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BDE: Please Let The "It Needs To Be Huge" Myth Go

A big d*ck ain't (always) all it's cracked up to be, sis.

Her Voice

There are a lot of things that I enjoy about being a marriage life coach. One of them is, you get to hear some of the "back in the kitchen" truths about husbands and wives. Stuff that, outside of a counseling session, you might not discover (outside of being married) any other way; especially when it comes to sex-related issues. Take penises, for example. I can't tell you how many times a couple, one who is on the verge of being sexless, has included a wife who has looked me dead in my eyes and said, "Girl, a big d—k ain't all it's cracked up to be. Believe that."

And you know what? She's right. As someone who, back in my sexually active days, used to make it my mission to make sure that a man was long and strong (with a side of girth, similar to the girls featured in this skit right here), I've got to say (and believe I've shared before) that the one who ended up giving me the most vaginal orgasms was someone who was, for the most part, smaller than all of the rest. We were tight (at the time). He was sexually curious, adventurous and giving. And yes, I'm sure that all played a part in my pleasure too. But I'll be honest with you—if I only factored in his member alone, I'd still say that he played a real role in dispelling the ridiculous myth that if a man ain't huge, he need not apply.

If you read what I just said and you're saying to yourself, "Girrrl, please", this article was written with you in mind. Matter of fact, I got a couple of women in my life to share that while it might be popular to say that a man needs a big d—k in order to truly (sexually) satisfy a woman, at the end of the day, he actually…doesn't.

Who First Told You That You “Needed” A Big Ole’ Thang?

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I don't think we realize, just how much outside voices influence—and sometimes even infect—us. I mean, it's not like we all came out of the womb with a natural longing for a man with a big penis; it's not like it's a natural part of our DNA. But media, porn and conversations either we've had or eavesdropped on that brought up the subject (oh, and don't even get me started on how much Black people has been sexualized and fetishized in America) have all played a clear role in making us think that if a man isn't at least 8-9 inches, he's not worthy of getting any action.

Don't believe me? Somehow think that you came to that conclusion all by yourself? If so, take out your journal and think back to the first time you thought about male genitalia in a sexual way. When size and/or sexual pleasure came into the picture, if you thought that your partner(s) needed to be huge in order to please you, where did you get that idea from? I'd be shocked if it was internal. I'd also be surprised if you even pondered if that conclusion was even true—or not. Let's keep going.

Penises, on Average, Are Much Smaller Than You Think

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So, before sharing with you some of the thoughts that a wife, who has a husband with a huge penis, has to say on the topic, let's discuss reality for a moment, shall we? First, I'm thinking that it's pretty common knowledge at this point that roughly 75 percent of women struggle with experiencing a vaginal orgasm (which is an orgasm that comes strictly from vaginal penetration). So already, if penetration doesn't automatically "do it for ya", what do you need a big member for? OK, but let's keep going.

Also, did you know that our most intense vaginal nerve endings are within the first two inches of our vagina? Technically, this means that if a guy is three inches or more when he's erect, he can still get the job done. Good thing too because (brace yourselves) reportedly less than 20 percent of men have a penis that is larger than six inches (erect). As far as someone who is seven inches or more? Penises only fall into that "very large" category with only three percent of guys (you can read more about this here and here).

I've been knowing all of this for quite some time. That's why, whenever I hear a man brag about how much he's "packin'", the first thing that comes to my mind is, "Somehow, I doubt it", followed by, "Have you ever actually measured it, sir?". The reason why I say this is because, if a man is simply going on assumption (or hyping himself up), how does he actually know if he's small (under five inches), average (between 5-6") or large (7" or up). This brings me to my next point.

Because You Don’t Need a Big D*ck. You Really Don’t.

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Just like a lot of guys believe that they are "huge" without really knowing for sure if that is the case at all, tons of women automatically assume that their partner is large-and-in-charge too. For those ladies, the same points apply—how do you know how big your partner really is, if you haven't measured his penis before? Because now that actual inches have been shared, have you considered that maybe you've been with a lot of "5s" (or girthy instead of long penises) and so, in walks a "barely 7" and your mind is blown, when really…it's still just a 7? Either way, now that you know that over three inches can actually stimulate the part of your va-jay-jay that needs to get off, what is the big freakin' deal about a big d—k anyway? Especially if you're not someone who has vaginal orgasms from them to begin with.

This brings me to the wife that I was telling you about a little while ago. Let's call her Angela. Angela has been with her man for over 25 years and married to him for almost 20. I actually call her "the penis whisperer" because she has the uncanny ability of being able to guess a man's size (more from the angle of being small, medium or large than the actual inches) without ever seeing his penis (she's been spot-on with some of my exes). Anyway, according to her (and her man when he's being obnoxious), her hubby is really large—shoot, even larger than that. At the same time, she makes it very clear that having a man with a big d—ck is certainly not all that it's cracked up to be.

"I've been with small and large penises. One guy, his was abnormally small due to an injury. My husband, he is one of the largest I've had. The smaller guy was much more satisfying than all of the big men I've been with. One reason is because guys with big d—ks typically have a lot of ego, even in bed. They think that they can just 'bang you out' and you'll automatically be satisfied, while the smaller guy, the sex was far more sensual. His penis wasn't all that he brought to the experience and so he focused on more than believing his d—ck was enough. Plus, if you're someone who has truly had a big penis before, you know that it can take a while to get fully adjusted to it. With the smaller guy, I could totally relax and 'take him in' without any awkwardness or pain. Our bodies are made to adjust to any size, but personally, I think a lot of us have been conditioned to think that a big d—ck is a big deal when, at the end of the day, all you really end up with is a sore p—sy and a hurt back."

Hey, she's not alone in this conclusion. I read an article on Medical News Today's site that not only said that men are far more concerned with penis size than women are, but the majority of women don't need a big d—ck in order to be sexually satisfied either. Surprise, surprise.

Care More About What a Man Can Do Than What He’s “Got”

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This brings me to another woman who I interviewed for this particular piece. Let's call her Monica. She too is married, only her husband is smaller than most of her past sexual partners; considerably so.

"I remember when I saw my husband's penis for the first time. In my mind, I was like, 'Dude. Where's the rest of it?' But 10 years in, I can tell you, while some of my 'big d—k guys' were OK in bed, more than anything, I ended up with bladder infections and UTIs than orgasms. Meanwhile, my husband is awesome because he is so giving, his stamina is amazing and he cares more about pleasing me than impressing me with his member, you know?
"It takes maturity to realize that hypersexualizing Black men is something else that white culture has done. The Mandingo complex is played out. If a man is making love to you, truly making love to you, trust me—you will prefer that over some large penis any day."

Amen. I totally agree. While a big d—k isn't a "bad" thing, when it comes to deciphering the criteria that you need in order to be sexually fulfilled, it is so important to have higher expectations than that alone. What else do you need—shoot, more than need; require—in order to thoroughly enjoy your sexual experiences. What kind of foreplay do you like? What kind of afterplay experiences do you desire? How does your partner need to embrace your erogenous zones? What's your oral sex preferences? What makes you feel the most sexy? If you really stop and take these types of questions in, do you really need a HUGE MAN in order to fulfill you? If you're really honest with yourself, somehow, I seriously doubt it.

Embrace That “Average” Can Still Be Really (REALLY) Good

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While this is the kind of topic that I really could go on and on about, my bottom line is actually quite simple—if penis size truly matters to you, I get that. Just try and not make it matter so much that you program yourself into thinking that unless a man is gigantic, you won't be pleased. Because, for all of the reasons that I just shared with you (and so many more), that's just not true. Just like a woman doesn't need huge tits or a big clitoris in order to sexually satisfy a man, the same apples on the flip gender side. Believing otherwise isn't based on facts; it really is just a myth.

So, if you've got a man who is 5-6" down below and somehow, in the back of your mind, you find that to be some sort of sexual concession prize, please don't. So long as those first two inches inside of your vagina are thoroughly getting tended to, your partner gets off on pleasing you and you both accept each other fully, you can have some really great sex. Hmph. Better than a lot of women who've got a big ole' d—ck in their bed. And that's real talk right there, sis.

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