Never mind her sudden success in Hollywood or the millions of eyes already tuned into her moves, Karrueche Tran is not blinded by fame. The moment the Claws actress settles into her call with xoNecole, it's clear she is set on making an impact that runs deeper than a trending moment.
Whether it's through her hit TNT series or her latest film Never Heard (released November 1), where she steps into unchartered territory as a church girl named Paris, the Los Angeles native is enamored by opportunities that allow women to see and be their authentic selves.
Determined to illuminate the humanity within each role she steps into, no matter how different they appear on the surface, the two-time Emmy winner is most excited for fans to witness pieces of themselves manifest on screen as they dive into the lives of her characters.
Her mission isn't one-dimensional, either. The model made a refreshing statement on celebrating natural beauty in the face of unattainable standards with her latest ColourPop collection, Brown Sugar. "Girls need to be reminded that you can come as you are," she champions. "You don't have to change. Embrace everything that comes with you: your journey, your story, your scars."
In this xoChat, Karrueche details building her name as a creative, tapping into the power of faith, avoiding the pitfalls of social media, and rediscovering love after heartbreak.
xoNecole: What drew you to your latest movie, 'Never Heard'?
Karrueche Tran: As a new actress, I'm still exploring roles and trying to expand my creativity and my artistry. Paris is a character that I've never played before, so I was interested in digging deep into who she is. And also, I love the story and the message of the movie itself. It's a movie about faith and redemption and the power of prayer. As creatives, as people who influence and have platforms, I think it's important for us to continue to portray these stories for the world to see and stories people can easily relate to. I think that's the great thing about this movie.
As far as your personal life goes, how much did you resonate with the heart of the movie?
I've always had a relationship with God. I'm not extremely religious, but I did grow up Christian. I had a very hard time in my life in which there was just a lot going on, and I connected myself more with God and built that relationship because, at that time, He was the only person that I had to rely on. I wasn't even relying on myself. I didn't even have any self-worth or love at the time. He restored my faith, and I left it all in His hands to help me and push me through my struggles, and thankfully, He was there for me. Even to this day, every night when I pray, I tell Him how thankful and blessed I am to have Him by my side throughout the journey of my life – the ups and the downs and the confusion and the mistakes and the great things that are happening.
"I didn't even have any self-worth or love at the time. He restored my faith, and I left it all in His hands to help me and push me through my struggles."
You’ve been cementing your name as an actress on the hit TNT series ‘Claws’ and from what we’ve seen, your character Paris is worlds apart from Virginia. What work goes into tapping into the lives of characters that are so different from each other?
One thing that I love is character building. For Virginia, she was a stripper, so I spent a lot of time in the strip club doing research, literally watching the girls and how they moved and how they talked to each other and communicated with their customers. For Paris, I didn't have as much time to do research like I did with Virginia, but I kind of built my vision of who I thought she was and where she came from. I personally didn't grow up in the church, but I put my mind there as the young, sweet girl who's kind of the girl next door who lost her mother [and] who has this relationship with her father that's not as strong as she would like it to be. Again, that's another great, relatable story that a lot of girls will be able to connect with, and that's what I love about the character. She's real, and she's genuine.
From Niecy Nash to Robin Givens, you’ve shared sets with a number of veterans in the industry. How has that stretched you as an artist?
I'm blessed to be in their presence and to be able to say that I've worked with all these amazing actors. I've worked with a lot of veterans, and for where I'm at in my career, it's truly a blessing, and I'm so thankful to work so closely to them. It definitely motivates me to be better and to push myself harder and to perfect my craft.
You already have two Emmys to your name, both from the web series ‘The Bay’ where you got your start. Is that something that you imagined you would accomplish as early as you did?
Not at all. Some people grow up wanting to be an actor, knowing that this is their calling, and I had no idea. Honestly, sometimes I forget that I have two Emmys sitting in my house. It's mind blowing. It's crazy, but it sets the tone for me to not get comfortable and to continue to work harder and live up to the standard of being able to say, "I have two Emmys."
Outside of acting, you’ve also established yourself in the world of fashion as a model. When we were introduced to you, though, you were on the styling end of things. Was it always in your plan to end up where you are now?
No. Again, it wasn't something that I ever expected. I'm from LA, and I've always seen myself as a regular girl. I had two jobs. I was a stylist, and I had this opportunity to be featured in a film. It was a very small role with one speaking line, but from there it sparked an interest, and from there I saw the potential. I also realized that it's not easy, and it was going to be a lot of work, but I was willing to study and work my way towards perfecting my craft.
Karrueche ColourPop Brown Sugar Collection
You’ve been working with ColourPop since 2016 and have another joint collection out now. Tell us about your relationship with that brand. What makes it a great fit for you?
Brown Sugar, which is my latest collection, is currently available, so make sure everybody gets that (laughs). I just love that ColourPop gives me so much [freedom] to create things that are genuine to me, so all of my collections have been something that I've actually been hands on with. I pick the colors, the names, the packaging, the story behind the collection. I literally have created everything, and I think that's just so awesome because it's real, and it's something that's a part of me that I can give back to the world. And beauty is such a huge market right now. Years ago, I wasn't as into makeup, but now I have such a love for it, and you can just have so much fun [with it].
Brown Sugar seems to be a lot deeper than makeup. What’s the story behind it?
Whenever I come up with a new collection, I sit and think about what kind of headspace I'm in right now, what's going on in my life, and how I can incorporate personal ties to this collection. As much as I love makeup, I've been in this phase with social media where I feel we get a bit distracted with reality, so I wanted to bring back a sense of individuality and relay that message to girls. You don't necessarily have to look a certain way or wear certain things. Girls need to be reminded that you can come as you are. You don't have to change. Embrace everything that comes with you: your journey, your story, your scars. It doesn't matter where you come from or what you've been through, we can all be beautiful and powerful and great together.
Karrueche ColourPop Brown Sugar
"Girls need to be reminded that you can come as you are. You don't have to change. Embrace everything that comes with you."
I had a diverse group of models for the photoshoot, and I included the stories of each girl. I wanted them to be more than just a face, more than just a figure that had makeup on, more than just a model. I wanted the world to see that we are all very much different, and that's okay. We're all beautiful and talented in our own ways. We all have something to offer and bring to the table, and with today's society and social media, I think that gets a little lost and our perception of what's realistic is not real. There's a lot of beautiful girls with beautiful bodies, and that's cool, but not everybody can attain that. And with the line being called Brown Sugar, it's like a little finishing touch. All you need is a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but you don't have to change anything.
You’ve opened up about the pressures that come with being in the spotlight and owning who you are and how you look in spite of that. Are you in a space where you’re fully comfortable in your skin or is that something that you have to be intentional about celebrating?
It's a little bit of both. I'm comfortable, but then I'm not because I'll see a girl who's gorgeous and tall, and I've always wanted to be tall, but I'm 5'1'', and I'm not going to grow much more at the age of 30, you know (laughs)? And sometimes, I'll be like, Damn, I wish I looked like her, and my mind gets so consumed in that, and I have to remind myself that I have great qualities as well. It might not be the longest legs or the biggest butt, but that's okay. It's perfectly fine. I'm human. This is how God created me. I embrace it and try to let it go. That's dangerous if you become so sucked into negativity and judgment and being self-conscious. I think it can really wear and tear somebody down mentally. At one point, I did go through that heavily, and I don't want to go through that again so I reevaluate and remind myself of who I am and what I have to offer.
"I have to remind myself that I have great qualities as well. It might not be the longest legs or the biggest butt, but that's okay. It's perfectly fine. I'm human. This is how God created me."
You haven’t necessarily embraced the term “influencer” that’s often attached to your name. Why have you steered clear of that lane?
It's just weird (laughs). Again, I look at myself as Karrueche from LA – just a regular girl – so when I think about being an influencer, I'm like, What does that mean? It's just a strange term to me, and that's why I think I'm so vocal about pushing for positivity and embracing ourselves and our individuality because if I'm going to be called an influencer, then I'm going to utilize my voice and my platform in the best way possible so I can influence people with substance, not just, I'm cute and I'm pretty. That's cool, but let's have some power and some longevity and just something real behind that. I can go on and on about social media. I have a love/hate relationship with it because I'm able to engage with my fans and have this amazing platform where I can reach out to people, but I want to use it in the best way so that I'm actually influencing people in the right direction.
You’ve rediscovered love within the past year, and it looks great on you. What have you learned in your single seasons that have made it possible for you to open your heart as the public keeps tabs yet again?
I learned a lot about myself. I learned self-love and self-worth and just understanding that essentially I don't need a man or anybody else to make me happy. I spent a lot of time by myself learning what I like and what I don't like, which has helped me realize that if I had to make it on my own, I could. Do I want to? No (laughs). But, if I were to never find a man out there, then I'd be content because I have my family, I have my friends, myself, and my career. Dating different people made me realize what I will and will not tolerate, and I am very lucky that my love life is where it is right now. I'm very comfortable and in a very good space.
You turned 30 this year. If you could have a conversation with Karrueche at 20, what would you tell her about the journey ahead?
I would've told myself to be more focused in whatever interested me at the time. To stay focused and to work harder than I was before. I was too busy running around and going out, so I just wish I would've started something earlier in my life to kind of get a headstart of where I'd be now. But, I'm fully content with where I am now, whether it be the ups or downs or the struggles and mistakes that I've made. As hurtful and as hard as it was, I wouldn't be who I am today if I never went through those things. That's the beauty of life. It's the journey of trials and tribulations and figuring things out and learning from your mistakes or going through them and hoping that you do.
As we draw closer to a new year, what should we expect next from you?
I just wrapped a movie called Embattled. We don't have a date for it yet, but it should be out sometime next year [in 2019]. I start shooting Claws again for Season 3. If anything else, you know how the industry is. Some things come up last minute or along the way, so who knows? But I'm definitely continuing to push myself, to work hard, and perfect my craft.
To keep up with Karrueche, follow her on Instagram. And check out her latest ColourPop collection Brown Sugar here.
Featured image courtesy of Karrueche Tran
Shanice Davis is a writer from New York, dedicated to illuminating women of color and Caribbean culture with her pen. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter: @alwayshanice.
This New Scalp Care Line Is Exactly What Your Wash Days Need
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
7 Underrated Signs That He's Truly 'Marriage Material'
While in an interview a few months back, someone asked me what I personally thought it meant for someone to be “marriage material.” Off top, the first thing that came out of my mouth is that it had to be an individual who actually desires marriage (more on that in a bit) because that kind of person will be proactive about doing what needs to be done in order to prepare for that kind of life journey.
Another indication that someone is marriage material is they don’t see marriage as just “a long-term relationship.” Yeah, don’t get me started on the fact that a part of the reason why divorce is so high now is people think that a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic is the same thing as a husband/wife one. It absolutely is not. Marriage-minded folks hold marriage in high regard, which means that they seek out someone who isn’t a “we’ll see how it goes” when it comes to relationships; nah, they are looking for the complement who will be far more permanent. Marriage-minded people are vow-keepers (‘til death do us part), not just sentiment-sayers (I love you, boo).
Marriage material — and please get this one all the way down in your spirit — is also about not just sitting around rah-rahing about what you deserve. What I mean by that is people are not truly ready for marriage if they’ve got a what-I-want-in-a-spouse list that is 10 miles long, yet they aren’t even 30 percent of what’s on the list themselves. Listen, I will forever say until every single cow comes home that if you are out here declaring what you DESERVE in someone else, that means, by definition, that you are QUALIFIED to have all of those things. And qualified means “having the qualities, accomplishments, etc. that fit a person for some function, office, or the like” (which is why you can’t be out here dictating what you deserve without hearing what others feel that they deserve in return).
Geeze. With all of this out in the open, I probably should write an article about signs that a woman is ready for marriage (noted). For now, let’s dive into some unsung signs that a man is truly marriage material — so that you can discern, quicker, who is the better “husband fit” for you.
1. He Knows His Purpose
We’re gonna have to take this article to church a bit because, when it comes to the topic of marriage, it’s my personal opinion that a lot of them don’t last because people fail to factor in the spiritual component that can help them to truly see the distance. And when it comes to men, if you look at the Bible, two things that Adam (the first husband who’s in the Good Book) had before his wife was BROUGHT (he didn’t pursue her; she was brought, by God, to him — Genesis 2:24-25) his way is he had a relationship with God and a life purpose (Genesis 1-2).
And since the way that a woman is first defined in Scripture is being a helpmate (the Hebrew term for this is ezer kenegdo which translates into lifesaver — Genesis 2:18) to a man — does it make sense to marry someone when you don’t know what you’re helping out because he doesn’t know what he’s here to do in life? How can you complement what is so vague and unsure?
That’s why I’m not a fan of folks expecting marriage during college. College should be about figuring out who you are outside of your parents and also discovering what you want your life path to look like. If you come into school knowing and you’re consistent about it, cool. Yet if you have no idea, that’s okay too; take your time and get some clarity.
Anyway, bottom line here is, some definitions of purpose are “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” and “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal,” and when a man is purpose-minded, there is a level of clarity, maturity, and moving-with-intention about him that is totally unmatched. That’s part of the reason why the late and super great Dr. Myles Munroe was so big on men knowing what their purpose is in life — it says a lot about him.
So, if you’re currently seeing someone and it seems like he’s dragging along as far as moving forward in your relationship, I recommend asking him, “Do you know your purpose?” It will reveal a lot about him. It can also bring some insights on if you’re a good fit for each other — whether right now or later. Trust me. Try it.
2. His Dating Life Is Intentional Instead of Random
Men who are ready for marriage don’t tend to be vague about it; they realize that time is of the essence, so they tend to make that pretty clear upfront. Another thing? Their actions will line up with their words.
Now, this doesn’t mean that they will be racing to the altar in a year or less; however, what I can assure you is that marriage-minded men are not going to be out here casually dating. Casual literally means things like “without definite or serious intention” and “seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; relaxed; nonchalant,” and no man who is gearing up for a wife rolls in this kind of head or even heart space.
I will give a heads-up that, initially, this doesn’t automatically mean that he will be exclusive with you — and honestly, he shouldn’t have to be. If he wants to figure out who his right life partner is, he should “interview” a few women (same goes for you if you desire a husband). However, the process will not drag out for years on end, and once he has figured out who the one is for him, he tends to have no problem not just cutting other ties but getting engaged sooner than later.
In other words, I don’t know too many marriage-minded men who take more than a couple of years to not just date someone but get engaged in that timeframe, too (check out “Experts Say You Should Date This Long Before Getting Married”). That’s why, if you find yourself dating someone for several Christmases, you definitely should ask them if marriage is even on their radar. Chances are (especially if they are over 35 as a guy)…it isn’t.
3. He’s Seen a Therapist. Or a Life Coach. Or Both.
Uh-huh. If the first thing that came to your mind is, “Yes, please see a therapist,” honestly, it is my opinion that ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED should do so. I don’t mean go to premarital counseling once you are already in a serious relationship or engaged (although yes, you should definitely do that, too); I mean that…getting prepared for marriage includes making sure that your mental and emotional health and well-being are in a really good space and a therapist and/or life coach can help to make that happen.
Should you see both? Maybe. Check out my article, “Thinking About Hiring A Life Coach? Read This Before You Do,” so that you can get some clarity on that. What I will say, for now, is that a therapist tends to deal with things of your past as they offer up some tips and insights on how to handle your present and future, while life coaches (ICF-certified ones, that is) focus on asking you the kinds of questions that can help you to get a handle on how to handle your present and future.
I have a male friend who is the COO of a life coaching company, and one of the things that he and I have discussed is a lot of men who are serious about planning for their future will see a life coach, especially when it comes to their professional life; the main reason is that it can help them to get things organized so that they are prepared for a wife and family.
My takeaway from that? Asking a man, eh, maybe 4-5 dates in, if they have ever seen a therapist or life coach could be pretty revealing. Because even if the topic of marriage has not even been broached yet, what it can reveal is how proactive he is about getting his life in order — and that’s always a good thing.
4. He Can Clearly Articulate Plans for His Future Wife
Thanks — yet no thanks — to rom-coms, far too many people think that it’s fine to get married just on feelings alone. Yeah, please don’t do that. It’s also another article for another time that people who are serious about wanting to get married will be in a consistent state of preparation whether they are in a relationship or not.
When it comes to what that looks like for a man, one thing to keep in mind is he will be able to clearly articulate what he desires in a wife (by the way, please don’t try and challenge a man about what he wants; he has to live with her and, besides, you wouldn’t want him to do that to you. Either y’all are a good fit or not, yet don’t attempt to control his own narrative). Not only that, but he’ll be able to explain why he thinks a wife would be a good fit for him in this season, what he wants to bring into his future wife’s world, and some of the short- and long-term plans that he has for her and their marriage.
In other words, he won’t be like a guy I know (who is now divorced after 15 years of marriage) who, when I asked him why he was getting married (when he pretty much sucked even as a boyfriend), all he said was, “If I don’t do it now, I never will.” His marriage proposal was piss-poor, the marriage flailed the entire time, and even on the back end, he comes off as pretty nonchalant.
So many people’s marriages are less-than-impressive, even to them, and a huge part of the reason is that they failed to plan for their spouse and their marriage. They put a lot of thought into the wedding…and that’s about it. Red flag, red flag…RED FLAG.
5. He’s Emotionally Intelligent
Okay, so before we dive into this particular point, you might be tempted to assume that being emotionally available is the same thing as being emotionally intelligent. Yeah…not really (check out “5 Signs A Man Is Emotionally Available. 3 Signs He's Not.”).
While emotional availability is about being open to sharing your feelings and meeting the emotional needs of others, emotional intelligence is all about things like understanding emotions, articulating emotions, and maturely handling one’s emotions.
Listen, out of all of the things that we’ve already touched on here, a lot of people end up in divorce court because not only did they choose someone who was pretty emotionally unintelligent, but they also were lacking in that particular area themselves.
That said, emotionally intelligent people are:
- Proactive in praising other people
- Gracious and grateful
- Able to use more than “mad”, “sad” or “happy” to describe how they’re feeling
- Also able to receive feedback
- Great listeners
- Express themselves well
That’s 10 traits, and honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what emotional intelligence requires. Yet, I’m sure you can see that if more people looked for someone who was emotionally intelligent, it would definitely make their relationship — and their life, in general — go so much more smoothly.
6. He’s Sexually Healthy
This one, boy. Okay, so when I say that he should be “sexually healthy,” I’m not just speaking of him having a cleared STD test. No, what I mean is — and this is somewhat of a Shellie-ism more than anything — I don’t really trust ANYONE who claims that they are ready for marriage while they are still out here all willy-nilly in these streets, male or female. Because if you don’t have some sort of sexual self-control leading up to your wedding day, jumping a broom isn’t really going to change much of anything. Why? Because a wedding is an outward expression of some inward adjustments and decisions that have already transpired.
So yeah, a man who is truly marriage material? It shouldn’t be odd to you if he’s been abstinent for a season (several months or more). It shouldn’t seem strange to you if he speaks of sex from less of a recreational space and more of a spiritual and intimate one. If he admits that he used to be, umm, “super-friendly” and now he wants to take things slow, don’t assume that he’s got someone on the side — it could be a form of sexual discipline that he’s displaying (and good for him).
Now that I think about it, it’s kind of wild to say, yet I’ve got several male friends (over the age of 37) who used to be beyond promiscuous, who’ve all told me that it’s been months now since they’ve had any form of sex. None of them are in a serious relationship or necessarily even looking for one; they’ve just said that sex, just to be having it, has gotten old. Plus, oftentimes, the drama that potentially comes with it isn’t worth it, so they’d prefer to focus on self-work and wait until sex with someone is more meaningful (hey, they have no reason to lie to me; we’re just friends).
Guys like this? They are pretty close to being marriage-minded. Straight up.
7. He Actually WANTS to Get Married
Final point. Although it might evoke a collective "duh" from some of y'all, you'd be amazed how many women end up wasting very precious time that they will never get back, and it's all because they got involved with a man who liked or perhaps even loved them yet he didn't desire to get married. And either because they simply assumed that he did or they thought they could "love him into" wanting to be a husband, they ended up getting their feelings hurt. Extremely so.
Another thing to keep in mind? A man who wants to get married has no problem vocalizing it very early on. Meaning, on the third date, it won't be foreign for him to say, "I would love to start a family in the next couple of years," without you even having to coax it out of him. Guys who aren't interested in marriage — they tend to deflect from the topic altogether as much as they possibly can.
As we close this all up, I will say that it's important to keep in mind that just because a man doesn't want to be a husband, that doesn't mean he's not a good guy — GREAT even. So please don't manipulate matters by thinking that a man who doesn't want to be married somehow has some sort of "issues" (check out "Single-Minded: So, What If You Like Dating But DON'T Desire Marriage?" and "12 Couples Reveal Why They're Happy With A Long-Term Commitment Instead Of Marriage"). Thinking like that speaks to your projecting more than anything else.
All I'm saying is a guy who is marriage material is a guy who will say, out of his own mouth, that marriage is on his menu, and so he will engage you in that manner — meaning, he will take time with you seriously, and if you are a good fit, he will state it; if he thinks you are not "his one," he will share that too…so that you both can get out of each other's way.
The thing about being “marriage material” is you’ve got to be cut from the kind of cloth that has marriage on your mind — not constantly yet enough to where you move with clear, thoughtful, and mature intention.Hopefully, this article sheds some (additional) light on what this looks like for a man. Hopefully, it also served as a heads up — or reminder — on what, in many ways, he’s looking for in a woman too. Proceed with discernment, y’all. And keep me posted. #winkLet’s make things inbox official!
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