive, me and my wife have received so much favor in this first year. And to be able to have that covering is something I believe is so important.
LeToya: Marriage isn't a sprint, it's a marathon and it's a lifetime. You're getting to know this person, you're getting to know yourself in different lights. As a wife, you got to stay on your knees in prayer, because the enemy doesn't like marriage. And you can't take your prayer life lightly when it comes to praying for your husband, your family and for our covering. And also I came into the marriage trying to be superwoman, I had to do all the right "wife" things. I learned quickly I can't do that because I'm not a superhero. I am flawed and I had super high expectations of him and myself. You have to take this thing day by day.
"I came into the marriage trying to be superwoman, I had to do all the right wife things. I learned quickly I can't do that because I'm not a superhero. I am flawed."
Baggage Claim
Tommicus: We had to just communicate with each other about our different trigger points. That was definitely key. We both came from childhoods that's similar to a lot of others. I came from a single-parent household but I always had a stepfather. As a child, I was never able to get these things out that I somewhat feared. And this is something me and my wife talked about not too long ago, the importance of not holding stuff in. So one of the things we try to do is try to communicate with each other and listen and try to see where the person is coming from. From a relationship standpoint, I was married for eight years so of course being a new husband, Toya wanted to know what happened.
LeToya: We've had moments where Tommi can go into that mode and retreat, and he's such an incredible father. But a lot of times I have to tell him, "Babe you're not a single father anymore. You have a partner, you can come to me. You don't have to go through this alone." So that was probably one of the biggest things we had to deal with.
"We had to just communicate with each other about our different trigger points. That was definitely key."
Love Language
Tommicus: I try to speak her love language through spending time, communicating, and she likes to be complimented a lot. She wants me to be the first one to say she looks beautiful or pretty. I'm always aware of that and she looks beautiful all the time. So I know that's a part of her love language and what she needs.
LeToya: We're still learning every single day! There are things that I didn't know he likes or appreciates that I do and it was something simple. For me, mine is quality time--I love having that time. Yes I love gifts as well! But I appreciate gratitude, when someone takes a beat to say, "I appreciate you for doing that." A lot of times I don't get recognized for doing certain things, I'm just expected to because I'm a woman. As women, men just expect us to do everything and to do it right and perfect. But I'm finally with someone who doesn't overlook certain things. And Tommi definitely shows gratitude a lot. For him, I think he develops new things every day.
Best Advice
Tommicus: I would say take care of yourself first, do not lose yourself. Make sure your mind is good, you're exercising properly and you're taking care of your body. And also know the order of marriage: putting God first, yourself second, then your wife or husband next, then your kids after that.
LeToya: The best advice I would give to someone else is marriage doesn't have to be what you saw growing up. You get to decide what your marriage is going to be. You and your spouse are in control of where your marriage takes you, outside of God. Take the time, take premarital counseling, and understand that when you get married, it's no longer about just you. Go into it with an open mind and know that there's going to be some stretching on your part. You can't have a selfish mindset going into that. So I would say: keep Christ first, make sure you're communicating with one another, go to counseling. Here it is: Christ, communication, counseling, and commitment. Those are my four C's.
"Christ, communication, counseling, and commitment. Those are my four C's."
Best Part
Tommicus: The best part is traveling the world! Being able to reproduce, hitting the goals we set each year as a team and making money together with my wife.
LeToya: There's someone there to go through life with, you know they're there through the ups and downs. The partnership and the love, I'd say those are the best parts.
For more of Tommicus and LeToya, follow them on Instagram @letoyaluckett and @tommicuswalker.
Featured image via Denisha DeLane / Shutterstock.com
Originally published on April 24, 2019
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
A Simple Guide To Angel Investing For Black Women To Thrive
Two years ago, Hannah Bronfman, heiress, social media influencer, entrepreneur, and author of Do What Feels Good, shared her IVF, pregnancy, and motherhood journey with xoNecole, but she's also shared her experience with another amazing journey: becoming a passionate angel investor.
Last month, via her TikTok, she shared that she has invested in more than 70 companies in the past five years, and that angel investing “sits at the intersection of basically everything I do.”
@hannahbronfman Angel Investing Pt 2. Turning Obstacles into Opportunities #startup #investing #finance #business #womeninbusiness #entrepreneur #angelinvestor #blackgirlmagic #cpg #startuptalk
She continued with details on how she once co-founded a venture and faced challenges with getting funding. “I had a difficult time fundraising and was met with all the ‘isms,’ so I just wanted an opportunity to share those learnings with other founders,” she added in the video. (Her Beautified app would eventually get $1.2 million in seed funding and give StyleSeat some tough competition.)
“It was notable that a young Black female started a beauty tech company back in 2013 and the world wasn’t ready for it. And the world isn’t ready for more people of color in the venture capital world. So I’m here to just use my platform to open doors and share knowledge.”
This month, she dropped more jewels, schooling her more than 100,000 TikTok followers about what it takes for a business to qualify for angel investment and highlighting Topicals, a mega-successful skincare company co-founded by Olamide Olowe, the youngest Black woman ever to raise $10 million in funding. The company is one that Bronfman has invested in. (Oh, by the way, other investors in Topicals include Gabrielle Union, Kelly Rowland, entrepreneur and former Netflix exec Bozoma Saint John, and Yvonne Orji.)
@hannahbronfman The topic is Topical 👏🏽👏🏽 @TOPICALS @Olamide Ayomikun Olowe #startup #investing #finance #business #womeninbusiness #entrepreneur #angelinvestor #startuptalk #cpg #blackgirlmagic #skincare #beauty
Some of you might be reading all of this—heiress, Hollywood’s Black Elite, and millions of dollars—and saying to yourself, “Well, that’s for rich folk,” and you’d be somewhat right. The average net worth of an angel is $1 million (or at least $200,000 in annual salary). On top of that, Black and Brown women founders often face unique struggles when it comes to getting funding for their businesses, including biases associated with race and sex, and make up a small drop in the bucket when compared with the funding successes of startup entrepreneurs getting millions of dollars from their affluent white-male (and very well-connected) peers to make their entrepreneurial dreams come true. And even many of the Black women-led exceptions get funding from celebrity friends or other well-connected links to big money.
But there are indeed everyday professionals, entrepreneurs, and activists seeking to balance the playing field when it comes to investing in the ideas and startups of Black and Brown women, and they're rallying together to create opportunities for others to join them.
This is where some of us can do our part to get involved, put our money where our mouths are, and fund the next billion-dollar Black-owned empire (while building our own generational wealth off the dividends). Let’s get into a few basics of angel investing:
First Off, What Is Angel Investing?
Well, it’s not to be confused with family and friends donating money to help you make your side hustle the main one. Angel investing involves a savvy and committed investor—taking a high risk and expecting a high gain—who goes into a legal agreement to offer funds for the upstart and/or growth of a new business, particularly when the founder can’t get a traditional loan or funding by other means. The practice was made infamous by Broadway producers who relied on “angels” to support and fund their productions.
There’s typically an expectation of equity or the value of an investor’s stake in the company. Also, angels are more likely to invest in a great idea, unlike a venture capitalist firm, which requires a business to be a proven hit in the market (among other things). Forbes reports that oftentimes, angels invest after a startup company’s initial investment and before they need larger sums from venues like venture capitalists.
Today, angel investing has become a powerful method for funding Black and Brown women-led businesses since these enterprises have seen a decline and are often shut out when it comes to venture capital funding. Angel investing is a great way for everyday citizens to put their dollars behind a business they see is viable, has a solid business plan, has an actual market to serve, and can offer something in a way that solves a problem. (In Topical’s case, for example, had all of those elements in its favor when it launched in 2020, offering inclusive science-based solutions for common skin issues like eczema and featuring everyday models in their ads, embracing imperfections and normalizing depictions of a diverse range of natural aesthetics relatable to the masses.)
Who Can Become An Angel Investor?
While the net worth of the average angel investor is quite high, the minimum amount someone can invest in a company as an angel can vary (like this woman, who started with a $7,000 investment in NasaClip, a company founded by a savvy Black woman ER physician.)
And while accreditation is encouraged (and sometimes required based on some platform’s requirements related to income and other factors), it’s not a legal requirement for an individual to be an angel investor. Everyday professionals, philanthropists, and entrepreneurs, basically classified as non-accredited) get involved via angel investment groups, equity crowdfunding, or angel networks. Some groups have membership fees, while others bring together like-minded women who want to support one another in researching, vetting, and investing in promising budding businesses.
Source: Pexels
Look into networking events, pitch competitions, bootcamps, or courses offered by organizations and platforms like the Institute for Entrepreneurial Leadership, Black Women Talk Tech, Pipeline Angels. AfroTech, The Black Enterprise Disruptors Summit, Level, or Black Girl Ventures.
With angel investing, the risks are high—which these types of investors are often well aware of—and there are challenges and pitfalls, but if you have the disposable income to offer, and you're willing to do lots of networking, conduct lots of research (on groups, investment platforms, and the companies), and commit to intentional, strategic planning of how often and how much you're willing to invest, angel investing is a great way to build wealth while supporting the growth and survival of Black and Brown businesses.
And who knows, maybe you can gather your network and their coins and create an angel investment support group or firm yourself. With Black women’s buying power still standing strong at $1.5 trillion and a collective move to support women entrepreneurs through actual schmoney, a change is certainly on the horizon.
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Featured image via Pexels