Here's What Kandi Burruss Wants You To Know About Surrogacy
Five months after the announcement that Kandi Burruss and her husband, Todd Tucker, would be expanding their family via surrogate, baby Blaze is happy, healthy, and giving us all of the baby fever. Kandi---who is the mother of a teenaged daughter, Riley, and 4-year-old Ace, and stepmother to Kaela---has been transparent throughout her surrogacy journey which has been a rollercoaster, to say the least.
The 43-year-old Real Housewives of Atlanta star recently sat down with ESSENCE and shared advice for women who may be considering surrogacy as an option but don't know where to start. According to Kandi, the answer to that question is early. She explained:
"You need to start having those conversations now, because it's not a fast process. The IVF clinic we used requires mental health testing from the surrogate and the parents. [In therapy] they bring up questions you probably didn't even think about."
While Kandi and Todd, who have been married since 2014, chose IVF to conceive their son Ace, the reality star shared that she later learned that surrogacy was an entirely different ball game. Along with grappling with her own fears and insecurities, Kandi and her husband had to come to terms with a number of rules and regulations that could make anyone apprehensive about the process:
"The overall thought process is: It's your baby but their body. Meaning, if [the birth mother] is not feeling well or things are [effecting her health] she can say, 'Terminate the pregnancy.' Although it didn't stop me from wanting to move forward, there are a lot of things you don't know."
After overcoming her initial anxieties about choosing surrogacy, Kandi was then forced to bear the brunt of external opinions. You can't pick apples from a banana tree and you can't expect people who haven't been in your position to understand what you're going through––even if it is your family. She explained:
"I had a family member say something like, 'You're not concerned that you're not going to bond with your baby?' It's like, of course I am concerned. I didn't need you to rub it in. You just have to remember everybody is not privy to how the process works. As you're educating yourself, you might want to educate your whole family and all your friends."
"A lot of people aren't going to be sensitive to your situation, because they don't really know a lot of information about it."
Today, Kandi is proud to say that she has no regrets about her decision and has even gained a friend in the process. On the Tamron Hall Show, she explained:
"Don't get me wrong that some people prefer not to have a relationship with the carrier and that's fine. In the beginning I was feeling this sadness because it was like, 'Oh my God, I'm not carrying my own child.' Once I got through that part of it I just started enjoying it because it was like, 'Okay, we got a healthy baby on the way.'"
For the full interview, click here.
Featured image by Instagram/@kandi.
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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