

Jodie Patterson Encourages Black Moms To Boldly Accept Their Children For Who They Are
Shockwaves rippled through the Black community last spring when actress Gabrielle Union and her husband, retired basketball star Dwyane Wade, were spotted rallying around their daughter Zaya, as their parade float rode through Miami's annual pride event. At the time, the world knew Zaya as Zion. Over the next few months, we gained insight into Zaya's full story as she revealed her true essence to the public with the vocal support of her parents lighting her path. The Wades were framed as the standard for modern day Black familial acceptance by some, and condemned as blasphemers to those with hateful homophobic and transphobic ideologies.
Although celebrity tends to take up space in identity narratives, there are millions of families like the Wades all over this country. Social activist, entrepreneur and author Jodie Patterson is a proud member of this cohort. Her son, Penelope, told Patterson that he was a boy at 3 years old. Since that moment, the mom of five has worked relentlessly as an advocate for trans people and their families.
xoNecole spoke to Patterson about her family, the Black community, and why we have to adjust our language and understanding of gender to ensure the health and happiness of current and future generations of Black children.
xoNecole: There was uproar in our communities when Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade expressed support for their trans daughter, Zaya Wade. Why do you think Black people can be so resistant to parents accepting their kid for who they are?
Jodie Patterson: The time that I spent looking at it and thinking about it, it's not our people--it's just people. I think people have a harder time changing from one pattern to the next. I think people have a hard time going outside of their perspectives. But Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade and my family and millions of families are seeing our old habits no longer apply. The language we use around 'he' or 'she' and the associations we put to 'he' and 'she' no longer apply. And particularly, they don't apply to our children. Our children are asking us to see things differently, to say things differently, to live differently. And if we don't, if we aren't flexible like Gabrielle and Dwyane and others, we just we won't be with our children. We just won't be with our kids anymore.
What constructs of this adjustment did you personally battle with? Were there any beliefs you had to undo?
In my family, girls and boys have always done great things. Women have run businesses. Men have raised children. We are all very involved in our families and in our economic strength and in our community. But underlying underneath that there were certain biases that I held. You know? I was speaking to my girls in one way, and I was talking to my boys with a sterner voice. I was buying butterfly diapers for my daughter, and I was buying superhero diapers for my son . I had to not only change my language, but change the way I interacted with the world. I had to let all of my children experience all of life. And when I started doing that, I had to do the same thing because I realized I was holding myself back. I was trying to think of what a good woman should do--what a responsible wife was supposed to be saying and what a 50-year-old woman looked like. And in reality, I want to do everything in life. Not just the things carved out for 50-year-old women. So like this whole bias and all of the breaking down of barriers and constructs, it doesn't just apply to my trans kid it applied to all of my children and to myself and to the world.
Courtesy of Jodie Patterson
"I had to not only change my language, but change the way I interacted with the world. I had to let all of my children experience all of life. And when I started doing that, I had to do the same thing because I realized I was holding myself back. I was trying to think of what a good woman should do--what a responsible wife was supposed to be saying and what a 50-year-old woman looked like. And in reality, I want to do everything in life. Not just the things carved out for 50-year-old women."
How did you shield your child from feeling uneasy if you were uneasy or unsure about any of it?
It's difficult and tricky to figure out what to share with your children and what not to share, and then what to share with the world and what not to share. Like my life seems very open on social media, but not everything is expressed in the moment. Sometimes I take a step back to be quiet, to process, put it in perspective, to sort it out in my own brain and in my own heart, and then I start to share with my kids or with the world.
How did your husband react at the time? Were there any quarrels you all had to resolve as a couple to be on the same page for what raising Penelope looked like?
We were on the same page in love . The reason why I married him was because we all believed in family so deeply. But we weren't always on the same page. I wanted to go really fast. I wanted to be public. I wanted to share with everyone I knew. Dad was very respectful of the questions he still had, and what he wants, but much slower. It took us some time to find a middle ground. Our relationship didn't last as a couple, but the family structure around our children was never broken, ever. And it didn't break. You know, the fact that Penelope is transgender absolutely wasn't going to break us as a family.
Did you have your own “mourning” process? I’ve heard some folks describe accepting their child/partner’s trans identity felt like a loss to who they thought they were in some ways?
I know that that is a reality for many people. But I would say I did not experience any loss. In fact, we've never taken down pictures. Penelope never wanted to change his name. In fact, he said, "Why would I change my name? That's my grandmother's name, and I love her." I mourn some of the time that I hadn't understood. I mourn some of the time that I was confused; I mourn the time when I just wasn't getting it.
Courtesy of Jodie Patterson
"Penelope never wanted to change his name. In fact, he said, 'Why would I change my name? That's my grandmother's name, and I love her.' I mourn some of the time that I hadn't understood. I mourn some of the time that I was confused; I mourn the time when I just wasn't getting it."
You said there were behavioral differences in Penelope before he explained he was a boy. Is there any behavior you would advise parents to look out for in case their child can’t articulate how they are feeling yet?
We should ask ourselves, what is our child rejecting? Because Penelope would stomp on a dress and grab and reach for [his] brother's pants or brother's shirt. Penelope would throw the pink toothbrush out in the bathroom and pick up [his] brother's Spiderman toothbrush. So look for disruption. Look for anger. Look for bullying. Penelope had actually become a bully--pushing kids and pushing siblings around, really an angry kid. Well, he was angry with the place that we were putting Penelope in.
You had a Ted Talk called “Gender Is Obsolete”. How do you talk to people who still hold the belief that anatomy and gender are one and the same?
There's no amount of talking I can do or sharing I can do if the individual doesn't take one step in, one step on their own, to do some basic research. The basic research shows that scientifically that gender is not found in our anatomy. So even without my womb, I'm a woman--even without my breasts, even without my fallopian tubes, I'm a woman. And so when we look at the science around identity, it is in the brain. Identity is formed in the brain, not with trans people or certain people, but for all people. My identity is not in my vagina. So that's awesome.
"Even without my womb, I'm a woman--even without my breasts, even without my fallopian tubes, I'm a woman. And so when we look at the science around identity, it is in the brain. Identity is formed in the brain, not with trans people or certain people, but for all people. My identity is not in my vagina."
What advice would you give to soon-to-be mothers about labeling their child “boy” or "girl” before birth? Would you have done anything differently?
If what we think about our children turns out to be inaccurate, just shift. It's OK. Think about, "How flexible can I be? How flexible is my mind?" We have African naming ceremonies, like my children's father is from Ghana, and we did African naming ceremonies for each one. And there is a lot of that that I would do again and again and again if I could have my children again. And we would do some of the same ceremonies and rituals. And then, if it came to a point when it felt that I was inaccurately making assumptions of my kid or my kid was telling me, "Mom, that's not who I am," I would shift.
The Bold World: A Memoir of Family and Transformation is available on Amazon now. Patterson also has a children's book coming out called "Born Ready", which details Penelope's perspective on himself and his community.
Featured image courtesy of Jodie Patterson
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Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find , there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecole exclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause , marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression , anxiety , like all of it, mental health challenges , all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry ’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy . If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures , and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood , her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff , which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You , which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
The Best Black Friday And Cyber Monday Travels Deals To Look Out For
Black Friday and Cyber Monday have long been reserved for those looking to snag deals on gifts, gadgets, and gizmos just before the holidays. While most folks keep an eye out for insane deals on gaming systems, TVs, and home decor— what many often miss are the travel deals that come out around this time of year, too.
In 2024, we’re all looking to jet set a little more. Whether that means finally taking advantage of our PTO to go, lay on a beach, and let the soothing sounds of crystal blue waters carry us away or booking a quick weekend escape with bae . Either way, a vacation is deserved, so why not save a few coins in the process?
If you’re ready to add some new destinations to the list , or you are just the type of person who loves a good sale, we’ve rounded up some of the best airline and hotel deals for you to check out this Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Black Friday and Cyber Monday Airline Deals
Since travel rebounded after the global pandemic, flight prices have increased. And, depending on your home airport, those prices could be borderline astronomical— hello, Charlotte. So, being able to lock in a discount fare for your trip is always a win.
Check out a few of the best airline deals we’ve come across for BFCM thus far.
TAP Air Portugal : Starting now until November 24, the Portugal-based airline carrier is advertising economy class flights starting at $379 for travel through May 31, 2024. Departure airports include Newark (EWR), Boston (BOS), Miami (MIA), Chicago O-Hare (ORD), and D.C. (IAD), with the lowest-priced flights heading to Rome, Italy, and Lisbon, Portugal.
Qatar Airways : Consistently voted one of the world’s best airlines, you can take advantage of up to $350 off in premium class and up to $150 off in economy to select destinations from all gateways across the US, Canada, and Brazil. This offer ends 11/24/2023.
French Bee : Deemed a budget airline with service to Paris and other popular international destinations, the carrier is taking things up a notch with flights to Paris and Tahiti from New York City, San Francisco, L.A., and Miami starting at as low as $387 roundtrip. The cheapest option is NYC to Paris for $387. The sale runs November 20 - 27, 2023, and it must be for travel between November 20, 2023, to March 31, 2024.
La Compagnie : The 100% smart business-class airline is bringing back its annual “Blue Friday” deal from November 17 to 21, 2023. Travelers can get roundtrip business class flights to Paris, Milan, or Nice, France, for $2,000. The sale only applies to flights between December 1, 2023, and May 31, 2024.
*Editor’s Note: Most US airline carriers typically announce any BFCM sales on the actual days, so be sure to look out for those as well.
John Lund/ Getty Images
BFCM Hotel Deals
You’ve purchased your flight, and now it’s time to lock in the last part standing between you and a vacay— the hotel. Long gone are the days of “staying anywhere because we’ll barely be in the room.” No, we want to be able to kick back and lap in luxury at the hotel , too. These deals will certainly help you achieve that.
Windjammer Resort - Saint Lucia : If you saw Chloë’ s stunning beach shots from St. Lucia, they were taken along the sands of this resort. Save up to 60% on all room categories, plus get a $250 resort credit, daily breakfast, and complimentary access to world-class amenities for the entire family. The sale runs November 20 - 28, 2023.
Marriott Bonvoy : Current Bonvoy members can save 20% off bookings made through the app for stays between November 26, 2023, and January 15, 2024. The offer runs from November 21 - 28, 2023.
The Spectator Hotel - Charleston, SC : Receive 23% off bookings made from November 27, 2023, through December 3, 2023, for travel happening before December 31, 2024. Without the discount, the hotel’s rates start at $299/night.
Intercontinental Miami : From November 24, 2023, to November 28, 2023, get 40% off a second night when booking a two-night stay from November 24, 2023 - March 31, 2024. This also includes complimentary early check-in and late check-out based on availability.
Sugar Beach, a Viceroy Resort - Saint Lucia : Save up to 35% on bookings made for stays between January 4, 2024 - December 20, 2024. A 4-night minimum stay is required to receive this discount.
The Standard Hotels - worldwide : Between November 24, 2023, and November 28, 2023, The Standard Hotels are offering rooms across all its hotel properties at 35% off the best available rate for stays between November 14, 2023, and August 31, 2024. Some blackout dates do apply.
SLS South Beach: Get up to 50% off stays between December 12, 2023, to June 30, 2024, when you book between November 15, 2023, to November 19, 2023, and November 23, 2023, to November 27, 2023. For all other days between November 13, 2023, and November 28, 2023, the SLS South Beach is offering rooms up to 35% off for stays with a minimum length of two nights throughout 2024.
Royalton Resorts - worldwide : Available now, you can save up to 25% off your hotel booking. Resorts include Royalton Negril, Hideaway at Royalton Riviera Cancun (Adults-only), Royalton Punta Cana, and more.
Virgin Hotels Las Vegas, Curio Collection by Hilton - Las Vegas : Get 40% off the best available rate when you book November 20 – December 5, 2023. Travel dates must be between November 20, 2023 – December 31, 2024.
Dimensions/ Getty Images
Hilton Los Cabos - Los Cabos, Mexico : Between November 20, 2023, and December 15, 2023, save up to 35% off accommodations and receive a $100 resort credit. Applies to travel between January 1 – September 30, 2024. Some blackout dates apply.
Karisma Hotels & Resorts - worldwide : Get savings of up to 70% off on stays and up to $1,000 in resort credits at world-class properties in Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Jamaica, and Belize. Book now through Dec. 7, 2023, and travel between November 16, 2023, to January 2, 2026, to take advantage.
General Saint Lucia BFCM Hotel Sale : Nearly two dozen hotels, villas, and resorts in Saint Lucia are offering discounts and perks up to 76% off for Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Travel Tuesday 2023. Deals include discounts on room rates, upgrades, resort credits, spa discounts, and more.
General The Islands of the Bahamas Sale : If you’re ready for white sands and cerulean blue waters in 2024, the Bahamas has created an entire website of all the BFCM deals the islands are offering this week. From 40% off hotels to discounts on adrenaline-pumping excursions.
Freehand Hotels and Generator Hotels - across the US : For a limited time, this Black Friday flash sale features BOGO (buy one, get one) room rates, which allows you to stay two nights at any Freehand or Generator property for the price of one. This applies to travel dates between January 1, 2024, and March 31, 2024. This deal is available to book from November 21, 2023- November 27, 2023.
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Feature image by Xavier Lorenzo/ Getty Images