Kehlani Just Gave Us A Lesson in Sexuality
Women in the entertainment industry like Kehlani and Janelle Monae are proving time and time again that 2018 is the year that we take full control of our femininity. We are demanding pay raises, requiring orgasms, and taking advantage of every opportunity to live our best lives. This includes liberating ourselves sexually and redefining our perceptions of gender identity and romantic orientation.
Kehlani recently reactivated her Twitter account and cleared up some misconceptions about her sexuality, reiterating her status as a queer woman:
"cuz i keep geddin asked.. i'm queer. not bi, not straight. i'm attracted to women, men, REALLY attracted to queer men, non binary people, intersex people, trans people. lil poly pansexual papi hello good morning. does that answer your questions?"
She added that she used the term "queer" instead of "gay" because she did not want to be refined in her sexuality to loving only certain "types" of humans. At first, some of the terminology can be confusing but Kehlani reminds us that it's important to be educated when defining our own ideas about love and relationships.
"i always want to be corrected & educated when i am wrong. if i tweet something any form of incorrect, please let me know because i have a massive responsibility by having a platform."
The songstress has always been candid about her romantic life and told MTV News last year that she is secure and open about her sexual orientation in her music because it reflects her own reality.
"I'm very openly queer. And I thought that my music lacked representation of how my actual life is, and I thought it was important to be myself fluidly, in my music and not just in my life. My art mimics my life...It's only right that that's what I make music about and that I'm able to put that out confidently."
Personally, I've heard people use words like "pansexual" and "non-binary" to describe themselves, but I typically wrote it off without realizing that these classifications were developed so that people could better express who they are. We, unlike the generations of women before us, have the privilege of defining sexuality and identity on our own terms without persecution or ridicule of our non-conformity.
In the past, society has limited sexuality to only a few terms that narrowly describe orientation and leave a lot of room for interpretation. Advocates of the LGBTQ community have made a steadfast effort to break the standards of sexual and gender identity to help others feel secure in just being themselves. Terms like "pansexual" and "non-binary" are dictated based on preference of sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or romantic attraction and encompass a broader description.
Identifying with these terms are one of the many ways that women are taking initiative to choose who and how they love, and it's pretty lit. Here's a comprehensive guide through some of these terms In reading them, you may find that you identify with some things you didn't think you would. I know I did.
Cisgender
A term used to describe a person whose gender identity aligns with those typically associated with the sex assigned to them at birth.
Gay
A term used to describe people who are romantically, physically, and emotionally attracted to someone of the same gender.
Queer
A term used by people who are not exclusively heterosexual who may feel that the term 'gay' has connotations that don't apply to them. Usually represents fluid identities and orientations. People who identity as genderqueer may see themselves as both male and female, or fall outside of the categories completely.
Androgynous
Identifying and/or presenting as neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine.
Androsexual/Androphilic
Someone who is primarily sexually, aesthetically, or romantically attracted to masculinity.
Gynesexual/gynephilic
Being primarily sexually, aesthetically, or romantically attracted to femininity.
Skoliosexual
Being primarily sexually, aesthetically, or romantically to genderqueer, transgender, and/or non binary people.
Non-binary
Any gender that falls outside of the binary system of male/female or man/woman.
Gender non-conforming
A broad term referring to people who do not behave in a way that conforms to the traditional expectations of their gender, or whose gender expression does not fit neatly into a category.
Gender-fluid
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a person who does not identify with a single fixed gender; of or relating to a person having or expressing a fluid or unfixed gender identity.
Omnisexual/Pansexual
Sexual attraction regardless of someone's sex or gender identity. Not the same as bisexuality - gender does not factor for pansexuals/ominsexuals.
Regardless of your gender identity or sexual orientation, love is love.
These labels should not limit us, but instead allow us to love each other and find love in ways that feel most comfortable to us.
Kehlani reminded her followers that she was not sharing her orientation to push her own agenda, but instead to help liberate other women and let them know that they the right to have preferences and make choices that truly make them happy.
"the last i'm finna say about this is i'm nevaaaaa tryna push my agenda, sis. twitter is for personal thoughts. preference exists. opinions exists. do you booboo cuz im doin me!"
You heard her right, just do you boo boo.
Featured image via Giphy
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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