June is a breath of fresh air for the collective. Mercury retrograde officially ends at the start of the month on June 3, and we get to enter June with a little less stress and delays flowing through the world. With Gemini season fully underway and a new vibe transpiring, the energy of the month is that of hope, inspiration, self-expression, and finding the courage to walk into new territory. With all the changes that have been flowing through the world already this year, June is coming in and wanting to regroup, gain the full picture, and create some space to breathe and allow the new to unfold.
The day after Mercury goes direct, Saturn goes retrograde. Saturn retrograde transits happen yearly, and this year Saturn will be going retrograde in the air sign, Aquarius. This Saturn retrograde brings attention to the collective, humanity, technology, and the systems of the world. Saturn wants to show us what systems need reworking, and what patterns and ways of being we can throw out altogether for the sake of love and for the sake of peace on Earth. As we move deeper into retrograde season this month, we are being reminded of the importance of doing this thing called life together, and to consider a helping hand when necessary.
The Moon cycles of the month are powerful, dynamic, and a little more light-hearted than what they have been now that we are officially out of eclipse season. The Full Strawberry Moon in Sagittarius on June 14 is a Supermoon, and this is a good Full Moon to release, renew, and take your healing and your happiness seriously. This Full Moon has a flair of adventure to it as well being in the sign of Sagittarius, and everything that has been going on within is making its showcase without. Cancer season begins on June 21 this year, and the energy moves from the head to the heart. Cancer season is the time to honor yourself, your home, and those that feel like family, and to nurture your world.
We have a New Moon in Cancer before the month ends on June 28, and this New Moon has a sweet disposition to it and is a time to believe in your new beginning. This Cancer New Moon will be highlighting the emotional world and is a time to set your intentions for what you want to become. Home is where the heart is during this time, and this New Moon is all about regrouping, finding your ground, and manifesting your heart's dreams. Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces the same day as the Cancer New Moon, and emotions are running high right now. You are being reminded as the month ends that your heart is the priority and that everything begins and ends here.
When you can find your balance between the head and the heart, you can live your truths and inspire others to do so as well. June is the time to believe in you, and believe in the magic that is becoming.
Aries Horoscope for June 2022
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleA new month is here, and you have been getting your energy right, Aries. With Jupiter, the planet of good luck, entering your sign last month, and with May, June, and July being the only full months of the year that Jupiter will be completely direct in your sign, you are in the midst of immense progress and opportunities in June. This month is all about nurturing your body, your world, your intentions, and what is becoming for you at this time. You are at a place in life where you are creating space and the right conditions for your intentions to bloom.
There is a Full Supermoon in fellow fire sign Sagittarius occurring mid-month on June 14, and this Full Moon will be highlighting your 9th house of adventure. June is a good month to take that vacation you’ve been wanting to move forward with, and you will see fewer obstacles on the way towards your goals now that Mercury is officially out of retrograde and moving direct again. Venus enters Gemini and moves into your house of communication on June 22, and you are moving out of June and into July feeling inspired by what has transpired, and like your voice is really being heard and well-received right now.
Taurus Horoscope for June 2022
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about finding your balance and your truth between past, present, and future, Taurus. You are bridging the gap in June from what was, to what is to be, and this is an exciting month of opportunities for you. The month begins with Mercury retrograde moving direct in your sign on June 3, and you can finally catch a breath right now. Breathe in, breathe out, Taurus. You are being given a helping hand this month, and are being lifted out of a place you don’t want to be anymore. This is soul replenishing for you.
With your ruling planet Venus in your sign until June 22, all the opportunities for love, nourishment, and grace are with you right now as you move through the month knowing that at the end of the day you are love and you are loved. June is all about looking at the positives in your world and creating more of them, rather than staying in a perspective that doesn’t serve your growth or your happiness. There is a Cancer New Moon on June 28 before the month ends, and you are receiving the messages and insights you have been looking for moving into July.
Gemini Horoscope for June 2022
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is a month of forward movement, progress, and inspiring action for you, Gemini. Your spirit is flying free, and this is an enlightening time for you. With your ruling planet, Mercury officially moving out of retrograde and going direct on June 3, and with Mercury moving back into your sign from June 13 to July 5, all of the communication changes and challenges you were facing that had to do with who you are and how you express that, are turning around for you this month. No more second-guessing yourself or your voice, and June is all about knowing that you deserve to take up space.
A Full Strawberry Moon is happening in your opposite sign on June 14 this month, and this Full Moon is highlighting your love life and relationships. This Sagittarius Full Moon is bringing clarity to what partnerships work and can run with you, and what dynamics are best to be let go of now. Venus makes its yearly transit into your sign on June 22 where it will remain until July 17, and love is especially exciting for you right now. Through any blurred lines that have been, you have sought your truth, and discovered your bliss.
Cancer Horoscope for June 2022
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe vision is clear, Cancer. June is a beautiful month of life unfolding to the dreams you have been setting for yourself and creating. There is a deep coming together within happening this month for you, and your wise soul is shining in your truth. Luck is on your side in June as you nurture the gifts of the present moment, and protect your energy. You have been on a journey of self-discovery as of late, and are experiencing a coming together of what you have been working on bringing to fruition this month.
Venus is currently in your house of friendships until June 22, and this is a good month to expand your network, meet new people, and connect with your hopes and dreams in life. A lot of things are changing for you this month, and they are moving in the direction of your dreams. Cancer season begins on June 21 this year, and it is your time to shine, beautiful. This Cancer season, remind yourself that you are a powerful creator of your reality. With a New Moon in Cancer on June 28 before the month ends as well, all things are possible, and they are coming together for you.
Leo Horoscope for June 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about flipping the script, and defining what it is you want to see moving forward, Leo. Relationships and their dynamics have been a big theme for you this year, and in June you are figuring out what works for you and what may need some reworking. Your guidance for the month is to remember your connection to your higher self, and that all the answers you need to know will always be within you and within reach. You are not alone on your journey, Leo, remember this.
With Saturn going retrograde in your house of love on June 4, you are thinking a lot about love this summer. The relationships in your life are strongly coming into focus in June, and you are getting the opportunity to see what relationships ground and support, and which ones make you feel off the path. The Full Supermoon in Sagittarius on June 14 will be giving you all the clarity needed on navigating the different experiences in your life, and how to put your happiness at the forefront of it all. By the end of the month, there is a New Moon in your house of endings and culminations, and you are wrapping up a major chapter in life.
Virgo Horoscope for June 2022
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVirgo, this is an important month for planting the seeds and creating your reality. June is a time when you are getting the full picture, and are rewriting your story. This month is about reminding yourself of the power you hold in life and speaking of things you want to bring into existence. Your thoughts and words hold immense power, and this month is reminding you of the importance of a clear mind and heart. With your ruling planet, Mercury officially moving out of retrograde at the start of the month, the path ahead is clearing for you and new opportunities abound, Virgo.
With Venus moving through your 9th house until June 22, you are inspired by expansion, travel, adventure, and the new. There is so much to learn, know, and dive into this month, and you are inspired by the connections you are making right now. The New Moon on June 28 is moving through your 11th house of friendships, and you are seeing some new beginnings within your social world and network this month. June is all about redefining your goals, hopes, and dreams, and seeing the true gifts in them. You are worthy, and you always have been, Virgo.
Libra Horoscope for June 2022
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra, June is all about nurturing your world. This is the month to pay attention to the little moments of magic that are appearing for you right now and bring more of this beauty and contentment into your life. You have been allowing all to unfold, and have given your intentions the right space and conditions to continue to bloom for you. June is the month to practice opening up to receive, and knowing that you deserve the love you so often give. You have so much magic within you to share and shine in the world, and this month is reminding you how to maintain your balance through it all.
There is a strong focus with you right now when it comes to self-expression and speaking from the heart. Saturn goes retrograde in your 5th house of romance, creativity, and expression from the first week of June until October, and you are redefining ways to go about obtaining your happiness to where you feel this is something sustainable in your life and that you can continue to grow. With your ruling planet Venus moving into your house of adventure on June 22, this summer is all about having fun, feeling free, and making your happiness the priority.
Scorpio Horoscope for June 2022
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleConnect to the sweet moments of life, Scorpio. June is a month of rebirth and a month of remaining patient with the blessings that are unfolding for you at this time. You have reached an important moment on your journey where you know exactly what you want and what that looks like for you, and the Universe has your back while this all unfolds. Finding the balance between what’s been and what is to be isn’t for the faint heart; but you have the courage, strength, and conviction to live your truths and stand in your happiness through it all this month.
With eclipse season out of the way and less tension flowing through the lives of Scorpios right now, June is your month to regroup and gain new ground. The Supermoon on June 14 will be entering your house of income, values, and self-confidence, and this is a good time to go over finances, clean out your wallet, and release anything you have been putting more time and effort into and not seeing a return back. June is your month to bring more of those precious moments of understanding and contentment into your life and to listen to your heart.
Sagittarius Horoscope for June 2022
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is here, and you are experiencing some full-circle moments this month, Sagittarius. The month begins with Mercury officially moving out of Retrograde and going direct on June 3rd, and you have a clearer idea of what you see yourself doing daily, and what is going to ultimately benefit your health and lifestyle. This month is all about finding your flow and being your biggest cheerleader. You have shown yourself time and time again that if there is one person you can count on, it is you, and June is about moving through your experiences with this empowered perspective.
Mid-month a Full Strawberry Supermoon is occurring in your sign on June 14, and this is an empowering Full Moon for you. As life comes full circle during this time, make your self-love and self-care a priority and look in the mirror and say, “I love you” a few times. June is reminding you that you do not have to be a bystander to what is happening in your life and that this life is for you to create and consciously experience. With Venus moving into your opposite sign of Gemini before the month ends, you are entering a time of receptivity and grace.
Capricorn Horoscope for June 2022
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about clarity for you, Capricorn. Some important decisions are being made this month, and you are bridging the gap between your intentions to your reality. This month is a time to find your balance between the closures you are seeing right now and the new beginnings that are coming from it, and about moving at your own pace. You have been weathering the storm and have gotten yourself out of some shaky waters, and June is the time when you are putting your foot down and making decisions with a clear heart.
With retrograde season moving underway and your ruling planet Saturn going retrograde at the start of the month, you are moving into a time this summer of understanding more of the giving and receiving in your life. Finances, income streams, and your financial goals for the future come into focus right now, and this is a good time to review the books and get things in order that you feel have fallen to the wayside. Before the month ends there is a New Moon in your opposite sign Cancer, and you are moving out in June and into July with the love and balance on the brain.
Aquarius Horoscope for June 2022
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleLove is singing a new tune for you this month, Aquarius. June is a month of being the lover and allowing yourself to be loved as well and is a time where your emotional world is highlighting the thoughts that have been flowing within. You are ready to stretch your wings and fly this month and are looking at the open horizons ahead of you right now. One of your ruling planets, Saturn, makes its yearly retrograde transit this month on June 4 and will be retrograde in your sign until October. You are entering a journey of defining what self-love means to you, and are giving yourself breathing room to figure things out for yourself.
The Full Moon on June 14 is an inspiring one for you, and a one that is helping you redefine your goals, and vision of the future. You are getting the opportunity to see some past intentions come full circle right now, and there are real treasures in your world to grab ahold of in June. By the end of the month, Venus moves into your 5th house of romance where it will remain until July 17, and there are a lot of happy times ahead of you right now, Aquarius.
Pisces Horoscope for June 2022
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is a month of big changes, and big power moves, Pisces. You are the one moving yourself forward right now, and you are getting yourself to a place where you feel there is more stable ground to walk on. You have been finding your balance between the need to heal and the need to be, and this is a month of renewed passion and inspiration. There is a lot of courage with you this month to clear space and make room for the new, and you are building your world right now with your heart in mind.
One of your ruling planets Neptune makes its yearly retrograde transit this month and will be retrograde in your sign from June 28 until December 3. This retrograde transit is reminding you of the importance of seeing things for what they are, and not allowing your powerful imagination to run too wild into territory that doesn’t serve your personal growth or idea of self. There is a New Moon in fellow water sign Cancer on the same day Neptune is going retrograde, and this is a good time to set your intentions for how you want to live out your dreams and happiness moving forward.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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