You can't win in a losing game. And in the case of Joe Budden and Kaylin Garcia, that fact couldn't be anymore true.
Recently, rapper Joe Budden and fitness model Kaylin Garcia made their debut on VH1's Couple's Therapy, and let's just say the first episode held no punches. Just to put you up to speed, the on-again-off-again couple dated back in 2012 when Kaylin was just 19-years-old and Joe was fresh out of a relationship with longtime girlfriend, Tahiry Jose. For the years to follow, Kaylin and Joe would go on to make their debut on Love and Hip Hop New York, while publicly still being involved in somewhat of a love triangle with Tahiry, as Joe found himself back and forth between the two women, loving and lying to them both. At one point he even proposed to Tahiry on national TV in New York City's Time Square.
After Joe proposed to Tahiry, and she understandably said "no," he went back to Kaylin who moved into his home with him.
Although the two are currently not together, Kaylin, now 22, and Joe, 35, agreed to do Couple's Therapy in hopes of salvaging the bit of friendship they do have left, and getting over the pain of the past. During the debut episode, Kaylin and Joe met with therapist Dr. Jenn and the exchange was almost cringeworthy. When Dr. Jenn questioned why Kaylin would still stick around and stay in Joe's home through his infidelities, Kaylin revealed that despite how he was treating her, she didn't want to lose him:
Kaylin: [Joe] said keep having faith that God is going to work it out.
Dr: Jenn: I'm going to go along with the assumption that Joe said 'God is going to work it out.' That doesn't mean you want a front row seat, sitting at his house, while he figures out ultimately if he's going to come back to you--
Kaylin: I still didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to lose him.
Dr. Jenn: So you thought maybe if you stayed in his house and you stayed close to him as this was playing out, that, that might keep you together.
Kaylin: Yep, you can say that.
Dr. Jenn: God, that sounds enormously painful. What did you think you were teaching him about your values in the relationship by doing that (staying)?
Kaylin: That's a hard question to answer.
Well, it may have been hard for Kaylin to answer but certainly not for Joe. Before she had a chance to gather her thoughts, Joe (who had grown teary eyed moments before) interjected with a harsh, yet honest, response:
"You taught me that you value yourself very little, if at all."
Ouch. The pain on Kaylin's face could be felt through the TV screen.
Dr. Jenn added, 'It's hard to teach someone to value you when you don't value yourself that much.'
As painful as it was to watch, I realized--who hasn't been this girl before?
Rihanna already made it clear earlier this week that she thought playing the role of 'savior' to ex-Chris Brown was something she not only wanted to do, but something she thought she must do. But as life has taught me time and time again-- be it men, family or friends-- if you're not careful, you may wound up losing yourself while trying to save someone else.
[Tweet "If you're not careful, you may wind up losing yourself while trying to save someone else."]
I think one of the most common mistakes men and women can make when attempting to seek the approval of a troubled loved one is to assume that that their efforts to thug it out through tough times will always be appreciated, or that our value is measured by one's approval or praises for our good deeds. However, at the end of the day,
[TWEET "You are his girlfriend. Not his girl-scout. You don't get brownie points for being #CaptainSaveABro."]
Respect is something we have to set the example for first before anyone else can give it to us. And you can not seek rational out of irrational situations and people. Joe Budden is 13 years Kaylin's senior, and made it clear that even he didn't know himself what was best for him. So how could she have possibly thought she could teach him? After all, this is a man that just last year was on TV proposing to another woman, the one who did walk away with the bit of pride she had left, and a year later is on TV (Couple's Therapy at that,) with you. So what does that say?
Luckily, it looks like opening up helped the couple get through a few things. Yesterday, Joe Budden revealed in Rolling Out magazine that he is thankful for having the opportunity to help he and Kaylin put the past somewhat behind them.
“[Kaylin] is someone who I love and care about deeply, and I know she had a growing resentment towards me from the last time we were on television. It was something I thought [she] and I could get over on our own, but the show presented a great opportunity.
[She] and I are great. The show did our relationship a lot of good. I think we left with a better understanding of one another. Now, we’re on really good terms."
Good for them!
Has anyone ever been in the position where their efforts have been taken for granted? What was your lesson on your self worth?
Watch the clip on Page 2