Exclusive: 'The High Note' Star Kelvin Harrison Jr. On Self-Work, Love & Vulnerability
Kelvin Harrison Jr. isn't exactly who you'd call "Mr. Romantic". In fact, he doesn't really know who that guy is at all. That's a side he hasn't really tapped into in a "long time." And honestly, who could blame him? Between making waves alongside some of Hollywood's biggest names, such as Sterling K. Brown, Issa Rae, Octavia Spencer, Forest Whitaker and now hitting sweet high notes with the likes of Tracee Ellis Ross––Kelvin really doesn't have time for romance.
But what he does have time for is journaling, perhaps even more so thanks to this seemingly never-ending quarantine. In fact, one could argue that journaling is actually his new love. Admitting to being put on by one of his actor friends during the start of his career, Kelvin divulges that journaling has now become the outlet where he feels free to release all of his thoughts instead of unhealthily keeping them inside. "I think what's been so cool about the quarantine is that it's allowed me the time to reflect and so I journal a lot," he tells xoNecole over the phone on a midweek afternoon. "Every audition, big moments, it's literally a library of understanding the psychology behind what you're experiencing. I found journaling to be a safe space for me to always be transparent with myself and I'm always in-tune with my feelings––I think it's required of me with the job."
And if you needed further proof of that, look no further than his latest film The High Note. In it, Kelvin stars as the sarcastic yet mysteriously talented musician who takes an up-and-coming-music-producer-slash-overworked-personal-assistant (Dakota Johnson) up on her offer to help make his album. As we watch the musical journey progress over the course of the film, we also get a glimpse inside another layer into the Kelvin's pool of talent.
All of Kelvin's songs on The High Note's soundtrack are sung by him and him alone (the same goes for the duet he has with Tracee). There are no voiceovers, no heavy auto-tune, just a man and his arguably impressive vocals. And while he admits to holding some insecurity against his voice, much like his co-star Tracee, it was the time in the studio with Grammy Award-winning producer Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins that proved to be the most eye-opening part of the whole process. "I learned so much from Rodney, our producer, about story-telling and personalizing lyrics and allowing it to be an extension of my acting. Like now when I go back to do a serious drama, I think that was a great tool because I can kind of use my melody once again."
xoNecole got the chance to briefly chat with the New Orleans native about The High Note, vulnerability, and why he feels love shouldn't have to feel right to be worth it. Read on to see what he had to say.
xoNecole: You've had quite a busy year: 'Luce', 'Waves', 'Godfather of Harlem', 'The Photograph', and now 'The High Note'. So tell me, have you had a high note career-wise thus far?
Kelvin Harris Jr.: Yeah, I mean I think I looked back at some of that stuff in my journal and I was like I have grown so much in the past five months. I got to go to London for the first time and I was nominated for a BAFTA and that was really cool. That was a really big moment for me, that was a high note. And my two best friends that I talk to every day, they've been a high note for me––but that's kind of been my quarantine and life and my career things. So, there have been a lot of beautiful moments.
What was your favorite part of filming 'The High Note'?
I think it had to be the time in the studio. As much as I was afraid of going in there, there's always that insecurity and that fear when you're doing something you haven't done before, so I was very vulnerable. But at the same time, I think that vulnerability that we bring to the table, it's all interconnected.
I love that you brought that up because I know vulnerability can be a tough but necessary road to navigate especially as a young Black man. And in light of everything going on, it can be sacred to hold onto as we know the next day isn’t exactly promised to us. How did you get comfortable enough to tap into that side of yourself? I know it’s probably still a work in progress…
It is, I think it's been a long process with just getting to know me. But I think once again the journaling has had a huge part of that. We have so much going on and so much that happens from ages zero to 14 that we carry with us--and then as adults, we sometimes try to move because we have to operate in the real world. And we have people to please and expectations of us, and obligations. And even after 14, you're in high school and now it's like you have to get ready for college so you can get ready for life. I think putting myself in vulnerable positions, I always know that some growth is gonna happen because of it. Because if I look at the patterns it's like, "OK, when I did this: what did I feel?" Or, "This helped me do this, and that allowed me to learn this about myself." It's an ongoing pattern of success because there are no real failures when you look at it that way. So, I've learned that vulnerability is a weapon, it's a tool, and it's a good thing.
"We have so much going on and so much that happens from ages zero to 14 that we carry with us--and then as adults, we sometimes try to move because we have to operate in the real world. And we have people to please and expectations of us, and obligations. And even after 14, you're in high school and now it's like you have to get ready for college so you can get ready for life. I think putting myself in vulnerable positions, I always know that some growth is gonna happen because of it."
You mentioned earlier that the quarantine has allowed you the time to do some serious self-reflection. What new revelations have you come to learn about yourself that you didn't know previously?
It's not even just in quarantine really but, it definitely has taught me that I still have work to do. I came into this knowing, after I did this movie called Waves, I was like: 'OK, after this I need to go get therapy and I need to do a fun rom-com.' So, I got the therapist going, I did this rom-com, I'm like, 'Cool, cool, cool. We're having fun, we're not taking ourselves too seriously, we're repairing old damage, we're getting better, we're loving harder. We're implementing our boundaries, we're doing self-work, we're taking time for ourselves.' And so I came into quarantine like, 'Oh, I'll be fine.' But the quarantine doesn't work like that. (laughs) I still have a lot of stuff to do. And it's been interesting because I've been listening to that Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged "I Gotta Have Peace Of Mind" and she says something like, "Sometimes we think we need to retreat when we have problems and stuff going on in our lives, but really it's about confrontation, confronting those things."
That's been on my mind since the beginning of quarantine and so I've just been taking it one day at a time. When I'm triggered by something or something upsets me, or something brings me great joy. I ask the question, 'Why? Why did it do that?' And being OK with the fact that I'm still in progress and there's still work to do. And not tricking myself to believing that I've arrived--no one has--because we still have much more to do.
I want to switch up and talk a bit about love. Does that sound good?
Yeah, I'm down.
As millennials, there’s often a lot of talk around how we define modern love and relationships. So, I want to know for you, what's something that you think we tend to over-complicate or over-simplify when it comes to love?
That's an interesting question (laughs). I don't really know I've seen a lot of different things. In my own experience, I've seen versions of codependency, I've seen people not respecting their boundaries. I'm really big on boundaries right now. I've seen people thinking that love doesn't require work and that relationships don't require work. It's an ongoing process. I do think though that there's a lot of relearning of individuals as we grow with partners––we both have to grow at the same time or at least be actively working on yourself. If one falls off, then suddenly we're not of the same mindset, so that's not sustainable.
I think everyone's on different journeys, but the most common thing is that it doesn't take work. Or that it's supposed to be easy or feel 'RIGHT'. Everything's supposed to feel right. But also on the other side of that, there's trauma bonding, there's flames––people always talk about 'twin flames' that happen sometimes. I think there are a lot of things we aren't aware of that can cause relationships to suddenly seem like that's the new moment. But it will only be a moment if you're not continuing to do the self-work. It takes work.
"I've seen people thinking that love doesn't require work and that relationships don't require work. It's an ongoing process. I do think though that there's a lot of relearning of individuals as we grow with partners––we both have to grow at the same time or at least be actively working on yourself. If one falls off, then suddenly we're not of the same mindset, so that's not sustainable. I think everyone's on different journeys, but the most common thing is that it doesn't take work."
Who is Kelvin as a romantic partner?
Currently I don't know who I am as a romantic partner (laughs). I'm pooped when it comes to finding relationships or finding people. And where I'm still at in my work--it's important that I'm not shrinking myself for someone or trying to "lift someone up". I have the tendency sometimes to want to play the "savior", I want to save or I feel like I need to be saved. Right now, I've been feeling like I need to be focused on my job, so I've been focusing on work. And that's the only thing going on right now (laughs). I don't really know who that guy is. He hasn't been explored in some time, in a long time.
So, when you do get to that place where you maybe want to start looking for a relationship, what are some of your non-negotiables?
To be honest, I make lists--I do make lists. And I know some people think lists are crazy, but I make them based truly on what things I think are necessary. I feel like, for me, I need you to understand what art is, you have to love movies--you don't have to know movies--but you have to at least appreciate and love them and want to watch them. You have to be independent…
I was wondering if you were going to mention that. I saw you speak on that in another recent interview with Tracee Ellis Ross…
Yeah, she has to be independent, independence is sexy. It's very sexy. I just want a secure attachment-style (laughs). You go over there and do your thing and when we come back and we're together, it's amazing. Everyone's looking for that––well. I take that back, some people aren't. Based off some of the stuff I've seen (laughs)...
Last question, because I know you’ve got to go. Do you know your love languages and if so what are they?
I like quality time. Physical touch. And I'm not gonna lie, I like gifts (laughs).
(Laughs) Gifts aren’t a bad thing at all.
Yeah, I like things (laughs). But yeah gifts, physical touch, and quality time, those are the top ones. Those other ones I can do without.
The High Note is available for video on demand now and for more of Kelvin, keep up with him on Instagram.
Featured image by Ron Adar / Shutterstock.com
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Not too long ago, while in a session with one of my clients, they were talking to me about having strong sex cravings that seemed to have come out of nowhere. After asking some questions for clarity’s sake, I got that the reason why they used the word “craving” is because it’s not like they are hornier than usual all of the time. Nah, it’s more like the urge creeps up at some pretty random and/or unexpected moments. What they wanted to know from me was if I thought that it was normal.
The short answer is “yes.”
Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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Featured image by Giphy